If you’re particularly attached to calling Evolve “the girls” and Endeavour “the boys” (*eyes to Helpful Voiceover Man*) then I’m afraid this is the week when it ends. This is because it’s time for our first OFFICIAL TEAM SHUFFLE, before they start happening every week and all the fun is sucked out of them. As Natalie and Uzma are “on notice” they are sent over to Endeavour so the men can keep tabs on them, whilst getting ported into the Evolve Vortex are Jordan, Jason and Myles because…erm…they’re all the posh ones? I’m sure there’s some logic to it. Suffice it say that Evolve are now all my favourite people (plus Myles) and Endeavour are now all my not-quite-favourite people (plus Alex).
The task is to create and stock a farm shop which…I think is a task they already did way back in Series 1, but it was one of the more memorable ones, so why not? Project Managers are Neil and Luisa, and the Internet collectively ponder the fact that this means that one of them will definitely WIN but also one of them will definitely LOSE. It’s a tricky equation to be sure. Evolve’s primary product line, at Jordan’s insistence after he reminisces about how he popped his cherry in his school’s ostrich burger van, will be buffalo burgers, jacket potatoes and soup, whilst Endeavour are, at Kurt’s behest, just making loads of milkshakes. After lots of faffing around, mostly involving cows jamming their faces at camera like topless teenagers from Wisconsin on MTV’s Spring Break, the task breaks down (per the edit) into a neat reversal. PM Neil wants his subteam (led by Kurt) to spend as much money on spare produce as they can, and they ignore him and don’t. PM Luisa wants her subteam (led by Myles) to spend as little money on spare produce as they can, and they ignore him and don’t. Per the edit, Myles and Neil are right, and Evolve win, despite Luisa, after utterly burying her in the pre-results boardroom. Even JASON sticks the knife in, which has to be embarrassing.
Anyway, my actual favourite part of the task, beyond the dull mechanics of the thing, is that Luisa chooses to lock Jason in the basement to grate cheese like some sort of hairy Cinderella, and he occasionally breaks free to yell at people that he’s “GOT A SAD BAG OF POTATOES THAT I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT!” before Dr Leah and Myles jump him and drag him back downstairs. Everyone stands around gawping at Jason all day, occasionally interviewing to camera that no really, he can’t do ANYTHING, as he churns out baked potatoes that look like they’ve been through the digestive tract of a pigeon three times over. He’s such a star.
As losing PM, Neil blames Kurt for the loss solely, on the grounds that he is sexually obsessed with milkshakes. But also he brings in Uzma for the final boardroom because…well, you just WOULD wouldn’t you? And of course she goes, because Kurt has a PM win under his belt, Neil has the fact that he has been instrumental to all three of his team’s previous wins under his belt, and Uzma has nothing under her belt except possibly a concealed glue gun to fix those false eyelashes back on.
Next week : DUBAI! I CANNOT WAIT!
