Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk 8

Where’s the show from this week again?

X Factor – Songs From The Movies Week

I’ll get this out there now – Songs From The Movies week is always an abomination. Songs overplayed to the point of nausea, really dull obvious choices, musical theatre songs being called musical theatre, Meaty Minge Niki Evans doing “All That Jazz”, endless wank about what really constitutes “a song that has been in a film at some point, do music videos count as films, probably, shrug”. Also I watched this week’s show hung over. So this will not be a happy entry.

Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk8 Summary

Yes, finally, after weeks of trailing and begging and moaning about the trailing and the begging, it’s TIME TO GO TO BLACKPOOL! And if last week belonged to the boys, then Blackpool went as a whole to the girls. Natalie & Laila both produced their first performance worth a damn in half a series, gleefully bounding through a Quickstep and swishing menacingly through a paso respective. Ali & Brian produced the first 40/40 of the series for a seriously Disneyfied Viennese Waltz, and as I said about Ricky Nipple, if you object to that getting the first 40, then prepare yourself for the wank over the first 50. Jade & Ian’s jive is also a highlight, with the pair of them producing enough psychotic energy to power the entire Blackpool Tower Illuminations for the rest of the year.

Also producing a strong effort for the girls are Katya and Flavia, both going great guns through performances (a rumba and a cha cha) in which their male celebrity partners do very little and do it badly (although more badly in Craig’s case than Phil’s it has to be said). Sadly Erin has finally run out of gimmicks for Ricky Groves, and he does a fairly rote salsamba that doesn’t charm anybody. Ricky Nipple’s tango looked on paper to have the potential to be a showstopper, but unfortunately there’s mistakes abounds, and Len calls out Natalie Lowe on the “OH THAT WAS ME!” bullshit he’s let slide from everyone else for 7 series now. Finally Chris & Ola do what’s apparently been called a “breakthrough dance” but I can’t see it. Maybe it’s because it’s a foxtrot, or maybe it’s because he still spends the whole dance flapping his gob and refusing to finish his lines properly or do anything not ugly with his hands. Shrug.

The girl power theme continues with the filler, with St Jill of Halfpenny making (another) triumphant return to lead the remaining couples through a group swing. To honour the war. Somehow. Oh and Bruce starts to sing half-way through said swing performance and bizarrely enough has a stronger more consistant voice than half of the professional singers have this year (*befuddled*) Making a less triumphant return is Penny Lancaster Stewart. Let’s just say she’s out of practice and move on. Poor Penny. Finally (although firstily in the time-frame of the show) is a pro-Viennese Waltz prefaced by Bruce screaming at me from the Blackpool Tower Ballroom blacony as though he’s Donald Trump. It’s truly magical.

Also magical is the worst two dances of the evening (Craig’s cha cha and Ricky’s salsamba) winding up in the bottom 2 and Craig Kelly going home. Not that we didn’t know it was going happen this way since 3 weeks back, but it’s always a relief to see it actually happen. Especially, by the looks of it, for Flavia. What’s not so magical? Alesha sucking the whole show into her drama black hole by whining to Craig in her comments for his dance that she isn’t personally allowed to micromanage the elimination order, reigniting the same boring arguments we’ve had about the judges vote and the public vote we’ve had for the past 6 series and on which topics THERE IS NOTHING NEW OR INTERESTING TO SAY.

Thanks Alesha. No really.

Dancing With The Stars Week 6

Mambo Marathon!

Amazing Race 15 : Legs 6 & 7 : Dubai – Netherlands

Got a little bit behind here…

The Greatest Polls Never To Have Made It Into A Full Recap

In honour of Len Goodman’s somewhat controversial pronouncement of Lisa Snowdon as “possibly the greatest female celebrity never to have won” I present the following :

Options were obtained by picking the 10 male and 10 female non-winning celebrities who managed the highest scores. Therefore it is completely impartial, unlike, say, a judge who would give Lisa Snowdon’s cha-cha a 10, JUST SAYING.

Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk 7

Seriously, I’ve been to Blackpool. It’s not THAT exciting.

X Factor – Rock Week

5ive, Keane, Katy Perry, The Beatles. *throws up devil horns*

Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk7 Summary

Half-way, Hallowe’en, and Hiccups all round for Bruce as he says Natalie Cassidy should go home and gets Chris’ entire intro wrong leading me to wonder if this might not be the night he has a stroke live on air, a la Magnolia. Compared to that mess, the dancing is positively delightful in comparison. Even Craig, who is still by a country mile the worst of the pack is wedged into a waltz, which is the one dance you really have to try to make look awful, and so doesn’t embarass himself too much.

Apart from that it’s very much a boys night, with Natalie Lowe bringing her elite Quickstep skills to bear on Ricky Nipple, leading to a really excellent and memorable routine. Equally as impressive, in a more low-key way, are Tuffers(tango) and Ricky Groves(rumba), who both make admirable attempts in fields that you wouldn’t expect them to settle comfortably into, although the latter gets the most attention once again when the judges battle viciously over whether they’re going to under (Craig, Bruno) or over (Len) mark it. The only real disappointment on the men’s side is Chris Hollins, who stands still whilst Ola whirls around him like a rag doll in a tornado. And the few steps he does? DISCO CHA-CHA. BOOOOOOOOOO!

By comparison the women fall to pieces – Jade’s the best by a mile but she’s doing a foxtrot so you know? Also she’s not quite 100% ladylike yet because she’d clearly rather be doing this all in track pants given as how she’s fighting with her dress 50% of the way round. Ali sustains the least glamorous injury in the world (a stubbed pinky) and hobbles and grins her way through an under-powered paso and…well if your tolerance on Natalie’s “hoof and gurn” approach to dances was wearing even a little bit down then let’s just say her jive wasn’t for you. The Viennese Waltz that Anton’s been hyping all week for Laila turns out to be a boring bobbly mess and Zoe disco-sambas whilst dressed as Poison Ivy. It’s enough to turn a boy misogynist.

After some filler which mostly seems to involve Matthew & Aliona frotting each other in about 17 different dances, a pointless section about what happens backstage in which I’m surprised the camera-crew from this didn’t run into the camera crew for It Takes Two a La Shaun Of The Dead, and THE BEE GEES we get to the results and our first official SHOCK BOOT OF THE THE SERIES! Because Ali (2nd overall with the judges) and Zoe (3rd overall with the judges) have bottomed out and must fight for their VERY LIVES.

Bruno shakes his head, Craig busts out “heeeeeeeeeee-nus”, Alesha starts to cry and Len starts YELLING ABOUT HOW UNFAIR THIS IS CAUSE THERE WERE FIVE COUPLES WHAT WERE WORSE (amount of couples scored lower than Zoe by Len? 2. USE YO PADDLES BITCH!) but after they calm themselves down and relocate their toys, Zoe & James are booted by a vote of 3-1, despite the fact that Ali can barely stand throughout the dance-off this is supposedly judged on.

Next week – BLACKPOOL! And Craig probably discovers an intense need to get to the two dances stage. BUT AFTER THAT HE’LL TOTALLY GIVE UP.

Dancing With The Stars Week 5

FLUUUUUUUUUUUU!