You know that opinion about Hazel Newberry you’ve got, gathering dust in your attic? Well get ready to dust it off, because you’re going to need it!
Now normally around this time I’d write an entry in the style of a fake bookmakers, offering odds on all of the professionals and their chances of emerging from this series with the glitterball in their hands, held aloft by a sea of their fellow dancers, as the winning celebrity looks a bit baffled at the side and maybe light up a fag. But at the end of last series I declared this year, as well as the Year Of The Man (lol) to be the Year That Monkseal Gives Up Predicting Anything In The Wake Of Abbey Clancy Somehow Making The British Publish Like Her. Less snappy, but I intend to stick to it regardless. Of course that doesn’t mean you should be deprived of the opportunity. So between now and the time the partnerships inevitably leak out following filming of the Launch Show, this poll will remain open for you to cast your votes. Just to remind you of your record :
2010 – 1st Flavia, 2nd Vincent, 3rd Erin (Actual Winner : Artem)
2011 – 1st Katya, 2nd Flavia, 3rd Erin (Actual Winner : Aliona)
2012 – 1st Pasha, 2nd Flavia, 3rd Brendan (Actual Winner : Flavia)
2013 – 1st Natalie, 2nd Pasha, 3rd Brendan (Actual Winner : Aljaz)
Year Of The Children? Year Of The Bots?
Roll up, roll up.
Anybody planning on following James’ journey through the bowels of Celebrity Big Brother, keep the following card handy. Mark off every time one of the listed phrases or events happens, and if you get a line of five, shout out “EAT ANOTHER MARS BAR, FATTIE!”. You won’t win any money, but you can rest assured that James earned more of it for sitting on his arse for three weeks humouring a transgender boxing promoter than he ever got putting in months of hard graft on Strictly.
Yeah, sure, some baking happens, but we all know what you’re really here for: the triumphant return of The History Bit! *dance party*