Mr JJ is retiring to the Teachers Lounge to have a cocoa and a ponder, you’ve all let him down very badly I’m afraid. Very very badly. No Christmas Parade for you this year, no Thanksgiving Spectacular Showcase, no New Year Bop, no Touring Production Of Pippin. He was going to be Dwayne Dibbley, but no, that’s it, it’s all over.
Now with 100 per cent less Danny John-Jules!
All aboard the bus to Blackpool! No you did not just hear the bus’s tyres go over somebody, then reverse back over them, then jump up and down on them over and over again to make sure they’re dead, even though it’s a bus!
LOOK WE ONLY HAD EIGHT SEATS AVAILABLE OK?!
As it’s very much This Week of the show, you can expect two things from your Results Show. Remembrance Weekend Business and Blackpool chat. And boy howdy do we get it, and in its usual flavours these days. In the former category we get a Poppy Appeal teadance, Amy telling the story of almost thwarted World War II female pilots via the medium of contemporary DAHNCE with Giovanni as the patriarchy, and Andrea Bocelli trying to get his son a job via the usual annual operatic “video walls of poppy fields featuring Anton doing a Nice Ballroom For The Nans” guest performance. The latter is just covered by everyone going “zomg I love Blackpool wanna get to Blackpool so happy to get to Blackpool did I mention my nanna is a Blackpool” over and over again, although it’s very clear that Ashley doesn’t really know what a Blackpool is. I can’t wait for her to find out. (Also in case you were wondering, Ashley does swoop in and snatch up jive for next week after Faye showed a bit of vulnerability in it, what a glamorous gee shucks vulture)
Our elimination dog-fight, after a Dance Debrief filled with even more utter waffle than usual? Danny vs Graeme, who apparently still isn’t doing anything for anybody in the Party Latin, no matter how much the show might hype up how loltacular he’s being. It’s Danny who takes a powder though, your presumed pre-series winner not even making it halfway up the finishing order, in a 3-1 vote predicated on the fact that he made a mistake in the dance-off performance of his samba. Like Graeme’s salsa wasn’t one big mistake from beginning to end.
AND SO ON TO BLACKPOOL!
The road to Blackpool on this show is a well-travelled one, with celebrities choosing a number of different vehicles over the years, with varying degrees of success. So let’s see how this year’s celebs manage it.
SHOUT OUT TO ME NAN!: A number of celebrities played relative cards of varying strength tonight, as Danny talked about his mother coming over on the Windrush from Dominica, Kate brought her husband out to exploit the blazing chemistry between him and Aljaz, and Ashley’s Contempowaft was dedicated to her dad, who died earlier in the year. Oh and of course Joe dropped in casually that his nan used to dance at Blackpool, did he ever mention that before now? Ultimately Ashley had the most success with this route, as who is going to sternly critique a routine based on around a recently deceased relative? Other than Craig? Also, to be fair, she danced it well and Pasha’s chest hair is well grown in, so I’m not complaining. Joe ends up mid-table with a very overplayed samba that I (and I only I) kind of dig, and Kate and Danny end up propping up the leaderboard for a second week in a row, although at least Danny doesn’t trip all over his feet this time with his samba, and Kate looks like she’s having fun in her wedding themed quickstep because of the dancing, instead of because of all the drugs she’s on.
SHOUT OUT TO THA TROOPS! : Given that it’s Remembrance Weekend, I’m surprised we didn’t see more celebs leaning on this one, but instead it’s just Faye, reminiscing about performing for the army in Oman one time with Steps, having apparently laid down a legacy of dahnce behind her in her wake. Sadly this does not involve an entire battalion doing the Tragedy Dance. Faye also gets bonus Judge Fight points after Shirley produces such a sternly incomprehensible critique for her jive that the audience start openly laughing at her, which means the fact that it gets an 8 it maybe doesn’t deserve gets far more focus than it getting a 10 it definitely doesn’t. So a good week all round here probably for her prospects.
SHOUT OUT TO…SOMETHING WE ALREADY DID! : Both Lauren and Charles this week shamelessly worm their way into the top half of the leaderboard by repeating a previous triumph – Lauren her Waltz (in an elegant and lovely Viennese Waltz) and Chucky the Street Dance (in the Charleston). It’s really not subtle. There’s points during the judges comments for the latter (in the pimp slot, as his street dance was) where I actually feel like I’ve slid down a wormhole. A conservative, but ultimately likely to be succesful, route.
SHOUT OUT TO THE PROS, WE COULDN’T DO IT WITHOUT YOU! And finally both Graeme and Stacey’s fortunes hinge heavily on their pros, yes they do, they’re not just the only ones left at the end of this summary with me struggling for a gimmick, no sir. Stacey’s entire VT takes us through that “Days Of The Week” song that Kevin mentioned a few weeks ago and really highlights their bond before a fairly straightforward waltz to a very very overplayed Strictly track in Moon River, and Graeme’s salsa…well it relied on somebody having been slipped bath salts, and I blame Oti, he’s finally broken her. It’s full force comedy salsa lolz with hideous outfits, constant wiggly-woo dancing, including on treadmills and just a general air of everything being hurled at the wall and hoping some of it sticks. Both end up in the lower reaches of the midtable, having got to more or less the same place via very different methods. Will it get them both to Blackpool? We shall see.
Well I’ll certainly miss Ranjie.
Chloe’s back? Wow, it’s like Christmas!