And those numbers in full.
OH YES, ANOTHER TOURNAMENT THINGY HAS REACHED THE SHOCKING CONCLUSION!
THE MOST SHOCKING ELIMINATION SINCE THE LAST MEDIOCRE THEATRE-QUEEN GOT BOOTED!
How I wish *I* had ShakesQueer’s way with words…
Turns out that, in the clutch, betas really do do it better.
The highest a contestant on this show’s ever been since Laganja decided to regale the elderly with her life story.
To celebrate making it to the semi-final, everyone gets leathered.
And the rest is hags…
Many questions circled this year’s charity Bake Off. How much weight has Chris Moyles lost? How many shoes can Alexa Chung fit in her oven? What’s a Zoella? Is it a bit like a Zingzilla? Will Victoria Wood ever lighten up? Why ruin a perfectly good heat featuring Joanna Lumley and Dame Edna with Bloody Lulu? Why would a grown woman of nearly 30 wear glitter on her face (JAMEELA)? How did they add the points up such that Sarah Brown didn’t win her heat? Was it because Gordon called Mary Berry a bigoted woman? How much will Ed Byrne pay me for stealing my “traybakes…they’re things you bake in a tray” joke? Could Abbey Clancy say “I NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE, ME NEHRRRRRVES!” enough such that she’d win another reality show? Which out of Michael Sheen and David Coren-Mitchell is the most like the dad from a CBBC 90s sitcom? Why was Kayvan Novak wearing clothes?
But none more so than WHO WILL WIN, especially as this year’s iteration of the event featured actual celebrities competing, rather than say, stacking half of an entire heat with Watson AND Oliver as separate entities. And whilst the live Comic Relief night will settle that question from a real world point of view, there’s no harm in once again allowing the Monkseal Readership their say. So go on…who is your REAL winner? (And let’s face it, they’ll probably ruin the live final by have it be invaded by the cast of The Kumars At Number 42 or something anyway)
(Apart from Dame Edna, obviously)