Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 5 Performance Summary

It’s Hallowe’en Week on Strictly this week. I’m just saying it now, because you may not have noticed from actually watching the programme. They were very subtle and understated with their styling, music choices, and costumery.

So after we have a group dance to the Addams Family Theme Tune with everyone dressed up as characters/random zombie slags, and Craig descends from the ceiling on a broomstick screaming “BOO! BOO! BOO!”, it’s time to get to the dancing. Sort of. Russell does his salsa again dressed as a devil. It’s all starting to look a bit samey at this point, although that may just be because Flavia has front-loaded all three Party Dances into the first month and a bit.

Perched at the top of the tree are Harry, Holly, Chelsee and Jason, which really should be the case for every week from now til the end, because they’re the only four that can dance. At all. Or even really bother to try. All of them however, face their mandatory storyline dictated hurdles this week. Harry has Round 5 of Len vs Aliona to deal with, as his vampire-themed tango (ALIONA? VAMPIRES? NEVER!) is light on the old tango front with a lot of sliding around on the knees and vampire frottage. Len gives it a 7, Alesha a 10, repeat last week’s controversy but more so. Holly’s hurdle in her Black Swan themed American Smooth is of course the memory of Kara, but let’s not mention that because it’s really dull, and if the lady herself isn’t going to stomp on as the Winona Ryder character TO DEFUSE THE TENSION VIA AN HILARIOUS JOKE then why talk about it? Her legs are a bit dangly, let’s say it’s that. Chelsee’s hurdle to conquer in her tango is no more and no less than her boobs falling out, and the misery that ensues. Which adds a bit of a sour tang to the whole evening to be honest. Jason’s hurdle in an otherwise exciting witchy quickstep? The Ghost Of Widdy. I’ll say no more.

Tragically to make this seem like more of a competition it’s necessary as ever to prop up some pretty weak efforts in the middle. Brenda & Lulu do a bat-themed paso doble where he runs around at high-speed, sliding off bannisters, mugging the camera and all but doing backflips off the wall, occasionally making sure to check that Lulu is still there. She is. Mostly. It gets 29, of which he deserves 28. Alex and Anita meanwhile both somehow crown 30 for some truly flimsy work. Anita acts the face off a demonic tango but moves around at the speed of treacle. Alex somehow doesn’t burst out laughing at the most cartoonish make-up work of the whole show : James done up as Count Chockula, but doesn’t bring much else to the table other than wandering around swishing her skirt looking vacant in her paso doble. Robbie does some sort of walko doble, grabbing his cock to Michael Jackson with Ola dressed as Boy George. *shrug*

Propping up the bottom though are, as usual Audley and Nancy and it’s fairly clear that this is a last-ditch battle for survival between the two of them. Who’s getting One More Week? Natalie spills out the entire stage-set of Little Shop Of Horrors for a jive in which Audley plays the piano like Rowlf from the muppets and she gets eaten by a Venus Fly Trap in the end. Anton hauls out a coffin, a grave, and half a ton of fake fog for Nancy to waft around in for a zombified rumba. Who will survive? Who knows. I’m just glad they both lasted long enough to give us these two gems of awful hilarity.

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45 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 5 Performance Summary

  1. Left Feet

    Yeah Russell did his salsa for the thrid time I think the judges are a bit bored of him I know I am and no standing ovatation this week.
    I get your point about their only being four dancers this year and a lot of midfield, one has Aliona who is a bit bonkers, one has last years champion and people are always be comparing her to the current SCD champ and one has awful comedy faces (controlled a bit this week) and gut wrenching awful VT’s this week with Widdy and Calzaghe as ghosts! and poor Chelsee let down by wardrobe she was a pro continuing on and Pasha was a gent.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I know it was fairly obvious last year that there were only four real conteders as well (Kara, Scott, Pamela, Matt) but I found the middle of the table more entertaining than this lot. With Patsy, Jimi, Gavin and even Felicity there was something a lot more upbeat and interesting than the slog that Alex, Robbie, Anita and Lulu are all stuck in.

      Reply
      1. Left Feet

        If they have four potential winners every year I think that they will count themselves lucky. Robbie does have the Gavin role this year I do think welsh himbo. Just hope that Chelsee is not this years Scott overworked and her performances go downhill.

  2. Charlotte

    Thank you Monkseal! “Ola dressed as Boy George” made me cackle.
    I felt for Chelsee when I saw that she was in distress but then I watched it in slo mo and saw nothing for her to worry about. No Janet Jackson style nipple-gate for Strictly this year.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I was baffled by the aim of Ola and Robbie’s costume. If anyone can explain what it was supposed to be I’d be very grateful.

      Reply
      1. Allgrownup

        I think it was supposed to be MJ circa the Bad era with Ola as a pint-size Jennifer Batten (female lead-guitarist) as seen here http://www.google.nl/imgres?imgurl=http://www.mjj.altervista.org/immagini/gallerie/MJ_VIP/images/MJ%2520%26%2520Jennifer%2520Batten%2520and%2520Greg%2520Phillinganes_jpg.jpg&imgrefurl=http://forum.fok.nl/topic/1263468/7/25&h=332&w=571&sz=58&tbnid=VRs3DSqk6Wig2M:&tbnh=90&tbnw=155&prev=/search%3Fq%3Djennifer%2Bbatten%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=jennifer+batten&docid=dvewVc7Wag5jeM&hl=nl&sa=X&ei=JR6tTpH6BcOgOvyureAP&ved=0CC0Q9QEwAQ&dur=6072

        I thought she was rocking a midget Tina Turner in MadMax Beyond the Thunderdome look myself.

  3. Poppy

    1. Harry makes a better vampire than James.
    2. Robbie’s dance was worth sitting through just for the look on Craig’s face at the end.
    3. I thought Ola came as Helena Bonham Carter rather than Boy George?
    4. I don’t know Little Shop of Horrors at all, but why did Natalie end up in a giant cabbage?
    5. Will Anita end up with the first 40 of the series a la Dr Hamela?

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      In all fairness, Hamela’s Viennese Waltz was of a better quality than anything I think Anita is capable of pumping out.

      Reply
    2. Monaogg

      The plant is Audrey the ever hungry Venus fly trap. Though really Natalie should have choreographed some way for Audley to appear to eat her. ๐Ÿ˜†

      Reply
  4. Bella

    It seems like an early performance tends to screw up your performance in some way or another: Jason last week, and chelsee this week.

    Bless chelsee for trying to maintain her dignity tonight (and pasha for being a gentleman and just generally adorable).

    Reply
      1. Neil K

        Not to mention oggle her boobies whilst flashing her. Still can’t figure out why it’s such a big deal to show your nipples in public. She was already showing 75% of her breasts. What’s so special about the pink bit with the pokey thing?

  5. joanne

    I loved Chelsees dance, dress malfuntion and all and Pasha was amazing with her which makes me love him all the more…They have grown on me even more now ๐Ÿ™‚ Artems choreography and concept was brilliant just not sure that it fitted on this show , but still a wow factor and would have been utter brilliance danced as a pro dance ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I’m just resigned to the fact that American Smooth is Showdance Lite at this point. To be fair, all of the American Smooths worked better as a showdance for the respective finallists than their actual Showdances did (although it was a close-run thing with Matt).

      Reply
    2. Carl

      I thought Artem’s idea was nice, but perhaps not with Holly. There were several moments which were very awkward, like she was a sack of potatoes.

      Reply
      1. joanne

        you said what i really wanted to…i love Artem but i can’t warm to Holly and i don’t know why, she is lovely but her dancing leaves me cold …:-(

  6. Ferny

    OK, I officially love Pasha now, bless his little cotton socks. Felt for Chelsee, and am gutted because they’re my fave couple. I hope she cheers up again next week.

    I LOVE the fact that Kristina managed to rope in her slave boy Joe for a bit of acting. Brilliant. I know you don’t like the VTs, but their tacky cringiness is why I sort of love ’em ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    1. joanne

      I love Pasha too, a definite plus for BBC , he’s gorgeous, nice, kind and talented!! I’m 37, married and have a crush lol ๐Ÿ™‚ Or to quote my hubby “oh god another Russian ” lol

      Reply
  7. Carl

    The part of the VT I enjoyed most was when Aliona tried to scare Harry and he shrugged at the stupidity of it all.

    Whatever Robbie was supposed to be doing kept giving me flashbacks of the Latin dance Lilia choreographed where all the focus was on Matt Dawson’s buttocks.

    Did anyone else think, during Lulu’s VT, that at one point they were suggesting she’d hanged herself? The closeup of her feet dangling…

    Was Nancy wearing the same dress in rehearsal that Alesha was wearing on the night?

    It’s fitting to see Widdy in Jason’s VT, because I try to avoid both of them and regret it when I don’t. I’m glad I read Katya was going to be involved since this gave me a reason to watch. Jason takes everything so seriously, even the ham acting. If there was ever a time to stop being so fake all the time it’s in one of those stupid VTs. I don’t think he’s a great dancer but even if I did I couldn’t concentrate when he constantly looks like he wants to sink his teeth into thin air.

    Reply
    1. handrejka

      Re Lulu hanging herself, I thought that too and wondered if it were some sort of oblique reference to the hanging Munchkin legend.

      Reply
    2. monkseal Post author

      I do now wish that Nancy and Alesha had had a “OH NO! WE CAME IN THE SAME DRESS, HOW EMBARRASSING!” face-off at some point. Her interactions with reality couldn’t get any more like a cheap sit-com at this point.

      Reply
  8. Neio

    Would anyone even have really noticed Chelsee’s wardrobe malfunction if she hadn’t drawn so much attention to it by crying? I felt bad for her on one hand and she’s still young and everything, but I don’t know, I guess I just have a low tolerance for people blubbing on reality shows. I liked her Tango, anyway.

    Nancy’s Rumba (and more importantly Alesha’s reaction to it) was hilarious. Alesha was right, you could have driven a bus between those legs. And as for that lift where Anton displayed her vagina to the front row…

    As for Robbie supposedly being upset about Craig’s comments again, he seriously needs to man up. Can Ola throw a bowling ball instead of a football this time please?

    Reply
    1. Left Feet

      Lilia Kopylova a pro bra strap broke dancing a samba with Darren Gough in series 3 and she was upset and she is an experienced dancer. I am coming this from a male point of view but I think its two things for Chelsee one that the dance did not go right because of what happened and two she did not know what had been seen. For me it was a natural reaction.
      Oh and well done to SCD beating the X Factor for the first time in years, not the best show to do it but its been coming. The producers have to be congrulated for saving the show after the series 6/7 debacles.

      Reply
      1. Pops

        I agree that Chelsee probably didn’t know how much she had/hadn’t shown – if she just glanced down and noticed she was popping out, she may have worried she ‘d been flashing the audience during the whole routine. The judges seemed to think she was more upset about losing a bit of attack in the tango, rather than potentially showing her nipples to 10 million viewers, some of whom still haven’t recovered from the shock of Alesha not always being gramatically correct.
        What with Chelsee’s malfunction, Natalie’s dress coming undone last week, Holly getting her heel caught in her tango dress, and whatever the hell Anita was wearing in her salsa (still scarier than any Halloween outfit) it’s not been a vintage year for the Strictly wardrobe dept.

    2. monkseal Post author

      In fairness, Bruce acting like they were still hanging out probably didn’t help her perspective on what had and had not aired itself to the world.

      Reply
      1. Penny

        We should mark the historic event of Tess for once in her life getting the right end of the stick and saying exactly the right thing in a reasonably tactful way. She dived straight in with “we didn’t see a thing it’s fine” and then moved on to fluffy reassurance.

        Mind you her life is one long wardrobe calamity, so it’s not surprising she’s sympathetic.

    1. joanne

      i thought it was the christmas show ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ still it beat the god awful x factor so kudos to the bbc ๐Ÿ™‚ i have to admit apart from Chelsee pasha and staring at artem..nancy was the big draw for me…such comedy value …

      Reply
  9. Catherine

    You could definitely see the top of poor Chelsee’s nipple at the end – I felt terrible for her, poor mite. Pasha broke my heart with how lovely he was with her. I loved that you could hear him saying, “It’s all right, you’re all right” when the dance ended. Again Alesha gives Harry a pity 10 because Len’s being such a cock re Aliona’s choreography, but I’M NOT COMPLAINING because I love Harry (there really was hardly any tango in that dance though).

    Reply
    1. joanne

      Pasha is lovely to all his dance partners, he was the same on sytycd (USA) and he is respectful too and utterly gorgeous and an incredible dancer…..one of the ex pro’s who did a blog said she thought pashas ballroom was suspect……she needs to yt him and see that it is not at all ….he’s good at it all……:-)

      Reply
    2. monkseal Post author

      I did get a good laugh out of the bit that Aliona choreographed in of him moving a few steps across the floor in tango hold just for the sake of it. Might as well have not bothered love, although it was still a great taunt to Len.

      Reply
  10. ellie

    Will you please stop offendng the middle of the table they all try their best and I think Alex can dance and as weeks go on will get better, she was good last week and scored 31 rather than 30. In my opinion Jason was not that good his top hold was awful as a dancer my self you can see the better dancers which are Harry and Holly! Jason provides comedy to a fairly mediokca dance if he had no performance he would be middle of the board because he is just not that good. Alex is my favourite and I think she could get far because she has personality, protential and she will keep improving. Everyone loves someone who improves. I love Team JALEX!

    Reply

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