It’s Hallowe’en Week on Strictly this week. I’m just saying it now, because you may not have noticed from actually watching the programme. They were very subtle and understated with their styling, music choices, and costumery.
So after we have a group dance to the Addams Family Theme Tune with everyone dressed up as characters/random zombie slags, and Craig descends from the ceiling on a broomstick screaming “BOO! BOO! BOO!”, it’s time to get to the dancing. Sort of. Russell does his salsa again dressed as a devil. It’s all starting to look a bit samey at this point, although that may just be because Flavia has front-loaded all three Party Dances into the first month and a bit.
Perched at the top of the tree are Harry, Holly, Chelsee and Jason, which really should be the case for every week from now til the end, because they’re the only four that can dance. At all. Or even really bother to try. All of them however, face their mandatory storyline dictated hurdles this week. Harry has Round 5 of Len vs Aliona to deal with, as his vampire-themed tango (ALIONA? VAMPIRES? NEVER!) is light on the old tango front with a lot of sliding around on the knees and vampire frottage. Len gives it a 7, Alesha a 10, repeat last week’s controversy but more so. Holly’s hurdle in her Black Swan themed American Smooth is of course the memory of Kara, but let’s not mention that because it’s really dull, and if the lady herself isn’t going to stomp on as the Winona Ryder character TO DEFUSE THE TENSION VIA AN HILARIOUS JOKE then why talk about it? Her legs are a bit dangly, let’s say it’s that. Chelsee’s hurdle to conquer in her tango is no more and no less than her boobs falling out, and the misery that ensues. Which adds a bit of a sour tang to the whole evening to be honest. Jason’s hurdle in an otherwise exciting witchy quickstep? The Ghost Of Widdy. I’ll say no more.
Tragically to make this seem like more of a competition it’s necessary as ever to prop up some pretty weak efforts in the middle. Brenda & Lulu do a bat-themed paso doble where he runs around at high-speed, sliding off bannisters, mugging the camera and all but doing backflips off the wall, occasionally making sure to check that Lulu is still there. She is. Mostly. It gets 29, of which he deserves 28. Alex and Anita meanwhile both somehow crown 30 for some truly flimsy work. Anita acts the face off a demonic tango but moves around at the speed of treacle. Alex somehow doesn’t burst out laughing at the most cartoonish make-up work of the whole show : James done up as Count Chockula, but doesn’t bring much else to the table other than wandering around swishing her skirt looking vacant in her paso doble. Robbie does some sort of walko doble, grabbing his cock to Michael Jackson with Ola dressed as Boy George. *shrug*
Propping up the bottom though are, as usual Audley and Nancy and it’s fairly clear that this is a last-ditch battle for survival between the two of them. Who’s getting One More Week? Natalie spills out the entire stage-set of Little Shop Of Horrors for a jive in which Audley plays the piano like Rowlf from the muppets and she gets eaten by a Venus Fly Trap in the end. Anton hauls out a coffin, a grave, and half a ton of fake fog for Nancy to waft around in for a zombified rumba. Who will survive? Who knows. I’m just glad they both lasted long enough to give us these two gems of awful hilarity.