10. Aiden Zhayne as Patricia Quinn
Truly this was the episode of Snatch Game where Aiden ascended to the level of all-time iconic mess, as she managed to do a performance that pissed off the subject of it so much that they immediately took to facebook to call him an (*checks notes*) “utterly untalented shite”. Seriously, if Aiden hadn’t enjoyed his experience in the competition getting dog-piled by middle-aged weirdos who take trashy outsider art far too seriously then…well done tugging the tail of the Rocky Horror fandom! Aiden opted to be Patricia Quinn on the basis that he had once “spent time with her” (ie served her her country breakfast at the diner he works at) and based on that quality time decided to make her…severely brain-damaged? And a drug addict? And worst of all, AMERICAN?! At any rate, Aiden could have done with spending some early series time in Jackie Cox’s improv masterclass instead of being buffeted around by Brita and Sherry, as this was pretty much the opposite of “yes and”. I feel like literally every question Ru asked was answered with “I don’t know”, what a fun time. Then she was in the bottom 2, then her coloured contacts went wonky, then Brita murdered her in the lip-sync we all saw coming from weeks back, oh well, bye Aiden. Based on the preview for next week, now that the common antagonist has been removed, all these girls are going to go crazy and start eating one another anyway, congratulations, you served your purpose.
9. Crystal Method as Poppy
I feel bad for Crystal on three levels this week – firstly because Ru’s full frontal assault on him in an attempt to actually turn him INTO Debarge continued apace, seriously, we’re now at the “wouldn’t you like to be Debarge for Snatch Game, wouldn’t that be cool? We can give you some quick Behind The Candelabra surgery if you like?” stage, with lots of hugging and grooming and nobody deserves this, poor Crystal, she still doesn’t know who Debarge even is. Secondly the poor circumstances of choosing to play a robot the same week that Gigi did the same thing and nailed it, that’s just unfortunate. And thirdly, that she opted to play Poppy only a few months before the whole “Poppy” thing got really weird, before the world learned what a svengali sociopath Titanic Sinclair is, and before the whole weird multilayered robot/cult/death/youtube/Hello Kitty/tee hee marijuana thing came crashing down. If he’d just waited a while…well still nobody would know who Poppy is, other than Crystal, me, and Gigi Goode (Talking Head Of The Week? Gigi not at all patronisingly saying that she thought Crystal did very well actually), but at least there would have been more material. As it was? Not good.
8. Brita as Jennifer Holliday
I mean look, I wouldn’t have put Brita in the Bottom 2 on merit, because she had least had the jaw thing, which was very accurate, and more than Crystal or Aiden had, but I get it, and Brita really didn’t help her case by starting the episode off by yes, jumping on Aiden yet again, proclaiming bafflement at last week’s judging of the Gay’s Anatomy skit. How can TWO PEOPLE be in a scene, and the judges say that one of them did WELL, and the other did BADLY? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE! Y’know…to Brita. I’m taking this to mean that Brita counted the Sherry win in World’s Worst as her win as well, you know she did. (No, not Aiden’s as well, don’t ask, it just isn’t). Also, let’s be honest, the jaw thing was kind of assisted by the fact that…well, Brita already has a gob. Increasingly she reminds me of one of those low-budget post Babe late 90s kids films where a human mouth is superimposed on an animal where it just doesn’t go, that thing is moving entirely free from her face. Anyway, good job winning the lip-sync, and for bringing a “Magic Trick” (ie a $2.99 pocket firework from the bodega) to impress and confound Jonathan Bennett with. What a sweet handsome idiot.
7. Heidi N. Closet as Heidi N. Closet
OK, it was sweet that she used a close facsimile to the outfit that Leslie Jones wore when she was a judge. But that, at the second wig, is really where the Leslie Jones-ness of this ended. It was Heidi being Heidi, with Heidi’s voice, and Heidi’s jokes (the “civil rights hair” again? For the third time?) and it was charming but…it’s Snatch Game, this is where I put Vanjie last year for doing the same thing (ish) and at least Vanjie was trying to be someone else. Notionally. OK she said “cash me ou’side, how bo’dah” once, but still! On the other hand, Heidi remains the only girl on the entire show (including Aiden herself) who knows how to play the Aiden Zhane situation, so kudos for that. Also? Looked sickening on the runway.
6. Jan as Bernadette Peters
Absolutely points here for picking a Sondheim musical theatre icon to do (can you believe no-one’s ever been Patti Lupone ever? I guess the degree of difficulty is pretty high and if it goes wrong…well “utterly untalented shite” would probably be the least of it, they’d be dredging the Hudson for months and they’d never find your body) and points for getting the face right, but the voice was off and the comedy was mostly props that never quite made the edit so…ANOTHER WEEK IN THE MIDDLE FOR JAN!!!!!!!! Honestly, Jan was the one case this week where I think Ru’s workroom meddling was right on the money (Heidi as Phaedra Parks still would have been Heidi, come on) and that Jan should have been Kris Jenner instead, especially as Jan’s own drag mother is the one, the only, the original Kris Jenner, Alexis Michelle herself. Remember when Alexis was robbed of that win for the Kardashians Musical challenge because she wore an ugly fur jacket on the runway? Jan could have redeemed her and won it for mother! But she didn’t, so IN THE MIDDLE SHE’LL STAY, she was born a middle and she’ll die a middle, she’ll die a middle, do you know how many challenges Alexis was in the middle when she was a girl? HARDLY EVER. Because she has what? AMBITION (*glugs wine, continues to apply make-up*)
5. Widow Von’Du as Tina and Ike Turner
The idea here was cute enough, and it segue’d into Widow talking about her own history of being the victim of abusive relationships and domestic violence (Widow has “most tragic backstory” won hands down for this series right? If she makes the final four and we get “what would you like to say to Little Matthew?” it’s going to be a 6 part Netflix miniseries starring Trevante Rhodes) but…I’d like to take back what I said at the start of the series about Heidi being this year’s queen stymied by the lack of budget. I think when that “Ike” popped up, looking like the walrus from a 1970s claymation Christmas movie, it was my second biggest laugh of the entire Snatch. And Tina’s hair makes her look like a Russian Bond villainess. GET THIS GIRL A BIGGER STIPEND, STAT!
4. Sherry Pie as An Old Lady With A Tremor
I feel like if Crystal was hampered this week by being put into direct comparison with a much better performance from Gigi, then the opposite was true of Sherry, who benefited exponentially from sharing the “old lady” niche with…well, whatever Aiden was trying to do. This was pretty much one joke, delivered well, about an old lady having shaky hands and a voice tremor, that I guess was notionally Katherine Hepburn, though the voice didn’t sound much like her and she looked more like Joan Plowright. Meanwhile, in editing news, the producers of the show completely edited her runway out, we’re really ramping up here. Will they have time to do reshoots of the last few weeks of Sherry’s stay replacing her with a broom on a stand with googly eyes on it, let’s find out.
3. Jaida Essence Hall as Cardi B
Jaida got next to no airtime this week, but I will always have time for her, this was a GOOD IMPERSONATION, I laughed TWICE, and she looked absolutely stunning on the runway as always, she just can’t help being this flawless. A MODEL.
2. Jackie Cox as Lisa Rinna
First of all, kudos to Jackie for effectively fending off the advances of this week’s special guest judge Miss Vanjie, she was absolutely not being subtle, she wanted some more of that sweet sweet Maple Syrup after the iconic cross-border partnership that was Branjie in Series 11. And Jackie turned her down in the most boring way possible, thus solidfying her Canadian credentials. Sorry Vanjie, she’s taken, but you can still be a friend! In terms of the Snatch, Lisa Rinna was a good choice here, as Jackie had her jokes prepared (Harry Hamlin! Wine! Random angry outbursts! Wetting yourself!) and ready to reel off, and she established a nice rapport with all of the girls in her vicinity. I’m starting to feel a Miz Cracker vibe here, as Jackie puts in a polished performance every time, is very considered, and never quite does enough to push her over into winning territory, but mercifully she’s doing it without being so self-regarding that I want to watch her pogo off a cliff, so everybody wins!
1. Gigi Goode as Sophia The Robot
Is it even in doubt? I don’t think I can remember such a clear Snatch Game winner in the history of all of Drag Race, she just killed everyone. The physical comedy, the sassy back and forth, the fact that her bald cap mostly stuck to her head…a classic! How many hours do you think she and her mother spent practising getting the sight gag of her robot hands not being to successfully pick up a piece of paper exactly right? I’m guessing it was a lot. I think, all told, my favourite Gigi Goode moment of the week was this exchange :
Gigi – I’m playing a robot, so I’m going to do jokes and references about science and engineering, it’s going to be very dry humour, but I think it’ll work
Ru – Hmm, I don’t know, this isn’t really that sort of show (except when we did this whole bit already with Sasha in Series 9)
Gigi – No, I have faith in myself Ru, I see your concerns, but they’re not concerns I share, look at me being bold and forthright and consolidating my winner’s edit
Vanjie – I DON’T KNOW GIRL REMEMBER WHEN I WAS ON SNATCH GAME AND I HIMMINNABIMMINA HO HEY JACKIE, WANNA FUCK?!
Gigi on Snatch Game – HEY BITCH! WANNA STICK IT IN MY USB PORT! (See! Intellectual!)
Gigi’s seemingly inevitable propulsion towards the crown was furthered even more this week by her getting a teary backstory segment that went on for ages where she officially “came out as fluid” and where she talked about having a gay uncle. WE’RE LEARNING SO MUCH MORE ABOUT HER! Especially on Untucked, where she decided to start a feud with Heidi. And the second half of this series just got interesting.