(I was out again for this one, so semi-regular It Takes Two coverman Donald has been promoted to the big leagues. So if there’s massive discrepancies between opinions here and the main recap that’s why, not the usual reason – that I wasn’t really paying attention)
Well, that was a little underwhelming, wasn’t it? We’ve sat through quite a few boring semis over the year (neva4get the Pixie hangover semi-final), but this is up there with the most snooze worthy. The highs aren’t particularly thrilling, and there are no train wrecks. So…good for last four? I guess? Also, a plea: unless we get a full Big Mo personal message (LAILA MORSE FOR STRICTLY 2020!), please stop the sentimental garbage, please!
Emma and Anton:
Cha Cha: Ooft, why did no-one tell Emma that she looks terrified? That’s not performance darling, that’s ‘oh god, what’s the next step?!’ It was all a wee bit placed and careful, and my god her expression was TERRIFYING. It was strewn with awkward moments (if you can’t do a straight high kick, don’t try hun).
Waltz: Anton’s zenith, though I kept expecting to hear ‘this is…M&S food!’ over the tannoy. Same terrifying expression, different dance. Good footwork most of the way through, nice and mellow and honestly a bit ‘will put you to sleep’. Mostly I’m annoyed that Anton said that he’s been waiting 15 years to dance that dance (?!) with a celeb – are you forgetting DERHAM, Anton? LESLEY?!
Kelvin and Oti:
Quickstep: Ok, first things first, Oti’s dress was a mess. It was aiming at elegant, landing on ‘my GCSE art project’. This was charming and light, but there WAS gapping, spatula hands and an unnecessary floor spin. Bonus points for Shirley’s one woman hen show, screaming ‘YOUR WOODPECKER WAS WONDERFUL’, atta girl. Anyway, it got 40 and joined the pantheon of ‘eh?’ 40’s.
Paso Doble: after all the build up, this was no DVO. Despite the nips being out (and what glorious tits they are), there was far too much bizarre hip action, and a multitude of balance issues. Also: if you can’t do a grande jeté, DON’T ATTEMPT IT. However, a LOVELY COUP DE PIQUE! (Shirley was on fire this week!).
Chris and Karen:
Oh Chris, two swings, two misses. In the:
Viennese Waltz: well. He tried. Big ole’ bonus points to La Ballas for this gem : ‘IT WENT ON FOR A WHILE!’ Other than that…yikes.
Rumba: My notes read ‘basically Goughy 2.0´. To quote Aretha Franklin: ‘Lovely gowns, nice gowns?’ Karen did look lovely, and good on her for trying to get a decent rumba out of Chris. I appreciate that he’s tried. However, how can you dance a rumba with NO discernable rumba beat?! Sheer madness. Tess honking ‘IT’S YOUR LAST DANCE (of the semi)’ was also hilarious.
Karim and Amy:
Argentine Tango: It was just a bit borin’, wasn’t it? There was no Vincent Simone fire or passion, WHERE WAS THE SEX? It literally looked like he was dancing with his teacher. What a colossal waste of ‘Libertango’, I WANT MY MONEY BACK. Nice trousers, tho.
American Smooth: I just can’t deal with this. I can’t get over the hideous outfits/theming. Was there some decent dancing, yes, was it a wasted chance for some Fred n Ginge, yes, were the lifts horrific HELL YES.
All in all, probably my least favourite semi since Series 12 – and at least that had Caroline’s salsa. Who’s going home? It’s hard to see past Chris finally getting the chop, but who joins him is anyone’s guess. We’re about to find out if Emma has been Kelvin’s biggest threat all along, which…lol. Just, lol.