Strictly Come Dancing 17 – Launch Show Summary

So much dancing tonight! There’s Kylie dancing! Lots of Kylie dancing! And judges dancing! Lots of judges dancing! No, really, an entire routine just for the judges, now that Motsi’s on board, and the panel has more authentic BALLROOM DANCE FORCE than ever before (they mostly edit around Bruno and Craig’s…contributions, perhaps wisely). Also lots of dancing around the fact that Stacey and Kevin are shagging now, just in case her ex is watching and feels like throwing three more interviews down Dan Wootton’s hole! Latin showcase dances, celebrity group dances, celebrity group dance rehearsal footage…so much dancing tonight! (No time for a New Pro dance for New Pro Nancy though, oh well, sitting there mute whilst Anton sings karaoke at you in a rented sports car is ALMOST as exciting right?)

But who cares about dancing, it’s a Launch Show! We’re all here just to watch the pros authentic faces of surprise as they find out which celebrity (and/or Will Bayley) they’ve got this year for the very first time no honestly they had no idea, nobody told them! So here we go :

The Sort Of Newbies, Sort Of Notbies : Yes, with a new broom in the production sweeping clean, and Pasha retired gracefully to raise babies and wear turtlenecks in Strictly Heaven forever, all three of our It Takes Two Bench Botherers have got the call-up! And as is usually the case, the two fresh male pros have been given two women who are right at the top of the bookies odds to win, with Johannes getting a soapie with murky potential ringerishness in Catherine Tyldesley, and Neil getting Alex Scott right off the crest of the wave of the sudden surge of interest in LADYFOOTBALL, and Luba has been given a big burly awkward sportsman pushing 50 who spends his entire VT promising to be crap, with James Cracknell.

The Past Winners : Between Kevin, Aljaz, and Katya, you’d have to say that Aljaz has been given the best chance of repeating, with the glamorous Vicountess Emma Weymouth, who loves nuzzling cute baby animals to her bosom, and piping cupcakes just next to her bosom, and modelling outfits…well, with her bosom. There’s bosom going on, let’s put it that way, it’s like Marie Antoinette’s court wrapped in £1.49 a metre sequinned nylon. Katya meanwhile is praying for the coming of Hollins 2.0 with Mike Bushell, and Kevin has Anneka Rice, who is taller than him in heels, and to be honest quite possibly without.

The Final Dodgers : Over their years on Strictly, Janette, Nadiya, and AJ have all come within touching distance of the final, only to miss out respectively because Len suddenly decided he liked barefoot contemporumba, because not even Vincent Simone can choreograph an Argentine Tango to Andrew Lloyd Webber and…just because it’s funny to have AJ repeatedly get eliminated in the semis I guess. This year? Any one of them could theoretically make it, but none of them are bolted on. Nadiya seems the furthest away, having got Burly Sportsman Number 2 (and also a grandpa apparently, Jesus Christ I’m old) David James, Janette a bit closer with game Paralympic Gold Medalist Will, and AJ the closest of them all with Saffron, who is young, a Youtuber, and on the basis of tonight only a little less blandly beigely agreeable than Joe was.

The Dark Horse Wranglers : Karen, Dianne, and Giovanni meanwhile have successfully made a final (or about seven in the case of Giovanni)in their day, albeit without ever winning, and all are in with a chance of sneaking in under the wire again this year, albeit with substantial obstacles and with a silent “and finishing fourth” on the end. Giovanni is going to have to get the public over Michelle Visage being (*gasp*) AMERICAN and (*shudder*) “sassy”, Karen is going to have to get her partner to stand out amongst all the men going for RELATABLE DED NORMAL POINTS this year with comedian Chris Ramsey, and Dianne is going to have to get round the fact that Dev is filling the same demographic casting niche as Karim and it’s already very clear who the judges are more into of the two.

The Ringah Patrol : Whilst we’re short of cast-iron Pussycat Doll level dancing elite ninjas amongst the cast this year, two names stand out from the off, and they’re going to the two pros who have heretofor mostly been given antiquated duffers, so ALL CHANGE. Acrobatic…”livewire” Karim is going to Amy, instantly making her look about 10 years older by immediate comparison (sorry Amy) and yes, it’s time for another Year Of The Anton, as “Roxie From Chicago” Emma Barton falls right into his lap in a flurry of patented Antonian cliches on both their parts (“Oooh my mum loves you”, “oooh I’ll be dancing in December for a change!”, “oooh I’m so glad to have the King Of Ballroom!”, “all of my 16 other partners were 80 years old, had two left feet, one eye, halitosis, and were in fact dead!”). Oh and there’s also Jamie Laing (so posh he says it “Leng” which…ok) but

Nurse In A & E Unfortunately he injures himself out of the entire series during the Car Crash Opening Group Dance oops. This theoretically leaves Oti without a partner, but that would mean no controversy to be milked from the fact that her sister is now a judge, so we CAN’T BE HAVING THAT! She’s getting a new celebrity, but in our first ever LAUNCH SHOW CLIFFHANGER, we won’t find that out until…well probably tomorrow. A short cliffhanger then, but a cliffhanger none the less.

21 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 17 – Launch Show Summary

  1. Elaine

    So sad Katya didn’t get paired with Chris Ramsey. Could see the headlines already “serial comedy shagger” “Did Katya get the punchline?” Etc…

    Reply
  2. Neio

    Considering she’s a ringah, Emma Barton didn’t actually look all that good in the group dance? And good luck to her coping with Anton’s Latin!

    Glad that Jamie is being replaced. It would be really annoying to be a celeb down this early on. Hopefully it won’t be by that other one from Made in Chelsea who was so annoying on that SAS show lol

    Reply
    1. John

      I was hoping the annual rumour of The Shafferneker was true, but I’ll take Emmerdale beefcake instead haha.

      If true. Seems the type to have two left feet though.

      Reply
  3. Breppo

    Busy ballroom night for me. The Dutch version started tonight. It’s the third time they’re trying to make a success of it.
    We’ve got a former Lioness and now pundit among the contestants.
    Two judges with proper ballroom experience, one of them is former DWTS pro Louis van Amstel. Then there’s Dan Karaty, an American choreographer and finally someone with no dancing credentials at all. She scores purely on entertainment value!
    All in all not a bad third effort, but it is not a good sign 75 year old British born choreographer Barrie Stevens is one of the main contenders to win.

    Back to Strictly.
    At first glance I like this years cast better than last years.Looks promising.
    Karen Hauer, what a fantastic hair style. Suits her exquisitely well.
    No Pasha… that will take some getting used to.

    Reply
  4. Toasted Toad

    Was she exceptionally camera shy or was Anneka Rice just not in the celeb group dance at all? I hope we don’t have another unannounced injury. And I appreciate that she’s older and taller than Kevin. However, he’s an extremely good teacher and choreographer with a history of getting his contenders much further than people predicted he would. So this will be a test of his abilities. At least Anneka has front of camera experience.

    Reply
    1. Penny

      I read that Anneka did her shoulder in temporarily in training so that’s why she sat on the sidelines for the group dance. It’s possible they were going to mention it but then edited it out when Jamie’s injury became apparent. (Gutted for Oti – he looked very promising and I can’t imagine that Emergency Emmerdale Stand-in will be much cop)

      Reply
  5. Stormy

    Oh, I don’t know. At least Joe Sugg could crack some jokes. Saffron was putting off extremely beige “I’m just happy to be here” vibes. She seems nice, but she’s got the vacant doll’s eyes going. Still like her, though, as she’s not actively annoying. She’s just…there.

    I’m actually kind of excited for this year. With the exception of David James, James Cracknell and Mike Bushell, I can find something I like about all of them on first glance. Yes, even Dev. I’ve seen a lot of people label him as this year’s “arrogant one”, but I’m *fairly* sure he was just messing around. Seemed so to me. Karim’s a bit full-on, but I’m still at the stage of looking at him like an excitable puppy. I may sour on the hyperactivity eventually, but for now, he’s at least excited to be there, unlike David James and James Cracknell, who both looked like they were forced into doing the show at gunpoint.

    I’m calling it now. Will is my woobie of the year. Good lord, the boy is *adorable*.

    Reply
    1. Ooooop!

      Dev’s schtick on Radio 1 is kind of “pretends to be full of himself, but is always undercutting it by revealing how crap he is, but might actually secretly be full of himself because he thinks that putting himself down makes him cool”. I’m not entirely sure how well it’ll work without co-host Alice Levine whose schtick is “clearly thinks Dev is a complete idiot, but humours him because putting him down is fun”.

      They only showed a very brief clip, but I think you could get that from him introducing himself on the radio as a “Strictly star!” and her rolling her eyes at him.

      Reply
  6. Marcela

    This year is so spectacularly crap to me that they manage to break one of the only two people I was excited about; I only cared about Jamie and Karim – because if you’re a parent and don’t care about your CBeebies and CBBC peeps, what kind of parent are you even?

    I read on Twitter “Kelvin is someone who used to be Emmerdale some 20 years ago and was popular with the gays back in the day”, please confirm.

    Great to have you back, Chris. I have a feeling that is your blog that is going to help me to get by this year alone.

    PS: sorry for the negativity but as a die hard fan I think I’m allowed, this years feels a bit like diminishing returns for me, soz.

    Reply
    1. Matthew Thomas

      I think Kelvin was only on it a few years back, and was on it for a long time. As for popularity with gays he is muscular and likes being photographed topless, so that’s the main draw as far as I can see (not really my type tho)

      Reply
      1. Marcela

        Thanks for the info, I was only parroting what I saw written on Twitter since I have zero knowledge of who he is.

    2. Lou

      I am so upset about Jamie. He seems to put in full effort, and is weirdly likeable. Him and oti would have gone far.
      Other than breaking himself he showed great promise.

      Reply
  7. Nicky91

    Kelvin won a soap actor award when he was very young, being praised for being a good dramatic actor, and he’s now also a racing driver, so he’s more like UK’s own patrick dempsey who in america went from acting to racing sport too

    the Viscountess Emma i call Lady Emma myself, she btw had hosted a glowrun charity at longleat this weekend, raising funds for homeless, vulnerable people in britain

    i was actually dreading she might get anton, so i am delighted she has aljaz, both 2 smiley people and i saw some hip action in group dance from her 🙂

    Saffron & AJ most boring pair for me, i am usually an AJ fan but it is same old same old for aj, everytime the youngest female celeb, he needs a older lady celeb next year honestly, i’m not in the mood to support aj anymore and go through the same journey as all of his other years on strictly so far

    i feel for James cracknell, his fears are actually quite relatable, for a beginner this is scary but he has to trust Luba, as i think he is in good hands with her and all her dance knowledge and i think he is a hard worker to improve as a dancer

    Reply
  8. ChaChaChavvy

    It all felt a bit ….. low budget? Some of the charm has gone, anyway. I love how they were going for Wholesome Wholesome Wholesome but have been forced to partner Oti with someone who seems congenitally allergic to textiles.

    Reply
    1. Nicky91

      me, my dad and nan loved the overall quality of the show, so i don’t quite understand what you mean ”low budget” ”lacking charm”

      Reply

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