Strictly Come Dancing 16 – The Monkies

You know that Moira Stuart won the Terms & Condition competition right? This thing is going to be long enough without having to make a full announcement for that foregone conclusion. All hail Moira!

Bullet-Dodger Of The Year :

Yes, for the second year in a row, this award goes to AJ’s celebrity, who spent the entire series ducking, dodging, and weaving their way out of the middle and the bottom of the leaderboard, only to be cut down cms away from the final. Not even the celebrities who appeared four times in the dance-off a-piece were more popular targets for your elimination predictions than Lauren. Who knows whether next year’s girl will suffer the same fate, but let’s face it, this show does love a good curse, so I wouldn’t bet against it.

  • 2nd – Charles Venn
  • 3rd – Seann Walsh
  • 4th – Graeme Swann

Best Safety Sex-Face Of The Series

Good, classic Safety Sex-Face work here from this year’s Queen Of Smut, Kate won votes from 40.56% of you to take home this year’s most coveted trophy, leading up the charge of an all-female Top 5 . For a second series in a row, the contestant I had as the odds-on favourite to take home the award finishes third, I must be losing my touch (not like that madam). Maybe it was the fact that they were trying to produce Safety Sex-Faces over a language barrier, yes that must be it.

  • 2nd – Ashley & Pasha : 39.29%
  • 3rd – Vick & Graziano : 23.57%
  • 4th – Lauren & AJ : 16.98%
  • 5th – Faye & Giovanni : 15.97%

Best Judge

A return to his throne here, after one of his now customary year-long sabbaticals to let someone else have a go. Craig almost triples his vote year-on-year here to 34.25% of you, and takes home the Best Judge trophy for the seventh time out of ten. I was thinking that the judging line-up had really settled in here, but two of them were beaten cleanly by Charlton from The Fresh Prince turning up and saying “in the (x) you’re supposed to (y) and I thought you did that!” twelve times, so shows what I know.

  • 2nd – Shirley Ballas : 25.57%
  • 3rd – Alfonso Ribeiro : 21%
  • 4th – Darcey Bussell : 12.56%
  • 5th – Bruno Tonioli : 6.62%

Best Host

It’s getting increasingly hard to find a picture of Claudia on her own, but…you know this picture is referring to her, not Tess, right? She’s wearing a sparkly eye-patch! You know the drill in this category by now – Claudia wins with 70.07% of the vote, Zoe wins back the 5% or so that went to Gethin doing annual leave cover last year, Tess continues to slide towards zero.

  • 2nd – Zoe Ball : 27.72%
  • 3rd – Tess Daly : 2.21%

Most BS Elimination

And based on the fact that he didn’t turn up for his valedictory ITT interview, it would seem that he agrees with you. 38.4% of you thought that Danny deserved a better fate than the extreme bussing he got but hey, that’s showbiz, kid. One minute you’ve done a dance deserving of the final, the next you’ve done a dance deserving of the final…car-crash group routine. Oh and as much as the Safety Sex-Face category was dominated by the women this year, you’ve got an all-male top 4 here. Who says that it’s the women who get a rough ride on this show?

  • 2nd – Charles Venn : 34.67%
  • 3rd – Lee Ryan : 24.27%
  • 4th – Dr Ranj Singh : 21.87%
  • 5th – Faye Tozer : 21.6%

Best Episode

A second victory running for Musicals Week here, and an even more emphatic one than last year, as 41.42% of you click-clicked the little button next to its name. It really has come so far since the days of dancing teapots and Ore Oduba getting headbutted by a passing daffodil. Elsewhere in the category, Theme Weeks continue to dominate even though youse all think you’re above them (even Hallowe’en Week made 6th place, and you all voted at the time it was the worst they’ve ever had!), Blackpool was a highlight as always, and the great Lindathon Mess of ’18 was enough for you to pull it into the Top 5 on camp value alone.

  • 2nd – Blackpool Week : 29.59%
  • 3rd – Movie Week : 24.26%
  • 4th – Carlton Comes To Town : 21.3%
  • 5th – The Great Lindathon Massacre : 20.12%

Best Guest Performer :

Anton’s dream was your dream too, as a good 47.13% of you opted to throw a vote Gloria Estefan’s way, only strengthening my opinion that what we all want from out guest stars is a big camp medley of their greatest hits. STOP BRINGING YOUR NEW SINGLES GUYS, NOBODY CARES. Rod Stewart was dead last with his and that featured Johannes and Graziano almost gaying off!

  • 2nd – Gladys Knight : 23.27%
  • 3rd – Nile Rogers & Chic : 18.85%
  • 4th – Adam Lambert : 17.08%
  • 5th – Little Mix : 16.79%

Best Pro/Group Routine

When stuck for options, just vote for the routine with the most Oti in it, I get ya. 43.98% of you were happy to sign your names against the latest episode in the Strictly Hallowe’en Saga, with the return of Arlene Phillips (albeit pulling the strings from the shadows) in a comfortable second place. In other news, the same-sex dancing featuring men got three times as many votes as the one featuring women (it was ever thus), everyone loved the visit to Somerset House, and the routine featuring baseball finished dead last. Quite right too, keep your Americanisms to yourself.

  • 2nd – Life On Mars : 36.4%
  • 3rd – End Of Series Car-Crash Group Number : 25.18%
  • 4th – Dancing Amidst The Fountains : 24.87%
  • 5th – Same Sex Red Light Dancing Telling A Tale Of Modern Love (Gay Edition) : 20.32%

King Of All Pros

A very close run race here, as Pasha takes the title over Giovanni by a margin of around 1%, with 28.13% of the total cast. I guess having to chivalrously support your partner through three dance-offs in a row just gives you that little bit of an edge in the vote over someone whose worst indignity of the year was…well we all remember that bridge right? Elsewhere Kevin climbs, Gorka drops, Aljaz more or less holds steady, and AJ inches into the Top 5 for the first time. Oh, and yes, one of you voted for Graziano, I salute whichever one of you that was, you’re all heart.

  • 2nd – Giovanni Pernice : 27.08%
  • 3rd – Kevin Clifton : 11.98%
  • 4th – Aljaz Skorjanec : 11.46%
  • 5th – AJ Pritchard : 9.64%

Queen Of All Pros

Duh, right? 66.82% of you picked Oti as the current reigning ruler of the lady pros. I feel like this might be another “Best Host” in terms of predictability for a while yet. Elsewhere, the decline of Katya at least meant that the votes were more evenly spread around in the rest of the category, and we don’t this year have the ignominy of someone scraping into the top 5 on a vote share that could almost be rounded down to zero.

  • 2nd – Dianne Buswell : 13.32%
  • 3rd – Amy Dowden : 7.45%
  • 4th – Katya Jones : 7%
  • 5th – Janette Manrara : 2.26%

Worst Celebrity (Personality)

Speaking of the downfall of Katya, we all know why Seann wins this one, with votes from 48.79% of you. That’s right, she didn’t stop him doing that annoying bobbing up and down in the background of everyone else’s interviews with Claudia. You only have yourself to blame Kat, I’m sorry. Don’t go thinking this was a one-horse race though, as both Susannah and Danny led at one point or another in the voting, and congratulations to Vick for being able to stack on nearly 20% of the vote after she was eliminated, that takes some doing.

  • 2nd – Susannah Constantine : 47.78%
  • 3rd- Danny John-Jules : 46.51%
  • 4th – Vick Hope : 17.28%
  • 5th – Lee Ryan : 14.49%

Worst Celebrity (Talent)

Anton’s fourth (!) win in this category here, and he even soars past his all-time record with Widdy in this category to score votes from 96.83% of you to get it. And they say there’s no boundaries left to break on this show any more. Otherwise, as has been the case recently, the worst dancers also showed a lot of overlap with the least likeable people in the cast which…either says something about the casting mistakes being made on the show these days or your inability as a populace to give any sort of respect on any level to people you don’t like.

  • 2nd – Katie Piper : 51.46%
  • 3rd – Seann Walsh : 22.05%
  • 4th  – Vick Hope : 9.63%
  • 5th – Lee Ryan : 9.53%

Best Celebrity (Personality)

Ah Kate Silverton. I’d say we saw so many different sides to you over your run to Blackpool, but let’s face it…it was mostly the filth. I guess there was that addiction to nitrous you picked up, that was fun. 46.23% of you loved Kate, and the rest of your top three was also rounded out by mid-boot icons, suggesting this really was a series where nice guys finished…somewhere towards the middle.

  • 2nd – Dr Ranj Singh : 30.41%
  • 3rd – Graeme Swann : 24.33%
  • 4th – Faye Tozer : 20.19%
  • 5th – Stacey Dooley : 19.96%

Best Celebrity (Talent)

As you might expect, a two horse race here, although kudos to Stacey for managing to be a winner who hits Top 5 in both Talent and Personality. Faye takes the victory here with 89.92% of the vote, just over 3% ahead of Ashley in second place. Those “best female dancers never to win” polls should see some even more mixing up next year eh?

  • 2nd – Ashley Roberts : 86.63%
  • 3rd – Stacey Dooley : 9.57%
  • 4th – Charles Venn : 4.91%
  • 5th – Joe Sugg :2.45%

Best Dance Of The Series

Look, when Couples Choice comes back next year, you’ll only have yourselves to blame. Congratulations to Faye for taking the win here with 44.64% of you adoring Fayezuula, congratulations also to Faye for taking all three of the top slots here, congratulations to the external choreographers for taking all FOUR of the top slots here, congratulations to Charles for showing up with more memorable performances than Davood did when they cast him in this role last year, congratulations to Ashley for FINALLY doing the impossible and getting a foxtrot into the top 10 in this category, and congratulations to Joe for rounding out our top 10.

  • 2nd – Faye Tozer – Charleston : 39.54%
  • 3rd – Faye Tozer – Showdance : 39.03%
  • 4th – Charles Venn – Street : 38.27%
  • 5th – Ashley Roberts – Jive : 32.14%
  • 6th – Charles Venn – Samba : 30.87%
  • 7th – Ashley Roberts – Foxtrot : 23.72%
  • 8th – Faye Tozer – Argentine Tango : 22.96%
  • 9th – Ashley Roberts – American Smooth : 21.43%
  • 10th – Joe Sugg – Quickstep : 19.39%
  • 11th – Faye Tozer – Quickstep
  • 12th – Danny John-Jules – Jive
  • 13th – Kate Silverton – Foxtrot
  • 14th – Ashley Roberts – Contemporary
  • 15th – Stacey Dooley – American Smooth
  • 16th – Stacey Dooley – Paso Doble
  • 17th – Joe Sugg – Showdance
  • 18th – Seann Walsh – Paso Doble
  • 19th – Lauren Steadman – American Smooth
  • 20th – Kate Silverton – Tango
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27 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 16 – The Monkies

  1. Martin

    For a (pleasant) change, the celeb who was by far and away the worst has gone out first. Susannah didn’t really have the popularity that some other duffers have had and I think that even Anton’s fans were now tired of seeing him perform comedy routines in a desperate bid to survive. I voted for none as she was on a Quentin Wilson level of awfulness…

    As for the rest, no-one else is awful. Seann is being given too complicated choreography for his ability and Katie may never shake those nerves but neither are really poor. Anyone bar Ashley, Faye and Danny could be in the DO from next week onwards and there will be several celebs who will be gone before Blackpool who in some previous series would still be there at the SF stage…

    Reply
    1. Toasted Toad

      How are those percentages being worked out? Looks like quite a few of them in the latter part add up to considerably more than 100%

      Reply
    1. BeyonceCastle

      You’re a better person than I am! I had her down in the quiz to win the whole damned thing.
      Johannes should have got her.

      Reply
      1. Matthew

        That was about Katie indeed, went with Vick’s Salsa. I think a lot of people thought she’s do better than she did, I think I had her down to finish sixth.

  2. Bia

    I should feel guilty for voting for Lauren on so many categories (Most BS Elimination, Best Safety Sex Face, a vote for AJ on the King of All Pros poll, all of her elligible dances on the Best Dance of the Series poll — her Jive should’ve been there too! — and even sneaking in a vote for her on Best Celebrity [Talent]), but then I think about it and go… Nah, she deserves the recognition.

    Lauren ❤️

    Reply
    1. DJ MIKEY

      Not really – I immediately went for Susannah and Seann.

      She lacked any sort of charm, but she did win me over slightly with her admission being terrible and the correct choice for 1st boot. Choosing him didn’t even have anything to do with The Seann And Katya’s Show, I just already didn’t like him from watching Argumental.

      Although picking him over Stacey, I himmed and ha’ed. It was hard to settle on was more grating.

      Reply
  3. vampadvocate

    I’ve found it hard voting for best of and even worst personality it was down to three – although I think a lot of bs was talked about Danny his standing Amy up on ITT deserved a black mark and the other pick was Vick as an entitled sourpuss – Susannah almost made the list but I actually felt sorry for her as she was exposed as being so bad and got ripped apart and felt Danny and Vick’s attitudes were worse. Besides Susannah was a no brainer for worse dancer with Katie lovely and inspirational as she was joining her – it was makes me feel less mean that Katie admitted herself she wasn’t good and she seemed to enjoy her experience no matter what. I do love that Gorka was able to do that for her.

    Reply
  4. thefablogger

    Agreed with all of them. So many not-very-nice slebs on this year but I think Seannnnnnnnnn won hands down in a crowded field.

    Thanks for another great year of the best blog on the interwebs Chris. I only watch Strictly to read you (and to yell obscenities at Bruno).

    Reply
  5. Sue Howarth

    News update, getting beaten up in a night club in Nantwich is very predictable. Nice quite middle class aging market town by day, getto after dark. Well that was the truth in the 80’s and it appears little has changed.

    Reply

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