The Aftermath : So first things first, we found out the most important question posed by the question from last week’s climax – what was under Asia’s mask?
It was the bad guy from Commando for some reason. Although we did still get this
beautiful transitional stage as well. What a metamorphosis. Anyway, a tier below that in terms of importance, most of the drama here revolved around Eureka and Vixen’s exceptionally temporary detante being called off, and both of them just admitting that they hate one another. Which I guess is healthy, in a way. Also a theme continued from last week’s Untucked, in that everyone agreed that Aquaria didn’t actually deserve to win Snatch Game, even though she quite clearly did…because nobody likes Aquaria? I think? These two strands of course tied themselves together in a neat little bow at the end of the episode, and thematically for the series, when Vixen decided that he DID like Aquaria after all, principally because they have in common that nobody likes them. I’ve enjoyed Vixen but it does become more obvious the further you get along the road that a lot of Vixen’s “defensiveness” was instead “contrarianism”. Oh and Monet has decided that it’s her time to go for the win and etc etc which…it’s a little late to be honest, no offence. Even Miss Congeniality’s probably out of the question at this point.
The Mini Challenge :
WE GET IT KAMERON, YOU’RE STACKED! Fortunately for the bones in Asia’s arms, the “HOO GIRL!” went off before this bootleg off-brand challenge got going.
The REAL Mini Challenge : In what was possibly the greatest Mini Challenge in the history of Drag Race, the queens had to roast RuPaul with a zinger, and then take a fake slap from her. Or in the case of Asia O Hara, a real slap, causing her to dance around the studio threatening to sue and proclaiming the show to be ASIA O HARA’S DRAG RACE NOW. I’d watch. Sealife theme for every runway, book it. As if this Drag Race Moment wasn’t enough to seal the win, Asia had the best zinger (“you hit like a girl, too bad you don’t look like one”) AND got to fake slap Aquaria in Ru’s stead. Is this an even better compo package than the one Eureka got for tweaking her knee last season? I would say so. Look how gloaty Aquaria’s being here, telling Ru and Asia her age
If you have plastic surgery to make yourself look that smug, quite frankly you deserve to have it smacked off. In other mini-challenge news, Cracker was again the weakest in a comedy challenge (eep), Eureka’s whispered “…HD!” at Ru would have been good enough for second place with me, and this slot was also the home for this week’s “VAAAAAAAANJIE!” sighting, as delivered by The Vixen. Every week until the finale now baby, I want to hear it.
The Main Challenge : Those two words between “Cher” and “Rusical” really were the most innocent time in this season of Drag Race weren’t they? Yes, it was time for another Todrick Hall joint, as the queens were asked to sing and dance on the theme of Cher. Which…I know Cher is a gay legend, but really this is too high a degree of specificity to me. I remember when people when people questioned whether Snatch Game was fair because not everyone does celebrity impersonation as a drag queen and now you HAVE TO and also HAS TO BE CHER and it has to be AUTHENTIC CHER? Like no off-brand comedy, you’re being judged by five gay men on how accurate a Cher you can do, whilst singing and…well walking, mostly, but walking like Cher would walk? Too much. It does feel a bit like the show knew that Kameron did a killer Cher impression and felt she needed to win to give her a second reason for being around. To pile on the unfairness, we were in the land of delegated parts again, so Cracker and Eureka got guaranteed laugh-lines like playing around with a vocoder and straddling the Turn Back Time cannon, and Asia got “Movie Star Cher”. Not to defend the “well this sucks” attitude Asia displayed from the off but, well, she wasn’t wrong.
The WalkaroundAs is usual for this stage of the season, every queen got their walkaround moment with Ru, the clear highlight of which was Kameron describing himself, I think entirely in earnest, as “silent but deadly”.
Like, this was his face as he was saying it, I’m not detecting any irony there. Hun, you’re calling yourself a fart. Other highlights were
- Monet somehow managing to complain that the challenge wasn’t in her wheelhouse, because whilst she’s trained as an opera singer, she’s really more of a bass. Cher infamously being very high pitched, as a singer, and as a human being.
- Aquaria being quite blissfully confident about how she can’t sing and she’s not really bothered, upsetting Cracker who’s apparently one of those people who both makes a virtue of how much they hate themselves, but also how insecure they are about other people who don’t
- Eureka claiming some sort of childhood trauma about singing based around how her dad wanted her to sing for his friends one time and he wouldn’t and…I don’t know, it’s Eureka. Can you imagine what it’s going to be like when we get to the Tic Tac lunch? She’s going to actually have trauma related to Tic Tacs, it’s going to happen, prepare yourself.
- Ru clearly being so over The Vixen that you could actually see her mouthing to the other producers whether she was allowed to just cut her there and spare everyone the hassle of the rest of the episode
The Drama : Fortunately, whilst Ru has abandoned her post as mentor and mother figure, Asia was happy to swoop in and take The Vixen under her wing one last time, to have a heart to heart chat about race, projection, defensiveness, low-key passive aggressively how much Eureka sucks but her lawyers got such a good compo deal we can’t actually say it out loud, and finally how great it is to have sisters. This was all very heartwarming until you noticed that all of the talking heads about how amazing and cathartic it was came from Asia, with absolutely none from The Vixen, as she was probably talking about what a fake bitch Asia is. We also this week found out that Cracker’s childhood was also not only full of wisdom, but it was also full of the sort of “wisdom” that involves not being allowed to watch tv, or eat 3 days out of 7. It felt a little like Cracker was skirting around outright saying whether this was because her family were poor or deeply weird or both, but either way it’s all feeling a lot less delightfully quirky than it seemed in those first few episodes where she was doing karate and finding her bliss in the dumpsters of Brooklyn.
The Performance : So yeah, it was a Rusical. And therefore, a cringey mess.
When Carol Vorderman and Vanessa Feltz outcamp you, it might be time to hang things up. (Don’t look at me like that, we ALL saw those episodes of Stars In Their Eyes). Kameron and Cracker probably came out of everything the best for me – the former with the best Cher impersonation and the latter with the only bit of the piece I can even remotely remember musically, but really it was one of those challenges where it won’t be talked about fondly in more or less any way as soon as the season is over. Instead of Cracker, Monet found herself in the top for a Tim Curry impersonation to a song where they just went “lol cultural appropriation am i rite these millennialls these days” but the bottom was where things really got rough. Asia forgot her words, and both Aquaria and Vixen were bland, although Aquaria just about managed to ad lib her way to safety with a line she made up herself in rehearsals that Todrick liked so much he let her change his SACRED TEXT and include it in the show. And this is a show where the grand climax was the queens dancing with cardboard cutout bugs and singing “CHER AND ROACHES COCKROACHES AND CHER!!!” over and over.
Please never do these challenges ever again.
The Gratuitous Shot Of Billy Eichner
No Pit Crew this week, this will have to do.
The Vixen Congratulations to The Vixen for going out looking the best she’s ever looked, in a week where Monet looked probably the worst she’s ever looked. THAT’LL SHOW HER!
Kameron This originally was going to be the one outfit I didn’t talk about BUT it made a last gasp bid for relevance on Untucked when she and Asia got into the world’s most boring slapfight over whether or not it met the brief, so it can be bumped down into the Red Zone, you’re welcome. Sorry Aquaria and your wrinkly bodysuit, you’ve been reprieved into irrelevance.
Asia O Hara : Spiderclown, Spiderclown, kinda creepy Spiderclown
Monet X Change I feel like she’s done this face a lot, and it’s worked a little less each time, and also apparently she was covered in more visible sticky tape than me doing my Christmas Present wrapping, so I cannot endorse this.
Eureka : I don’t know why I’ve gone from hating Eureka’s hairloaves to only liking her looks when she wears hairloaves, but here we are, this was good. Please don’t take this as an endorsement of her challenge performance where she sang like she was trapped down a well and danced like Grimace
Miz Cracker Oh the skull is…vomitting on her, ok.
The Lip Sync For Your Life : “Groove Is In The Heart” is one of those songs that finds itself onto Drag Race because it’s an undeniable gay classic banger, rather than because it makes for a good energetic, dramatic face-off, and so it proved here, as The Vixen and Asia faced off, only hours after their mother-daughter chat, and of course Asia won, because there’s miles left of material left in her, and The Vixen was clearly done and spending her entire workroom time pulling faces at people behind their backs rather than actually working. Hopefully she comes back for the reunion and yells at everyone one last time.