So the chief story of this week is that Bruno has other work commitments (/is still sleeping something off somewhere) (in a skip) so we’re doing tonight with three judges only. The net result of which is…all you fans grab your lifejackets because the tide is rising and only four people out of twelve don’t end up in a tie of one sort or another, up and down the leaderboard. Is a SHOCKBOOT imminent? Maybe…
The Duffer Tie : As fate would have it, all four of our Brave Triers end up on 16 points with Latin performances of varying degrees of competence, and all four of them are gunning hard for votes to keep themselves safe. Brian does a Hi-De-Hi tribute jive that’s Full Brian Gurning, complete with inappropriate Elvis wiggling, whilst Amy mugs hard for The Welsh Vote, and Simon pulls out the fiddles for a Charleston that goes full bore with slapstick choreography, none of it really done properly, at aall. But he might get votes for reaching the end alive, more or less. For, Susan Kevin pulls out his most narrative routine yet with a whole story about her getting dumped by Craig and throwing pizza around with abandon and slowly shedding layers of clothing along with her grief. Also there’s a cha cha in there. Eventually. Its Anton who really pulls out all the stops though, with a samba that never ever for one minute stops taking the piss out of the samba. It’s Anton fully embracing self-parody in pink sequins and feathers and part of me really hopes it’s enough, because he really went above and beyond tonight. (Ruth was also present)
The Dark Horses Tie (Plus Aston) : As fate would also have it, our three most obvious candidates for a realistic journey story that goes all the way to the final, rather than Blackpool, all find themselves on 24. If you’re wondering what’s pulled Aston down to that level, then I’ve three words for you – “Janette’s ballroom choreography”. Or is it a rumba? Or contemporary? Or a complete bloody state? I’ll leave you to decide. Otherwise Gemma does a nice foxtrot held back from great scores by weird head placement, Mollie does a nice Viennese Waltz held back from great scores by a great big bridge plonked in the middle of the floor getting in the way, and Jonnie does a nice quickstep held back from great scores by the fact that technically, it’s not great. Still, he’s BEEN TO AN ACTING COACH, so between that, Shirley’s patronage, a Pimp Slot, Paralympic kudos and very very prominent nipples, means he feels the safest of this particular bunching.
The Renegades : Debbie, Joe, Davood and Alexandra all escape any binds this week, the former two in a good way, the latter two in a bad way. Debbie does a rumba that’s a tribute to Paul Daniels’ memory that’s beautifully restrained and elegant, and Joe does a paso doble that is PURE machismo. In his head at least. In reality he’s still a bit wee and nice to totally nail the illusion, but I am none the less kii’ing and clapping for him throughout. As is Shirley, as he becomes the second recipient of a 10 this series. And who saw that coming? As for the other two? Davood can probably be written off as a lost cause at this point, as nothing about his jive really works and he and Nadiya feel like they’re just marking time, and for whatever reason the personality Alex normally draws on to propel her through her deficiencies in technique sputters this week, and she puts out a samba that’s, dare I say it, a bit boring. I blame Ed Sheeran. Generally. In life.
SHOCKBOOT? SHOCK NOTSHOCKBOOT? Whatever happens, I hope the autopsy afterwards is going to be interesting. A week without Bruno flailing about needs the drama factor.