Strictly Come Dancing 15 – Week 5 Performance Summary

So the chief story of this week is that Bruno has other work commitments (/is still sleeping something off somewhere) (in a skip) so we’re doing tonight with three judges only. The net result of which is…all you fans grab your lifejackets because the tide is rising and only four people out of twelve don’t end up in a tie of one sort or another, up and down the leaderboard. Is a SHOCKBOOT imminent? Maybe…

The Duffer Tie : As fate would have it, all four of our Brave Triers end up on 16 points with Latin performances of varying degrees of competence, and all four of them are gunning hard for votes to keep themselves safe. Brian does a Hi-De-Hi tribute jive that’s Full Brian Gurning, complete with inappropriate Elvis wiggling, whilst Amy mugs hard for The Welsh Vote, and Simon pulls out the fiddles for a Charleston that goes full bore with slapstick choreography, none of it really done properly, at aall. But he might get votes for reaching the end alive, more or less. For, Susan Kevin pulls out his most narrative routine yet with a whole story about her getting dumped by Craig and throwing pizza around with abandon and slowly shedding layers of clothing along with her grief. Also there’s a cha cha in there. Eventually. Its Anton who really pulls out all the stops though, with a samba that never ever for one minute stops taking the piss out of the samba. It’s Anton fully embracing self-parody in pink sequins and feathers and part of me really hopes it’s enough, because he really went above and beyond tonight. (Ruth was also present)

The Dark Horses Tie (Plus Aston) : As fate would also have it, our three most obvious candidates for a realistic journey story that goes all the way to the final, rather than Blackpool, all find themselves on 24. If you’re wondering what’s pulled Aston down to that level, then I’ve three words for you – “Janette’s ballroom choreography”. Or is it a rumba? Or contemporary? Or a complete bloody state? I’ll leave you to decide. Otherwise Gemma does a nice foxtrot held back from great scores by weird head placement, Mollie does a nice Viennese Waltz held back from great scores by a great big bridge plonked in the middle of the floor getting in the way, and Jonnie does a nice quickstep held back from great scores by the fact that technically, it’s not great. Still, he’s BEEN TO AN ACTING COACH, so between that, Shirley’s patronage, a Pimp Slot, Paralympic kudos and very very prominent nipples, means he feels the safest of this particular bunching.

The Renegades : Debbie, Joe, Davood and Alexandra all escape any binds this week, the former two in a good way, the latter two in a bad way. Debbie does a rumba that’s a tribute to Paul Daniels’ memory that’s beautifully restrained and elegant, and Joe does a paso doble that is PURE machismo. In his head at least. In reality he’s still a bit wee and nice to totally nail the illusion, but I am none the less kii’ing and clapping for him throughout. As is Shirley, as he becomes the second recipient of a 10 this series. And who saw that coming? As for the other two? Davood can probably be written off as a lost cause at this point, as nothing about his jive really works and he and Nadiya feel like they’re just marking time, and for whatever reason the personality Alex normally draws on to propel her through her deficiencies in technique sputters this week, and she puts out a samba that’s, dare I say it, a bit boring. I blame Ed Sheeran. Generally. In life.

SHOCKBOOT? SHOCK NOTSHOCKBOOT? Whatever happens, I hope the autopsy afterwards is going to be interesting. A week without Bruno flailing about needs the drama factor.


28 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 15 – Week 5 Performance Summary

  1. Martin

    Bit obvious that only having three judges and a max of 30 would lead to more draws but two lots of four? Only five points between top and bottom? Even Debbie won’t be feeling that confident of avoiding the DO – this could be a Penny Lancaster / Gabby Logan repeat but I have no idea who would fill those spaces…

    At least we will have a really good idea who the public likes this week – memo to producers, if one of your judges is off, have a sub for the week, it’s not going to hurt too much even if it was Donny Osmond!

    1. BeyonceCastleThinksSheSentHerCrapQuizEntryToAWomanCalledChristineByMistake

      They should have had Brendan. That would have been epic.
      Failing that Richard Osman.
      Instead of which we get a homage to Thanks Bruno.
      And Craig Doing That.

      1. minxy

        Nah Brenda would be a disaster – no matter how entertaining the initial meltdoowns

        But ERIN.

        Oh yes please

  2. ChaChaChavvy

    Theories on Bruno:-

    a) Imprisoned somewhere in Tangier
    b) Cosmetic procedure gone badly wrong
    c) Being hunted through the grounds of a ‘spa’ by the orderlies
    d) Held hostage by Nadiya’s mum and a man called Grigor until Davood gets his first 10

    As someone prone to glazing over during the judging, I quite liked having a three judge panel, although I would obviously prefer Bruno over Darcey.

    Nice of Simon and Karen to support Brian by coming as Ted Bovis.

    Mollie and AJ’s Viennese Waltz was very sweet but GERROFF OTI’S PIER!

    I feel very dirty and ashamed but I enjoyed Anton’s Come Dancing-esque costume and choreography. And I didn’t notice Ruth, so it worked.

    So now the Ten Second Rule means you only have to spend ten seconds of a waltz doing an actual bleedin’ waltz. Hmmmm.

    1. Morticia

      Perhaps this is a sneaky new re-audition process and Darce will be off to the “spa” next week. One can only hope.

      Was Ruth even in the studio?? It was the most camptastic pulling focus off your sh*te partner, and boy did it work…

    2. Fenweasel

      e) Owes a large debt to some unfriendly Colombians and is on the run until the Strictly hard cases (Oti and Shirley) have sorted matters out for him in a short but bloody war.

  3. minxy

    Oh, ah, erm
    I watched tonight’s show twice (very rare i even look up one dance let alone the whole show) and i really really loved it!
    EVERY ONE UPPED THEIR GAME including wardrobe, make up and singers
    The whole lot and it got me thinking.
    Agree about the missing Bruno a little on the scores, and know another time i would miss his exhuberberance/snark, but otherwise tonight not at all

    I think all/most of the pro’s that are still in this series really are enjoying working and dancing with their partners and it shows. We can see how much people are working as opposed to them saying how much they are They really are liking each other too across the board and not having to fakeit/be professional and it shows.
    I don’t even give a shitabout ringahs this year … maybe because the judges aren’t dissing and just dismissing the no hopers but giving proper feedback and honestly praising the good bits (love Shirl for pointing them out too! I miss wassername for that (no snark i brainfarted. And can’t be arsed to look it up) (when she wasn’t ovary led).

    Claud was on form tonight lol I love when everyone is so relaxed she can riff off them

    Tess wasn’t such a disaster either due to the upping of the game – tho i did snigger when Jonny got the right camera and she didn’t (giggling now remembering it lol)

    And thanks Monkie
    You add to my enjoyment of this show immeasurably

  4. Plinkiplonk

    Hands up – who had Joe in the celebrity-nipple sweepstake? I cannot believe the shaved him, was the moustache not enough? Bloody BBC spoilsports…

    Very annoyed with Anton – he took both the song AND the outfit I had planned for my eventual Strictly season.

    1. Isolde

      I don’t think there’s a problem with repeating music on Strictly! And if you can carry off the ruffles – you go for it.

  5. CarryOnCleo

    I hate Anton. I’m just being up front about my bias when I say I was SUPER PISSED OFF WITH HIS SAMBA SHENNANIGANS.

    She deserved more than his pulling that naff comedy me me me shtick. And I’m certain it was less about protecting her place in the competition and more about covering up his advancing years and complete lack of latin skills. Be honest, an Anton samba was never going to be a thing of beauty.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I mean honestly, she WAS terrible in it, so I’m not sure a Ruth samba was ever going to be a thing of beauty either.

  6. John

    Rather enjoyable episode. Felt a bit long in places so I can only imagine what it’s like to recap it as well. The veritable pec festival helped.On a related note, Joe’s hair ‘down’ really suits him.

    Shirley’s brought Darcey out this year. Perhaps not being outnumbered by ‘the boys’ is doing her a service. Her scoring is more consistent than Shirl’s (but it’s her first series, so — still, A WILD TEN APPEARS)!! Awesome. Go Shirley. Go Darce.

    This is the most open series ever. There’s a narrative for about 5 or even 6 different winners.

    Caught Karen eating the rose at the end of the show. Does Kevin lock the cupboards or something?

    1. John

      Also, Darcey ethering Simon over tendon-gate was a particular highlight.

      You can’t woobie a 7 year old injury mate.

  7. Fenweasel

    Who decided that Ruth’s wig of the week would be Camilla Parker Bowles? Not a good look.

    Lurking Brenda in the Clauditorium was far more interesting than anything he’s done on the dancefloor in the last 4 years: Brenda standing at the back staring blankly into the existential abyss; Brenda behind the couple waiting for their results, forcing out a smile when he realised the camera was on him; and, best of all Brenda watching the rumba results come in and realising the enormity of his launch show mistake when he had been so delighted to get lovely This Girl Charlotte rather than some past-it old gimmer like Debbie. If Giovanni suffers a mysterious leg injury and Brenda has to step in, we’ll know what happened.

    1. thefablogger

      Quite. I was enjoying it up until old attention-whore Brenda upped its mug into the camera lens. He kept doing strange things with his hands too. (side note – was he fapping?) And Giovanni be warned. Brenda is about to pull a TonyaHarding© on you in the car park.

    2. monkseal Post author

      In fairness, Debbie is EXACTLY the sort of partner that Brenda likes. It would have been Gemma or possibly Ruth that would have been an issue (and, of course, Chizzy).


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.