RuPaul’s Drag Race 9 – Monkies Results

All of the Top 5 win awards except one! Sort of!

Best Regular Judge:

Michelle Visage had a relatively quiet season, possibly deliberately taking a back seat after Adore Delano’s fans spent the last year cussing her out for looking askance at their woobie one time. As a result, Ross Matthews has swooped in to fill the void, snaffle up her fans,and claim the role of your favourite judge and beloved defender of the camper end of drag. 35% of you had him as your favourite judge, in a category where Ru and Carson remained pretty much static from last year.

  • 2nd – Michelle Visage : 31%
  • 3rd – RuPaul : 28%
  • 4th – Carson Kressley : 6%

Best Guest Judge

Basically drag race fans were faced with a choice in this category – either go for the most relevant and current star to ever sit on the panel (ie a fading pop star 2 albums past her cultural peak) who had a whole episode based around the majesty of her presence, or go more underground. A clear 50% of you went Cool Mom, and decided you totally loved the hip electropop joints of Lady Gaga. The thrill of a nostalgia hit from the stars of Beverley Hills 9021993 just couldn’t compare. Commiseration to Jeffrey Bowyer Chapman, who was one vote short of making the Top 5 via force of hotness alone.

  • 2nd – Jennie Garth & Tori Spelling : 33%
  • 3rd – Ke$ha : 22%
  • 4th – Candis Cayne : 13%
  • 5th – Tamar Braxton : 12%

Best Lip Sync For Your Life

You’ve got to love a comedy moustache and a wig reveal. The bizarre carnival of genderflip madness that was Macho Man was your Lip Sync of the season, at least that didn’t involve Sasha Velour throwing rose petals everywhere like a crappy Annie Lennox video (which of course happened well after votes had opened). Peppermint ruled this category, being involved in the top two lip syncs of the season by quite some margin, but maybe it was the extra respect you all had for Alexis Michelle performing whilst BLIND after spending all day STONING HER GARMET that pushed this to the win with the support of 59% of voters.

  • 2nd – Peppermint vs Cynthia Lee Fontaine : Music – 58%
  • 3rd – Nina Bo’Nina Brow vs Valentina : Greedy – 28%
  • 4th – Aja vs Kimora Blac : I Need A Hero – 16%
  • 5th – Nina Bo’Nina Brown vs Aja : Finally – 15%

Most BS Elimination

So that finale then. Whilst it was undoubtedly tense (unless of course you’d read the spoilers weeks before that revealed Sasha and Peppermint as the top 2, which of course meant that Sasha was the winner because COME ON) it seems that most of you came out unsatisfied, with a clear majority of you thinking that at least one of the eliminations was the least narratively satisfying of the season. And despite the clear respect for Peppermint as a lip-syncer, it’s Trinity’s cut when facing off against her that rankled the most, with 62% of you sounding off against it. Maybe don’t use this format next time Ru? (lol they’re clearly going to, I just thought I’d say it anyway) On a happier note, I’m glad so many of you recognised how iconic Farrah’s roast was. Such a harsh cut there…

  • 2nd – Shea Coulee : 39%
  • 3rd – Valentina : 23%
  • 4th – Farrah Moan : 20%
  • 5th – Peppermint : 13%

Best Episode

Would Wintergreen have won more awards if I’d included her in the other categories? Quite possibly. Her origin story (…I guess other things happened that week as well, but let’s face it, it was mostly Wintergreen, like, we all know it was her that dragged Ke$ha up to 3rd place in the best guest judge category as well) was given the thumbs up by 49% of you. Elsewhere in the Top 5scripted challenges abound, as you have apparently all finally forgiven Series 7.

  • 2nd – Your Pilot’s On Fire – 36%
  • 3rd – 90201HO – 33%
  • 4th – Reality Stars : The Musical – 27%
  • 5th – Snatch Game : 15%

Worst Queen – Personality

Despite Alexis’…force of personality pulling her to second place here, it feels like you all looked at a year where most of the contestants were likable enough and selected Kimora as your least favourite because she was the most anaemic in filling her niche. Unless her comparing being asked to hot glue sequins to a bikini to slave labour actually bothered 38% of you that much, in which case I respect that.

  • 2nd – Alexis Michelle : 33%
  • 3rd – Eureka O’Hara : 21.4%
  • 4th – Nina Bo’Nina Brown : 20.5%
  • 5th – Charlie Hides : 20%

Worst Queen – Talent 

I can’t believe a whole 66% of you couldn’t see that Jaymes would have owned the entire season if only RuPaul had given her another chance. I mean…ANOTHER another chance. Still puppetry as an artform continues to get no goddamn respect.

  • 2nd – Kimora Blac : 48%
  • 3rd – Cynthia Lee Fontaine : 36%
  • 4th – Aja : 21%
  • 5th – Farrah Moan : 14%

Best Queen (Personality)

Yes, someone involved wiith CLAT did somehow win Best Personality, it’s a miracle. The LEGEND portion of that…project, Peppermint certainly showed a fun side in every neck-popping, catchphrase-spawning, shade-casting talking head interview, and mostly carried herself well outside of them as well. 60% of you had her as one of your personal favourites, with every other finalist making at least the top 5 as well.

  • 2nd – Trinity Taylor : 44%
  • 3rd – Valentina : 27%
  • 4th – Shea : 20%
  • 5th – Sasha : 19%

Best Queen (Talent)

Poor Shea. 66% of you had her as one of the top talents of the season, and all she got for it was to be punted into a Strictly Phantom zone where no-one’s quite sure whether she finished 3rd or 4th in Ru’s eyes. Based on that sorry lip sync in the finale, probably 4th, let’s face it. Still, who could deny her victories in pretending to be a lesbian, dressing as a construction worker, being a spy and…whatever the other one was? Ask Nina, she might be able to tell you the details.

  • 2nd – Trinity Taylor : 55%
  • 3rd – Valentina : 35%
  • 4th – Sasha Velour : 29%
  • 5th – Nina Bo’Nina Brown : 10%

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