Dancing With The Stars Ireland (Episode 9)

Katherine & Kai : Another week and another thematically appropriate exit as Katherine Lynch, after a series of ABBA and Liza and Madonna and Grease closed out her last VT in a karaoke booth with Kai (in a pink feather boa), triumphantly belting out “Simply The Best” by Tina Turner. You could have ended it there and had it be the perfectly camp exit for the pair of them, but she still went through with her routine anyway, a stompy-as-hell jive to “Proud Mary”, putting the pink cherry on top of the cream on top of the great big SUNDAE OF GAY. This week was “Icons Week”, the idea being that all of the songs would be performed by musical icons (you know, unlike the shitty nobodies who they dance to songs by) and Katherine “chose” Tina because she once gave her the brush-off in a carpark in Neith. Which is a better reason than anybody else gave all evening, well done her. Katherine’s elimination also kept up the strong Family Member Curse that’s working its way through this series, as after Des got cursed by his nephew and Teresa went out after embarassing her two sons, Katherine got the boot after a solid minute or so of unintelligible hen night shrieking at her own sister in the audience. WHO WAS CALLED MARY. LIKE THE SONG. DO YOU SEE? Bye Katherine. You will be missed.

Denise & Ryan : Denise meanwhile had a much more wistful considered story for her Icon pick. Apparently Amy Winehouse’s “Valerie” reminds Denise of the time long ago when she was young and free and reckless and used to go out on the town every night dancing. I’m not sure I’m ready to be at the point in history where someone’s carefree youth was soundtracked by Amy Winehouse, but here we are anyway. This was also a week when Denise was SO BUSY WORKING SO HARD, so Ryan visited her on the set of the gritty crime drama she stars in. I have to say it feels very Classic Ryan that where other pros hover round the edges looking supportive or hoping for a cameo (that never gets aired, LOL Aljaz) he

spent the whole thing glowering like he was about to play David O Russell to her Lily Tomlin. And this wasn’t the only Classic Ryan moment this week as, after Lady Judge took him to task for sticking too much of his foxtrot in Denise’s quickstep (which…has she seen half the routines this series? There again she had a random cob-on all evening for no reason) he cussed out nameless other pros AGAIN for doing far worse choreographically in their routines. TO THEIR FACES. Oh Ryan. So far it’s all been fun but the third time you do it you’re going to have to name names otherwise it just feels like poor sportsmanship. Still, whatever outraged sense of justice Ryan was appealing to, it worked, as Denise managed to avoid the dance-off from a precarious mid-table position.

Dayl & Ksenia : Instead, the dubious honour of being the Unpopular Front-Runner Of The Week fell to Dayl, who had the dubious honour of trying to uphold the musical legacy and place in history of Justin Bieber, and pretty much failed. I mean, I’m sure there are angles that Justin can be succesfully defended from, but I’m not sure bigging up what a great role model and behavioural example he is. Compounding Dayl’s problems was his dance draw – cha cha – and the choreography Ksenia gave him, which was fairly basic, and if he wasn’t the designated Frontrunner Hunk, his appearance in the bottom 2 wouldn’t have come as any surprise. Still, you wonder where Dayl can go in the competition from here, other than possibly (…look away Harsh Judge) more hip hop.

Aidan & Valeria : So obviously the big story this week is that Aidan managed to score his first 10. Being British I follow this show at a few days remove, so the way I keep up with the live happenings on any given show is by refreshing the wikipedia page frantically. And I swear, when that “9-10-9” came up for Aidan I swear I couldn’t comprehend the fact that someone wasn’t trolling and that this *actually* happened. And then I watched the episode and I saw that someone was in fact trolling and it was “The Judges”, as the only part of Aidan’s Charleston that was even remotely watchable was the lifts, everything else looking more or less exactly the same as the samba last week that got 5s. And yet…Harsh Judge proclaimed this finally to be the week someone from the middle of the table BROKE OUT and MADE THIS A COMPETITION, Lady Judge gave it a 10, and Returning Comedy Gay Cutprice Bruno Judge Dressed Up As A Lightning Bolt Judge was in love. Has it been Darren’s previous presence on the judging panel that was preventing fuckery like this breaking out? Quite possibly. I shudder to think what share of the vote he must be pulling in for this to be the storyline they’re going with, it’s like the good old days of the STRICTLY SPORTSMAN! all over again. Also he could have done a better job of trying to sell that he’d ever heard of Ray Charles (supposedly his icon) before 5 seconds after he started rehearsals for this dance.

Aoibhin & Vitali : Aidan’s truly random 10 wasn’t the most bizarre thing to happen this week. Oh no. That dubious honour goes to Aoibhin’s VT in which a drag queen
here apparently paying tribute to her own personal icon “a twitter egg”, came into training to better teach Aiobhin how to express her femininity. Her fierce sinuous erotic Beyonce sensuality. Don’t ask. You’d think they might be able to find a woman to teach another woman how to dance like a woman but maybe none of the female pros talk to Vitali or something I don’t know. As you might expect, in a week featuring a Proud Mary jive and a Valerie quickstep we got the similarly familiar sight of a latin booty-shake to “Crazy In Love”. This time though, it was a salsa and not a cha cha, meaning that Aiobhin had the opportunity to show off a

truly terrifying looking “look ma no hands” lift, putting her solidly at the top of the leaderboard for the night, and at this point looking like possibly the sole remaining hope for someone who’s actually a passable dancer winning. Also Vitali got his boobs out again, just thought I’d mention it.

Des C & Karen : It feels odd to have a week and have Des Cahill’s performance be pretty much the least noteworthy and remarkable thing about it. Odd and discomforting. His idol was Billy Joel, and this fact manifested itself in a VT where he played mechanic to teach Karen about the original “Uptown Girl”, not the Westlife version which SHE KNEW being so YOUNG AND ALL where they played WAITERS. This VT was mostly amusing for the faces

of confusion, disgust, and disdain that danced across Karen’s face throughout. God I love her. The dance itself was notable for being the first time so far that Des has tried to do lifts, it being an American Smooth. They went fine. The less said about the rest of it the better.


5 thoughts on “Dancing With The Stars Ireland (Episode 9)

  1. BeyonceCastle

    I actually got to see this one, it was blurry but that might have improved things somewhat.
    I liked the Ray Charleston but even I pissed myself at the scores.
    Would be more than happy for bum the floor alumnus Vitali to win it. His choreography, the bits I’ve seen, is the most original. I liked his paso and the QS without much QS in it.
    But Ireland might go feck it and vote for the duffer Dezzy to win.
    Icons week was a mixed bag though. And no Kate Bush so does not count (Babooshka and no I have no idea what I’d do to it, contempopasotango megamix but it would be AWESOME).
    Thanks for the recaps Chris. Hope you and Steve had a nice honeymoon. X

  2. DJ Mikey

    So Tina Tuner has it in for yet another SCD/DWTS contestant – what is it about Proud Mary that keeps sending them removed from the competition, via either exhaustion or just getting the boot.

    Unable to find obligatory shirtless man pic. Even the pros on DWTS Eire aren’t playing ball in this regard. So here’s Jamie Dornan – as an Irish person, I declare Jamie’s being Irish enough of a connection to the show.

    1. Beyonce

      Oh bless his little cotton shorts. Can always rely on you Mikey. I finally got round to watching fifty shades last week. It did not fail to amuse with lines like “I don’t make love, I fuck…hard.” How Jamie kept a straight face throughout filming with dialogue like that makes me look forward to the sequel.

      1. DJ Mikey

        Each to their own, I don’t think I could survive the cringe.

        It took me 5 days to read the first 2 chapters of “… Grey” and I haven’t even watched the movie, If I want to see Jamie Dornan act I’ll watch “Once Upon A Time”, “The Fall” or even “The Siege Of Jadotville” (which is a decent war movie). If I want to see Jamie Dornan with no shirt on I’ll look at the multitude of photos from his time as a Calvin Klein underwear stuffer.

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