Dancing With The Stars : Ireland (Episode 5)

The doctor is out.

Frontrunners: Yes, for all Special Guest Judge Darren Bennett (ART-IC-UL-ATING every words at twice the volume it needed to be and doing a quite terrifying gameshow host voice as he did so) things haven’t really changed since we last did these entries like this and Aiobhin, Dayl and Denise are still very much our leaders, having finished as the top 3 on all three of our leaderboards so far. This week it was Denise’s turn to take the top spot, with a slightly wobbly legged samba to “Cheap Thrills” by Sia, that whilst not technically amazing at least showed the fun side of her that might have been slightly missing so far. Mercifully for those of us who are fans of Evil Ringah Frontrunner couples being stormy and dramatic, Ryan decided to up the drama off the dancefloor, by getting sick with the dreaded TONSILITIS. Still, hurty throat danglies wasn’t enough to stop Ryan competing, as he DRAGGED HIMSELF off his hospital bed, ELBOWED CURTIS PRITCHARD OUT THE WAY and barged into the training room to get himself back in the game, coughing and spluttering all over Denise and Amanda Byram both as he did so. Oh, and if that wasn’t drama enough, the show left us in no doubt with their editing of the events of last week as to who Thalia’s elimination of last week hurt the most.

Subtle guys. Real subtle. (Also can someone tell Harsh Judge why “From Brian a 9” isn’t going to work the way “from Len a 10” does, unless he really really forces his Irish accent harder than he’s currently trying to)

Our other two frontrunners meanwhile were indulging in a battle of Viennese Waltzes, giving us two good examples for our first Vienneses of the series. (For those of you keeping track, we have seven episodes left to run, and based on what’s been done so far and presuming a showdance, each couple have eleven genres of dance to do to fill out their dance card entirely. So yeah, that’s not happening). Aiobhin and Dayl (pronounced “Quiffy Hometown”) came at their Viennese Waltzes from two different angles. Aiobhin looked backwards, adding to her dirty ringah credentials by reminscing with Vitali about the time she did the Viennese Waltz at college for the Austrian Ambassador, although Vitali wasn’t interested in recreating that traditional vibe, as he brought in a leather strap (…) to help with training, and had Aiobhin play into soap-slag roots by playing a

DANGEROUS WOMAN. To…erm…Dangerous Woman, by Arianna Grande. Dayl on the other hand looked to the future, with Ksenia and the judges all teaming up to tell him that his dreamy romantic Goo Goo Dolls Viennese in classic white saw him finally reach maturity and become a man. And certainly from how he was

constantly adjusting his crotch whilst talking with Nicky afterwards, he was certainly experiencing erm…manly growth. Possibly. Neither Viennese Waltz seemed to contain a LOT of Viennese Waltz, although Dayl did have a go at the fleckerl, and got praise for his bravery in doing so. There’s always the possibility mind that this wasn’t bravery, more him showing off for his boyband mates, who were in the audience this week

looking exactly as you’d expect them to.

On A Journey : If Aiobhin, Dayl and Denise are looking like our finalists, then Des Bishop remains on course to be our noble semi-final boot, as he finished fourth on the leaderboard for the third time in a row this week with a cha cha to Uptown Funk featuring…wait for it…HIP HOP MOVES!!! Yes this old chestnut again, as the show nudged up against this dead dormouse of a storyline again like a disinterested cat. Des basically did his salsa again, in an…interesting blue suit, and then he, Harsh Judge and Darren Bennett all sort of feinted at having a fight over it before deciding they actually couldn’t really be bothered. What a present for Giulia on her birthday. Meanwhile our less feted midboarders both had good weeks with first of all Katherine facing the question “how do I make a foxtrot to Summertime into a festival of camp?”, and coming up with the answer of putting Kai in

this little outfit, and making the whole routine into a West Side Story style tale of doomed love between young people from two different areas of rural Ireland (neither of which Kai could pronounce), trying to speak to the soul of the Irish people by telling them that “to be parochial is to be universal”. God I love when catchphrase comics with three different characters that all use the same set of giant fake titties get deep. Aidan meanwhile looked ever more embarassed to be here (<3) as Valeria pulled out some more weirdo choreography as he full on

lip-sync'd for his life through an American Smooth to the Michael Buble (ugh) version of "My Baby Just Cares For Me" whilst she ran around aimlessly clutching a cup of tea. In all honesty, both Katherine and Aidan looked much more comfortable in ballroom this week than they have before, and whilst it's Des Bishop getting the scores whilst flapping his arms around at the elbow and backchatting, it's the ongoing efforts of these two that I find more interesting. So get ready for them to be the next two to fall under the wheels of the Dessy Express.

The Underdogs : Speaking of Des we hit the week we hit every series with the Comedy Contestant as he decided it was time to show the other side of Des Cahill. The sincere side. The earnest side. The side that was going to do pure dance content and get “proper scores” for a change (I would given money for a shot of the faces of both Teresa and Dr Eva at this point, both of whom he’s outpointed consistantly on a week by week basis so far). Des decided to set about persuading people he can “really dance” via the medium of tango and what better way fro Karen to step things up a gear and show that Des really means business than by pretty much lifting entire Anton’s tango to Jealousy for Judy Murray, except with a face slap at the end rather than a concerted effort to invent the sport of human curling? It was admittedly a little stompy, but better than his Austin Power salsa of last week. Not that that would be hard. And of course again it was enough to keep him ahead of Teresa and Dr Eva, who found themselves fighting to avoid the boot. Of the two it was Teresa who came out ahead, just, with a lifterrific salsa to Boogie Wonderland that had her doing trust drops in training to prepare her for the lifts. I think my favourite part of the whole thing was when Teresa very earnestly said to camera that she was going to have to raise her game to compare with the amazing salsas the series had seen so far, followed by a clip of Aidan and Deses B and C flailing about randomly. Sure.

But really what an exit week for Dr Eva. The whole episode began with a clip of her yelling in her partner’s face. She spent her entire VT telling us that she’s too wild and crazy for ballroom dances and was ready to let loose in the latin. In a hedge maze. For no reason. She did an incredibly stiff cha cha to “Nowhere To Run” that even my Dr Eva dance defending ways can’t justify. She received non-stop shade from Sean throughout the less than positive judging comments (“I was improvising!” “Improvise is a good word for it!” “It was MODERN cha cha!!!” “oh was it…”). She threw a massive sulk up on the judging balcony when faced with the impending scores that encompassed her plugging her current tv show “Dr Eva’s Medication Nation”. Sean

pulled this face after the less than amazing scores came in. She went home. If her journey was going to end any way, I’m glad it was this one.

Next Week : Love Week (YES) although I’m off getting married and then on honeymoon, so don’t necessarily expect a blog update any time soon.


8 thoughts on “Dancing With The Stars : Ireland (Episode 5)

  1. DJ Mikey

    Congratulations on the Nuptials – I hope you don’t have to spend honeymoon night roleplaying as Gethin and Gorka…

  2. DJ Mikey

    I couldn’t remember if Aiobhin’s Viennese Waltz was any good, because my brain spent the duration chanting “Take It Off, take it off” in reference to Vitali’s jacket…

    Why did Katherine and Kai camp up her Foxtrot with the West Side Story nonsense, was Kai’s presence not camp enough? He’s like the second coming of Robin Windsor, and is probably responsible for at least 1 of Robin Windsor’s past cummings…

    All I can remember of Nicky’s stint of SCD is that he dressed up as the mask and had bulge that rivalled Jonah Falcon’s. I don’t think Dayl was wrestling his erection in to submission, as much as he was letting Nicky know that he has a rival – for a place in the Little Black Book of Giant Celebrity Cock. This is providing me with endless amusement as I know that Des B only has one nut…

    Dr Eva’s elimination really was something spectacular wasn’t it.

    Love Week next everybody place your bets – will Aidan dance with a violently slashed open shirt or will Aidan dance completely shirtless… It’s gonna be one of those 2!

  3. Ross

    Not to be too sappy (I abhor that side of me), but HUGE CONGRATULATIONS on the nuptials; I wish you and Steve nothing but joy (with occasional dark moments that are bitterly hilarious).

  4. BeyonceCastle

    Jeder hört die Musik anders aber der gemeinsame Tanz ist wunderbar.
    All the best to you both. Hope you have a beautiful day (but not a Kirsty-Brendan-Paso day 😉 ) xx

  5. PadsterMo

    Congratulations on the impending nuptials gentlemen – have a fantastic wedding and honeymoon.

    (Love week was pants. And not in the good way.)


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