Strictly Come Dancing 14 – The Monkies

2017’s looking better already!

Bullet-Dodger Of The Year

For those of you who’re thinking “wait a minute, I didn’t vote for this!” then I DIDN’T VOTE FOR BREXIT EITHER BUT I HAVE TO LIVE WITH TH…sorry, where was I? I meant that you’ve actually been voting for this the whole time without even knowing it! Bullet-Dodger Of The Year goes to the contestant who has received the most incorrect guesses in the weekly “WHO’S NEXT?” polls in the Results Show recaps. This award therefore goes to the celebrity who has most often skated by when you all thought they were surely doomed. And normally you’re all good at resisting the urge to predict the demise of the Comedy Contestant – Judy Murray, Jeremy Vine, Widdy. You all had their number. But

not Ed Balls baby.

  • 2nd – Anastacia
  • 3rd – Ore Oduba
  • 4th – Laura Whitmore
  • 5th – Naga Munchetty

Best Safety Sex Face

Congratulations to Natalie, who becomes the second pro, after Robin Windsor, to lock down best Safety Sex-Face of the series twice. If only he was still here so they could face off to see who could be the first to three in a fair fight. And for no other reason. Greg & Natalie won the votes of 49.75% of you so Kevin Clifton better up his game. Run off into the audience next year Kevo. Bite an audience member.

  • 2nd – Danny & Oti : 27.30%
  • 3rd – Anastacia & Gorka : 25.06%
  • 4th – Louise & Kevin : 21.03%
  • 5th – Daisy & Aljaz : 20.43%

Best Judge

Yes we’re in a year where it wasn’t Craig’s job to try to give an antagonistic storyline to a runaway male woobie winner, so you’ve all come running back. He won 50.27% of the vote, but more specially you gave Len a beautiful and heartfelt sendoff by having him be NOT LAST! Mostly via Darcey’s vote collapsing but still…

  • 2nd – Bruno Tonioli : 38.29%
  • 3rd – Len Goodman : 5.99%
  • 4th – Darcey Bussell : 5.45%

Best Presenter

I don’t need to tell you that that is representing Claudia rather than Tess right? Her vote went down 1%, Zoe’s vote went down 1%, Tess’ went up 2%…nothing much is changing for this award for the foreseeable future, let’s be honest. Claudia still sits on a mighty 77.98%.

  • 2nd – Zoe Ball : 18.47%
  • 3rd – Tess Daly : 3.55%

Most BS Elimination

Whether you think Louise shouldn’t have got the votes, or that Ore shouldn’t have got the judges scores or that Danny lost the dance-off, in a series with an erratic elimination order, it’s Cloudia’s wipe-out 2cms from a showdance that would have been naught but backflips that bugs the most of you, with 46.44% of you giving it a signal-boost in this category. Oddly enough, despite it supposedly having the potential to BRING DOWN THE SHOW AND THE BBC ITSELF, Melvin falling victim to a rule Tess found down the back of the sofa didn’t even cause a blip…

  • 2nd – Greg Rutherford : 30.96%
  • 3rd – Tameka Empson : 29.98%
  • 4th – Daisy Lowe : 28.26%
  • 5th – Danny Mac : 20.88%

Best Week

In a year when really all of the theme weeks underdelivered to a degree, your favourite week of them all was when Rinder’s grandparents came to stay, Ed did Gangnam Style, and Greg nailed the dance-off. Yes, Underdog Male Showcase Week, otherwise known as “Week 8”, was a favourite of 38.76% of you. It also saw witness to Big Spender, Claudia on a chair-swing, Daisy emerging from Aljaz’s shag van, and Danny doing the most turbo-carged Argentine Tango ever, but really, this week was owned by one person alone. Nana Rinder. If Claudia has to take a week off again in future…

  • 2nd – Danny’s Quickstep vs Ore’s Jive Pt 1 (Wk 4) : 34.24%
  • 3rd – Danny’s Jive Sets The Bar (Wk 7) : 24.97%
  • 4th – Movie Week (Wk 3) : 16.88%
  • 5th – Semi Finals Week (Wk 12) : 16.41%

Best Guest Singer

In retrospect, I probably should have got a better picture of Rick Astley’s performance to go here. Ah well, never mind, it wasn’t a great series for guest singers by any standards this is probably all this category deserves. Rick got the votes of 40.56% of you.

  • 2nd – Elaine Paige : 29.86%
  • 3rd – Michael Ball & Alfie Boe : 21.69%
  • 4th – Olly Murs : 19.72%
  • 5th – Madness : 18.03%

Best Pro/Group Dance

Whether this dance got the nod because it was a good old fashioned ballroom routine in a series full of avant-garde experimentalism, or because you were all just glad to have it absolutely confirmed Len was buggering off, A Farewell To Len got the votes of 41.31% of you.

  • 2nd – West Side Story : 35.92%
  • 3rd – Oti’s Cuban Street Festival : 23.24%
  • 4th – Giovanni dreams of being a star : 20.19%
  • 5th – A Chorus Line At Blackpool : 18.08%

King Of All Pros

Hooray for Naughty Aljaz, as he squeaks a win what was probably the most competitive category this year, with a neat 23.84% of your votes. The real story here though, is who he squeaked it out over…

  • 2nd – Anton Du Beke : 22.95%
  • 3rd – Gorka Marquez : 18.51%
  • 4th – Pasha Kovalev : 11.74%
  • 5th – Kevin Clifton : 9.96%

Queen Of All Pros

Less of a fight in this category, to put it mildly, as Oti barrels in to crown herself Queen Of The Pros with 66.07% of the votes, a victory margin of more than 50% over her nearest rival. She shouldn’t get too comfortable though, as we all know that IT TAKES TWO KWEEN KHLOE IS COMING FOR THE THRONE NEXT YEAR! OTI BETTER BE READY TO TAKE IT TO A WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL!

  • 2nd – Natalie Lowe : 15.25%
  • 3rd – Katya Jones : 9.18%
  • 4th – Joanne Clifton : 4.43%
  • 5th – Oksana Platero : 3.77%

Worst Contestant (Personality)

I see all those government mental health campaigns about it being alright for men to show their feelings went down well with you all then. This was a four horse race for much of the voting, but Ore pulled ahead in the last few days to win the category with votes from 37.46% of you.

  • 2nd – Will Young : 32.39%
  • 3rd – Naga Munchetty : 27.9%
  • 4th – Tameka Empson : 26.34%
  • 5th – Laura Whitmore : 16.39%

Worst Contestant (Talent)

Poor Naga. Really it was the awkwardness that did it here wasn’t it? Melvin and Ed were arguably just as bad, but at least they looked like they were having a good time. Naga wins this category with votes from 60.13% of you, and becomes the first woman ever to win this award wiithout being partnered by Anton du Beke.

  • 2nd – Melvin Odoom : 48.03%
  • 3rd – Ed Balls : 30.93%
  • 4th – Ore Oduba : 16.52%
  • 5th – Anastacia : 10.76%

Best Contestant (Personality)

Turns out it was those Underdog Males who made this series for you, personality wise, as all three of them make it into the top 5 in this category, with the two women who are surely destined to make the numbers up on tour filling the other two slots. Of the three, it was the KING OF THE BUTTERFLIES who was also King Of Your Hearts, as he won votes from 35.7% of you.

  • 2nd – Daisy Lowe : 30.57%
  • 3rd – Ed Balls : 24.06%
  • 4th – Lesley Joseph : 21.89%
  • 5th – Greg Rutherford : 19.33%

Best Contestant (Talent)

No surprises here, as the contestant who received the largest vote to win of any Strictly finalist on this blog since Kara also takes down a victory in this category at a level not seen since Kara, as he got the nod from a whopping 96.76% of you as one the two most talented contestants of the series. In other record breaking news, Ore becomes here the first contestant ever to feature both in the top and bottom 5 on talent. Somehow.

  • 2nd – Ore Oduba : 32.19%
  • 3rd – Claudia Fragapane : 31.27%
  • 4th – Daisy Lowe : 15.17%
  • 5th – Louise Redknapp : 13.51%

Best Dance Of The Series

As you might expect given his margin of victory above, Danny dominates this category, getting the entire top 3 to himself, and with only Claudia clawing her way into the top 5 alongside him . It’s his samba that landed hardest with you though, with 56.92% of you ticking that little box next to it on your ballots. The wild untamed passions, the billoughing shirt, Oti’s legs…it had it all.

  • 2nd – Danny Mac : American Smooth – 50.12%
  • 3rd – Danny Mac : Quickstep – 36.52%
  • 4th – Claudia Fragapane : Quickstep – 31.86%
  • 5th – Danny Mac : Charleston – 29.14%
  • 6th – Ore Oduba : Jive – 26.42%
  • 7th – Ore Oduba : American Smooth – 23.89%
  • 8th – Ed Balls : Salsa – 22.73%
  • 9th – Claudia Fragapane : Charleston – 22.53%
  • 10th – Claudia Fragapane : Argentine Tango – 18.84%
  • 11th – Danny Mac : Argentine Tango
  • 12th – Daisy Lowe : Viennese Waltz
  • 13th – Louise Redknapp : Argentine Tango
  • 14th – Ore Oduba : Showdance
  • 15th – Lesley Joseph : Charleston
  • 16th – Laura Whitmore : Tango
  • 17th – Judge Rinder : Paso Doble
  • 18th – Tameka Empson : Charleston
  • 19th – Greg Rutherford : Rumba
  • 20th – Judge Rinder : Cha Cha

108 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 14 – The Monkies

  1. Marianka

    Kevin was enjoying some bukkake during his SSF
    Also, Danny and Aljaz had a habit for sticking things down their partners 😉🍆💦🚼

      1. vampadvocate

        Well at least he didn’t spin like a top leaving his injured partner looking like a wally as she tried desperately do some wiggling.

  2. Mr. AsNTM

    Voted for Louise’s SSF because It’ll never not funny looking at Kevin as if he was being yanked by a horse off-screen. The other one doesn’t even matter.

    1. Evenratsdance

      Took me about five minutes to remember I didn’t actually have to vote in this category! Bunch of duffers this year (and if they bring in Smuggy McSmugface and his dolls one more year…)

      Kevin’s safety sex faces are a kind of reflection of his performance in the finals, aren’t they? He’s always nearly there, ready to grab it in all its glory, but kind of misses the target at the last minute and disappears off the edge of the bed… poor Karen.

    1. vampadvocate

      Actually IMO opinion both the DOs she was in were BS results – Ed ought to have gone in Blackpool and Louise in the semis.

  3. Chris

    Well, I voted Ore for Best Personality – I see that he’s something of a niche taste (also LOL the bitter-voting is strong this year)

    Also, as I didn’t say it before, congrats on another titanic blogging achievement this year – it’s been great week in, week out 🙂

  4. Courtney

    What were the 5 dances just below the top 20? Also, I’m impressed with how Daisy’s Viennese Waltz came from not even being included in the Monkies to coming 12th

  5. Sadis

    I can’t believe Anton was in the top 2 for King of the Pros. He beat Pasha.
    Also, Daisy is considered better than Louise 🙂

  6. Ross

    Apart from Claudia’s AT and Laura’s Tango being slightly too low for my liking, the Best Dances are in an agreeable order, which is a novelty for me. ❤

  7. vampadvocate

    I don’t think that Ore’s vote for worse personality is a vote against men expressing themselves – Rindy was expressively gushy about the joy of dance, Oxsana and other contenders on occasion and Greg was in floods when he got the boot and it didn’t hurt either of them in popularity stakes here. I think Ore just had a tendancy to come across as Mr Soundbite on ocassion but I liked pretty much everyone this year. I vote for worst personality went to Naga because although she seemed nice boy did she need to loosen up and Mevlin because he’s personality barely registered with me.

    1. Baby Jane Hudson

      Exactly, I have no problem with men showing their emotions but Ore was out-hamming Doctor Hamela with the constant stream of tears and the gushing over Joanne. He came across to me as insincere. It also seems a little silly to be crying every time you get praised on a dance show – first world (non) problems and all that. I understand they get invested in the show and could totally empathise in the final when the contestants were invested and exhausted and got a bit/very weepy, but turning on the water works and biting your fist because someone praised your fleckerls, or whatever, just seemed a bit over the top to me.

      Love the bitter voting which put Ore in the bottom 5 for talent – even my vitriol for the final result didn’t stretch that far. Brilliant.

  8. Minxy

    I can live with those results – tho too bad if i couldn’t lol

    But i did get a little lost in the % in the latter half. They didn’t add up to 100. But hey ho

    1. monkseal Post author

      They aren’t supposed to add up to 100%. They’re a % of voters who chose it, presumng everyone used all their available votes in that category. Obviously they don’t, but it’s a decent approximation.


      1. Minxy

        Ah I understand it. now ta
        I kmow your stat skills are on point but my brain could not compute – and the more i tried the worse my headache was getting

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