First of all, before we start, let us all give thanks that after the horrors of the last two series, we got through our first week of two dances without anybody embarassing themselves. Whatever the Fan Warz that have now been ignited, the horrors will be as nothing compared to Katie Derham’s Charleston.
Louise: Unfortunately comes out and does exactly what she didn’t need to do this evening – confirmed that she’s frankly more than a little bit beige. Both performances feature slightly cringey awkwardness, although in their tango (which Kevin has decided should be “a happy tango”, a concept that quite frankly should have been drowned at birth) it’s Kevin who looks more uncomfortable than Louise, mostly because his trousers are too tight and his shirt is too short to cover his…Grimsby Pier. The samba though is all Louise, as whilst her hips are going 19 to the dozen she looks frowsy and shy immediately after the judges question whether she can truly be a party animal. Based on tonight, not really.
Danny: Probably does enough to make the final without touching the dance-off, as he produces a decent (if slightly uninspired) salsa with the usual big lifts followed by probably the best routine of the entire series so far – an American Smooth that blends Viennese Waltz, contemporary and Gene Kelly to a swoonsome soundtrack and with a truly spectacular ending as Oti hurls herself off a pier directly at the glitterbal…I mean Danny. She’s seeing Danny. For sure. Definitely. If only they’d allowed Oti to choreograph the salsa, I’m sure she’d have done a much better job.
Cloudia: Starts off with a bit of a disaster of an evening, as a rumba where she could have shown her True Real Adult Sensuality begins with her flashing her vag at the camera and proceeds inelegantly from there. It gets the only really critical response of the evening, but Cloudia vows to come back swinging with her quickstep and does so producing a fast and furious old school quickstep with lots of swing and sway and which most importantly of all secures Cloudia’s places as Queen Of The Moppets by being adorably stage-schooly. Squint andd you’d think it was a young Bonnie Langford.
Ore: I guess the question before tonight is whether they were going to try to keep Ore safe by plonking him at the top of the leaderboard. I thought they might not quite be that transparent but here we are. And the judges go the full mile, with Len hauling out the “HE’S THE ONLY NON-TRAINED DANCER HERE!” speech and his Argentine Tango (which gets next to no reaction on a night full of the audience stomping on the floor constantly including for Ore’s first routine, a rock themed quickstep) gets the highest score of the night. Will it be enough? To get him into the final sure. To keep him out of the dance-off, with a tie at the bottom? Maybe not.
Whatever the outcome of tonight (and I would guess it’s Louise leaving and landing us with the youngest final 3 ever) get your tin hats ready. It’s about to get juicy.