Strictly Come Dancing 14 – Week 5 Performance Summary

A series that seemed so exciting, glitzy, campy, and fun in the run-up and in the first few weeks all of a sudden feels like it’s held together solely by silly string, spirit glue and hope doesn’t it? After Anastacia’s scar tissue tear and Will leaving for reasons unknown, we got two more additions to the casualties list tonight. Laura injured her ankle in training, prompting deployment of the dreaded bye, and Brendan Cole ACTUALLY DIED (/still had poorly lungs) and so was replaced by Gorka (yahs) for one week only, for Anastacia’s quickstep, which was her best ballroom dance yet, if you ignore the gapping. We also came extra close to a third bed being filled in A & E during the show, as Ed almost killed Katya dead in a lift in an American Smooth. What started off as a sweet good-natured “well he tries hard!” Comedy Contestant is slowly morphing into a week on week demonstration of exactly what can go horribly wrong in a Strictly Dance. Next week? BRING ON THE PUPPETS! (no, not you Ventriloquist Man hanging around the show all week for no reason, not you, ever again, I’m changing the locks).

If this thrill-ride on the edge of mortality feels like it’s too much for you, don’t worry, the producers in their wisdom this week gave our three frontrunners for the Strictly 2016 throne a rumba, a waltz, and…oh, wait, another rumba. AND TWO OF THEM TO WHITNEY HOUSTON SONGS! Danny’s is probably the best, Ore’s is probably the most public vote friendly, and Louise’s certainly the most hilarious because it involves her and Kevin whirling around the “Eiffel Tower”, like a cross between Legoland Windsor and that bit in Spinal Tap where they order Stonehenge 10 times too small. They remain, however, two rumbaSS and a waltz in a show that could have used a bit more quality pep generally, especially as we’ve already had a week this series where all the best dances were waltzes. Abetting this state of affairs unfortunately are Daisy (Charleston) and Cloudia (samba) both of whom struggle to keep up with fast routines, and with Daisy in particular dressed like something a 6 year olds has drawn that haunts their nightmares by throwing cheese rounds at them.

Our triers? Lesley balls up her tango royally, scrabbling all over a table to begin with and ending up completely stymied by her inability to get fully locked into any sort of ballroom hold, Greg produces a cha cha so dull and pointless I remember why it’s my least favourite latin dance all over again, and Judge Rinder and Oksana ping pong around the floor like two rejected characters from Street Fighter 2 in their jive, punching and kicking and shouting around an army set so vigorously I half expect Rindy to yell “HADOKEN!” and chin Oksana with a fireball.

Let’s hope Hallowe’en Week gets everything back on track, yes?


29 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 14 – Week 5 Performance Summary

  1. DJ Mikey

    When has Halloween week ever gotten anything back on track. The mere suggestion of it is an absolutely absurdity, which makes the American Presidential Election seem like an exercise in sanity – in comparison..

    1. BeyonceCastle

      Aw Mikey, don’t be cynical…Halloween weeks gave us Pixie’s electrifying tango, Allison’s wuthering smooth, Haliona’s nontango, Jason’s bewitching QS, Kimbot’s red riding hood paso,
      Patrick’s hexy QS, Frankie’s wicked tango, Anita’s maleficent waltz.

  2. Carl

    Anastacia/Gorka – A fun dance – what a refreshing sight in this funeral dirge of a series! I’m sorry Brendan had to miss this but she and Gorka were also good partners. Anastacia got so much fan backlash over the “bye,” and then her rumba (which I enjoyed a lot more than I thought I would) got her in the bottom 2, so I hope this makes her happier and means she won’t be leaving Strictly with bad memories. I enjoyed so much about this, from the choreography to the playfulness to the energy. A real tonic.

    Claudia/AJ – Who decided to give them the same music to the same dance Matt Baker and Aliona had? The comparisons are not flattering. This is one of the worst-choreographed routines in Strictly history. Why do they have to dance around a huge-ass disco ball? Is this Can’t Stop the Music? Poor Claudia looks confused over and over again in this, and who can blame her? AJ did such a good charleston for her and this is just crap.

    Danny/Oti – The sweet moment at the end surprised me because otherwise they still lack chemistry. Maybe it’s improving? Nice fluidity, but the flyaway arms and the wardrobe department’s bizarre choice to put her in a flaming red dress complete with flaming red pants meant I spent half the rumba seeing her do her own version of the old “HMV” moves.

    Ore/Joanne – He looked terrified at random points, he seemed confused, his posture was poor, and he and Joanne continue to have no real connection I can see. As always with the judges and production, the more they push him and ignore his flaws, the more it will likely hurt him with viewers in the long run.

    Lesley/Anton – Poor Lesley looked like she was run through a hedge backwards. And Anton seemed to have wandered out of Caddyshack. This just was not good. My biggest disappointment of the evening.

    Rinder/Oksana – Why does he always dance with his mouth open? He looks like Sam Dingle in Emmerdale. His trousers were too tight and made it look like he had a wedgie. He has a lot of potential but it’s never going to be met, so there’s no point for me in caring.

    Ed/Katya – This was like something out of Waiting for Guffman, only not funny. Yikes. He and Rinder make me very uncomfortable when I watch them.

    Daisy/Aljaz – Same old same old with Daisy. Awkward, and zero connection with Aljaz. She “smiled” like her appendix would burst at any moment. She tried, but sadly that’s all it was. The only thing I remember of this is when she tried to do some hula hoop moves and instead did what amounted to a pelvic thrust from one of those “grandparents embarrassing moments” movies with Robert de Niro.

    Kevin/Louise – They actually had chemistry, which makes them very, very rare with this cast. Unfortunately the choreography was lazy and she seemed half-dead, especially with the fixed smile on her face.

    Greg/Natalie – I like Greg but that was abysmal. He’s hot and he and Natalie are a good team but even with that I think he might be in real danger soon. Frankly at this point it may be a mercy.

    1. wh-wcs

      Best thing about that huge disco ball? It meant that steadi-cam man had no space to run so we got half-way decent camera work instead.

  3. Marcela

    I’ve watched Strictly shows before where I thought “Well, this is a bit lukewarm”, but last night was dire. If the most exciting thing that happens is when a celeb almost kills a pro you know its not a good thing. You could see the fear in Katya’s eyes, poor thing.
    I don’t know, for a series that started with (arguably) the best line up ever, this is turning out to be cursed, probably. So much problems from the very beginning marred the whole thing, it makes me feel a bit sorry for everyone involved and also not really excited overall. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have a clear favourite from the start like I had in other years (well, Rinder has been my “favourite”, but I know full well he won’t win) or it’s something else. I’m sorry for being so gloom and doom but I really hope it improves soon. Next week Halloween, eh? At least that.

    1. DJ Mikey

      That Lift was truly terrifying, I always root for the comedy contestant – but Ed has to go now, before he does serious harm to poor Katya..

      1. DJ Mikey

        As much I think it’s Ed’s time to leave, before Katya dies, I’m so glad he didn’t have to perform that lift again – I swear my heart was in my mouth waiting to hear if he was safe or not..

  4. ChaChaChavvy

    Judge Rinder – don’t ask, don’t tell! They’ll never find you out, Robert! My dance of the night.

    Anastacia – size does matter! And how good does Gorka look in a suit?

    Louise – dances like she’s in Betty Draper’s drug-induced childbirth dream.

    Cloudier – one song, two gymnasts, Aliona did it better. Aliona does everything better.

  5. Monaogg

    Did they get the voiceover chap for the Terms & Conditions free from his Agent, with the proviso they take random acts on his books in the following weeks?

  6. Elaine

    Remember also Tameka’s knee strapping and Greg’s wrist? Someone may actually end up in a box (and not in a Nancy way) by the end of this series! I also thought Anita wracked her back at the end of that tango. Swear I heard a disc go…but maybe that was just Anton!
    I too thought of Spinal Tap when I saw that Eiffel towerette!
    Love these recaps Monkseal, the only light in a series more like Holby City than a dance Show!

  7. Fenweasel

    As they did in their first dance, Anton and Lesley looked uncomfortably like M. Gustav and one of his elderly clients in The Grand Budapest Hotel. “When you’re young, it’s all filet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheaper cuts. Which is fine with me, because I like those” sums up Anton and Strictly pretty well.

  8. Kate

    I’m glad it wasn’t just me who found it a bit flat. I’m sure the producers must plan the overall look, music, running order etc but for my life I can’t see why they put such nonsense items in, like the mini Eiffel tower- why not a projection on the back wall of the real one? And why the giant glitter ball on the dance floor? Surely it should be above the couple dancing. And never mind poor Ed nearly dropping Katya, those dreadful slippy culottes and top couldn’t have helped. They probably practised all week in clingy jersey sweatpants that gave a grip.
    All too average this week.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Really if you want Paris, why not Pasha riding through the back on a bicycle in a beret with a string of onions. Much cheaper.

  9. Huriye

    I’ve watched it back and I still don’t get all the gushing over Ore’s Waltz or the top score…AGAIN!
    I can’t stand the Whitney version of the song, why not Dolly Parton’s original and so much better version, which Hayley could’ve sung? Ore sucking his teeth at the end to stop himself crying AGAIN just made me hope it’s not another Ricky v Chris situation, as we know how that ended.
    I didn’t see any Flow and Lilt across my telly box, only Ore stepping the dance and looking staccato in parts. Totally overscored. It’s not series 1 where that was considered sensational.

    Of the two ringahs, I enjoyed both dances. One Rhumba was hot, one was understated. Danny is giving a *performance* every week, Louise is internally dancing for herself really. It hasn’t progressed since week one. It’s still the shy housewife doing a *turn* in an Am Dram production. I liked it, but again, it’s not series one, where that would’ve been the runaway winner.
    I am also outraged at the favouritism shown to Louise/KFG who actually went to Paris at great expense to film a 2 minute VT. But Pixie/Trent in Around The World Week got to traipse round West London masquerading as Amsterdam. FIX!

    The so called Vent Act was so appalling bad, I can’t believe he was let on, in Eville Moira’s “PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS TO SEE LEN OFF PRODUCTION VALUES”. The tumbleweed from the Pros and Contestants, never mind the audience, was unsurprising. No other reaction was possible.
    Someone needs to take Claudia aside. She’s not as funny as she thinks she is, and attempts at kookiness are no longer attractive once you hit your forties.

    Darcey’s inane comments reached a nadir this week, as she literally came to a full stop with nowhere left to go. Truly embarrassing. When Len retires, can we replace her too?

    I hope the Producers realise in their efforts to create tabloid headlines and contrived *storylines* they made the wrong match ups. Anastacia had a new lease of life dancing with the more appropriately sized Gorka. *Swoon* Brenda should have been with Laura. Let’s all change partners!


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