Life After Gorka (and tameka)
Gorka & Tameka : Hopefully a less awkward intervew for Tameka here than when they put out onto Sunday Brunch this weekend and expected her to pretend that she was still in the competition. Ooft. To her credit, Tameka admitted that she was shocked to be in the Bottom Two, and also that she thought she had more to give. Much better this than all the people who claim they JUST HAD A FEELING ZOE as they dig their nails into their palms. Less convincing was when she tried to pass off that she was really GLAD she did the show this year because there were so many STRONG competitors on it. Sure. Like she wasn’t thinking that if she hadn’t got up the duff for Series 11 she couldn’t have at least made Blackpool. Ben Cohen made Blackpool and she’s got bigger tits than he has. Marginally. Anyway, apparently Tameka thought she specifically had more to give in the cha cha. It does feel very odd in terms of the alignment of the Universe that Tameka never did party latin. The show also at this point tried to solve the mystery of whether it is “cha cha” or “cha cha cha”. Tried and failed. Oh and Gorka was still aGorkable. Gorka The Corka Count : Enough
An Eye Backstage :
…oh that’ll do it.
Anastacia & Brendan : Back to huggy huggy this week as Brenda spent the entire interview wrapped her like a koala clinging to a eucalyptus tree. There’s many shifts in body language here they should get Dr Hamela in to analyse them. A lot of the interview was spent with the man himself still urgently Brendsplaining what “Twilight” is, when it’s one of the most succesful film series of all time. It’s about VAMPIRES you guys. Vampires WHO ARE IN LOVE. Anastacia meanwhile said that she was playing the “head of all the princesses” (Princess Anne?) in the routine itself, and afterwards was absolutely convinced she was up and out this week, so she was really moved to find that some members of the public do like her after all. Zoe then kind of undercut this by having to go all the way to Germany to locate a fantweet to share. Their dance this week is the rumba.
Karen’s Khoreography Korner : KKK got off to a great start this week when Zoe compared Karen Hardy to Norma Desmond, in earnest, and took a good minute to realise why that might not be entirely flattering. We were tied in knots on salsa, as Karen first proclaimed that she liked how sloppy, rough and raw Laura’s was, but then chiding Will for not getting the technique exactly right. Make your mind up woman. This was of course part of Karen weighing in on LENGATE, and making things precisely no clearer, as she said that the salsa content was there (48 bars of it hun #domeafavour) but Will didn’t do it right. A broadside was fired at Danny for poor posture and at Darcey for being mean about Greg’s lifts. Apparently Karen thinks American Smooth is all about going over the top and dramatic. How would you tell? Oh and she echoed Len’s advice to Naga to make sure she does the choreography right. Should be helpful.
Daisy & Aljaz : We closed with Daisy & Aljaz, and Zoe congratulating Aljaz for not breaking any of the rules of the dance this week. So no more Naughty Aljaz. More’s the pity. Daisy talked a lot about the pressure of filling the shoes of Mary Poppins (…you do know she’s not real right Daisy?) and says she mostly got into character by bossing Aljaz around all week and making him drink lots of water. Hardly Marlon Brandon is she? We also got hit with another STAT ATTACK, telling us that Aljaz has scored more over the first three dances with Daisy than he did with Helen George or even *gasp* Waggy Clancy. Their dance this week is also the rumba, and there was some discussion of how Aljaz’s rumbas have been a MIXED BAG (he’s done two) because he ended up in the Bottom 2 on one once. Apparently Aljaz blames this on Hallowe’en. Bless. He was going to be a doctor you know?
Laura & Giovanni : Our B2 survivors were first up, with the revelation that Laura had to change her tights before she performed in the dance-off. No, not because of that, she wasn’t THAT shocked she was in the Bottom 2 – it’s because she’d got a tear in them during the routineti. There was also a lot of testimony given as to how Giovanni is a wonderful calming influence and got Laura through it and really calmed her down. I’m presuming this calming down happened after the Results Show because…not so much during. In fact Giovanni is *so* calming that Zoe would like his voice talking to her on tape to soothe her in difficult moments. Or maybe for other purposes, let’s throw him into another showmance, why not? Finally, Zoe tried to buoy Laura’s spirits by informing her that Natasha, Simon Webbe and Denise Lewis were all in the Bottom 2 in Week 3, and all went on to compete in their finals. Do you know who else was in the Bottom 2 in Week 3? Georgina Bouzova, Mark Foster, Lynda Bellingham, Nancy Dell’Olio, Julien MacDonald, and Ainsley Harriott. So swings and roundabouts. Their dance this week is the quickstep.
Tunes On Tuesday : The jukebox this week spun out the fact that Judge Rinder will be dancing to “Boom Bang A Bang” by Bloody Lulu (despite the website saying he’d be performing to “Shout” by Bloody Lulu); that Daisy will be dancing to “Careless Whisper” by George Michael (I know I’m basically confirming myself as a Daisy stan with this but I am so excited! It’s going to be GAYMAZING!) (For new readers, “gaymazing” is basically my 10. It is admittedly, a bit of a “Bruno 10”); and Cloudia will be dancing to “I Really Like You” by Carly Rae Jepsen (because that’s what’s cool right kids? ON ITUNES!). Also that
Pasha looks pretty good blowing on the pink saxophone, if you catch my meaning
Pro Rehearsals : This week’s routine is going to be a tribute to James Brown and (oh joy) a hip hop themed routine as choreographed by perennial show non-favourite Christopher Scott, and if X Factor has Honey G, Strictly has Anton du B. The word “Funkmeister” was used. I shudder to think.
Karen’s Khoreography Korner : Good news for Cloudia and Ore tonight, as they were the only two celebs to get completely positive reviews from the Korner, with Ore getting particular praise for the “stabbing the water with the umbrella” move. Classic American Smooth. Otherwise Karen let she be known that she agreed with the judges on any number of failings on the part of the celebrities. Louise’s immobile hips, Daisy’s wonky shoulders, Rinder’s constant little blunders, Lesley’s gapping, Ed’s “deeply personally scarring” samba technique, and Anastacia’s need to start using her “standing legs”. As opposed to her other legs. As such, the celebrities may be pleased to learn that Karen is off on holiday, and will return in November.
Naga & Pasha : Poor Naga. Her 5 minutes on It Takes Two of the week and it gets overshadowed by Will Young sensationally quitting the show for “personal reasons” and everyone taking to twitter to frantically speculate on what those reasons might be. Obviously the blog wishes the best to Will and his family, hopes they are all well, and isn’t at all also excited that we’re probably getting a three person final this year. Nothing but sympathy and concern, for sure. Anyway, as such, I wasn’t really listening to this interview over much, but as it mostly seemed to involve Naga talking about Pasha beating her up and drilling things into her (not like that), maybe that was for the best? I do know that Zoe persisted in telling Naga that she’s really popular on social media which…ok. Their dance this week is the Charleston.
Bye Bye Will : Zoe opened the show with a very brief goodbye to Will, a hope that he is well, and a statement that the show will continue as planned without anyone being brought back or non-eliminations or any of that business. It feels very odd to have the whole thing wrapped up within a 24hr news cycle.
Waite’s Wednesday Warm-Up : Our first Waite’s Wednesday Warm-Up to cram all the remaining couples in, more or less (Lesley if off training in Malta, with footage unavailable). You know what this means? NEW FILLER’S COMING! We also had our first official Ian places a circle around a man’s slowly gyrating crotch and expects us not to make jokes of the series (Ore with his jive – he needs to pull his hips back is the excuse that was used). Judge Rinder (Viennese Waltz) needs to sort his droopy arms out, Louise (foxtrot) needs to start doing some heel leads stat, Laura (quickstep) is doing great (*cough*BOTTOM2BOUNCE*cough*), Danny (quickstep) is gapping all over the place, Claudia (foxtrot) is royally screwed by the height difference between her and AJ with no chance for recovery, Ed (paso doble) is being far far too camp, and Naga (charleston)? Well, Naga has a “wonderful physique” and is “very pretty”. So good luck there. We also learnt that Ian wants to be a Barbra Streisand impersonator (Anastacia is dancing, pretty crummily, to The Way We We Were) and also that the show is still pushing that rumba is MUCH HARDER FOR MEN, even though the last time a man got eliminated on it was 2010. And all this with a broken wand!
Ed & Katya Their interview focused an awful lot on the make-up job that was done for Ed’s dance to the mask, which he was very excited by and pleased about. Mostly, it seems, because it gave him both cheek bones AND a chin! We also, whilst all of the other contestants get “Barry from Tooting says you’re a really lovely dancer who deserves more credit from the judges and we’ve had to edit some stuff out about buying your used panties but THERE’S SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE!” they’re still lining up famous friends to laud Ed Balls, including Jeremy Vine and Ed Milliband. It was in these tributes that it was revealed that Katya has never heard the term “National Treasure” before. I think I envy her for that more than I envy her for her legs. Their dance this week is the paso doble.
Danny & Oti : Much of the discussion here around their paso doble focused on the EXCITING STUNT of him descending him from the ceiling clutching a chandelier. You will be surprised to hear that on the night was the first time it went right! Just like everybody else regarding everything else. Still, Danny has had practice with stunts, as apparently on Hollyoaks he did all his himself, without recourse to stuntman. Yes, he took off his own shirt and soaped up his own nipples! What a trooper! The most exciting news though is that Danny is FINALLY going to stop going on about his nerves! He’s totally comfortable with his quickstep! He also said that he’s worried that, after three weeks on nerves and impeccable dancing, that now he’s not nervous he might mess it up. But happily Oti all but yelled “YOU’D BETTER FUCKING NOT” at him, so there is some hope for an end to this “storyline” that will be satisfying for all.
Judge Rinder & Oksana : This couple’s surreal pitch somewhere between Comedy Couple and Real Humans continued apace tonight as Judge Rinder continued with “didn’t we Oksana?” and “aren’t we having a fabulous time Oksana?” constantly, to little reaction. In fairness, you have to wonder if the relationship between them has been frayed a little by Judge Rinder dropping her on her head in rehearsals on Friday, apparently the first time in her entire life she’s been dropped. I’d believe it – look at her, you just wouldn’t would you? The interview also covered the bum bongos, which Zoe offered to try out herself with Judge Rinder later, with the addition of a mouthguard and some pillows (kinky) and also what Judge Rinder might look like with a variety of different wigs. It was only at this point that I realised that on Saturday Night they actually drew his eyebrows on. So manly, so Fred Flintstone. Their dance this week is the Viennese Waltz.
A Tribute To Peggy Spencer : Long time orbiters of Strictly may be familiar with the name “Peggy Spencer” but not of her legacy so, as she died in May of this year, this was a nice opportunity to catch up on the life of the woman who was the Len Goodman of the original Come Dancing, except slightly less prone to yelling about her nan’s knicker-elastic. From what I remember. It was also a good opportunity to gawp at the younger days of some of Strictly’s slightly more mature pros
who all talked about her with great warmth.
Putting On The Glitz : This weekend Laura will be wearing a Pink & Black dress
Get The Latin Look : This was a segment featuring Strictly’s Head Make-Up artist showing how to do your make-up for a sexy Party Latin routine, using Chloe as a model. Can’t wait to see her try out different shades of paso doble lippy with Neil next week!
Ore & Joanne : You know in a sitcom or a romcom or a Judd Apator film, where someone loses their virginity, or gets laid for the first time, and they turn up for work the next day and everyone just KNOWS it and they play Hall & Oates or James Brown on the soundtrack behind them? That was Joanne Clifton on this week’s It Takes Two after, two and a bit series after she arrived heralded as the BALLROOM CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, she did her first routine on Strictly. She looked positively post orgasmic. A lot of this interview was taken up with Ore crying and discussion thereof, and also an endorsement from Gene Kelly’s widow. By contrast, this week Judge Rnder & Oksana got an endorsement from smokeyjoe69 on WhatsApp. Their dance this week is the jive, and they’re hoping to make as big an impact as Jay did with his last year. Yeah, good luck with that.
Gethin’s Backstage Adventures : Other than a brief interlude where he discussed slippers with Laura, and a (much) longer one with Anastacia and Daisy where he discussed how durty their rumbas were going to be, Gethin’s Backstage Adventures this week yet again trended towards the homoerotic. Firstly gushing that Ed Balls is SO BIG (on attention to detail), then “accidentally” walking in on Ore getting changed, and then finally, and most ludicrously of all, suggesting that Gorka, Aljaz and Giovanni form a boy-band called GAG (…) and asking the Big Boys how they initiated Gorka as a new pro in his first series. One can only imagine. And I will, tonight.
Lesley & Anton : The major happening today with Lesley was that it was her 71st birthday, handily overshadowing that it was Kevin’s 34th yesterday. This was all celebrated with balloons, a video message from Sharon & Tracy (or Pauline Quirke and Linda Robson, the personalities are so close to reality it’s hard to tell sometimes) and a great big cake with Anton’s face on it. Whatever initial awkwardness there might have been with these two seems to be over with, and Anton doubled down on his statement on the live show by stating almost definitively that their quickstep had been his favourite dance ever on Strictly Come Dancing. What, not Ghostbusters? Not that paso doble when the entire idea was a pun off “Judge Judy” and nobody had really put any further thought into it? NOT ANYTHING WITH NANCY? LIES! Their dance this week is the Charleston, which Lesley is loving.
The Friday Panel : Oy. It takes quite something when you’re on a panel with JODIE PRENGER and manage to come across as “The Obnoxiously Loud One” but Jeremy Vine was going in hard on the Friday Panel this week, hurling shade at Will Young (“I’d like to say how sorry I am not to see KAREN and Will this weekend because I really love KAREN and I think it’s really tough on KAREN to go out this way, yes I would like to reiterate my pity for KAREN, my friend”), and trading off stories from his series both inane (“one of the male pros told me backstage that rumba can make you look a bit silly! INSIDE TRACK THERE!”) and inconsistant (like talking about what it feels like to survive a dance-off, like he’d know or what an amazing teacher Joanne is, when she didn’t have a celebrity in his series) all yelled at the top of his lungs, like Zoe wasn’t sat about 5ft away. It was very Karen Hardy “WHEN I WON WITH RAMPS!” except Karen actually…won, rather than being a Comedy Contestant who couldn’t even scrape Blackpool. Otherwise the panel (which was completed by Marian Keyes, sat there still fronting that she’s Pasha’s “Biggest Fan”, BACK OFF LOVE, DON’T EVEN TRY TO COMPETE) agreed that Ore is on a journey, Naga needs to smile more, that Danny needs to be less consistant and more interesting, and that Greg is “a grower”. When asked who was leaving this weekend, the panel split two to one, with Jeremy and Marian predicting Anastacia and La Prenj picking…Danny. Well it’s a choice I guess. God bless you La Prenj, you beautiful idiot.
Louise & Kevin : For those of you wondering how Kevin spent his 34th birthday, he spent it star-fucking (not literally, probably, I’m imagining something a little bit more Abigail’s Party) with Karen, Louise, Jamie Redknapp, Frankie Saturday and Wayne Bridge. Jeremy Vine was probably sat watching sadly with his face pressed against the restaurant window. Somebody bought Kevin the new FIFA game. They probably all had the chicken. Otherwise Kevin did Louise’s “nice” rep no favours by calling her “lovely” several times and revealing that when she got a 7 from Craig she turned to him and sadly said she was very sorry Kevin. Poor Louise, a little bit of edge couldn’t hurt right? And not just the one shown puncturing Kevin’s toenail as she stabbed her heel through his shoe in the training clip shown. Their dance this week is a foxtrot. It is 60s themed. Oh joy.
Greg & Natalie : Even by Natalie’s standards she was INCREDIBLY positive about Greg in their interview tonight, to the point where I wondered if she’d maybe been sampling a little bit of Lesley’s Birthday Booze backstage, but in the end the point became clear. Yes unfortunately Greg injured his wrist in training whilst hauling Natalie about, and now they can’t do lifts in their salsa any more, despite his having been so excited for them, poor lamb. The words “leaking fluid everyone” were mentioned, and not in the context I’d care to hear them with regards to Greg Rutherford. Also interesting was Natalie revealing that she was friends with Greg before the show started, which suggests to me she’s not actually started scouting partners out. And who can blame her?
Claudia & AJ : Our final interview of the week saw AJ becoming increasingly voluble, talking about how he’s watched their Charleston back over and over and over and over. And over. Claudia on the other hand has watched it once. And even then I get the impression that she might just have been saying that to keep AJ happy. Bless him, he really was very pleased with it. Claudia’s memories of the routine seemed to run mostly to how she trashed the set and came so very close to actually pieing Len right in the face. If only. I think my favourite part was when Zoe asked AJ what the hardest trick in the whole routine had been for Claudia and he said that it was LEARNING TO TRUST HIM. So close to being a clever answer, and yet so far. Their dance this week is the foxtrot. Afterwards some of AJs friends from school came and did a song. They weren’t very good.
ASK THE PROS : We’re getting to send in our questions for the pros again, but this time we can do it via PHONE! VIDEO PHONE! But we have to make sure we film ourselves in portrait not landscape. How does that work again Darcey?