It’s Movie Week, and tonight was brought to you by the producers behind “Let’s get rid of Patrick Robinson because we want an all-girl final” and “Let’s get rid of Peter Andre because Jamelia is causing us problems with the press”. Anastacia is given the Death Slot, a nice Viennese Waltz to a song from Twilight that already put Kimbotley Walsh in the B2 in series past, is given nice comments by the judges and nice marks, leaving her near bottom of the leaderboard, all after a confusing VT where she appears to receive medical consultation for her (vague) injury by a consultant in Witness Protection. Will it see her off? You’d think so, but this show has done odder things for a laugh, and the other likely denizen of the Bottom 2 (Naga) is even worse than usual in a Mission Impossible tango that’s mostly her struggling to get out of a harness then swinging a torch around like it’s a lightsabre. So who knows?
Elsewhere, the YEAR OF THE MAN looks like it’s finally getting going, as three of the top four on the leaderboard are all gentlemen. Well…male. And when’s the last time that happened? Danny sweeps in with a Zorro themed paso doble immediately after Anastacia leaves the floor, wiping her out the memory of Brenda as a Sparkly vampire even harder, Greg does Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves (the arse issue solved this week via tasteful deployment of jerkin) and throws Natalie around repeatedly like she weighs nothing, and Ore finally gets his arse in gear by channelling Gene Kelly in an American Smooth to Singin’ In The Rain that might just be the bait Middle England needs to lift him above 1% popularity. And tug-boating along in their wake is Will Young, who is the weakest technically of them all and just does Bollywood rather than anything that looks like salsa, but who grabs valuable controversy points by picking a fight with Len, who promptly yells at him to SHUT UP. But you know, in a jokey way. Totes bantz. Like he had with Brenda the week after his father’s funeral. Fun for all concerend. At the other end of the table Ed Balls also grabs the eye by finally giving in pretending that he’s trying to be good in his The Mask themed samba by just running around everywhere gurning his face off dressed as Grotbags and Dick Tracy’s love child whilst Katya does potters wheel spins on the floor. It’s hypnotic. Truly.
Of the female front-runners (if any of you are still kidding yourself that such a thing exists this series), it’s Cloudia who has the best night, doing a Bugsy Malone Charleston that’s full of truly eye-watering tricks and some decent dancing as well, if a slight lack of wot ve judges might call yer “musicality”, as Louise very definitely takes her foot off the pedal in the cha cha, in the pimp slot, performing a bit of a messaround Flashdance routine complete with moves from the Naked video, officially ceding the floor to Danny for him to be Official Early Frontrunner. To be honest, this might work out better for Louise in the long term and, well, it’s a CHA CHA. Also she’s got her arse hanging out, so this may well be the end of the “Louise Shops Exclusively At Simply Be” storyline. Let’s hope so. Daisy meanwhile opens the show, and does a very credible quickstep dressed as Mary Poppins, but is there Naughty Aljaz, as seen on It Takes Two? There is not.
Meanwhile if you’re shopping about for SURPRISE BOTTOM TWO participants, Laura does a very raunchy salsa indeed that only Bruno really likes (the fact that it features Giovanni frenching Bruno halfway through may have something to do with it) and Judge Rinder meets the Flintstones and Oksana almost meets the floor as we come closer to a totally botched lift than we’ve come in a long while. You’d think Lesley (full of energy with a classic Anton ballroom) and Tameka (GORKA! AS! A COP!) would be safe but well…there’s a lot of ties on the leaderboard. Anything could happen. Truly. Len and Will could have a West Side Story dance-knifefight in the carpark and we could have our second week in a row of injury scandals, who knows?