Strictly Come Dancing 14 – Week 2 Performance Summary

It’s all about the Waltzes, Viennese and Bor…I mean Standard tonight, as they give us our 4 highest scoring dances of the evening. King And Queen Of The Ringahs Danny and Louise both do Viennese Waltzes, both to big crowd-pleasing Radio 2 numbers (Never Tear Us Apart and Hallelujah), both get four 8s, and both are still clearly the strongest two dancers so far, and both still have the same faults they had last week, presentation wise. Either of them could win, but he still needs to calm down and let his routines breathe a little, and she needs to stop dancing everything like her end-goal isn’t the glitterball but a weekly lifestyle column in You Magazine, Free With The Daily Mail. Raunch it up a bit hun. Your kids will live. Also scoring well with their waltzes are Cloudia (although she still does everything a bit too much like a gymnast) and Laura, who is delivered leaderboard wise from the midtable mediocrity of her cha cha, by pouring on the romance (again) with Giovanni.

Elsewhere in the ballroom half of the draw, it’s not a great night for the tango, as both Greg and Melvin suffer manfully with wantonly inappropriate tango choices (“Jump” and “Moving On Up”), with not much degree of success. Greg comes off the better of the two, mostly because Natalie hasn’t overthemed her routine up the wazoo (Janette) and also because all criticism of Greg slowly gets sucked in, like Odysseus towards Charybdis, to a discussion of his arse, complete with him stood there and touching it and rubbing it and presenting it to camera, to the extent that I think we can also say we forgot the discussion was even preceded by a dance at all. The only other ballroom dance? Judge Rinder, terrifyingly trying to come across as HUMAN, rather than as a supernatural force of queeny quippery, hauling out his grandparents and asking us to believe he feels warmth within that reptillian countenance. His American Smooth is mostly played straight as well, and goes down a treat, except for the fact he’s still wearing exactly the same face as in his cha cha.

Things on the latin side generally go less well. Anastacia is carrying a vague “injury” from rehearsals which apparently has prompted Brenda to throw their entire routine in the bin this morning and start again. It looks even more improvised than that to be honest, and its low scores inch her towards genuine danger, along with Naga, who is trying but clearly not feeling her cha cha steps or the godawful 80s glam wig they’ve got her in. The sooner this show realises Naga wants to look like Naga, not a princess or an Indiana Jones heroine, the better. Tameka for a second week running meanwhile relies mostly on personality to pull her through a sloppy performance – in this case a beach themed Charleston featuring Gorka in a…distracting onesie – which I find kind of inexplicable given that her personality so far seems to be laughing constantly at how funny she finds herself and nothing else. Ore also has a bit of a disaster with overtheming for the second week in a row, with a firefighter themed cha cha to Hot Stuff featuring the most anaemic pole dancing I’ve ever seen, and whilst Daisy is less bad, going for elegance and low energy and sensuousness in an early weeks cha cha probably isn’t going to win her any new fans. Finally for our “Good Dancers”, Will’s jive is lacking a little in enthusiasm, bounce and excitement, but he does provide us all with a classic Strictly moment as he jokes to Tess post dance that he pulled a muscle and needs a doctor, causing Tess to actually call for a medic and refuse to accept otherwise for a good minute or two. I hope they rib her good at the wrap party about that one.

This leaves the floor clear for Lesley and Ed to mop up any loose Latin points. They’re neither of them much good, but their pros use theming in memorable ways (Ed gets “barn dance”, Lesley gets “Lesley is a slag”) and both of them exceed expectations based on their age and their…being Ed Balls, such that I can’t really see either of them leaving tonight.

Oh and Bruno said “bollocks”. Did this make the running time of this show being nigh on 7 hours worth it? Probably not, but it’s always good for a laugh no?

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19 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 14 – Week 2 Performance Summary

  1. Aoife

    Oh, that was a long show. Exhausted watching it! Davearch really mustn’t have like the exposure The Man in the Hat got last week. Camera was whipped around just avoiding getting him in shot!
    Really liked Danny and Oti, great to see this year what she’s capable of with a fully functioning sleb. And what a song!
    Daisy had no connection with the music, it was a bunch of steps that were just stepped. Any song in the world could have been playing.

    Reply
  2. ChaChaChavvy

    Whew! In a year when the celeb ability seems pretty close, the gulf in class among the pros is really coming into play.

    Loved Lesley and Ed really going for it; Gorka is a great addition to the show; Rinder and Oksana just about made that crappy song and theme work; whereas Melvin was royally fucked by every aspect of that routine; kudos to Natalie for not going easy on the content, despite the terrible song; hope that dance school Will went to does refunds; is Naga the most brittle person on the planet?

    Want Naga to go, as she’s clearly gritting her teeth through a terrible ordeal for career reasons, but think it will be Melvin.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Gritting your teeth through Strictly as traumatic ordeal could lead to a truly CLASSIC meltdown though, I’m torn.

      Reply
  3. DJ Mikey

    Let’s hope Greg can find a new role on the show, after fulfilling his role of conclusively proving the judges talk a lot of arse and not much else..

    Reply
    1. Huriye

      I wish I had the courage to send this pic to Matthew Bourne who was drooling over Greg on Twitter last night. As I told him, get in the queue! πŸ˜›
      You certainly do have a collection there Mikey.

      Reply
  4. Tal27

    Tess getting her heel caught in her pink horror dress as she emerged to release the claw after one of the dances was the highlight of the long tedious show. Once again I cannot warm to Daisy (despite Aljaz) and i found myself wondeting what Natalie would have made of Danny… but great to see more of Oti – she is very amusing. And if Anastacia had an injury we should have been told before the dance… I though Tameka was great and Melvin needs to go asap.

    Reply
    1. Krumholtz

      They DID tell us she had an injury before the dance – Tess did a piece straight to camera saying she had been injured that day and they had had to rechoreograph. You must have zoned out, because Tess.

      Reply
  5. BeyonceCastle

    I missed it so have caught up the whole lot on youtube in half an hour. Most of which involved squealing, cringing and what the why. So, in the order I saw…

    Greg: Noooo, it WAS Van Halen straight up, rather than an accordion slowed down Van Halen. It was pretty frightful even with Nat’s beam pre ”dancing down the middle” bit (over a decade of Strictly and I still do not know if it’s a promenade or a chasse). Plus silly jump at end. There are other songs with Jump in the title and better dances to dance them to. #StrictlyBumDancing
    Anastacia: Noooo. Brenda playing a John again at start then not much salsa. And I like her, I really do. But Kirsty’s felt more salsa. Kirsty’s.
    Louise: blousy Louise. You got it bang on with the two sizes too big. If her teenage son’s mates are going to wank over her it will be off the internet, not off Strictly. That could have been a lovely waltz in a lovely dress but it is Mimsy. #StrictlyMumDancing
    Ore: I admit it. I squealed. I burst out laughing and I hailed you Chris for predicting fireman theme earlier this week. Then came the Pole squirming then came the Braceography. Then I decided to love it, in spite of its flaws.
    Judge: looked like a little boy wanting a wee in the opening bits. Was he meant to be coy? I was screaming No! You cannot have a comedy American Smooth. But then they got into it and he dances so comfortably it makes it less awkward to watch.
    Daisy: Was that a real ice sundae or a crap prop and why pick a woman of a fuller figure to give it to?! (at which point my husband pointed out I would drool at Aljaz then stuff my face). Cha cha was a bit meh. Liked the throwing glitter in Aljaz’s face.
    Melvin: Oh Lord. Concierges? Arguing over Bruno’s suitcase? Does he give them a big tip? Was there coke in the case? It was poor.I wanted it so much not to be.
    Will: Crap costumes. Not great timing. Stupid ending. No wow factor.
    Danny: ohmygod THEY’RE DANCING WITH A BAG. Bloody love that song and they ruined it.
    Cloudia: Can spin round well.
    Naga: WHY What the hell were they thinking? She doesn’t have it in her to go full TINA (Judge, yes, Naga, no). She looked like Carol Vorderman when she dressed up as Cher. Or looked like a bedraggled Lesley. Awful routine. Got to be bottom two, surely?
    Laura: nice little lights but not yellow this week. Drippy waltz.
    Ed: Full Credit for having a damned good go. Should stay on the back of that.
    Tameka: Erm….no guts, no glory? It was…memorable. Felt for her when she got stuck (kind of thing I’d do) but she recovered well.
    Lesley: Yay!!! More glitter throwing at the start and the end (Let’s face it, it brings to mind Soph’s Charleston but I do like a bit of glitter being chucked about). Served to distract me from the steps. That and Tony Beak’s Shiny Troos. But she gave it a good go like Ed and I’d be sorry to see her go.

    Which am I gonna watch again? Ore (I know!), Anastacia (it must have more salsa in it) Danny (if I cut out the sports bag crap) and Lesley.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Anyone saying there can’t be a Comedy American Smooth NEEDS to go back and watch Alison Hammond’s. I will park this car and WAIT.

      Reply
  6. Jenny

    Couldn’t work out what my problem with poor doomed Melvin was, until I realised he reminds me of Jon Favreau as Pete Becker in Friends. Thought (like Monica) there would be a point where I’d overcome the “sorry, I’m just not attracted to you” phase, but it looks like he’s fast-forwarded onto to the “humiliatingly defeated in a cage fight” exit. At least he has his lovely family to comfort him. The campaign for Odoms vs Cliftons Strictly 2017 starts here.

    Reply
  7. Huriye

    Surprisingly I found the show didn’t drag. I got through it okay with pizza and carrot cake halfway through. It gave me the boost I needed to enjoy the whole thing, even Clawdia & Tess’s half-time skit is not so lame this series. YAY!

    Of the Waltzes, my two faves were Danny & Cloudia’s. For me Danny is the Tom Chambers of this series. Boring personality, but experienced stagey dancer, he could win this thing, as Oti is totally surpassing my expectations in her choreographic ability to really capture the song. As Len said, you can’t dance a Vienna Ballroom creation to a song by INXS. But once they ditched Beyonce’s Sports Holdall (shabby….wot no Louis Vuitton?) I really enjoyed the story telling and the dancing. This man can do Ballroom & Latin, and Oti can choreograph both, thank the Lord! ❀

    I feel moved to support Cloudia & AJ as they have been left out of it really, or AJ is commented on in an unkind way, so I declare, I LIKE THEM! Tis true, she does place her movements in a deliberate way, due to a lifetime in Gymnastics where that is the norm. But she has rhythm and can Dance, and I enjoyed the Waltz travelling round the floor gracefully. Though I'm not happy about Wardrobe putting AJ in civvies 2 weeks in a row. Still, at least he escaped Will's Darts Thrower shirt monstrosity! Eek! Have you ever seen the like on Strictly? NEVAH! But the less said about Will & Karen's dull Jive, the better. They looked like a couple at the Corn Exchange do in Swindon.

    As for Laura & Joe Varney. I don't like static Ballroom, and that Waltz had too little movement across the floor, and their VT must've taken a whole day to shoot. I see practice has now been shortened to "4 days" so all the other guff can be filmed. And ofcourse so Naga can present a live discussion show in Northern Ireland at 10am every Sunday. No wonder her eyes are glazed and she's permanently semi-detached. I don't think Naga was *really* a fan of Strictly at all, was she?
    That wig was a crime, and I'm surprised the Racial Equality Czars haven't put in a protest that the BBC made her wear it. Shocking!

    I am also finding Tameka amusing and entertaining. Monkseal is doing a Grumpy Len over her for sure! πŸ˜› Gorka is a delight for rubbing along with her at Brighton so well, and getting into the spirit by eating our Fish & Chips. ❀

    I noted Jenny Thomas's name on the credits. She did a great job with the Charleston choreo for both couples, but expecting Tameka to go through Gorka's legs and immediately get up again, was unrealistic. Ed and Lesley can both Dance and must stay! Wasn't it a bit testy last night? Politics on Strictly for the first time ever. I loved the Rinder grandparents, and what a truly crap song. Do you think the VT johnnies could check their AS was a 50s naff pastiche before themeing the entire VT Fred n Ginge? But AT LAST!! Darcey came into her own as a Judge! Her comments about how the Judge got Oksana up so effortlessly in those Pressage Lifts was very pertinent. Not so tipsy last night I thought, Darcey.

    CRH's stupid comments for most of the night rightfully elicited a response of disdain from the other 3 Judges. He was talking piffle. If Eville Moira dares to make him Head Judge next year, I will personally chain myself to the Elstree railings. Think on, Rainbow.

    Reply
  8. jgcameron1992

    LOVED Laura this week. Best top line of the lot. For me it was a beautiful watch.

    Even with the addition of Janette and Joanne, I feel the over theming has calmed slightly, which makes me happy.

    Greg bless him, needs to hush and tuck thay bum in. Beautiful as it is.

    Lesley, Ed, Danny, Daisy and Claudia all fab for me this week. Everyone else was OK. Passive aggressive Naga to go. Melvin was worse but at least he wants to be here.

    Reply
  9. Huriye

    I think Wardrobe & Hair must be Skating Fans, as Naga’s look was a poor imitation of a more successful Tina Turner homage number, Proud Mary, skated by Olivia & Adria for Spain this weekend. (She’s from Yorkshire). πŸ˜‰

    Reply

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