Strictly Come Dancing Monkies 2015

Jay vs Georgia! (and also others)

Bullet-Dodger Of The Year

For those of you who need reminding, this award goes out to the cockroaches under the fridge of Strictly. The ones who swerve, switch, and swing out of danger just as it looks like they’re finally about to get their comeuppance. It’s decided via your poll choices during the series – whoever gets the most incorrect guesses in the weekly “Who’s Next?” polls in the Results Recaps is named as your bullet dodger of the year. And in an in-no-way entirely predictable turn of events, this year’s most succesful axe-avoider was

of course Jamelia. Dance-Off Queen, Public Vote Pariah and despite all that…well you’ll see later.

  • 2nd – Kellie Bright
  • 3rd – Kirsty Gallacher
  • 4th – Carol Kirkwood
  • 5th – Katie Derham

Best Safety Sex-Face

It became apparent over the course of the series that Anton was really trying for this one this year, possibly even more than he was trying to finally seize the glitterball itself, and 42.83% of you decided to let him have it. Katie’s rolled-back eyes being the creamy icing on top of her cakes.

  • 2nd – Daniel & Kristina : 38.11%
  • 3rd – Ainsley & Natalie : 19.84%
  • 4th – Kellie & Kevin : 19.45%
  • 5th – Helen & Aljaz : 16.7%

Best Judge

A good year for everybody but Craig here, as all three of the other judges increase their % of the vote from last year. Whether it was because he was too nice this series, or too harsh to the wrong people, or this was finally the year that that attempt at a beard got too much for you to endorse, Craig fell off his perch as your favourite judge this year, with 43.67% of you opting for Bruno.

  • 2nd – Craig : 35.88%
  • 3rd – Darcey : 14.73%
  • 4th – Len : 5.72%

Best Host

No surprises here as Claudia claims her record 6th Monkie for her role as host/drunken guest who’s somehow got into the DJ Booth, and her percentage of the vote continues to climb year on year, as 79.47% of you have her as your favourite. Meanwhile Zoe sinks back to her usual spin-off host level after being boosted last year via able work guest-hosting the main show, and Tess…continues to Tess.

  • 2nd – Zoe Ball : 18.54%
  • 3rd – Tess Daly : 1.99%

Best Use Of Props/Staging

ALL HAIL THE TOMATO TITS! In a year full of rampant overtheming, storylines, and props all over everything, an overwhelming 52.4% of you voted for one woman’s classic use of fruit produce as mammary substitutes as the best use of extracurricular elements. Sometimes the oldies are the best.

  • 2nd – Anita’s Waltz : 43.63%
  • 3rd – Katie’s Tango : 39.11%
  • 4th – Jay’s Charleston : 38.61%
  • 5th – Jay’s Salsa : 29.84%
  • 6th= – Kellie’s Charleston : 27.83%
  • 6th= – Anita’s Argentine Tango : 27.83%
  • 8th – Helen’s Paso Doble : 24.07%
  • 9th – Jeremy’s Tango : 21.56%
  • 10th – Kellie’s American Smooth : 20.06%
  • 11th – Helen’s Salsa
  • 12th – Anita’s Jive
  • 13th – Georgia’s Foxtrot
  • 14th – Katie’s Showdance
  • 15th – Helen’s Cha Cha

Most BS Elimination

Yes as well as being this year’s most unkillable contestant, Jamelia was also the one whose elimination caused you the most disquiet, with 73.55% of you thinking her elimination was the most ridiculous of the series, and even though justice came rolling down like an everflowing stream the week afterwards, this wasn’t enough to assuage you. No surprise given the strength of this year’s upper half, but the top four most disagreed of eliminations of the year all came from the last few weeks.

  • 2nd – Helen George : 54.6%
  • 3rd – Anita Rani : 47.39%
  • 4th – Georgia May Foote : 4.93%
  • 5th – Ainsley Harriott : 3.98%

Best Week

Danny Zuko and Nellie Forbush on the deck of the Titanic. What could be a better visual representation of Movie Week than that? 48.48% of you selected this year’s first Theme Week as one of your favourites. And then a whole bunch of you picked one of the others as well, because as much as you all might protest otherwise, you all love a good dress-up week. Or at the very least can remember them later.

  • 2nd – Jameliagate/Quickstepathon Week : 34.12%
  • 3rd – Blackpool Week : 32.32%
  • 4th – Musicals Week : 21.77%
  • 5th – Hallowe’en Week : 15.94%

Best Guest Performer

Note to future guest singers – bring puppets. 43.14% of you expressed enjoyment at the time that the cast of The Lion King came to entertain/advertise. And if Andrew Lloyd Webber is reading and wants to know how to get back into the public’s good graces after flying across the Atlantic to vote in favour of cutting tax credits, four little words – “you could be Simba”.

  • 2nd – Kylie Minogue : 20.07%
  • 3rd – Jess Glynne : 16.84%
  • 4th= – Anastasia : 15.69%
  • 4th= – Years And Years : 15.69%

Best Group/Pro Routine

A visually striking routine to take our top spot if nothing else, as Pasha and Ola done up like the King And Queen and doing twiddly pseudo-ballet moves to the South Bank Show Theme Tune carried the votes of 38.69% of you. And so Jason Gilkison’s reign as King Of Choreography trundles on…

  • 2nd – Strictly Does Downton : 26.26%
  • 3rd – End Of Series Car Crash Group Dance : 20.4%
  • 4th – Backstage At Strictly : 17.82%
  • 5th – Strictly In Da Club : 16.88%

King Of All Pros

Congratulations to Aljaz, as he gets his mitts on this award for the first time, with 34.3% of you choosing him as the male pro who most got your motors running this series. And I’m sure the semi-pornographic  photoshoot he did for OK Magazine with Janette had nothing to do with it. Elsewhere, Pasha’s dufferdom held him back from his fourth win in this category, and the rest of the top 5 was taken up by pros who’d never sniffed it before. TO NEW BLOOD! AND GLEB SPECIALS!

  • 2nd – Giovanni Pernice : 15.79%
  • 3rd – Gleb Savchenko : 14.26%
  • 4th – Pasha Kovalev : 11.71%
  • 5th – Tristan MacManus : 8.66%

Queen Of All Pros

Speaking of new blood, here’s a category that desperately needs it as Natalie takes the title for a fourth time (and the third in a row) with an increased 42.93% of the vote, Aliona makes a decent last grasp for your love before leaving forever, Oti makes a decent first impression given her abbreviated run, and nobody else really bips the radar at all. That between-series clear-out can’t come soon enough can it?

  • 2nd – Aliona Vilani : 39.75%
  • 3rd – Oti Mabuse : 7.95%
  • 4th – Kristina Rihanoff : 3.36%
  • 5th – Janette Manrara : 2.30%

Worst Contestant (Personality)

It turns out that he couldn’t “just say” after all, as 64.98% of you voted that Pondray’s Presence on this series was a deleterious one, as Justice For Jamelia rolls on. Still, he’ll always have the comfort of topping the leaderboard four times and getting the first 10 Len ever gave in the history of this show.

  • 2nd – Iwan Thomas : 46.82%
  • 3rd – Kirsty Gallacher : 26.84%
  • 4th – Kellie Bright – 24.22%
  • 5th – Jamelia : 7.87%

Worst Contestant (Talent)

Honestly I think this was very harsh. If nothing else, Iwan Thomas did the Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle better than any male contestant in the history of this show and actually if we’re honest better than a couple of the professionals. Still, a collosal 77.55% of you decided he was one of the worst contestants of the series on the dancefloor. Poor Ola. What a send off.

  • 2nd – Carol Kirkwood : 35.44%
  • 3rd – Kirsty Gallacher : 25.05%
  • 4th – Jeremy Vine : 16.33%
  • 5th – Peter Andre : 10.76%

Best Contestant (Personality)

Yes. despite the show rather over-egging the Never Danced Before storyline in the final stages, this wasn’t a particularly cllose battle, as 39.81% of you elected Anita as representing the true Spirit Of Strictly. What proportion of the margin of victory was down to the “Having To Put Up With Gleb” Factor I can’t portion out for sure, but she’s certainly done well for a woman who barely warranted a bio going up in the pre-series previews. Elsewhere in the category it was more close-fought, with most contestants pulling in a decent haul of votes and it being touch and go to the last who would make the top 5. Indeed only one contestant pulled in no votes at all. No prizes for guessing which one.

  • 2nd – Jay McGuiness : 28.34%
  • 3rd : Jeremy Vine : 27.17%
  • 4th : Katie Derham : 24.36%
  • 5th : Helen George : 22.48%

Best Contestant (Talent)

A two horse race here between our winner and one of our runners-up as Georgia and Jay took it right down to the wire as to who was the most talented dancer this year. In the end, it was Jay triumphant with 64.27% of you having him as one of your picks for the best dancer of the series. What a Year Of The (One) Man this was! Elsewhere in the category, the nagging feeling that the wrong dancers made the final persisted. Damn dance-off… (I know it had nothing to do with the dance-off : I just like a platform to campaign off)

  • 2nd – Georgia May Foote : 63.55%
  • 3rd – Helen George : 29.26%
  • 4th – Anita Rani : 21.58%
  • 5th – Kellie Bright : 15.11%

Best Dance Of The Series

Another two horse race here as St Jay’s Holy Jive and Sister Georgia’s Slightly Less Holy Charleston battled it out, but again it’s Jay who takes the Monkie, with 77.13% of you having his jive on your Christmas list. This marks the first time since Series 7 that the winner of the Best Dance Of The Series was a guy, so well done to Jay for breaking the gynaocracy that has held sway over this blog for too long now. Also well done to Aliona for getting hold of that wig before it had been dragged over everyone else’s heads.

  • 2nd – Georgia’s Charleston : 73.31%
  • 3rd – Anita’s Paso Doble : 37.04%
  • 4th – Jay’s Tango : 32.26%
  • 5th – Helen’s Viennese Waltz : 29.78%
  • 6th – Jay’s Charleston : 29.41%
  • 7th – Jay’s Rumba : 27.49%
  • 8th – Kellie’s American Smooth : 19.28%
  • 9th – Georgia’s Samba : 18.33%
  • 10th – Katie’s Tango : 16.23%
  • 11th – Katie’s Viennese Waltz
  • 12th – Anita’s Waltz
  • 13th – Katie’s Rumba
  • 14th – Anita’s Jive
  • 15th – Ainsley’s Salsa
  • 16th – Anita’s Tango
  • 17th – Helen’s Salsa
  • 18th – Jeremy’s Salsa
  • 19th – Kellie’s Showdance
  • 20th – Jamelia’s Charleston

115 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing Monkies 2015

    1. DJ Mikey

      Pretty much what I said – except I picked Katie’s Rumba. I wasn’t over keen on most of Kellie’s dances but I can’t “None Of The Above” because whether I liked them or not I can’t argue that they were very accomplished performances – when Kevin wasn’t throwing every prop and staging device under the sun at them. Jay’s Jive is literally a no brainer, was there ever any other choice. Georgia’s Charleston was a tougher call for me, I adored her Samba, but after seeing it in the final in comparison with Kellie’s Charleston there was no other choice.

      1. Jake

        Same, for me as DJ Mikey, except I chose Jay’s salsa since it was my favorite routine of his. However, I do recognize that his Jive was his best routine. It’s a pity that the winner never beat a dance he did in Week 3, and therefore showed no real improvement over the series.

      2. Carl

        I felt many of Kellie’s dances were labored and at times oddly depressing, like she and Kevin had been transported from the Celestial Toymaker’s world. The one that felt most fun to me was her quickstep, for whatever reason.

        Jay’s jive is wonderful but his salsa is one of those dances that I wasn’t that thrilled with at first but since watched a number of times and enjoyed more each time. It’s so rare to see a good party Latin on this show, especially one that is relatively understated, and he and Aliona have such natural chemistry during the performance.

    2. Minxy

      My picks too
      I enjoyed this series too, I don’t think any series has that many memorable dances really.
      I think this was the series I gave the least none of the above to

      Georgia’s charLEston is joint equal with Natalie and artem’s (and I know lots didn’t like it) and Kara and Artem’s for me

      1. Minxy

        I didn’t get the Natalie love but I did love that charleston – I forgot about Sophie’s but it is still just edged out top 3 for me
        And nice pic ta Mikey

  1. BeyonceCastle

    Thanks for that Mikey, that is a photo and a half 😉
    What Catherine said, but I voted Jay’s tango just to be contrary.
    (Am still peeved he did not dance his jive, what can I say?!)

  2. Huriye

    Georgia’s Charleston, with Samba and VW 2nd and 3rd.

    Jay’s Jive. He produced one outstanding Dance, just like Hollins.

    Katie’s Rhumba, we could’ve seen that tonight under the old Final format.

    Kellie’s American Smooth.

    Helen and Anita produced more memorable dances.

    1. StormyTV

      I’m still baffled by the comparisons to Chris Hollins that Jay seems to get. One memorable dance? The poll results would seem to indicate otherwise.

  3. Perfect Custard

    What Catherine said:
    Georgia: Charleston
    Jay: Jive
    Kellie: American Smooth
    Katie: Tango
    There was a high level of dance this year, fewer comic dances done by dancers who were cannon fodder. Which gave us the top 7 who looked good even when they were struggling.

  4. Katie

    Tango for Katie, Charleston for Georgia, American Smooth for Kellie & Jive for Jay (though I was very tempted by his Tango- I feel it was somewhat overlooked).
    Thanks as ever to Monkseal for indulging my rampant obsession with this show.

  5. Ross

    Katie’s Tango is the dance I’ll still remember in 2 series’ time (other than THAT Jive), which is why I’m THOROUGHLY MIFFED that it wasn’t her Judges’ Choice; she could’ve gotten 10s with that.

  6. Isolde

    Sadly, most of my most memorable dances (for better or worse) were Charlestons, which is a BAD thing. I want to remember ‘proper’ ballroom dances, and that, for me, means better, more suitable music.

  7. Chris

    Give me Helen’s amazing Dr Beat salsa (in which she somehow out-hammed Dr Hammy herself) or give me death. Helen is my (unintentional) comedy contestant of the year.

  8. BeyonceCastle

    I am clearly doing something wrong…on ALL the polls it only let’s me do one option, not four or five, sorry. I voted Katie’s tango and Kellie’s AS last time, the latter being THE dance of the series for me, THAT jive aside. But I also liked Katie’s jive and guiltypleasure salsa.
    Anyhoo, have just voted for Anita’s showdance out of that lot.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Yes, in the preliminary rounds you only vote for one dance per poll. It’s the Proper Voting where you get to pick more than one option.

      1. Ross

        If one of Helen’s Salsa, Jay’s Jive, Kellie’s Showdance, Georgia’s Charleston, Anita’s Waltz, or Katie’s Tango don’t win this year I’ll be very confused.

    1. DJ Mikey

      Will Helen Fingering Herself, get recycled a la Holly Valance’s Wrist. Appearing every time somebody (a female contestant) tries to claim she’s not that kind of girl and doesn’t know how to be sexy/dirty??

    1. catherinehirst

      I bloody loved that dance. I had to eliminate Anita’s Paso Doble in order to vote for it (also voted for Jay’s jive, Jay’s tango, Kellie’s American Smooth, and Georgia’s Charleston).

  9. katmobile

    I too put in a vote for Helen’s yummy mummy salsa – it was great they played with the theme but still delievered some content – marvelous. Jay’s jive and rhumba – good male rhumbas are rare animals and ought to be respected and ones I like are even rarer. I always really loved Katie’s tango and seeing it in the final reminded me how full on fantastic Georgia’s charleston was although Peter Andre’s was pretty good too. There were a lot of goodies to choose from this year and I have a weakness for a few of the bad dances like Jezza’s Thriller and Ainsley’s penguin shuffle.

    1. Perfect Custard

      I love the phrase, “Helen’s yummy mummy salsa” – it sounds just like Dame Edna.
      Lots of stuff to choose from this year, I tried to spread the wealth around.
      When choosing “Queen of the pros” it really becomes apparent that Natalie is the only choice.

  10. Georgina

    Perfect timing for the final poll! Have just finished reading the summaries for the entire series, having boycotted family dysfunction and the holidays this year. Monkseal, you are brilliant. I have laughed so loud and so often these last few days.

    Random observations/comments from my 4-day trip through the series via the summaries: people’s attitude to Giovanni changed so much over the course of the series; most of the pro/group dances involve antiquated gender stereotypes; Aljaz has only one bad(dish) angle: from the side with this mouth open; Gleb should try out some new hairstyles (I’d love to see him with a buzzcut); Monkseal should have a weekly slot on ITT.

  11. Gusty Gusset

    Is it wrong to want musicals week replaced with tv themes week? For one year only? A certain Sicilian to dance an Argentine tango to the title music from Inspector Montalbano… ok I may have been sent into a delerium induced by too much Christmas chocolate.

    Anyway thank you for all the excellent recaps this year, I’m not sure I would stick with the show if it wasn’t for them. Roll on next autumn, although if you fancy recapping any Olympic events, that would be most welcome 🙂

  12. Minxy

    So many choices
    So tempted to vote for Brenda in SSF. His lack of joy at being safe was such a joy. I may or may not have given in to temptation lol I can’t actually remember.
    If pond scum doesn’t get worst talent and worst personality (Iran close second) I shall be shocked. Shocked I tell you. But hey an award is an award eh? He could have also had biggest liar too (how many times did he top leaderboard? Who got Len’s first 10? I watch the show but never seen x dance ever … Ah hang on this is strictly so he may have a little leeway there lol. Sure there are more examples of lying liar wot lies)

    Couldn’t vote for best judge … Non of them have impressed me this year (well maybe Craig’s beard … So shoot me for being weird, I like it). Can we have none of the above there next year please?
    Ditto on best guest performer – once Dame Shirl wasn’t there I was stumped. So lion king got it cos meh to the rest

    Choosing just 5 best dances was surprisingly hard to get it down to just 5, I thought it was going to be hard to get it UP to 5. Will be interesting to see if the Jay army will sweep the board. I hope not. Tho I couldn’t have split Jay’s jive and Georgia’s charleston but on reflection I think I would have gone for G since she had the guts to repeat it and smash it again!

    Jameliagate had to be the best week – esp since it led to Pondscum leaving in disgrace the next week (snigger)

    1. DJ Mikey

      I had to be honest regarding Talent and voted for Jeremy Vine and Iwan Thomas as worst, but Le Andre was my first choice for Worst Personality. I was in no doubt about Georgia’s Charleston or Jay’s Jive after that it was a bit more difficult but I went with:

      Anita’s Jive
      Georgia’s Samba
      Helen’s Viennese Waltz

      I voted Lion King as well – everything else was beige, I have no recollection of any of it.

      I noticed there was no poll for Bullet Dodger – which I guess makes sense, since it was clearly a landslide victory for Jamelia.

  13. strictlydaniel

    Can’t decide if I want Helen, Anita or Jamelia to win the title for most BS elimination. Anita did better than Katie in the dance-off, so did Jamelia, while Helen was better than pretty much everyone else at that point. It wouldn’t be Peter Andre though, that I’m sure.

    Worst personality – Peter and Kellie by far.

    I feel like I’m a little too blinded by her Viennese Waltz (that and the fact the song is Harry’s as well), but Kirsty is probably one of my picks for worst talent. The other one will either be Carol or Iwan.

    I still stand on my ground that Helen is the best celeb talent this year. The closest one next to her would (as much as it irks me to say this) probably be Kellie: Georgia didn’t get her shit together before her Tango, Jay continuously making mistakes every now and then, and Anita never really rose above really good to amazing level to me.

    I’d be LOL-ing if Jay is elected as the best celeb talent. That Quickstep, that Foxtrot, that Charleston. LOL. Wake me up when his Ballroom is something as picture perfect as Harry’s VW or Quickstep.

    1. Carl

      “I’d be LOL-ing if Jay is elected as the best celeb talent”

      Other than Georgia I can’t say I can think of anyone else I’d say would deserve it this series outside of Jay. Kellie was more aggression than talent, and while Helen was good, she also seemed spacey at key moments and I struggled to believe her with Aljaz.

      As for Jay not being as good at ballroom as Harry, for me it would be like saying Harry was undeserving because of poor Latin.

      1. Carl

        Sorry – my reply seemed rude when I read it back in my head just now.

        Based on his overall erratic performances over the series I see what you mean about Jay. I’d still probably put he or Georgia though.

  14. Katmobile

    I might be entering fluffy bunny Pollyanna territory here but I found it hard to pick the two for worst personality as there weren’t any people who were particularly annoying or obviously up themselves – Kirsty who seemed a bit beige – although that one was mainly influenced by my mum in law who found her one dimensional and didn’t like her and Anthony who didn’t display much personality at all got my vote. The worst dancers on the other hand had about serious contenders in the end it had to be Iwan who was the one of the most deserving first evictions I’ve ever seen and Carol just because nice lady that she was she was absolutely effing useless on the dancefloor and at least Jezza was funny with it.

  15. Leave a reply

    Most BS elimination – probably Anita. Jamelia’s was more openly ridiculous (because Peter went from being awful to utterly terrible, whereas Katie went from being poor to halfway decent) but:
    1) Anita had talent and was actually missed in the final, soz Jamelia
    2) Anita’s elimination was still pretty ridiculous. She performed better the first time around, did a better second dance (yes, I know neither of those things are relevant to the D/O but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth!), *and* didn’t deteriorate at all in the dance off. (Which I thought was pretty remarkable given how much Kellie’s performance level declined during her salsa, which was far less complex/exhausting/insane.)

    Katie improved in the dance off but a) that wasn’t hard and b) she didn’t become blooming Baryshnikov, which is what Len and Bruno seemed to be suggesting. She just made 50 less mistakes than the 100 she made the first time around.

    Which was all she needed to do – Len would have saved *anything* over a non salsa and Darcey thought Katie’s waltz was worth a ‘9’ when it was an utter mess the first time around, so she was going to save her whatever happened.

    They were incredibly unlucky. Most impossible music of the entire series (for their salsa) and triggered Len and Craig’s content outburst (for their Foxtrot) – even though the issue was ignored in Peter’s american stomp/ That Jive, Jay’s FT, Kellie’s VW, Jay’s VW …

  16. Minxy

    Ah thank you Monkie a good summary to end on
    What’s next? (I need the laughs and enjoy having my eyes opened to a different way of seeing what I am watching)

    Thanks for it all

  17. PerfectCustard

    Lovely work as usual Monkseal, it’s great that there is so much agreement over who we didn’t like, and no surprise there either.
    I love that Aljaz came first for a change, and we clearly need some new blood when it comes to female pros. Claudia Winkleman is divine, and seems to have interned with Joanna Lumley to become everyone’s favourite posh comic presenter.
    Lastly, even though a large number of people liked Jay more than I did, it was a very enjoyable season up until the final 3 weeks. Thanks for all your hard work.
    I don’t suppose you could get interested in recapping “Dickensian” or “Call the Midwife” ?? – just to tide us over until GBBO starts in August. Please consider the possibility.
    Happy New Year and thanks for all your jokes.

  18. Leave a reply

    Glad to see Gleb didn’t do too badly in that poll. I don’t think he takes himself half as seriously as people seem to think.
    The fact that he gave Anita some Gleb Collection pants for her b’day (as well as a huge bunch of flowers) + said ‘Anita, how do you cope?’ every time she entered the room (poking fun at the way she was constantly asked how she managed to focus when dancing with him ’cause he’s so attractive blah blah) I think shows he took his demigod status with a big pinch of salt.
    Plus I will always love him for that eternal line:’see, you look so beautiful, like a dancer … when you don’t move’.


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