The Apprentice 11 – Monkies

The Results!

Phone Answering Wars : (Nominees : Charleine Wain, Joseph Valente, Natalie Dean, Vana Koutsomitis)

Winner : (34%)

Runner-Up : Vana (28%)

Congratulations to Charleine for her Phone Answering form, with pick-ups in Weeks 5 and 8, the first time in a rather Edwardian looking nightie and Week 8 in vibrant pink. Credit to Vana for managing to finish as runner-up in a highly competitive field. This…may become a theme.

Best Task : (Nominees : Children’s Party Stuff, Cross Channel Ten Items Stuff, Kids Book Stuff, Property Stuff)

Winner : (35%)

Runner-Up : Cross Channel Ten Items Stuff (24%)

Nothing too unpredictable here – I mean who didn’t relish the opportunity to see Sam’s Snottydink? Apparently this task was not just inspirational for you though – Sam and Elle have since become published children’s authors since this episode aired, with their follow up “Gobble Gruff”. With the success of both the book task and the party task, I would imagine that every single task next year will involve interacting with children in some way or another. Apprenticreche 2016!

Smash Hits Sexiest Male (Nominees : Brett Butler-Smythe, Richard Woods, Sam Curry, Scott Saunders)

Winner :  (45%)

Runner-Up : Scott (27%)

For those of you looking for…supplementary material, then Sam is currently appearing as a GT Fitty in a copy of Gay Times somewhere near you soon. I know right? An ACTUAL gay man inside a copy of Gay Times, I near fainted clean away. Or, if you don’t feel like spending money, check his instgram. Or twitter. Or probably facebook. Or…

Smash Hits Sexiest Female (Nominees : April Jackson, Jenny Garbis, Selina Waterman-Smith, Vana Koutsomitis)

Winner (30%)

Runner-Up : Jenny (27%)

Well, she IS a beauty queen I guess. It makes sense.

Worst Candidate (Personality) : (Nominees : Aisha Kasim, Charleine Wain, Natalie Dean, Selina Waterman-Smith)

Winner (55%) 

Runner-Up : Aisha (18%)

Not even close, as this year’s most antagonistic, perma-sneering, manipulative, Charleine-shoving and of course above all else misunderstood candidate takes down the field with an almost 40% margin of victory over her nearest rival. It’s not clear yet whether she follows in the footsteps of Series 10s winner and Series 9s runner-up in this section and parlays her notoriety into a run of Celebrity Big Brother, but…well let’s hope so. Congratulations to this year’s female candidates for making this an entirely XX field by the way.

Worst Candidate (Talent) (Nominees : Dan Callaghan, Elle Stevenson, Mergim Burtaja, Natalie Dean)

Winner (29%)

Runner-Up : Elle (26%)

This year’s most closely contested award (although isn’t it always?) saw you select Mergim as the most hapless candidate of the crop, presumably for his sterling job at painting signs and putting up shelves, just edging out Elle making a great case for having been the worst PM *and* worst Subteam Leader ever. Although ponder this – Mergim was a member of as many winning teams as either member of our Final Two. Never has this show looked less like a test of merit.

Best Candidate (Personality) (Nominees : Charleine Wain, Ruth Whiteley, Sam Curry, Vana Koutsamitis)

Winner (37%)

Runner-Up : Vana (24%)

Yes, not that I’m suggesting the show has entirely lost its way producing fleshed out lovable characters, but your favourite candidate this year was the one-note sales trainwreck who lasted for four episodes and was only really in three of them. Still, we’ll always remember your colourful jacket and her sales speeches and erm…well that’s it really.

Best Candidate (Talent) : (Nominees : Charleine Wain, Joseph Valente, Richard Woods, Vana Koutsomitis)

Winner (43%)

Runner-Up : Vana (35%)

Yes, if you discount Corporate G, this year’s four most competent candidates were also the four who made it all the way to interviews. In the end, Richard’s sales and marketing nous took the day over Vana’s slick presentation skills and erm…nice scarves, as she finishes as runner-up  yet again. Bad luck to Charleine, who finished 4th in all three categories she was nominated in.

Best Claude or Kaen

Winner (75%)

I think we can all agree that this, whilst technically a victory, is not a ringing endorsement for Claude’s contributions to this series. You were just a bit better than Kaen mate, don’t go getting a swell head. This result means that now all four of Lordalan’s advisers of the years have been deemed to be the best in at least one given series. What a rum bunch.

Incidental Character Boyfriend Of The Series (Nominees : Arkady The Meerkat Spotlamp, Calvin The Model, Chris The Plumber, Peter The Bookseller)

Winner (30.2%)

Runner-Up : Calvin The Model (29.7%)

An intellectual match or a hardbody with a massive bulge? You made your choice, albeit by a handful of votes, and so it is I exchange Solomon from last year in for this year’s Incidental Character Of The Year –  a trader in rare books who couldn’t see the lasting value in Snottydink for his elite clientele. He’s cute, he’s smart, it’ll do…until Series 12, happy Apprenticing!


11 thoughts on “The Apprentice 11 – Monkies

    1. Isolde

      It was much better when Margaret and Nick were mostly silent, then just came in with the killer comment.

      Karren just bigs up her part too much, not to mention the inconsistency of what she says

      1. tal27

        Kaen is a nasty piece of work. I had the displeasure of sitting through an after dinner speech from her last month and apart from saying how brilliant Lordalan is the rest was her lecturing a roomful of successful business people on how to do business all whilst adjusting her bra straps and flinging her hair around. hmmmm

    1. monkseal Post author

      They whittle down as time goes on based on how the vote is going. So you got in too late for that boat m’afraid.

  1. robdwebster

    Best task: Property
    Sexiest ladylumps: Natalie
    Worst personality: Charleine and David (I briefly forgot Mergim existed when I voted)
    Worst talent: Jenny and Dan (the latter by his own admission)
    Best personality: Selina and Richard
    Best talent: Richard and Vana (I guess?)
    Best minion: Claude, Karren was a massive dork
    Incidental Character Boyfriend: Arkady and Arkady


  2. Jack

    Can we please have a “None of the Above” for Best Claude or Kaen? They were both obnoxious, irritating nit-pickers this year.

    1. JJB

      Agreed… Given this series and its ‘Theres no winners!’ twist week, I think its only fair the same applies here 🙂

  3. Isolde

    It’s a shame you couldn’t wait for You’re Hired for the incidental character boyfriend. Vana’s other half…nice.


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