Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 7 Performance Summary

So after a slightly lacklustre Hallowe’en and the horrors of Week 5, we were owed a good week. And I think we got one. Like all the best weeks it created its own narrative when this year’s Villain Presumptive – Peter Andre, slumming it for once in the first half of the draw – threw down the gauntlet at the start with a truly manic bodypopping Vaudeville Charlestont, scored 38, the highest of the series so far, and dared everyone else to try to match him. Say what you will about Peter, but he works much better as an antagonist when he actually resembles something like a threat, rather than sulking around the tabloids grousing about how he’s not gonna win coz he’s not on da tour and doing mediocre foxtrots.

Making the most ambitious attempts to shoot him down are Georgia, with an incredibly high-velocity samba to Volare, and Katie, with a full-on Broadway showbiz quickstep to 42nd Street. Both Giovanni and Anton are asking a lot of their ladies and neither quite nail it, although the former copes better than the latter. Still, better to aim for the moon and miss than…well we all remember Katie’s cha cha don’t we? Worryingly though, Anton is showing the first signs of getting ready to bury Katie under the patio with all of the rest of his ex wives. Making slightly more safe stabs for glory are Jay, with a broodingly straightforward Argentine Tango that maybe takes a little too long to get going, and Kellie with another nostalgia fest waltz complete with Len baiting heel turns and Clifton Fan-baiting theming that’s comes right out of a building society advert. Neither blow the roof off, but both succeed at what they set out do, and Jay’s *so* poised now for the culmination of his Performance Arc journey I can almost taste it.

Going less well though are the efforts of Jamelia to claw back some sanity out of her doompiral towards the Dance Off record, as she does a sort-of ok Viennese Waltz in the death slot, complete with Tristan as a busker whose guitar case Jamelia wilfully ploughs into heedlessly on the way around the floor. Len busts out a “I’LL PICKLE ME WAWNUTS IF YOU’RE IN THE DANCE OFF!” which…we’ll see. A bigger disaster though is Helen’s attempt to do a sensual rumba to “Hello” by Adele, which should serve as an excuse for some true Helen George “turned up to 11” Emoting, but which instead falls flat, as she moves stiltedly around in her nightie with no warmth whatsoever, right into the path of newly forged Rumba Purist Len, who gives Aljaz a full Giovanni over the lack of content. I think we might just have to accept that Aljaz, as much as we might like to imagine otherwise (and trust me I’ve imagined otherwise), doesn’t give good rumba.

Meanwhile in the battle of the Endearing Comedy Duffers, the show displays its hand harder than ever before, as Carol shuffles around awkwardly in the other death slot with a baffling Shania Twain shopping spree American Smooth, whilst Jeremy gets one of the most ludicrously overthemed comedy routines yet – a Village People Cowboy Tango complete with actual Buckeroo style Plastic Horse live on stage, wildly flaring laser lights and judging stand-up routines about how he looks like Woody From Toy Story. It’d be easy to root for Carol as the TRUE Underdog of Underdogs over this pushy (albeit hilarious) nonsense if she wasn’t increasingly impossible to watch. (Also Peter, Jay and Jeremy get the three clear loudest audience reactions of the evening suggests that the producers attempts to claw this show back from the brink of Total Vagina Domination have been succesful, none of these guys are going anywhere any time soon)

Oh yeah, and Gleb introduced a new Gleb Special tonight as he launched his dicksack at Anita’s face, then flicks her up off the floor with his heel to differentiate it from when Ashley Taylor Dawson did thhe same thing to Ola. Also it’s during a jive to Alesha Dixon. As I said…it was a good episode.


42 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 7 Performance Summary

  1. Elaine

    Why was Claudia dressed like a dalek? Is she promoting Dr Who? Despite my loathing of the Andre, have to confess that was quite a Charleston. Not a Sophie charleston, but not bad. Really liking Georgia and Giovanni now, he’s really pushing her. Len has been weaned off his meds too quickly hence grumpy old bugger tonight. I feel a visit to an acting coach is looming for Jay, just for the j…..y ye ken?!

  2. catherinehirst

    Absolutely loved PAndre’s Charleston – it was full on at a tremendous rate of knots, to a song I love, and they both looked joyful performing it. I’m sorry, I know we’re all supposed to hate him, and I am a Jay stan, but that was probably better (/more finished) than That Jive, even though I’d much prefer to watch the jive over and over again.

    1. catherinehirst

      I take it back – I’ve now watched That Jive and PA’s Charleston back to back several times, and I do still think the jive is better technically AND performance-wise, as well as being more fun to watch. Man, Jay WAS EMOTING in the jive! He smiled and did sexy face and everything. What happened??

  3. BeyonceCastle

    Not feeling it tonight 😦 but glad you liked it Chris. My favourite was Anita and Gleb’s jive including teabagging. Least favourite, God where to start? Poor Tristan’s busker theme, kick the shit out of it Jimjams, I’m with you girl. Carol hiding behind a screen (I did this a couple of times when I was a teacher) and having a flashermac ( I did this a couple of times when I was not a teacher), Kellie and Kev’s woeful waltz (truly abysmal costume and theming) and Jez doing Due South to Go West with a playmobil horse and dancing like someone you wouldn’t want to mountie. My hopes for a decent non-themed tango now rest with Hels bels and Jim jams, not looking good is it?

    1. tabithakitten

      Couldn’t Jay do one (assuming Jim jams is Jamelia)? Would make a change from – Hey look everybody – here’s a Charleston from Overthetop, Gurnville, US of A. Watch! Watch how he grins like a dickhead. See how he raises his eyebrows and purses his lips like he’s just realised what facial muscles are for…

      1. BeyonceCastle

        He could indeed. Thank you. Forgot he had not done one yet. Maybe he could do one in Blackpool with suitable smoulder.

  4. Marcela

    Am I allowed to say that Jeremy’s novelty is wearing off already? His tremendous media campaign/support/whatever you call, reminds me of Hobbit Hollins. I am looking at someone who’s started to believe his own hype…

    1. stevenperkins

      Go for it. I like him, but I tend to tire of the comedy contestants around about the point where the show/the pro starts drowning their routine in theming and props because they’re just flat out playing to the crowd rather than trying to teach the celeb to dance. (I realise that makes me sound like an old fart, but there we go.)

      1. Marcela

        I couldn’t have written better myself. When they start playing only for laughs it’s when I begin to find them the least funny.

    2. monkseal Post author

      You can say whatever you like. Well not WHATEVER obviously, I reserve the right to delete anything and/or edit comments to say whatever I want them to.

  5. Sparklemotion

    I love KFG but think that he’s now getting a tad smug-pro. Don’t think anyone should start self-mythologising on the strength of a decent Charleston! That bit did make me hide behind the cushions.
    Poor old Jamelia and that guitar. I thought it could have been okay.
    Know what you mean about the joyful Charleston Catherinehirst but I still think That Jive was the moment of the series. And if we prefer watching it doesn’t that make it the better dance? Flawed logic in that it means I’d prefer to watch wuthering heights more than most of Alijaz/Clancey’s routines but I’m sticking to it for the mo….

  6. KM

    Jay was actually quite a lot better than I feared from the ITT footage, but I ended up mainly watching Aliona. I can’t believe they’ve resisted the acting coach VT for 7 weeks, but I suppose they’ve had to set up the narrative over the last couple of shows….

    I agree on Andre’s villain arc, the hysterical reaction to him based on a bunch of dances which could be summed up as ‘s’alright’ was getting a bit unsatisfying. I know it was an Official Comeback Charleston, but he’s quietly got a few troublesome dances out of the way while most of the deadwood was still present and has quite a bit of favourable(ish) party latin coming up that might keep him out of the danger zone for a bit longer.

    A couple of weeks ago Georgia was my number 1 choice for a shock boot, but is coming into her own at the right time. Katie, on the other hand……#YearOfTheAnton is pretty much dead now, right?

    1. catherinehirst

      I wanted Jay’s AT to be better than it was, but after defending his lack of performance for weeks now, I really did miss it in this dance. I kept comparing it to Harry Judd’s (Aliona made it extremely similar, right down to the dress she was wearing only in blue instead of maroon this time), and the intensity I felt between them, compared to Jay’s blankness. Harry’s AT made me a bit weak in the knees; Jay’s I appreciated his technical skills but didn’t feel anything. I still want him to win, but could see Anita creeping up to become my favourite in a couple of weeks if he doesn’t start emoting.

      1. Marcela

        Funnily enough, I watched Harry’s AT again last night before the show and I felt I was watching a repeat of that upon seeing Jay’s (minus the emotion). I know AT is difficult for the man because it’s mainly all about the woman but what I felt is that Aliona gave very little for him to do whereas she did most of the work.

    2. monkseal Post author

      They don’t really bring in the acting coach that much any more. I’m not sure if Janette’s cabaret friend was supposed to count with Peter or not. At least it’s not Barrowman I guess…

  7. conners1979

    “and Jay’s *so* poised now for the culmination of his Performance Arc journey I can almost taste it.”

    Totally agree with you, and I must say I’m kind of OK with being worked so shamelessly when the end product promises to be so good.

  8. Elsa

    It took a while but I finally came round on Kellie’s dress – and then I cast my eyes on the sartorial mega-disasstah that was Kevin (with the emphasis on “ass”). Why in the hell did they put him in a shirt that horribly clashed with her busy get-up? And worst of all, those black shoes when the outfit (misfit? poutfit? there’s no word awful enough for that monstrosity) – but anyhow it was crying out for white shoes, assuming it had to be worn at all. WTHHHH??? I just canNOT believe that either Kellie or Kevin wanted to be seen anywhere, let alone in front of 10 million, in those anti-clothes.

    At least finally they put Jamelia in a decent gown but she looked more pregnant than ever. Or maybe she just has a big ole beer gut and that would be karmically appropriate considering… But if it’s baby not beer, that’s one down for the tour, along with Mr Andre, who was putting it about only yesterday it seems that he’d be fitting in a proper honeymoon between the Strictly and his own tours. Methinks it’s the Beeb that told him nope – either that, or I actually think I read that one of his upcoming court trial hearings is scheduled when the tour’s supposed to be in Birmingham ha ha ha (speaking of karma.)

    I almost…. almost started feeling those strange frauish woobie-loving feelings toward Jay – but nope, I held strong and shall avert my eyes from now on… I think I could have done his part of the tango if I had Aliona as a partner. Or Jeremy? Well, maybe not Jeremy.

    And lovely Giovanni – the damned sweat was back. Why is she dry as the desert and not out of the breath and he looks like he might have a heart attack after every dance? I dare not ponder the possible explanations…. And our other talented newbie Gleb — I could see Anita at the end slamming herself into him repeatedly trying to get some sort of human reaction. I swear he was more animated and attentive with Lisa Vanderpump – Anita needs to give her a call to see how to wind him up because he’s just so blank when he’s not dancing. I hate to think he’s stupid but, well like the sweat, I need to stop pondering the possible excuses for his woodenness – though I don’t mind pondering his wood… well never mind. Sorry to ramble on — I still can’t log into DS so maybe you’re stuck with me (but banning works 🙂 On that note, I’ll shut up. Can’t remember the others too well at the moment anyhow.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Honestly I think Gleb is already running down the list of which franchise extension he can move to next. Turkey? New Zealand?

  9. Elsa

    So full of myself I forgot to ask you some questions and I don’t disagree with a word you wrote, but why do you think Anton may be giving up? Just a feeling you’re getting from him (which, after you mentioned it, I think I get too.) But more importantly, why do you think the judges are giving her such an awful time? Others made big slip-ups and little was made out of it by the judges. I’m still sorta hanging on to hope it’s a big long arc of Anton’s winning year, but – well, I’m not sure she’s up to it. Well, I await your main summary with eager anticipation – a lot more than for next week’s show (why am I not enjoying Jeremy anymore?

    1. monkseal Post author

      The jokes about how crummy the routines are are creeping in, as are the random Claud 9 non-sequiters about anything other than what Claudia’s talking about to wrongfoot everything. It’s all classic Anton When He Starts Losing His Grip.

  10. Miss Cavie

    OK, so Charleston is Peter’s dance, even though the judges didn’t help his teacher’s pet syndrome by ignoring the glaringly obvious timing issues. Poor Jamelia, in the death slot, having to follow THAT and being attacked by a stray guitar (I love it when the props fight back).

    I wish they would just ditch the Rumba altogether, it’s as boring as heck even when it’s done properly. I would have thought Helen would have had a shot at getting right, but she was stiff as a board. Jay was another one who should have been good, but it just left me cold, far too nice and polite. Please let us have the acting coach VT/Performance Breakthough next week because I’m getting sick of his kicked puppy face.

    I’m still enjoying Jezza. He seems to be having fun, and at least does manage to produce something that vaguely resembles the dance he’s supposed to be doing. As long as he doesn’t reach Widdy/Sergeant levels of insufferable self importance I don’t mind if he sticks around.

      1. DJ Mikey

        Harry’s Rumba didn’t suck either and despite the nonsense about “Brenda not giving filthy, dirty Rumba’s any more” Sophie Rumba was quite good.

  11. StormyTV

    The judges don’t help Peter’s villain role (or, more accurately, they help it grow) by giving him two 10’s for a dance that was just fine. Which I thought was amusing, considering the orgasms they had over Jay’s jive, dubbing it the best dance that ever existed…and only gave him one 10. So Peter’s dance was the best dance ever performed in the entire universe or something?

  12. MorticiaA

    Will the producers stop at nothing to get PDuh into that final? I predict several weeks of over marking to protect him, the salsa as another dance Janette can choreograph purely around tricks with no technique to disguise his general crapness, being held back until the semis to propel him to the final 4. Let’s hope he does a Mark Wright and goes out first. His speech about waking up again to rejoin the competition made me want to lamp him. Grrrrrrrrrr. Georgia also seems to be becoming judges’ pet, which is less offensive, though she remains rather dull and one dimensional. Jay has got his breakthrough character of the dahnnccce coming up as per his Louis mark 2 story arc. All that remains to be seen is who out of Helen and Anita will scrape through. Katie seems to have been sacrificed on the altar of Anton’s Latin and over ambition in the ballroom already… On another note, does Gleb really need to cover up Anita’s weaknesses to the extent that she is reduced to an admiring bystander while he dry humps the floor?

    1. missfrankiecat

      I am starting to loathe Gleb’s choreography/so-called dancing even more than Artem’s, and we’re only 6 weeks into his first series. It took me to Artem’s third series to truly fall out with his pretentious wafting, preening and seeming inability to dance in hold for more than 30 seconds. If Gleb were not so handsome there is no way he could get away with such poor dancing – he barely looks like a professional to me – and bizarre, almost comedically ugly, choreography. He should go back to modelling pants or something equally useful.

      1. BeyonceCastle

        Ah Frankie, don’t sit on the fence now! 😉
        I assure you I don’t fancy him, Aljaz is my fancypants pro. But I do like his routines. I am sorry, I am your LCD worst nightmare who likes style over substance. I know he was slated for heel leads in his waltz but was his jive technically poor?

      2. DJ Mikey

        I don’t know – learning that Gleb can do the splits has done strange things to part of me that likes Gleb, when he takes his shirt off..

        Also Anita’s Jive was a great fun, energetic routine and definitely one of the dances of the night.

    2. BeyonceCastle

      Yes! Loved the rest of it but That Bit was a bit crap…a bit Malificent from last week reappearing to make him caterpillar or whatever the fuck that was, dry humping sums it up Morticia.
      Is it very very bad of me to want Pduh to go out first from the four BUT to see his body popping hip hop 80s Michael Jackson show dance first before he trots off? 1/ Jay 2/ Anita 3/ Katie 4/Pduh in that order. Is that very very wrong?

      1. Elsa

        Wow Beyonce – do you think Katie and Pduh will get past Helen and Georgia? (It will be ok with me as I have no horse in the race.) BTW, just finished watching the results show, and it looked to me like something might be wrong with Giovanni’s left arm. It was a ballroom dance but he let his arm hang to the side during part of it. In other parts, it worked, but I’m wondering if he was babying it — maybe it’s the one that had the multiple dislocations the week of Georgia’s overhead lift. And with the sweat back, I’m wondering if something fairly serious is going wrong with him.

  13. BeyonceCastle

    No I don’t think they have a chance in hell Elsa but I really really really want to see Anton do a show dance. He never got to do one with Lesley (two horse final) and I am curious. Plus if it is his final year I would like him out on a high wearing that lovely pink shirt, a callback from the launch show comedy vt. But that will only happen if the public are contrary and ring for them every week as they will be booted out as soon as they are in the DO, against everyone bar Jez, possibly Jimjams. I am an optimist but as Chris has pointed out already, her average is worse than Fiona’s so it does not bode well for Blackpool.

    1. monkseal Post author

      If he draws American Smooth again for Blackpool I’m giving up. Unless they turn it into a “curse” a la Aljaz’s Curse Of Hallowe’en and use it to propel him through.


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