Strictly Come Dancing 13 : Week 6 Performance Summary

So I was working on a theory that every even numbered series has an amazing Hallowe’en, and every odd numbered one has a pants one. So let’s see how that works out…

Well for starters the opening pro dance (to Hell Raiser by The Sweet) features a lot of random flailing and flopping and asinine gay jokes and Natalie and Brendan as a…zombie (?) bride and groom, and is also to HELL RAISER BY THE SWEET. Gone are the days of a mass Time Warp (Jamelia does one later in the evening though, truly defining “diminishing returns” for that particular number) or Nancy dressed as Morticia Addams or Anton as king of the vampires flying around to Bat Out Of Hell, in is the sensation that this year Best Pro Dance Monkies Poll is really going to be a slog

Plumbing new depths scores wise are two of the women. Firstly, Carol’s Partridge Family Frankenstein Party Rumba. Enough said. It equals the lowest ever score for a rumba, and lord knows there’s been competition. Secondly, Kirsty gets the lowest score ever for a woman in Charleston with a vampiric jig to a jazzified version of Bad Romance. The arrangement is terrible, the choreography is worse, and Kirsty slams the trump card down by ballsing it up all over the shop. She responds to disaster as well as she always does, which is to say “not at all” and Brenda reaches desperately for “well at least she didn’t run out of the studio!!!” (this is still somehow marginally less desperate than Anton having a flop-sweat through his mask and parping “WE’RE DOING QUICKSTEP NEXT WEEK! BALLROOM! NOT LATIN! NICE BALLROOM DANCE!” all the way through Claudia’s interview after a crummy Phantom Of The Opera paso doble with Katie).

So that’s the worst of the evening out of the way (in terms of dances that is – nothing is worse than the judges noticing that Peter does exactly the same dance every week in a different costume (this week? A foxtrot dressed as a ghost to “Ghost”), then holding an intervention which seems to last for a good 10 minutes, followed by Peter launching into an extended tedious speech in response about how performing is for life not just for Strictly or something (and that “or something” is the most “or something” I’ve ever deployed)). So what’s good(ish)? Helen’s mummified samba to “Take Your Mama Out” should be enough to break Aljaz’s Hallowe’en Curse, although frankly I’ve seen enough of Helen’s Party Latin now thanks. Kellie’s Harry Potter paso doble is a crowdpleaser and full of energy but rather hampered by the massive sod-off dining room table parked in the middle of the floor, and Jay’s American Smooth is basically what Aliona always does for Hallowe’en – more of a playthrough of one of her sexual fantasies than a dance. At least she’s moved on from vampires to werewolves. It’s progress of a sort.

Georgia and Giovanni transcend “goodish” though with a good tango to the Ghostbusters theme, extending this series run of good tangos. ALSO Giovanni looks hot for the first time this week that’s the main thing.

Only two pairings truly *get* the spirit of Strictly Hallowe’en though, I think. Camp, explosions, melodrama and stupidity abound in both Jeremy’s Thriller “salsa” (basically the Thriller dance done HORRENDOUSLY BADLY and with Karen having made the frankly bizarre choice to choreograph 95% of the dance to Vincent Price’s spoken word bit which somehow makes it art, what a nutcase) and Anita’s Maleficent Waltz in which she FLIES IN ON GIANT BLACK WINGS WITH DEVIL HORNS, blows SATANIC GLITTER in Gleb’s face and then uses him as her breakdancing royal sex slave. Sure the GIANT DEVIL HORNS get in the way of the armlines of the dance a bit, but what price true art? (She’s also pretty much the only one without a dumb VT this week, which makes her the true winner of Hallowe’en let’s be honest).

So was my theory right? Well let’s see who goes home first…


40 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 13 : Week 6 Performance Summary

  1. Elaine

    I warned you about the Andre. More like Donovan every week (except in lieu of hair sniffing he does a weird breast fondle to Janette instead). Dreadful man. Feel more and more sorry for Pasha. Len jibes him for heel leads? After that car crash? Gorblimey!

      1. Scott

        As 8 Out Of 10 Cats Do Countdown shows, Numbers Bitch has a wickedly sly sense of humour. She’ll be tutoring him in comedy. He’s still on his own for the acting.

      1. BeyonceCastle

        J: Is Danny Dyer in Strictly? (James thinking there was more of him in vt than Kell)
        D: More than you are mate.
        J: Yeah well how is your movie career?
        D: Better than your “career” full stop
        J: You can shout your mouth off tough guy did I get to you?
        D: (Favourite bit) nah *my love* just find you to be a cock
        J: Ooh more twerps for me, everyone on Strictly thinks you’re a prick anyway

        Or summat like that…

    1. Marcela

      When they started on Twitter I felt like Bridget Jones’ gay friend running out and shouting “Fight! A real fight!” Dyer totally owned Jordan!

    2. Minxy

      Ooh ta for that BeyonceCastle
      Doesn’t take much to outwit Shimmy Jimmy huh? What a final comeback from J – not
      Lmao pwned

  2. Ferny

    How did Len not get the story of Anita’s dance?? That was probably the most obvious ‘story’ of the night and I haven’t seen the film either. I always find Anita’s dances at least a bit interesting, possibly due more to Gleb’s choreo than anything, but the judges always seem very muted towards her and I’m not sure why.

    Anyway, definitely not a good Halloween…and it’s normally one of my favourite weeks. I thought Jay’s dance was boring this week too 😦

    1. Minxy

      To be fair to Len – the only things I know about Maleficent is AJ, the horns, one of her kids was in it and some designer (labouring?) made AJ some kick ass gorgeous shoes for the premier.
      No wings, no story and no idea how to pronounce it
      Loved the dance tho
      Would love to see Nat doing it too

  3. BeyonceCastle

    Handbags at dawn.
    So, the Halloween special wasn’t. Top three for me were Anita, Jeremy and Jay. Given that I thought Peter and Anita’s dances were going to be boring (the latter based on what they did over the pond in the tacky gaudy show that shouldn’t grace this blog) she knocked it out the park. I loved Gleb’s choreo and thought they were undermarked by a mile. Carol and Pasha were sadly a train wreck. I liked Peter, I am shocked.* I still did not like the ghostbusters tango but seeing as Georgia’s is the only one the beeb won’t let me rewatch (blocked in my country?) I can’t even let it grow on me, unlike Jez who is rivetting. Happy Halloween everybody! Looking forward to the recap Chris.
    *not sure what is worse, being defeated by the Andre, or laughing at Adam Sandler jokes in hotel Transylvania 2. I am very very ashamed. 😉

  4. KM

    I didn’t really ‘get’ Jay’s dance. It had all the ingredients to be something special but I just found it rather boring and I do wonder if that was down to his performance. His fans on DS might end up being a bit disappointed about his supposed future musical theatre[/how DARE you suggest he might be broke and doing Strictly for the money] career as I can’t really see how acting for the back of room is going to work out (say what you like about Tom Chambers, but that was never going to an issue for him).

    Conversely, I enjoyed Anita and Gleb as a performance but I’m not sure it was actually a particularly good waltz. Likewise, I think Helen (who I also liked) got very lucky with the theming as she would probably have been a lot more exposed with a regular samba.

    So yeah, theme weeks, woo…..

    1. monkseal Post author

      I have to admit, when I went to update my spreadsheet, I put Anita down as American Smooth without really thinking about it.

  5. Minxy

    All fur coat and no knickers as they say (although tbh I would choose a (faux even) fur coat over knickers any day)
    So much effort put into effect, effects, effects and shitty VT’s it didn’t leave much for practise practise practise
    And it showed
    All production values with no content

    Did Brenda actually choreograph that, coff, charleston? Or did he just cut out all the good bits and that what was left? Was he that desperate to escape? I like charlestons – even the bad ones usually

    Love Anita, and for a non stage schooler she really is good and watchable- but Gleb is better at disguising her weaknesses – that accent move where she sticks one leg in the air and points foot (techie term) is really bad and not improving. Jay could take pointers from her re performing the dance. I still wouldn’t mind her winning if she keeps it up.

    Craig’s hair and makeup amused me. I can see him naturally looking like that the morning after the night before

    1. BeyonceCastle

      OK Minxy! Put some knickers on and gimme that coat, who do you think you are, Peter bloody Andre?! ( actually I might have to watch him again, seeing as he’s got white troos and no knickers, I forgot to check out his commando-ness). Do you think he’s got orange skid marks?(lowers the tone of the blog).

      1. Minxy

        Brain bleach gimme some brain bleach stat!
        You deliciously evil bugger BC
        What horrible horrible images to put into my head

    2. missfrankiecat

      I’m starting to wonder if Gleb’s choreography is knowing disguise of his celeb’s weaknesses or he’s just doing his own thing regardless. At the risk of being a Len, Gleb was not managing his own heel leads last night to put it politely. What he throws out there is fun stuff to watch but it ain’t ballroom. If anyone care anymore.

      1. Minxy

        He actually stated last night that he choreographs to cover her weaknesses. But I think he also likes the pretty stuff

        In the same vein I can’t completely blame Brenda for checking out early – both he and K were talking about her new improved attitude on ITT this week and how good it was that she now wasn’t always going way too hard, way I can’t do this and making him take stuff out and make it easier. Which helps explain her meltdown at having fucked up so badly – but doesn’t explain the lack of content.

        As for Glebs heel leads and actual ballroom. . . I knownozzing. I was learning a little in the earlier years when they actually used to discuss it a nod show the feet but these days ….
        I do enjoy the bits on ITT when they explain them. Ian and Jwanne are both very good at explaining and demonstrating how to achieve the move and posture for me. I need ELI5 (explain like I’m 5)

      2. BeyonceCastle

        Hi Frankie
        I know you know your stuff, (I’m a bugger for the artistic impression so really they ought to give marks for performance vs technical like they do in France from week 5) so hope you see this…have just seen the dance off, why did they save Jamelia over Kirsty on that performance? What am I not seeing? Thanks in advance xx

  6. Tal27

    As much as I dislike Peter Andre with his needy earnest attention to criticism (“Craig – you are SO right mate!”) I would miss seeing him trying to jockey for position in Claud9 and being defeated by 90% of the rest of them being taller than him even when he wears his Cuban heels and insteps. I just giggle continually as he cranes and stands on tiptoes patting and poking people who shrug him off like an annoying fly – such a “close family”…

  7. MorticiaA

    Anita’s marks aside, glad to see that Kelllleeee and the Andre’s marks placed them firmly mid table, though both were still over marked. Is it slowly dawning on TPTB that Pduh cannot be shoehorned into the final, given the competition? Really hoping that he will exit in the quarter finals, if not before. The rest of it was Meh! To say the least. Kirsty really needs a course in how to take criticism gracefully. Jamelia was flat and heavy footed, and out of synch. Jeremy was charmingly terrible. Georgia’s so called break through tango was memorable only for the hindrous theming. Even Aliona’s sexual fantasy AS was underwhelming. Anita’s waltz was dramatic and well acted, but why does Pleb keep putting in that high kick which she never masters and always executes looking like she is trying to shake off a rampant yorkie… Roll on next week unless there is yet another theme week to be endured..

    1. monkseal Post author

      It’s Strictly. ANYBODY can be shoe-horned into the final. If they can haul Mark Wright there kicking and scremaing…

      1. MorticiaA

        Please don’t remind me. I am horribly suspicious of a come back story arc for PDuh with what will surely be the overmarked gurntastic Charleston from hell this weekend, and that this will be used to keep him as artificially elevated as his Cuban heels on the leaderboard til finals time. I think Kelllleeee is also due a resurgence that will also propel her towards the last 4 standing, with, no doubt, an homage to her dearly departed childhood bunny this weekend while she waltzes. Totally at a loss to understand what Ian Waite saw in that shapeless paso she harassed us all with for the Halloween not special.

  8. catherinehirst

    The thing about Jeremy is that he is the first “comedy” crap dancing celeb who I actually enjoy watching. I never got Russell Grant or even, dare I say it, Judy Murray. But I am genuinely charmed by Jeremy. Zoe said it on ITT – that oftentimes you cringe at these contestants and watch through your fingers, but you somehow don’t feel afraid or embarrassed for Jeremy even though he is actually terrible.

    Ooh, just remembered Mark Benton, who I did actually enjoy, but I was embarrassed for him by the end. Maybe I’ll feel like that about Jeremy eventually.

    1. Scott

      Was Mark Benton a comedy contestant? He showed genuine rhythm I thought. I could – and have – watch Bom-Bom on a loop. Of course a big part of that is IVETAMAZING (RIP).

      1. catherinehirst

        I thought the kind of camp disco-y routines they had him doing, and as a man of size, were supposed to be funny? Certainly he had more dance ability than RGrant or Doolallio. Dunno, we may need a Monkseal ruling on this one…

  9. Neio

    I loved Anita and Gleb’s dance, and thought it was way under-marked. Jay’s dancing is technically great, but so boring. There’s just nothing going on in terms of expression when he dances. I’m not sure what was going on with the styling in Georgia and Giovanni’s dance – were they meant to be ghosts, or Ghostbusters? Not sure why they Georgia those awful dreadlocks. Couldn’t they have just frizzed her hair out and put her in a red dress as Dana Barrett?

  10. DJ Mikey

    Jeremy’s Salsa was kinda interesting, he wasn’t horrendous out of hold – he was bloody terrible in hold, Bute he’s charming and engaging and you view the whole thing as a character performance – i.e. Zombie – he’s actually quite amazing his natural stiffness lends itself to the overall effect to create something quite special. I’m genuinely starting to wonder how far Jeremy can go on personality alone.

    Georgia’s Tango was all sorts of horrendous – but it was Ghostbusters themed so I loved it.

    Anita’s Waltz was fantastic, despite my unadulterated loathe of the Maleficent movie, if only Gleb would stop break dancing – it’s already become tiresome.

    Can we start phoning the hotline now, and pre-emptively eliminate Jamelia??

    1. monkseal Post author

      Jeremy’s ALWAYS terrible in hold and watchable out of hold though. I can only anticipate the Village People romp Karen’s choreographed to get him through tango.


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