Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 2 Performance

A hotch-potch hokey-pokey hobby-lobby patched together recap thingummy for MARATHON WEEK!

Anton, I Ish ready for FIFTEEN *hic* CUPPLES and two HOURSH OF DANCING but there’s not enough *hic* gin in the world for one of Monkseal’s Early Series Cop Out Recaps

Yes, as in years past, 15 celebrities is too much to watch in one go without having to stop halfway through to be sprayed down and have a Kit Kat, let alone recap, so you’re in for a random blitz of paragraphs, polls, pictures and penis jokes before the real business recommences next week.

She’s Giving It Her All, But She’s Not The Girl You’re Taking Home, She Keeps Dancing On Her Own

At the end of the credits, every week. Presumably this is just her being “kept involved” so that when the gender balance reshifts next year they can slot her back into the cast without any fuss, whilst also keeping the Clifton Clan on side. And at least it’s Joanne so she looks genuinely involved – I’m imagining here an equivalent shot of Aliona sat on a chair rolling her eyes and filing her nails – but on the other hand I fear for the sanity of anyone who turns up to It Takes Two dressed like this

at the age of 31 squealing about her cool new lunchbox.

Anthony Ogogo’s Fiancee Is Watching You Eat Ice-Cream Right Out The Tub And Judging You

Judges Greatest Words Of Wisdom Of The Week

“The key to the American Smooth is the word smooth. It has to be smooth”
“You had great alert!”
“I was slightly distracted by Brendan’s opening”
“You’ve got to get a little bit lower. Really go down and go to town”
“I can see a Fred Astaiire in you! I know you’ve got it!”
“When you woosh your dress, try to make it look beautiful”
“It’s hard when there’s so much going on down below”
“You cannot murder a cha cha, you have to dance it!”
“I don’t know what that was on the floor over there but I never want to see it again”
“I loved the contemporary feel” (about a Charleston where the protagonists were dressed as Bonnie & Clyde)
“When you did stop I didn’t feel you living into the next move, you need to lift through those moments”
“It was truly a mango of a tango”
and two airings of “THE BOYS ARE RIGHT!” to make up for its absence last week

Jamelia – Hair Wars

Yes, Jamelia came into this week looking like she’s just stepped out of the salon. Unfortunately for her, it was the poodle grooming salon, being run by an inebriated former Big Brother contestant. One of the Channel 5 ones. There were great big clumps, random strands flying everyone, and the fact that the entire routine was being flanked by wind machines made the whole thing look a bit like someone was suffering premature death via candy-floss machine in a Final Destination Movie. It looked like something Tina Turner wore in Mad Max 3 to stave off the nuclear apocalypse. If you could take your eyes off her barnet, or Tristan clomping around around her like he was auditioning for Magic Mike 3 : The Uncut Edition (direct to Netflix), she was supposed to be doing a cha cha, the theme of which was “Jamelia is a major popstar (incredibly far-fetched to the point it strained credulity) and also a massive diva (not so much)”. And it was to cha chas pretty much exactly thing as Peter’s was, except that Peter has spent the last decade constantly plying and honing his pop trade, whereas Jamelia has spent it sat on her arse on Loose Women telling us all her opinions about Colonel Gaddafi. That is…she’s a bit rusty.

Claudia’s Fashion Parade








In truth Daniel’s Charleston wasn’t out of control or over the top or swiveltastic darling, or any of the things the judges apparently expect from the Charleston, but it was definitely fun, like the local vicar hepped up on too much dandelion and burdock at the square dance after the church bazaar and trying to show the young people of the parish that he’s still got it. And kudos to Kristina for giving him a solo moment to shine with her off…feeding a stallion her sugar lumps or whatever she was doing, even if you he did mostly use it to randomly cock his leg and clap off beat. I guess that was the style at the time.

Dear Pasha,

Just some warm-up tips there in case you’re still suffering after the off-season, don’t mind me.


Honestly Brendan hasn’t spent this much time with his face this close to the business end of a lady since his wife gave birth. When you kick a routine off with a nip slip you know you’re in for a high old time of it, and Kirsty and Brenda brought the parade of raunch that kicked off the show this week to its logical conclusion. And also, presumably, Kirsty’s “what, little old me, be sexy, I’d cringe myself inside out” storyline, as after doing this, I’m not sure where is left to go other than full-on vulva shots. Hopefully it’s got her nerves well and truly worked out of her system, and next week we can go back to routines that don’t involve her flying around in the air maniacally like a pornographic TARDIS.

A Rare Shot Of A Female Dancer Eating, Treasure It

She doesn’t look at all comfortable does she?

Jay – Hair Wars

Anyone else got the feeling Moira Ross In A Rainbow Wig saw the edit of last week and slammed one of her imps into the wall yelling “THAT’S NOT MY CUTESY “UNDERDOG” HUNK, HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S IN DEF BLOODY LEPPARD, GET IT CUT NOW!!!”. I do love how they made this the most overhyped makeover in the history of reality tv by making him hide it under a fedora until his VT was done. I’m surprised they didn’t go the full retcon and have him turn up in paint-spattered overalls and nerd glasses before Aliona got to work to a soundtrack of Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer. The non-real, VT narrative reason for this makeover is that the waltz is classy and everyone with long hair is a right scutter, so it HAD TO GO. I’m surprised they didn’t go the whole hog and have his tattoo laser-removed. In the end, on the floor

the effect was mostly that it made him look like a young Noel Edmonds, but maybe that’s the lighting who can say? His waltz was a very Aliona waltz, in that she made absolutely sure that his elegant arms and exquisite spins were shown off to the fullest, although she didn’t quite go the full Harry Judd hog (…sorry, the phrase “Harry Judd hog” gave me pause then) and work in a moment where they sat together wistfully on the stairs (ON PURPOSE, MATT DI ANGELO). I hope she reconnects with her wacky choreography roots soon. Nothing will get the showman out of Jay like vampire custard-thieves on the moon.

Dear Carol

If you’re going to spill coffee in a comedy VT, the net result of which is that someone has to change their t-shirt, aim better next time.

Iwan’s Cha Cha (or : A Mid Life Crisis Rhapsody In Hot Pink)

Some athletes take retirement harder than others I guess. Honestly, if I hadn’t heard these two were friends I would be presuming that Ola was pulling the same sort of Wk 2 troll-job that saw off Paul Daniels in Series 8, trying to make Iwan look as ridiculous as possible. Instead I have to give kudos to the ineffable ways of the Blindfolded Dart-Throwing Song Choice Monkeys who contrived to have a fully grown man rip his shirt open and jiggle about aimlessly as the music yells “I PIMP TO THE BEAT!”, “I GOT PASSION IN MY PANTS!” and best of all “WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE YEAH! WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE YEAH! DO THE WIGGLE MAN! DO THE WIGGLE!” after a VT where Ola motivated him by giving him Wine Gums whilst he said, literally “I like it when Ola gives me sweeties, it makes me smile” like one of those creepy-ass Haribo adverts where the adults talk like four year olds. No wonder Anton’s laughing his head off. You don’t get to be on this show over a decade without recognising a hatchet job when you see one. The whole thing was so misguided that it resulted in Len using “YOU CAME AHHHHT!” as an insult. Ponder on that. Len was telling someone to stay in.

The Auditions For The Lead Role In The New Eric Morecombe Biography Are Going Poorly

The Devil Came Down To Teach Georgia Georgraphy

I’m not sure what was worst, Tess introducing this week’s waltz to Georgia On My Mind by saying the song is “set in Georgia” (it’s not, that’s the entire point of the song, that the protagonist isn’t in Georgia), Georgia herself saying that “Georgia is the writer’s home town” (oy) or the set-dressers and costume department making the whole thing, based around a song from one of the most iconic figures of the 20th century black civil rights struggle, up to resemble some sort of plantation fantasia.

(Although I will never be totally miffed in a series where it’s been two weeks in a row now of someone basically playing Blanche Duboix) Georgia danced the thing quite sweetly, although she seems to be more of a Latin girl, and the Natalie Lowe head roll that gets thrown in looks more like she’s violently sneezed
and sent her head all wobbly than anything else. Maybe that’s what that…gloss all over Giovanni was during the judges critiques. He’s not unnaturally sweaty, he doesn’t moisteurise with olive oil (BECAUSE HE’S-A-ITALIAN), Georgia’s just got the flu. On the whole, the whole thing felt a bit like one of those early ballroom dances Abbey used to do which you forgot about as soon as she finished them. Oh and it turns out afterwards that she didn’t do one heel lead in the entire thing OOPS, THANKS LEN.

A Variety Of Contestants Try Not To Look Too Pissy About Judges Comments, With Varying Degrees Of Success

BBC Blasted As It Is Revealed That The Winner Of SAS : Ultimate Hell Week May Have Received Undue Favouritism From The Producers :

What Up, Tomato Tits?

Don’t ask where the green pepper’s gone, you don’t want to know. Yes, Natalie’s finger has remained whamming the Camp Button without pause since the second the credits rolled last week, overloading Ainsley’s salsa with moment after moment after moment of boggle-eyed guilty delight

all culminating on a close up of

Ainsley’s terrifyingly active gyrating shimmying arse. I’m slightly terrified as to what might happen if they get a waltz or a rumba or something that needs to be played a little bit more po-faced before he leaves, because I think the poor woman might break trying to keep a straight face. Kudos also to Ainsley for dancing the thing with the limpest wrists I’ve seen since I last watched Are You Being Served. Next week apparently they’re going to be dancing in penguin outfits. I’m not sure if this is the best or the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

A Present For Craig

In his bed, tomorrow night, at 10pm. Daniel

hopes he can count on your vote in the event of any future dance-off appearances, Revel-Horwood.

Carol’s American Smoo…Foxtrot, Foxtrot, Honestly It Was Going To Be A Foxtrot The Entire Time

Bless her. I’m guessing Evil Moira saw what happened every time she moved away from Pasha and changed genre on her as part of the quest to hurl Iwan under the bus. The story appeared to be that Carol and Pasha were caught in a rainstorm, and Pasha had an umbrella but he wouldn’t let Carol use it

but Carol was too determinedly and delusionally cheerful to object. Seriously, 90 seconds of routine and she’s not under it once. I’ve seen a few people say that Pasha goofed by clinging so dementedly onto a prop for an entire routine but literally the only thing keeping me interested was the possibilty of Carol hauling off and slapping him in the face all “I’M GETTING WET HERE BIZZOTCH, THIS ISN’T FUNNY!”.

Giovanni Munches On Chocolate Sausage (Come On Google Hits!)

(In reality this was blood pudding, not anything awful involving Ainsley and the collapse of Giovanni’s “I LOVE-A-DAH-LAYDEEEZ!!!” reputation, because Georgia had taken Giovanni OOP NORTH for yet another wacky culture clash VT)


It’s called “The You Stand Still Game”. To be fair to Kevin, this is only the very start of their cha cha, and it does move beyond her standing there airing her armpit out whilst he does pratfalls around her sexiness. Although between that power stance and

this one, Kevin has some odd ideas about sexy poses for ladies. I don’t think we’ll be seeing that one on the cover of Vogue Italia any time soon. The whole routine is really more of a cheeky seaside postcard than anything to compete wiith the parade of frot-fests that started the show, complete with more chip-pinching than a whole flock of seagulls. A lot of it comes across as the sort of thing you’d do to hide a lack of technique which odd because Kellie’s tehnique seems fine, for all that the judges call the dance out as being too “spiky and aggressive” (which…not after scoring Andre 30 last week you don’t). Maybe Kellie didn’t have time to train a full routine given that they appeared to have spent AN ENTIRE DAY filming a comedy VT set by the Thames, who can say?

Aliona’s Faces Of Existential Bliss Bordering On Smugness If We’re Honest

It’s nice to see her happy, at any rate.

Here Comes The Rain Again

Just out of shot : Pasha dancing around with a plastic umbrella, laughing loudly. The rain here though is to represent the soulful torment running through Anthony and Oti’s waltz, a routine about a woman, and a man, and emotional difficulties. Given the amount of time he spends clutching at his chest

I’m going to guess he’s been diagnosed with some sort of heart problem. How very Lifetime Original Movie. The problem here of course is that Anthony’s shoulder still hasn’t fully healed, and so he can’t get the waltz hold at all right. He looks like he’s about to bundle Oti up under his arm like she’s a hall rug he’s bought from IKEA which he’s about to bundle into the back of his car, and the constant torso clutching and cheesy soundtrack (“If You Don’t Know Me By Now”) made the thing resemble an advert for Gaviscon rather than something being done for votes on Strictly. Still, he still seems like a sweetheart, so we’ll let him off.

Exclusive Pictures From Helen George’s Hen Night : Only On This Blog


It’s alright Caz, someone will want to marry you too some day, don’t cry, you’re a beautiful soul inside and out!


Blue Steel And Magnum rob a bank

What a pair of models. To think this cast has both Kirsty Gallacher and Jamelia in it and they’re getting comprehensively out-werk’d by the “tomboy” from Countryfile, The One Show and Four Rooms. Look at her Gangster Dragon Lady Here :

I’m never going to stop wagging my finger and yelling “FEEEE-YUS” to be honest. Gleb’s stint as Most Pimped Newbie Pro also continued a-pace this week as he became the first pro, possibly ever, to be allowed to choreograph his own Charleston (not that it’s stopped half of the other pros claiming the credit for it when they feel like it…). It…looked more or less like every other Charleston ever on the show, except Gleb had replaced the “character moments” with moments where he personally did a backflip or a one-handed cartwheel (lol what a showboater). And to be honest, the character moments are always the worst moments of a Charleston so good on him. Of course, any time a routine on this show is flagged up as different we all know what it means – Craig and Darcey love it, Len *hates* it. Although in this case you had the comedy addition of Bruno on the sidelines yapping “BUT SHE MADE MISTAKES! IN THE DANCE! SHE WAS OUT OF TIME! MISTAKES!”. LOL at caring about the dancing in a Charleston Bruno, you continue to crack me up. (I did mostly agree).

A Flashback To When Alex Jones Got Caught Dressing Up In Mummy’s Wardrobe Again

Oh yeah, Alex Jones and Matt Baker helped Gleb with the Charleston choreography apparently, you could really see their fingerprints all over it.

The Oddy In The Library

Do we know why this routine took place in a library? Other than because Jeremy is a “serious journalist” and EGG-HEAD LIKES HIS BOOKY BOOK? Even then

you can tell he’s slipped a picture of a nudey lady into there. Regardless, Jeremy’s American Smooth looked a lot like his cha cha last week, except more of it (just about) was in hold, and less of it (more or less) was out of hold, so it was less fun. I mean…I know if you read between the lines it’s fairly obvious that of all the female pros, all of whom I *love*, Karen is the one who I *love* the least, but I’m starting to think it might be beneficial for this pairing if she just does the choreography and then hives off for a cigarette and a quick game of Candy Crush during the actual routine, because as it is, she’s only serving as a barrier between Jeremy and…whatever the opposite of touching the divine is.

Gleb spots a mirror again

Things That Did Not Happen In Anton & Katie’s tango to “Telephone” by Lady Gaga ft Beyonce that I honestly would have appreciated : a poll

Things That Did Happen In Anton & Katie’s tango to “Telephone” by Lady Gaga ft Beyonce that I honestly appreciated

A quite good tango? I was amused by people praising Anton for “keeping it traditional”, as he danced to an ersatz stringifying of a pop song dressed in a velvet smoking jacket and faun polo neck on the set of Playmobil’s My First Noel Coward Play with Katie swooning off the chaise longue like she had an attack of the vapours/something else

(please note that at this point your recapper is making a “drinky drinky” motion) complete with amazingly melodramatic false finish and

petit mort moments. But I guess that’s where we are with “authenticity” on this show at this point. And where we’ve always been with Anton and Erin’s brand of camp being sometimes one notch too subtle for this show’s audience. I do love the storylining of the beginning of the dance incidentally – it comes across very :

*ring ring ring ring*
Katie : Anton, come quickly, I’m about to fall off the sofa.
Anton : I’ll be right there! TO THE ANTONMOBILE!

By God I hope there’s an Antonmobile. All in all, she could still stand to be a little less wobbly, but really this was the closest the night came to a Sophie’s Charleston/Jake’s Salsa *moment* for me. It’s been a fun couple of weeks so far, but that kick of ignition to make the engines roar hasn’t quite come yet.


YOU KNOBBED JORDAN, YOU KNOBBED JORDAN, KNEES UP PETER ANDRE! I feel a lot of “I honestly don’t dislike Peter Andre as a person but…” in this blog’s future. Because I don’t. I didn’t dislike Emma Bunton either (She is, after all, the fourth best Spice Girl which is still nothing to sneeze at). But bits of this quickstep were pretty baffling. There’s the ludicrous high knees, the Charleston bits that looked like he was trying to flick dog-dirt off his shoes before he trod it into the carpet, there’s the bit of the choreography where he and Janette just walk backwards and forwards FIVE TIMES IN A ROW…he’s a good showboater and he clearly hears the music as well as anyone in the competition, but he could do with calming down and being a little less manic and aggressive and gimmicky and a bit more refined and cau…oh wait he’s got Janette hasn’t he, never mind.


I hate to say it, as much as I’m all for Aljaz turning up dressed as a dirty grease-monkey, between this very obvious “Uptown Girl” themed cha cha and last week’s rote opening waltz, I’m starting to think he’s slowly retreating back to his slightly dry Clancey-days. Thank God Helen’s still here to

bring the insanity. Her hips are a little “clunk click every trip” and she does a tendency towards snapping her arms from one locked position to another, but I’m glad she’s such a reliable source of vibrating batshittery. No Ali Bastians here. It was a clear highlight of my night when the first words Craig uttered in critique were “…you could afford to loosen up a bit, to be honest”. NO SHIT.


So, as with last series, next week’s show is still too daunting in length for me to scale entirely so I am yet again offering you the chance to vote someone off the recap. Last year you selected Pixie Lott as your victim, and then decided a few weeks later that you basically all liked her after all. On the other hand, maybe this blog’s harsh verdict on her presence on the show is the impetus she needed to push her to do that iconic run of samba-tango-foxtrot-paso that made the middle of last series…watchable. Whoever gets the most votes in the below poll will be summarily ignored next week. Use your votes wisely.




40 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 2 Performance

  1. catherinehirst

    Well done on the marathon week – I feel I got the real flavour (self tanner and nervous sweat?) of the night without actually having to relive the sodding thing again.

    A propos of nothing, have you noticed Karen has the most trollied of drunkfaces in her opening credits thingie with Jeremy? Seriously, she makes Katie look sober.

    Obvs, I voted Jamelia out of the recap next week because, more than any other “celebrity” in my history of watching reality television, I have legit taken agin her. She is odious.

  2. Rebecca

    Delighted by the She’s All That reference.

    I voted G&G out the recap because, as show in their VTs so far, there is nothing to say about them except – she’s northern! He’s Italian! The end.

  3. Dancing Cake

    Please could you add a “none of the above” to the Kirsty v Jamelia poll? I really, really want to put “none of the above”. I’ve also voted both of them out of future recaps. Just so my feelings on both of them are clear.

    P.S. I think the opposite of touching the divine is douching the divine.

  4. Beyonce Castle

    Ooh good, glad it’s not just me Rebecca, I can’t be doing with the thick northerner schtick/ schmoozy italian bollocks anymore. That said they will now rumba as hobbity dwarves to “I see fire“ and I will be gutted to have voted them out. They are ramming him so far into the closet though, they ought to be doing a Narnia-themed rumba.
    Perfect recap Chris. That picture of Claud though…she looks like a ghost from Dr Who’s Under the Lake (a propos of which some scamp said Colin Mcfarlane was a ringer for Ainsley and was half expecting his ghost to start a salsa any minute).
    Peter Andre is going to be walking in Ryker’s shoes on Saturday playing Jack Sparrow. This was also done on Germany’s Let’s Dance by the male pro Erich Klann a couple of years ago so DWTS was not the first but the paso was highly favoured on both.
    I would say rigging it at this point but given Andre’s dark haired, as well as being orange, I did predict this for him if they weren’t doing the little mermaid route. He will storm it on Saturday curses.

    1. Beyonce Castle

      Damn. DWTS was the first to do Pirates as RTL’s Erich was 2013 Ryker 2014 but Carson did a viennese to black pearl in 2011 that I had purged from my memory til DS brought it back up 😉

      1. Beyond Castle

        Oh yes. But teaming him with Allison meant he was hired as the pro that year to be fair.

  5. DJ Mikey

    Jamelia is an unacceptable partner for Tristan, she’s not quite a duffer – but after going on YouTube and watching the brilliant Paso Doble he did with Valerie Harper on DWTS – I don’t have much hope for the level of improvement.

    Kristina abandons the 2nd best hat ever to be abandoned on Strictly, with the 1st being Katya’s hat in series 8: week 8. Daniel’s Charleston is sweet and cute, it even has a decent musical choice – which is so rare on the show now.

    Kristy’s Salsa was definitely a thing, I’m not at all sure which thing – but definitely a thing and a thing that happened. Which I will never be able to unsee, however hard I try.

    Jay looks like my friend Damien, so I can go back to fancying him – Looking forward to his Viennese Waft, American Waft, Wafto Doble, Quickwaft and Argentine Waft and Wafto.

    Iwan’s Cha Cha – Oh God, make it stop – why are you torturing me like this??

    Georgia dancing to “Georgia On My Mind” I vomited and then decided I was ignoring these 2 for the rest of their run. Their goal seems to be to be irritating, I already don’t like them – do they need to make it worse with their music choices? Plus side this week – besides being just too punny – the song wasn’t completely heinous as a consequence I didn’t rip off my ears and hurl them at the TV. So in about 4 weeks time I might not feel completely homicidal towards Georgia and Giovanni. No my opinion on Georgia hasn’t changed.

    Natalie might out camp Erin, if they’re still making the show in 2020 and she’s still in it. But she will never out camp the gloriousness of Trent and Pixie’s Space Gladiator Paso Doble. In my head her future song choices should include:

    Don’t Cry Out Loud – Melissa Manchester
    I Honestly Love You – Olivia Newton John
    I Made It Through The Rain – Barry Manilow
    Could It Be Magic – Take That (only the Take That version is acceptable)
    Last Thing On My Mind – Steps
    Go Away – Gloria Estefan
    Please Stay – Kylie Minogue

    Carol’s whatever it turned out to be was actually really sweet – she has no technical ability, but this was an adorable performance.

    Kellie and Kevin are still annoying me. He’s a hyperactive 10 year nerd and she’s a 40 year old stage school head girl – everything about them is so irritating that Georgia and Giovanni aren’t my most hated couple. I’m giving them a pass this week because of his obscenely large bulge in his obscenely tight trousers, but that shit’s not gonna fly forever Clifton.

    Anthony’s Waltz wasn’t bad considering his injury and I have a lot of respect for Oti, given that she got a celebrity who came into the show with an injury – rather than having to deal with a celebrity who got injured from doing the show. I’d definitely like to see her stick around. Also I think I’m just going to use you blog as an excuse to post pics of hot guys in very little clothing –

    Anita’s Charleston was good/fine/OK – any other adjective that’s relatively mild and has positive connotations. Sophie Ellis Bextor has actually broke a genre of dance, there’s never going to be a good Charleston on the show ever again – unless it’s Anne Charleston.

    Jeremy’s is weirdly adorable – he’s terrible at Latin and worse at Ballroom (which doesn’t make any kind of sense). But he’s very likeable and appears to be having fun with the show, which is always a plus.

    Erin Island and the Antonmobile, it’s all too much. Katie’s Tango was excellent, I’m not sure if she can get Anton the glitterball, but I think she can get him to the final.

    I’ve re-evaluated my opinion on Peter’s Quickstep and realised that he might benefit from having a different pro. His Quickstep was definitely one of the better dances of the night, because I can’t remember any previous week 2 Quickstep – or at least any previous week 2 Quickstep that was any good. Ruined by music choice, in my opinion it was too slow for a Quickstep. Still he’s good at showboating and therefore will maintain his status a dirty ringah.

    I’ve also been forced to re-evaluate my opinion on Helen’s Cha Cha, after remembering Aljaz was dressed as a grubby mechanic – so Helen could have been struck by lightning mid performance and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

    Final thought can we please get Anya Garnis back, to replace either Karen or Joanne Clifton. I don’t really care which, as long as it’s one of them.

    1. Beyonce Castle

      Thanking you for the photo Mikey. In return, there is a Val doing his Mr.Grey schtick waltz link on the other thread. That man can see me anytime. And his brother. As long as they don’t talk.

      1. DJ Mikey

        Indeed – I’m going to petition the Beeb to replace all of the Clifton’s with Valentin Chmerkovskiy, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy,

        For the ladies I want to see Otlile become a series regular, then replace Joanne and Karen Clifton with Anya Garnis and Witney Carson.. Possibly culminating in dropping an A-bomb on Grimsby.. Thank You for the link..

      2. Stormy

        I would rather smear my ladybits in chum and swim naked in shark-infested waters than watch Maks ever again. His behavior makes him nothing more than a younger, better looking James Jordan.

        Val, on the other hand… yes, please. He has Maks’ good looks *and* is a nice guy.

    2. tabithakitten

      Week 2 quickstep that was any good? Colin Jackson. Nines across the board and kicks the Andre’s paltry effort to the outer rings of Saturn and beyond. If you haven’t seen it, you should. Don’t make me come over there…

      1. DJ Mikey

        I’m sure Colin’s Quickstep was amazing – I just don’t remember anything before series 8 really well

    3. stevenperkins

      Seriously, though, how long do we have to go on blaming Tristan’s partners for his inability to teach them to dance? Natalie’s been getting duffer after duffer after duffer for YEARS and still manages to get something out of them.

      1. DJ Mikey

        Tristan’s only been in the show for 2 years and he was doing really good work on DWTS – even with the duffers. I actually thought he did well with Jennifer Gibney, in terms of her ability and the content/choreography of the routines. Sometimes it’s not an inability to teach, but an inability to learn – just saying..

        There’s also the issue of Jamelia’s personality, which makes me suspect that Tristan is spending the absolute minimum of training time with her – i.e. as little time as he reasonably can without not showing up at all.

      2. DJ Mikey

        Which would you rather do??

        Teach Jamelia to dance.

        Teach Jamelia to parachute jump, without a parachute..

  6. Minxy

    Douching the divine – pml dancing cake

    Nat was really off her game this week huh? She really wasn’t her usual self

    Chocolate sausage WTFFFFFFFFFFFF? He is Italian he knows what a blood sausage is
    Biroldo, Marsapan, Buristo, Sanguinaccio and Migliaccio
    Even southerners know what black pudding is.
    It isn’t the 1950’s now you know. The world has moved on, tastes have changed and expanded
    It is getting more and more like that awful show “Love Thy Neighbour”. And that would never be shown these days thank FSM.

    Jesus fucking Christ onna stick just stop it producers. Just. Fucking. Stop. It.
    Stop with the forced, feeble attempts at being funny/interesting in the VT’s
    Stop with the shoehorning of ridiculously misplaced songs onto whatever lame category/trope you have decided the slebs are.

    It isn’t funny, it isn’t clever, and it definitely isn’t fucking witty
    It is insulting. To them and to us the viewers!

    Just fucking stop already!

      1. Minxy

        Lol thanks I think I did
        I got taken down memory lane by a gavbot’s greatest moments thread today …

    1. Creepy

      YES Minxy!

      I want steadily improving dancing, good music, spectacle, spine-tingling choregraphy and inadvertent amusement at Tess’s expense – not this stage-managed “comedy”, tacky soundbites and laboured puns… I can’t believe they are actually highlighting the fact that the slebs have scripts, by showing us their blooper reels!

      What I wouldn’t give for a genuine insight into how they feel about their training / the dancing / the music instead of this endless script of “striclified”, “nehhhhhrves” and “let’s hope they can (insert cringe-inducing weather / sports / Eastenders related pun) on the dancefloor on Saturday night”…

  7. Minxy

    Ps Monkie
    Re Joanna’s outfit
    I so would wear that clubbing
    So long as it is made of rubber!

    (Is it made better or worse that I am well old enough to be her mother? )

    1. DJ Mikey

      There is absolutely no problem with that, age is just a number – When I’m Old I’ll Wear Purple, yeah well When I’m Old I’ll Be Purple (I plan on starting the day with Courvoisier, then I’ll just make sure I spend the rest of the day making sure my glass is never empty).

      Growing Old doesn’t have to equal Growing Up, it doesn’t have to be anymore or less dignified than you wish it to be.. At least that’s my motto, I’ll still be playing XBOX and ogling Rugby players – when I’m in my 70’s (only I fear I’ll have to do it from the sidelines by that stage).

  8. Sue Howarth

    Couple of screen shots I would like
    When Tess and Claudia came down the stairs The Man in the Hat had his very own spotlight
    When Kevin and Kellie finished their cha cha cha the audience were welded down to their seats

  9. Marcela

    Drunken Kate ❤ ❤ ❤
    Tomato Tits has to be a thing, please make it happen.
    I'm frustrated that for Movie Week Natalie and Ainsley aren't doing The Addams Family. Never a celeb would be more in character than Ainsley as Uncle Fester.

  10. John

    I’m growing find of Helen. I am more or less about as ‘easygoing’ as her. So not at all then.

    Anton incorrigibly torches his old partners to much amusement. I wish Aliona would make a jibe about all the old puffins she’s had to look after in 3 years of purgatory. It would make my day.

    Loving this year. The duffers are likable, my favourites are all the best ones. I have to stay away from gambling sites now. I’ve already lumped on Jay too much money.

    1. Huriye

      Oh YES!! My Dream Final too! P!ease make it happen! ❤

      BTW Monkseal, the set for Jezza and Kazza's AS made me think of Prof Higgins and Eliza Doolittle, as it looked like the My Fair Lady set from Drury Lane circa 2003.

      The trouble with Karen and Janette's choreo for Fox Trot is, it involves alot of upright walking in hold, with no Sway whatsoever, and a Foxtrot's characteristic is Sway, just as a Waltz has Lilt and Flow.

      Whilst me gob's open: Could not believe on Wednesday Warm Up, Waite and Ball both forgot that THEY did an AS with VW instead of Foxtrot as the base when discussing the Glebular one. Innit!


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