We open our results show with a tribute to the feminininity of our lady pros (and Joanne), which means a lot of pink wash camera and billoughing white sheets and Janette spending a clear three minutes swinging from a harness. Afterwards Tess tells us all that the routine was shot with 360 degree coverage from every angle, and you can see the results on the show’s website. If you want to try to see anyone’s knickers in particular. Next week – the boys show off their masculinities. You know, more than they already are in those trousers.
After the news that the recap of the previous nights events is totally twisted out of all sense and order (AND ALSO GREG HAS A BEARD, GIVE ME TIME TO DIGEST THIS) we get ANOTHER celebration of our sexy female pros, as they all gyrate around looking sexy and a bit hacked off as Rod Stewart (STILL WEARING LEOPARDPRINT SOMEHOW, AT HIS AGE, LIKE, EVEN BET LYNCH HAD GIVEN UP AT THIS POINT) wheezes and squeaks his way through a brand new song. It’s called “Please” and is about as needy as that sounds. Len’s Glans (yes that again) meanwhile focuses on further shaming Georgia for her lack of heel leads, giving us a close up of Craig in a big pink ladies hat, and has Darcey talk us even further through the many intricacies and pros and cons of Helen’s ballet history. TEN MORE WEEKS OF THIS TO GO (ish)!!!
Finally, after our first two rounds of Safety Sex Faces of the series (and a truly spectacular ghost noise out of Helen) our bottom 2 are Jamelia and Iwan which…is pretty much my ideal scenario, so good job voters. Unsurprisingly, it’s Iwan who gets the flick, because, let’s face it, we’re all in shock he even had the time to turn up to the Results Show. It’s probably the most satisfying First Boot in a while, because it’s not just some poor old duffer who barely knew he was here, and as if to make us even less sad he’s going, Iwan picks up Ola and shakes her til her boobs fall out again probably. BYEEE.
Next Week : Movie Week – Ainsley is a penguin and Daniel is Danny Zuko and nothing else matters.