Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 2 Results Summary

We open our results show with a tribute to the feminininity of our lady pros (and Joanne), which means a lot of pink wash camera and billoughing white sheets and Janette spending a clear three minutes swinging from a harness. Afterwards Tess tells us all that the routine was shot with 360 degree coverage from every angle, and you can see the results on the show’s website. If you want to try to see anyone’s knickers in particular. Next week – the boys show off their masculinities. You know, more than they already are in those trousers.

After the news that the recap of the previous nights events is totally twisted out of all sense and order (AND ALSO GREG HAS A BEARD, GIVE ME TIME TO DIGEST THIS) we get ANOTHER celebration of our sexy female pros, as they all gyrate around looking sexy and a bit hacked off as Rod Stewart (STILL WEARING LEOPARDPRINT SOMEHOW, AT HIS AGE, LIKE, EVEN BET LYNCH HAD GIVEN UP AT THIS POINT) wheezes and squeaks his way through a brand new song. It’s called “Please” and is about as needy as that sounds. Len’s Glans (yes that again) meanwhile focuses on further shaming Georgia for her lack of heel leads, giving us a close up of Craig in a big pink ladies hat, and has Darcey talk us even further through the many intricacies and pros and cons of Helen’s ballet history. TEN MORE WEEKS OF THIS TO GO (ish)!!!

Finally, after our first two rounds of Safety Sex Faces of the series (and a truly spectacular ghost noise out of Helen) our bottom 2 are Jamelia and Iwan which…is pretty much my ideal scenario, so good job voters. Unsurprisingly, it’s Iwan who gets the flick, because, let’s face it, we’re all in shock he even had the time to turn up to the Results Show. It’s probably the most satisfying First Boot in a while, because it’s not just some poor old duffer who barely knew he was here, and as if to make us even less sad he’s going, Iwan picks up Ola and shakes her til her boobs fall out again probably. BYEEE.

Next Week : Movie Week – Ainsley is a penguin and Daniel is Danny Zuko and nothing else matters.


14 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 2 Results Summary

  1. Elaine

    Didn’t you think Alona wafting about in a huge pink sheet made it look as if she were drowning in a vat of pink custard?

    1. Dancing Cake

      That would probably be Aliona’s preferred method of suicide… (After last night, mine would be being run over by a truck – quickly and painlessly – followed by a long death scene where a gorgeous mechanic in half an overall crawled under the truck to hold my hand and .. stuff, as I passed away.)

  2. Gerry

    I had a flashback to the days of Saturday afternoon wrestling when Iwan picked up Ola and started the good old “Aeroplane Spin” — I was half expecting him to hurl her at the judges and clasp his hands above his head in a victory celebration.

    1. Aoife

      Oh I would have paid money to see that! Iwan must not have been thought that no means no. Poor Ola all but ran away from him!

  3. Fenweasel

    Loved the choice of music (I assume by the producers) for both of the bottom two: ‘Sexy and I Know It’ for the pro who seems to spend most of her time trying to flog her calenders and ‘Don’t Cha’ for ‘urgh, fat people’ Jamelia. Looking forward to seeing Peter Andre doing a tango to ‘You’re so Vain’ and DOD dancing to the theme from Father Ted..

  4. catherinehirst

    Ooh, Jamilia, soooo sorry that happened to you! I guess all of us fat bitches in the UK couldn’t dial the phone with our fat little fingers to vote for you! Looking forward to seeing you in the danceoff next week and every week until you go home and realise maybe you should look at the part of your body that is too fat – your mouth. BYE FELICIA.

    1. Elsa

      Loved this tweet from Jamelia yesterday: “Moral of the story…If you liked it then you shoulda put a vote on it *Beyonce Voice*”

      1. Minxy

        Lol that was a witty tweet Jamilla
        Made even funnier as it highlights your delusional ego.
        You got the result you earned.
        You aren’t that good
        Nor do you have the personality to carry off being as crap as you are
        Better get your arse in gear honey Iwan isn’t there to save you next week

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