Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 2 Performance Summary

OK, I’m not doing everybody one by one this week because there’s fifteen of the buggers, the thing would be the length of an actual Quarter Final recap and lord knows nobody wants that, let’s try this :

People Who The Judges Said Did Worse This Week Than Last Week : The marks are actually a little higher this week than last week, although it doesn’t feel like it, mostly because Len is giving the bottom half of his scoring range a good work out for a change (only down as low as a 4 though, he doesn’t want to give himself a hernia). Iwan gets it in the neck the worst, for a cha cha to “Sexy And I Know It” that features him ripping off several layers of hot pink clothing and rolling around on the floor and then reality tv’ing at 100mph about how he JUST WANTED TO GIVE IT HIS ALL and HE DOESN’T WANT TO GO HOME TONIGHT and goosing the audience for cheers like someone announcing the local football team on the live tour for a cheap pop. It’s pretty grim stuff to be honest. Georgia and Anthony meanwhile both suffer mishaps translating from energecting goofy jive to elegant waltz, the former because she tries a Natalie-Lowe Head Roll without quite being ready for it and gives herself whiplash, and the latter because…you know…the whole broken arm thing. Still Oti has choreographed them as exactly the same fun young couple as last week but hitting a rough spot, so that’s nice. I hope she’s planning a wedding foxtrot for week 4, a full live birth on stage for week 6, and a showdance set in the afterlife as they shuffle off into the eternity on zimmers. The judges also decide that Jeremy isn’t quite so charming in American Smooth mode as cha cha mode which is odd because they look exactly the same to me. I do have some trouble fathoming why their routine to Happy Together is set in a library, but if it stops Karen Clifton’s constant yapping then I’m all for it. Finally Daniel drops a point from last week for a horse-racing themed Charleston based around the world of debauchery according to Daniel O Donnell (GAMBLING! ONE GLASS OF SUPERMARKET OWN-BRAND CHAMPAGNE! LADIES IN THE NIP!). But given that he can’t move his face, at all, only losing one mark feels like a kind of triumph.

People Who The Judges Said Did As Well This Week As Last Week : The tables are turned with Jamelia and Kirsty in the Latin because, whilst they’re both still crap, Kirsty’s is the more joyous performance this week. She leaps around in the air flapping around like Elizabeth Berkley getting a jacuzzi shag in Showgirls, flapping her skirt and trying gamely to look sexy, whilst Jamelia just does some rote stomping around with crap hair to The Pussycat Dolls. One-all I think. Peter and Helen’s battle of the “frontrunners who aren’t quite as good as they’re painted” at the other end of the leaderboard comes down to two more full-on performance from the face and some…weird stuff going on down below, as Helen’s ballet hips come out in full-force in an Uptown Girl cha cha that, yes, features Aljaz as a greasy mechanic, and Peter does his level best to repeatedly knee himself in the face throughout his 60s housewife themed quickstep to Valerie. Wot was Alesha’s quickstep song lest we forget. Hands off Andre. If I see you doing anything to Memory, you’re on The List. Finally, Anita and Kellie tussle and come out evens with the panel yet again, as Kellie and Kevin and Kevin’s Glasses and Kevin’s MASSIVE ARSE do a throwback Seaside Special Cha Cha to Elton John and Kiki Dee complete with cones of chips and pratfalls a plenty, and Anita and Gleb do a gangster and moll tinged Charleston to Pencil Full Of Lead (again) which really pisses off Len and Bruno for some reason, although that’s nothing as compared to Darcey calling it “contemporary” as the two of them stand there dressed like Bugsy Malone.

People Who The Judges Say Did Better This Week Than Last Week : Which just leaves Ainsley (camp as tomato-tits salsa which features no technique at all, but lots of filthy gyrations and Natalie doing the dance equivalent of milking the last note of a big number til the last drop), Carol (a foxtrot that was billed as an American Smooth but which appears to have slowly merged into a foxtrot over the course of the week as she clings ever tighter to Pasha, in which she grips a brolly throughout), and probably most particularly Katie (Anton mangling Telephone by Lady Gaga into a PROPAH TANGO, complete with full body swoons off the chaise longue and smoking jackets) to climb onwards and upwards. The GREATEST improvement of the week though, belongs to Jay. Or more specifically Jay’s hairdresser, as he gets a Tyra Banks makeover to mould his hair into a much more Saturday Tea-Time friendly shape. His waltz is mostly as you’d expect – Aliona hamming the living life out of the contemporary bits and wafty arms and hoping the fact that his hold looks a bit funny and his face still looks a bit constipated throughout goes unnoticed. I bet she’s already salivating at the thought of their American Waft.

On the combined leaderboard it’s much the same as last week – any one of Ainsley, Anthony, Carol, Daniel, Iwan, Jamelia, Jeremy or Kirsty in danger, but with plenty of ties to keep things muddy. The most important thing about the results show though is that someone sort out Claudia’s eye make-up, cause she looks like a flipping racccoon.


32 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 2 Performance Summary

  1. Krumholtz

    who knew that evil Moira Ross in a rainbow wig was planning this particular story arc – Anton to rise from what was the Ashes of when they gave him Leila and Patsy and he cocked it up to what could possibly potentially be the year of Anton?!

    What’s his partner’s name again? Is she actually famous or just brought in to dance nicely and let him win so he’ll retire?

  2. KM

    15 straight performances….ooof. It wasn’t a terrible show but it didn’t have a Sophie’s Charleston or Jake’s Salsa to lift it. I think Anita had the potential for that kind of moment, but they were undeniably out of sync at times. Not sure what Len and Bruno’s problem was though (I also thought Team GG were undermarked, but couldn’t honestly bring myself to care all that much).

    Kirsty was truly giving her all to nick Jamelia’s pre-show designated spot as The One Who Doesn’t Take Criticism Well. Actually, I’d forgotten that Jamelia was even in it by the time they got to the re-cap…and based on the party-latin promise she showed in the launch show, I can’t shake the suspicion that another pro would be getting more out of her. Are we allowed to say Tristan might be a bit rubbish yet?

    1. Marcela

      I love Tristan but it pains me to say I agree with you. One might argue that if he had more capable partners he’d produce a good routine but no, I think we’ve seen enough of him to say that’s not the case.

      1. DJ Mikey

        I disagree Tristan was doing good work on DWTS, his Paso with Valerie Harper was brilliant despite featuring a moment where she obviously forgot some steps. I’d argue that Valerie pushed him to push her, so he produced some really good choreography, while Jamelia is forcing him to hold back, so instead of being truly awful she simply appears incompetent.

      2. Elsa

        I was just reading the Strictly Facebook page and two separate women said they thought Jamelia might be pregnant. And it reminded me that when she and Tristan were on ITT on Wednesday, I couldn’t believe how much her stomach was sticking out at the end I think, when they were up dancing together – and there’s a practice photo where she’s got a big tummy… Well, it’s probably not true but it got me thinking that it might explain why she may not be training as hard as she should be. And then, some people just can’t fix pigeon toes and bandy legs – you’d think if it was easy, Karen Clifton would have sorted hers out by now.

  3. chris7712

    This week is always a slog and it did not help that nearly everything was very average.
    Jay was the best and certainly more then a point better then Andre, with one of the slowest quicksteps I have seen getting good praise and marks. Both of the male Ringers are so far ahead of the rest of the males its pretty embarrassing.
    I think that amazingly Katie and Anton have a chance although much will depend on the dance draw. Anita Rani is also a real surprise and that what this series needs.

  4. Pam Smith

    Claudia’s eye make up was quite scary when she had to salivate over Gleb. She looked like they’d brought out the Halloween video early

  5. Scott

    The “Aliona makes Jay cut his hair” VT made me wish we had one more week of Gregg Wallace so we could have got her dragging him to Marks for some pants.

  6. DJ Mikey

    Georgia dancing to “Georgia On My Mind” I vomited and then decided I was ignoring these 2 for the rest of their run. Their goal seems to be to be irritating, I already don’t like them – do they need to make it worse with their music choices? Plus side this week – besides being just too punny – the song wasn’t completely heinous as a consequence I didn’t rip off my ears and hurl them at the TV. So in about 4 weeks time I might not feel completely homicidal towards Georgia and Giovanni.

    I was kind of indifferent towards Helen, until Aljaz dressed up as a grubby mechanic – this has done wonders for my ability to support Helen. Plus delicious dirty ringah goodness.

    Peter’s Quickstep was blaze of delicious dirty ringah goodness – after his so-so Cha Cha – I feel the Ballroom is going to be where he excels, especially since I don’t think we’ve had a good Quickstep since Harry/Aliona and Pasha/Chelsee

    Anton has said he’s not leaving Strictly until he wins, and God Damn Katie is good – not quite dirty ringah good. Seems like Evil Moira Ross is actively to get rid of him now. I suggest Valentin Chmerkovskiy – – as his replacement.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Quicksteps – Patrick & Anya/Frankie & Kevin/maaaaaaaaybe Michael & Natalie for the Journey Arc Joy of it all.

  7. John

    I like this year. For once I’m fond of all the duffers, Jez, Carol and especially Ainsley. Iwan is history, I’m about 90% sure of that tonight, unless he’s in the DO with Carol but I’m sure her benevolence means we’ll an unexpected couple in there. Perhaps… Well we’ll see if the British public are true to form…

  8. Miss Cavie

    Iwan is surely toast. He’s crap and is neither funny nor endearing so must be bottom two bound. I think the judges would probably save even Carol over him at this point. Jezza seems to be this year’s Judy. He’ll probably hang around until Blackpool at least.

    It amuses me greatly that Jamelia is being outdanced by a couple of fifty-something blokes, and yes on this evidence, Tristan is fairly useless.

    Never thought I’d use the words “sinister” and “Daniel O’Donnell” in the same sentence, but there is definitely something of night about him. Loved his VT, shopping for the horse’s head that he’s going leave in Craig’s bed (Next week – conctete boots!).

    1. monkseal Post author

      I honestly thought Craig’s “that was x hours training wasted” might have been a vote-motivator for him, but apparently not…

  9. Marcela

    I gave some more thought to the theory “What if Tristan had a good partner?” and remembered that he had Rachel Stevens, RACHEL STEVENS, ffs, on the Christmas special, and then he did this:

    I find him charming, cute (I’ve got a weakness for the Irish), a nice man, but I’m not getting his choreography, at all.

  10. Neio

    As much as I love Claudia, I wish she’d stop with the ‘I can barely understand you’ stuff whenever Tristan speaks to her. It just comes across as offensive and snobby.

    And yes, what was up with her makeup last night? It was almost as bad as that first week she co-hosted with Tess and they tried to turn her into Malibu Barbie.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Nothing will ever be as bad as Claudia presenting over an hour of television wearing only a hot pink bath towel, it was *iconic*

  11. Beyonce Castle

    Jamelia highlight: her hair blowing into her face. Repeatedly.
    Daniel highlight: mrsODon coming along and that music choice.
    Kirsty highlight: Brenda displaying the lost art of crotch sniffing. And nearly dropping her.
    Jay highlight: spinning class. At least he no longer has my hairdon’t
    Iwan: breakdance, well, gough did a caterpillar once or was that bracken on DOI
    Georgia lowlight: it’s a STATE (bangs head on table)
    Ainsley highlight: do I drop you yet? Low light: not enough hips, big personal letdown
    Carol highlight: #strictlymumdancing
    Kellie lowlight: glasses shtick, hairbows
    Anthony: fiance declaration of lurve, bring it on. Eye of tiger next week?
    Anita highlight: wuzrobbed. Gleb’s punishment for doing his own choreography?
    Jeremy highlight: bring out the kids. Andre is saving that til the later stages I assume.
    Katie lowlight: not using Gaga version, big personal letdown*
    Peter lowlight: I don’t get it. I shove my other half out the door.
    Helen highlight: Aljaz naturally. And DOG WARS. Ah, Chris, you’ve a lot to work with this episode.

    * I wanted THIS in fierce tango form rather than cha cha although Anton’s will grow on me.
    Mango of a tango though?
    What’s next Len? A schmaltz of a waltz? A dive of a jive? A mamba of a samba?
    Nothing else to note apart from the hypocrisy of slating all the jerky aggressive cha chas after proclaiming Peter’s last week to be dance of the night. And poor Ola’s foisted upon her music choices destined to make bad situation worse, at least when Chico danced to that, he was on skates.

    1. missfrankiecat

      Not only did Mrs O’D come along, she either walked between Mr O’D and Kristina or made the poor trollope walk in front of them! So pointed. I like Anita but she wasn’t robbed – it wasn’t a Charleston, but then neither was The Andre’s a QS in my book. Best dancer – Jay by a country mile; most enjoyable dance for me Katie’s Tango – wonderful choreography, great musical choice, lovely costume for Katie and Anton’s hot velvet and knit was the best line of the evening.

  12. Catherine

    I’m starting to think the producers picked Peter out from the start as the so-so dancer they would make us all hate him by over-marking him beyond all sense.

    1. DJ Mikey

      No – Peter’s Latin is looking like it’s gonna be so-so, but his Quickstep was absolutely one of the best dances of the night..

    2. monkseal Post author

      I don’t think it’s planned to quite *that* degree, although he was definitely cast to be somewhat Marmite-y

  13. Alli

    It really wasn’t, it was slow, laborious, badly danced, badly choreographed, had poor footwork, he looked like a trotting horse & his posture was appalling. Other than that, meh!

    1. tabithakitten

      Think of that! Janette choreographs a naff ballroom! I think the earth just stopped spinning on its axis…

  14. Lesley Rigg

    That was a fawn polo neck Anton was wearing wasn’t it? Katie and the duffers for the final!!! Well let’s face it – nothing short of them closing the border between Southern and Northern Ireland on a Saturday night is going to stop them voting for DO’D as president/head-boy/prefect/Strictlysemi-finalist


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