Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 1 Performance (1) Summary

So let’s do them one by one :

Kellie & Kevin : Having spent the entire Launch Show promising us that she’s really nervous about showing us all who she really is, and not hiding behind a character, Kellie launches her Strictly experience playing someone called Brenda who is pretending to be someone called Mimi who appears to be trying to be Bloody Lulu. There’s a mod theme, complete with scooters, because it’s Kevin so of course there is. It’s very camp and very kitsch but for a tango they seem to be playing to the camera more than eachother.

Anthony & Oti : After a session of training that mostly involves him perving on Oti through a window, Anthony does a very skippity Boy Next Door jive which very carefully completely avoids using his busted arm in any way, as it spends most of the dance tucked in his belt like he’s got a bladder infection. We’re repeatedly promised he’s got potential for when he heals up which…I think I agree but I also think that might be by, say Week 9 or never so.

Helen & Aljaz : So of all the nutters that’ve been thrown into this showbiz asylum Helen is clearly one of the most loony we’ve ever had. Vibrating, clenching her jaw, gasping for air, claiming she’s going to faint and crying all over the place from the second she finishes her fairly standard for a ballet ringah week 1 waltz, mostly because Darcey is nice to her and gives her a 7. I am eagerly awaiting her total and utter disintegration over the coming months, until she actually starts speaking in tongues and levitating in the semi-finals when Darcey tells her she really could have been a ballerina.

Carol & Pasha : Carol is officially Not Good, and my entire experience of her whole weather-themed (natch) cha cha to “Thunder In My Heart”, replete with Pasha descending from the heavens clutching a thunderbolt, is spent wondering whether she looks worse in hold or out of it. Or even just standing still, in her sexy sexy dress with her hair done up like the Gatekeeper from Ghostbusters. Pasha certainly got his non-ringer at any rate.

Daniel & Kristina : A quite nice Week 1 Waltz to a crashingly obvious Irish-tinged tune, elevated massively by Daniel giving Kristina her own personal private concert and also absolutely refusing to ever move his face ever ever ever. And given that he has amongst the most chronic resting BitchFaces of any man I’ve seen it’s hilarious. He’s actually not a bad mover…in ballroom at least, which means my hopes of him cruising to at least Top 7 are still on.

Anita & Gleb : One of those occasions where we’re attempting to get a new pro over more than a celeb, as their entire VT is about how sexy he is and also him saying “what is wellees?” and also later we get to meet his wife in the audience. A fugly mac and some dancing video cows (…) are sufficient to represent Anita’s personality apparently, which is a shame as she’s better than you maybe would have expected. Now off you all go to try to fathom out how she’s a dirty ringah. You have until tomorrow evening, when they unleash the Andre. Shoo.

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30 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Week 1 Performance (1) Summary

  1. Elsa

    Loved the recap! Thanks!! I can’t wait to see it – and hope I can. So Gleb finally spoke!!! Isn’t he dreamy? ๐Ÿ™‚ Wonder how Giovanni is enjoying all this fawning over the other new guy? And reading about the OTT reaction to Andre, I have a feeling the producers already have him storyboarded as our 2015 winner. Oh well, gotta remember the gender balance (and 10,000 other irrelevant thing they feel they must micromanage – never mind me – I’m a bitter DWTS refugee…. but delighted to read your recap and also that SCD nabbed two hotties from our show which relieved me the burden of watching that even-more-than-Strictly rigged monstrosity; I’m even giving up Gary Busey because I just can’t stomach it)

    Reply
    1. Beyonce Castle

      Have to say Elsa, you are right. As a huge fan of DWTS, it pains me that so far this season is bloody awful. I haven’t bailed yet but dances down to 60 seconds, shoddy music and homeland theming (sadly not the Damian Lewis kind) is putting me off. Ay ay ay ay Busey is not Chong. And a tango to ACDC is just wrong whether Steve Irwin liked them or not. Ola will be getting that song next season no doubt. If you are interested just in the dances you tube bbc strictly channel has them all up already xx

      Reply
    2. Stormy

      I hadn’t watched DWTS in a few seasons, but started watching for Victor Espinoza since I grew up in the horse racing industry (and still work in it), but once he got booted (admittedly he was pretty bad, but COME ON, not Gary Busey bad), I have decided to drop it again. The songs being less than a minute, with most of that time dealing with messing around with props, is just too frustrating for me to continue.

      (On a side note, though, who decided what dances Victor got right off the bat? He got *one* easy dance week 1, then week 2 he was saddled with a JIVE and a RUMBA? Good lord. Shouldn’t those be at least week 5 dances? Bless him, he tried so hard.)

      Reply
  2. Beyonce Castle

    Ah Chris, you never let me down. Agree with all the above, including Carol who I continue to root for despite her shortcomings (she was still more natural than all previous duffers to be fair and worth more than a two). I have for the first time in eight years seen Strictly as shown on the telly all the way through (*cough filmon cough*) and it was fab. Did not care for Kevin’s tango and Kellie didn’t look fierce. Didn’t think Oti came over well (was quite sad we didn’t see her call her partner an Arschloch in training mind) and she outdanced Anthony but he tried hard and her choreo to protect him should have been lauded rather than slated. Helen’s waltz was gorgeous and she came across far better than the launch in her profuse thanking of everyone. Pasha on a thunder clap and Carol reading the weather was No don’t do this producers as was Daniel’s singing and Anita dancing in her mac. But all six put a smile on my face even though Rather Be was murdered by the singers and Anita shouting she’d lost it didn’t seem to impinge on her scores. But I was most surprised by Daniel O’Donnell…thought he did an excellent job. Based on the crowd though the Orange one is going all the way. Ain’t no other man indeed.

    Reply
  3. Chris

    Helen is such a perfect storm of nerves and madness and ringerdom, if she keeps this up then she’s going to be an absolute classic. She’s going to be touching the divine by Blackpool, I can just feel it.

    Daniel reminds me of the Magdalene Sisters – it’s like Kristina’s been sent to do her penance at the laundries after her tabloid-strewn summer.

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  4. Stormy

    Helen reminds me of what Pendledrama could have been had she actually been good.

    *grabs the popcorn* This is gonna be good.

    Reply
  5. Huriye

    I’m not a DWTS refugee, having not watched it for years, so my thoughts about last night’s show were tinged with disappointment, save for a couple of highlights.

    I’m totally sick of the absurd Rock songs used for the Tango. What’s the bloody point of pretending to even do a Tango if you’re not going to bother to interpret it properly? Sooooo annoying for those of us who watch for the Dance and not to hear Tess’s stilted, terribly timed bad jokes. And when did Ogogo become Ant(h)ony? During the Olympics he was pronounced Antony, and didn’t correct anyone.

    My fave male pro since he joined is definitely Aljaz, because he always does proper Ballroom, where possible. That Waltz was gorgeous, and Aljaz’s lilting lithe body gliding across the floor was delightful. Nice match with Helen. The show needs a Ballet ringer in every series just for those moments.

    I never believed Anita’s insistence she was some kind of Goth, Doc Marten wearing tomboy. She seems quite a girly girl, especially the way she swooned at seeing Kate in her dress during Royal Wedding coverage. Just because she’s currently presenting Countryfile, they’re overdoing the pigeonholing. That Cha Cha was fiendishly difficult though, and she managed coming down the stairs as part of the choreography really stylishly and has super fast footwork and rhythm. Good team.

    I can’t believe Natalie has got the oldest contestant again, Ainsley is 58! But so looking forward to them and Katie & Anton tonight.

    Reply
  6. missfrankiecat

    I thought Anita came over really well both dance and personality-wise – classily confident. If she hasn’t danced before, she’s very good. I also liked Anthony and Oti’s enthusiasm – interesting that the Kevin Clifton hatahs who bemoan his ‘over-dancing’ don’t seem to have noticed the ravishing Oti’s similar inability to tone it down for her beginner. I seem to be alone in thinking Helen was a triumph of style over substance (and great saves by Aljaz) – pretty floaty arms for Darcy’s delight, hands to bring joy to Craig and Bruno orgasm-inducing emoting, but the footwork was dire, on toes throughout. Amazingly, Len didn’t comment.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I mean he commented indirectly when he told Daniel he had the best footwork of the night. Hard not to take that as a slam on the waltz that came afore him.

      Reply
  7. KM

    I know Kevin was limited with what he could do with the music, but I still feel there was potential for, well, more than that choreography-wise. Also, for an actress, Kellie did very much have the look of someone about to burst out laughing?

    I also initially got the impression that they thought Joanne wasn’t working last year and, having invested so much in the ‘from Grimsby’ angle, were trying to find a compromise to keep her around as a semi-pro (hence the ITT audition pieces towards the end of the series). But given that they’ve awkwardly shoe-horned her into the opening credits, along with the fact that Anthony’s shoulder is clearly not anywhere close to dance-fit, I’m now inclined to think that James Jordan was right about them struggling to find males. Still, I feel like Aliona could have negotiated a lot more than ‘5 minute slot on ITT and hanging around awkwardly like a spare part’ if it was *her* who was binned off at the last minute.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I just don’t see any indication they were planning to bump it back up to 16 again, given the scheduling. I know it was handled opaquely but…what isn’t on this show? It seems Joanne’s the swing and will get to come back next time.

      Reply
  8. Sue Howarth

    I want to like Kellie, as she was in The Archers, but I am finding her generally irritating
    I have a crush on both Anthony and Oti so I am hoping they stay in a while
    Daniel is to Kristina as Tony was to Aliona, and I am pleased for her
    I thought Pasha with a comedy cleb would be like Aljaz last year. The previous comedy VT’s should have warned me of the horror
    Anita was fantastic, I also thought she looked incredibly beautiful and out classed Gleb, which is a sign of a great pro I guess

    Reply
    1. Sue Howarth

      And there’s more
      A muted Ho for Ola and that’s it, thumbs down
      As a Sewing Bee Wannabe I have to sat Tess dress WTF. boning or wires or something I guess????
      It looks like Jamelia is onb the loosing end of the stick with wardrobe this year, hey it worked for Caroline last year

      Reply
    2. monkseal Post author

      There’s a difference between a comedy stager and an outright duffer though. Carol had about 20% of that routine in her head and it was the bits where she was stood still.

      Reply
  9. John

    Did anyone else notice up in Claud 9 when we had a post dance interview (it may have been Anita’s) that Iwan was mugging and capering around in the background like an excited 8 year old? Then Peter Andre gives him a look like ‘Mate, settle down’.

    I’m wondering if Iwans one of those daft people, or if he has a case of the RavWildings and is a bit of a (sorry) famewh*re?

    Reply
  10. T Guise

    Peter Andre giving someone else a rebuking ‘look’ for showboating and attention seeking has my irony-ometer exploding !

    Reply
  11. Minxy

    Ah so good to have you both back
    I had the show on but saw very little of it due to being distracted by something not really very interesting on my iPad lol
    Your recaps are always better than the shows anyway ๐Ÿ˜€

    Lol at Daniel’s resting bitch face. He can’t actually move it. Such horrid horrid plastic surgery – with all his money (his fans are more rabid and spend more than 1D’s, and he doesn’t have management co taking a massive cut) he could have at least got someone decent and capable todo it (bloody lulu’s hairdresser maybe?). But yeah he definitely does have the resting bitch attitude lol. So I love him for that! ๐Ÿ˜Hope he knocks out lots of ringahs ๐Ÿ˜ especially with crappy Latin ๐Ÿ˜œ. I may lose interest if he doesn’t

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      These recaps are better than the show right? Not just the show’s recaps? Because that’s not aiming very high.

      Reply
  12. Minxy

    Lol of course better than the show – the show does a “recap”?????? What recap?
    to quote Susan Boyle “I had to think there for a moment”.
    You generously call it a recap
    I think of it as the trainee pressing buttons to randomly catch a couple of seconds footage so they can put up the number to vote for
    Yeah auntie Beeb has low standards, and is Anton’s Latin to your Nat’s amoyzin

    Reply

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