Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Launch Show Summary

And here we are, riding into Series 13 on the back of the Porn Train, with Series 12 thankfully safely behind us. And if at any point you start feeling even slightly nostalgic for a series in which Mark Wright made the final and someone tried to jive on top of a levitating surfboard, then Caroline Flack is back to do a Champions Dance that makes when Lisa Snowdon came back for the Series 7 final half-cut look positively dignified. Still, it was the best time of her life, Pasha was amazing yadda yadda, now let’s never talk about last year ever again.

This year’s runners and potentially ridden (*wink wink*) are :

Ainsley & Natalie : On the one hand it appears Natalie has officially slid finally into “reliable old stager” territory. On the other if you watched Celebrity Masterchef…she could do with the help with her Susie Salt, Percy Pepper, and Belinda Being-Edible.
Iwan & Ola : He is officially already far too keen to talk how he’s going to take his shirt off and wear spandex so tight you can see his dick through it. She is officially furiously hammering out a text to The Sun saying she wanted Peter instead. Together they are officially this year’s ridiculous height mismatch
Jay & Aliona : He seems to have the all valuable “Normal Person” points in his pocket, and she’s so happy she goes cross-eyed. Although maybe she should watch the Car Crash Group Dance footage back because reports of his ringahdom may have been premature…
Jeremy & Karen : I guess…
Helen & Aljaz : This year’s designated “I DID BALLET AS A LITTLE GIRL!” Darcey Stalker by the looks of it, and frightfully nice. I find myself hoping Darcey repeatedly gets her name wrong and gives her a 7 every single week, that being as mean as Darcey gets, whilst Helen secretly cries backstage into a small glass of Waitrose White Wine.
Jamelia & Tristan : She immediately proves her worth by telling Claudia point blank that there are male pros (plural, so not just Anton) she does not want to be partnered with and then screaming so hard in Tristan’s face when they’re partnered that he already looks a bit wistful for the days when his partners were 84, had terminal cancer, or were Nancy Grace
Georgia & Giovanni : So much of a cosplay Vincent and Louisa that she even appears to have been dressed in her iconic (*drink*) jive dress. He is kind of on my nerves already, but I’ll give him a chance because I’m nice like that.
Kirsty & Brendan : Might be quite competitive, just a hunch I’ve got. Also she talks up a LOT about how it’s really easy to make her cringe and embarass her with overt sexuality which…good luck any time you get near Andre, love.
Anthony & Otlile : It’s nice, because they both seem quite sweet and a little overawed by the entire occasion. And happily someone has taken pity on Tess and allowed her to call her “Oti”. Like the biscuits, or the yeast infection.
Daniel & Kristina : Already my favourites, just because he talks at a speed that indicates that he is fully used to everything very much running to his schedule and his pace and he doesn’t really care if you’re frantically trying to get the show wrapped up on time Tess he’s going to very much take this time to thank all of his many fans in the many countries around the globe that have made him the star that he is today, both as a singer and an all-round entertainer, but he’ll always love the Emerald Isle the best Tess, sure he will, it’s always good to be home isn’t it, what do you mean Keep Dancing is the show finished. Also, he promises he’s going to fill Kristina with blarney which…the poor woman doesn’t get a year off does she?
Peter & Janette : Has come fully prepared with dad jokes and humility and his kids and gives notice that he will roll them out liberally over the next three months. Based on the Group Dance, he’s in for the long haul as well, so get ready to know that Mysterious Girl video like it’s 1995 all over again.
Anita & Gleb I hope she’s good because I am already borderline obsessed with him, from HIS PANTS COLLECTION to his pornstache to his declaring his superpower to be “international experieence”. She’s this year’s token tomboy and they have apparently settled on “Countryfile” for the programme that she is to be listed as the presenter of.
Kellie & Kevin : If we’re talking about typical Strictly roles then Kellie is the actress mewling “oh it’s so hard being ME and not a character the whole time”. I can’t wait for her to be too nice to do the paso doble. For those of you keeping track, this means that Kevin is now the pro most DUE A DUFFAH. Get your pitchforks ready! Aliona’s still got the scars in her backside…
Anton & Katie : Watching Anton get so excited that we almost see the return of the…pleat in his trousers over the fact that his partner is only in her mid-40s is kind of sobering, although Katie definitely has the personality to make for a classic Panto Anto teaming. The Posh-Off between her and Helen is going to be quite the talk.

Also padding the time out are Jess Glynne (twice), Gregory Porter (again), Darcey starting the push for a male winner early, and a whole lot of indifferent pro latin. It’s good to be back. Expect the recap some time after I get back from holiday.


18 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 13 – Launch Show Summary

  1. Martin

    Looking at the group dance, Peter is definitely the one to beat although he needs to tone down the ‘ITV2 with Peter’ routine…not too many ‘duffers’ this year, although I don’t think that Jeremy or Carol will make it past October. Possible surprise finalist – I think Katie could be another Susanna but we’ll only know for sure if Anton tones down his ‘playing it for laughs’ routine he’s had for the last five seasons since Laila…

  2. Neio

    Did I hear Tess actually pronounce Ola’s name correctly? What happening?

    I had to laugh seeing Kristina being paired with Daniel – no chance of something happening that er, often happens then.

    I wish Iwan would ditch the peroxide and embrace the ginger, he’d look so much better.

  3. John

    Early thoughts:

    Derham looks really rather good.

    Natalie and Ainsley are going to be fun.

    Anita’s smitten with Gleb. I think we’re gonna like him a lot more than Giovanni.

    Helen dissed Anton. Harsh! Although he was unseemily pleased to avoid Carol the likely Duffer.

    Aliona escapes purgatory. Hilarious. She was so glad.

  4. missfrankiecat

    Bye bye, Karen – lol!
    Am I the only one who loved the opening sequence -Pasha polishing his trophy, Brendan and Anton sharing a dorm, like Morcombe and Wise, Darcy as a trolly dolly?
    Higher hopes for Natalie than I had anticipated – I have a good feeling about Ainslie. Several frightening women – Kirsty, Katie and Kellie won’t be doing it for the sisterhood behind the forced smiles and faux nerves. And Andre is here for the duration. It could be worse.

  5. KM

    I know I’m going to find Daniel O’Donnell on this show either completely tiresome or weirdly hilarious, I’m just not sure which one it is yet!

    I feel like I should maybe give Giovanni the benefit of the doubt because I think it is entirely possible that the producers have pushed him to play up to the Vincent-esque lusty Italian Stallion role and he’s gotten it….a bit wrong. But I can’t remember the last time a new pro made such a bad first impression on me. And both he and Gleb seem to be waging a ‘who can retweet the most comments about how good looking they are’ Twitter contest so who knows?

  6. Catherine

    Peter made me laugh the way he was STARING at the camera in the TessPit, while everyone else was looking at Claudia. Could not be more obvious this is all about the TV exposure for him, though I’m sure he’ll be telling anyone who will listen about his journey and amazing partnership and such a great experience etc. etc.

    Apparently James Jordan has tweeted that it isn’t true that Ola had a strop because she wanted to be paired with Peter. And of course we have no reason to doubt JJ, given his stellar history of unbiased ‘telling it like it is’ when it comes to things people criticise about his wife…

    Kristina seemed genuinely pleased to get Daniel. I thought she might be hoping to recreate some of the popularity she had when she partnered John Sergeant. Unfortunately Daniel seems to be completely devoid of humour so I don’t think it will work out quite the same.

  7. Huriye

    I also loved the Opening Sequence!! ❤ It was brilliant! Amusing and self mocking, so kudos to all the Pros for getting into the spirit of it so positively. Strictly is unique in that it has a sense of humour and confidence in why it's audience loves it. 😀

    I'm not into any of the new Pros yet (and on the basis of last night, Otlile's dancing prowess may be on a par with Hayley Holt's) but I liked Giovanni saying he was scared of Claudia!

    Was the Direction a bit off in the Opening studio number? A couple of times the dancer or Judge – in this case Darcey – seemed way out of shot and it all looked a bit weird for a few seconds, like another take was needed, but due to BBC cutbacks, someone told the Director, tough! It's a one take recording! Len as the new Bruce was good though.

    I really enjoyed Jess Glynne singing live (hope it shamed Andrex, who mimed when he appeared in a past series) and the Ballroom routine to Putting on the Ritz was simply gorgeous! ❤
    Please can it not be ALL Latin mish-mash, Young Generation circa 1975 Ensemble routines for the Pros this year. Jason Gilkison take note: We APPRECIATE BALLROOM IN BRITAIN!

    Generally, I thought we did well predicting the Pairings, though I have mixed feelings about some. Katie looks a) alot of fun, and b) like she's got rhythm and will be good at Latin. I live in hope Tony Beke pulls his finger out this year and doesn't coast in his comfort zone. Otherwise the celebs will really start insisting it's in their contract not to be paired with him if they've got half a chance of succeeding. Katie my love, you're still my favourite, on the Ladies' side, so make sure you foist Earth, Wind & Fire onto Dave Arch/Anton for your first Latin routine. Can't wait!

    I think Ainsley and Natalie will go a long way, as he will shake his maracas in Latin and she will get him ship shape in Ballroom. It's a good omen that he used to be Head Chef at Lord's Cricket Ground, so the Vaughan magical New York New York AS will hopefully be relived. Go AinsNat!

    Welcome back! Let's just pray for decent music choices, proper costumes, and someone tell Gleb, I don't care if you do Hip Hop, Break Dancing, Pant Posing etc, can you do a Viennese Waltz or a Fox Trot? LOL at Artem looking vaguely embarrassed in those Gleb Collection Rumba pants!

  8. Ross

    The Powers That Be are seriously testing me, partnering Katie with Anton…

    Even I’d be a better partner for Katie in Latin than Anton, and she seems damn good in that area on first viewing.

  9. Elsa

    I can’t find it but there’s a picture of Tristan and Gleb showing off Gleb’s dance pants collection – though instead of being bare, they’re just pulling their trousers down a bit. Sure wish I’d kept the “http” thing for that photo! And I hadn’t thought about it till reading the comments, but I too loved the opening sketches. Tristan in a frilly apron serving breakfast to the girls; Kevin in a shower cap showing off his manly chest; Brendan/Anton making a joke of a sequenny pink shirt Anton was saving for the finals; dancing onto the train with Bruno told to shovel coal; great stuff!

  10. Sue Howarth

    Jamilla and Andre were both good dancers and came over as nicer than I was expecting, liked the coupling as well
    Anita was fun and looked good
    Helen seems a bit weird
    I took an instant dislike to , Daniel, Kirsty and Iwan so I hope they are the first three out. This will get Jeremy to week 4 which I hope he makes as he is so lovely and enthusiastic
    Looking forward to seeing Antony and Jay
    Most excited about Natalie and Ainsley

  11. Beyonce Castle

    Yay. Just came back from Holland where I had no internet and so have just had my Strictly fix now. On one of my best tries I still only got 4/15 pairings right. Am still rooting for Ainsley Carol and Jay, although the latter two look a bit shaky from Friday but I like Nat, Pash and Aliona so am pleased. Think Miss Kirkwood will end up with Neil Sedaka’s Oh Carol if they do not use the weather cliches first, Crowded House anyone? Loved the launch show and was surprised by the pairings but looking at them now, they really are inspired.
    Brenda gets someone who will train like mad so cannot complain.
    Tristan gets someone young and looking good on dancefloor.
    Katie and Anita, who I would have put lower on recognition, get Anton’s fanbase and Newbiesexysleb so ought to stay in longer than might have.
    Xtina’s backlash is balanced by Daniel’s fanbase.
    The producers really have set it up so that there is no obvious first boot.
    The only one that is slightly off is pairing Anthony with Oti if she loves lifts and “flying” as he cannot lift, but they seemed to have chemistry. So…am going to say Jeremy-Karen and Anthony-Otlile as potential early boots. Iwan and /or Georgia as shock boots.
    Janette-Peter for the final alongside Gleb-Anita and Anton*-Katie.
    Likeable from the launch footage: Jay Anita Kellie
    Unlikeable from the launch footage: Iwan Jamelia Kirsty Helen Daniel G+G
    Good from the group dance: Jamelia Katie Peter Ainsley (biased obviously and hope he does make Blackpool) Helen
    Bad from the group dance: Jay Carol Jeremy Daniel
    *Poor Anton, what with Helen’s diss, Katie deeming him to be a “guilty” pleasure and the opening shtick, no one can say the man doesn’t have a sense of humour.

  12. Beyonce Castle

    Oh and Carol when talkng about dancing like a typical mum should have used the term
    #StrictlyMumDancing. Tis the law.

  13. Dancing Cake

    I loved Claudia falling out of bed in full mascara (but I love her anyway so am easily pleased).
    Think Len alarm clocks would probably sell really well because you’d be so bloody peed off at Len Goodman shouting SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN in your ear that you’d leap out of bed straight away and never be late for work again.
    Oh, and why didn’t they include Anton running along the station platform through the steam calling “Daddy, my daddy!” at Brucie?

  14. Sera

    I am so inordinately excited about this series. In particular, I am excited for Daniel and Kristina, and bloody thrilled for Aliona. She might even make it to Week 4!

    Otlile was on the German version of Strictly, and did fairly well

  15. Agrippina

    I can’t get on the Gleb train, I’m afraid. He looks terribly humourless (although who cares with THOSE GUNZ etc etc), and I get the feeling that he really doesn’t need to be repeatedly told how good-looking he supposedly is. I feel a bit sorry for Anita because she obviously isn’t used to all this glam stuff and he’ll probably be choreographing in a lot of dry-humping in the Latin routines.
    I am also quite excited about Jay and Aliona, because she seems to think that she’s going to be a contender this year and it will be hilarious if he turns out to be a duffer. Imagine the mental collapse!

  16. catherinehirst

    Already find Daniel tedious. Gleb is hot but not as hot as Anthony. Best Celeb: Personality – Jay, so far. Want him to be good because Aliona is my favourite besides Nat. V pleased Ainslie seemed to do all right in the CCGD; I want Nat to have a great year! Found Ainslie annoying until they paired him up with her, then was magically charmed by him. Can’t get a handle on any of the women celebs yet, except I quite liked the super competitive lady they put with Brenda (who looked amazing in that Puttin on the Ritz routine). Also loved the opening sequence and the idea that all the pros live together in a little cul de sac like various sets of Bert and Ernie.


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