Now with 100% less Joanne Clifton.
Yes, Joanne has now been shipped off to be IT TAKES TWO’S RESIDENT DANCE EXPERT (lol sorry Ian, Karen and Robin, sucks to be you, where’s your World Championships then, bye), a fact which she has greeted in characteristic Joanne style – by squeaking that it’s been her dream ever since she was a little girl to present occasional 5 minute inserts on the spin-off for a reality show in gradual decline. Which…good for her, I’m sure we can all agree. This makes your official predictions for the forthcoming series, now revealed before the launch show spoilers tomorrow make them utterly redundant, are :
Winners : Natalie Lowe
Runners-Up : Tristan MacManus & Janette Manrara
4th place : Aljaz Skorjanec
5th place : Aliona Vilani
6th place : Otlile Mabuse
7th place : Kevin Clifton
8th place : Pasha Kovalev
9th place : Gleb Savchenko
10th place : Anton du Beke
11th place : Ola Jordan
12th place : Brendan Cole
13th place : Karen Hauer
14th place : Kristina Rihanoff
15th place : Giovanni Pernice
Sorry Giovanni. As a bonus to the above, have for englightenment the following – a list of the 15 cast photos in ascending order of awkwardness :
The right amount of come-hither and sauciness combined with the best hair of the photoshoot, this is my Top Toot of the week!
Iwan is ageing nicely along with his fanbase. A strong jawline and a flattering coloured top distracts from the slight hint that he’s hiding sweat-patches.
A little bit manic, but she’s definitely putting her best features forward.
Looking good, but feels more like he’s posing for a fight poster than Strictly. Then again, maybe that’s the point (ZOMG JURNEE)
50% charming, 50% creepy suave uncle from an Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Her body is point, but her face looks a bit like Nicole Kidman doing one of those adverts where she still pretends she can move her face.
Looks a bit like he’s come from Autoglass to inject you with his special resin (calm down ladies) but on the other hand shave the beard off and he could soo easily be Chelsee Healey. I’m loving the angelic androgyny.
OK, she’s beautiful, ok, the hot pink is hot and pink, and if she pulls that hair into a high pony I’ll love her forever, but Jesus love you’re not at the gents urinals, lessen the power stance. We’re not doing the Time Warp yet (sadly).
Those of you wondering at the lack of Comedy Gay contestant this year will get all your answers from Ainsley’s outfit, as it makes 100% obvious that their initial plan was to dig up Liberace’s corpse and have it shuffle round the dance floor dressed as a velociraptor to the theme tune from Jurassic Park (LOLZ) but he’d decomposed too much and they just had to make do with the clothes he was buried in. On the other hand it’s AINSLEY HARRIOTT, so he kind of pulls it off.
No Mr Bond, I don’t expect you to talk, I expect you to BOOGIE TASTEFULLY FOR JESUS! NOW EVERYONE CLAP YOUR HANDS! BY THE RIVERS OF BABYLON!
Looks like he’s about to rip open his shirt to reveal his secret identity as Superman/a stripper at an office party for Carol from HRs 40th. Also, there’s no escaping the fact that his face in this picture is PURE EVIL.
Less Alesha’s Best Friend, more Alesha’s Nan, the ageing here is hideous, she looks about 60 (am I doing it right Jamelia? CONTROVERSIAL, TELLIN IT LIKE IT IS). Also ironically for someone who apparently hates Javine, she appears to be perfectly happy to Touch Her Fire…
“Oh hi, Fiona, how lovely to see you here at the Strictly reunion and charity bbq for Feline AIDS. Yes, Good Morning Britain is going fine thank you, definitely not getting cancelled, have you tried a hot dog?”
“Hello to you too Susanna, yes, I’m fine, estate agency is booming, chickens are laying, life couldn’t be happier, yes, I’m suuuuuuuuuper, more fries with that?”
Always embarassing when you get photographed mid-burp isn’t it?