And because nobody cares about Waltz, also a list of the more iconic…erm…lower-scoring dances that will feature in these polls. Try to look surprised that they’re almost all Latin.
Invented in : Disney
Ballroom Or Latin? : Ballroom
Signature Moves : The Stolen Glance, The Wistful Sigh, The Mournful Stroking Of One’s Own Face With The Back Of A Gloved Hand, The Rest Your Head On My Shoulder, The Awkward Boner
Purpose On Strictly Come Dancing : Fuelling Showmances
Is Iveta A World Champion In It? : Yes
Other Irrelevant Dance Style Most Likely To Be Shoe-Horned In For No Reason : CONTEMPOWAFT
And that list. There’s stll time to advocate for other choices but be warned, I’m only including one dance per celebrity and they have to be ICONIC.
Chris Parker – Paso Doble : Running around with the cape over his head like a 5 year old playing Batman
Carol Vorderman – Vorderumba
Quentin Wilson – Cha Cha : The original and still the worst.
Peter Schmeichal – Samba : SHAKE YOUR BODY DOWN
Kenny Logan – Paso Doble : Ola sees something no woman should ever have to see
Gary Rhodes – Cha Cha : Anybody who can identify the musical instrument Gary thought he was playing Karen like should send their answers on a postcard to…
John Sergeant – Paso Doble : Winnie The Pooh, Winnie The Pooh…
Mark Foster – Samba : SLAM IT TO THE LEFT (*slams it to the left*)
Laila Rouass – Jive : The Most Anton’s Jive of all Anton’s Jives
Ann Widdecombe – Rumba : They dropped the old lady into the ocean at the end
Peter Shilton – Charleston : Going Like Erin – with her head wedged up Peter Shilton’s arse dressed as the Bradford & Bingley
Nancy Dell’Olio – Rumba : Second for second, the salsa was funnier but it doesn’t get more iconic than a glittery coffin
Russell Grant – Jive THEY DUN FIRED HIM OF DAH CANNON
Michael Vaughan – Jive Natalie goes Axe Happy
Fiona Fullerton – Rumba WESTLIFE PARTY RUMBA UBER ALLES
Dave Myers – Cha Cha He was funny, once, at the beginning, I swear
Scott Mills – Samba Hard to dance when you’ve got crabs, not speaking from experience, just sayin’
Judy Murray – Tango That laugh, that drama, that time Anton threw at the audience knickers-first like he was playing skittles
Alison Hammond – American Smooth Really just correcting the judges scores with this one to be honest I CAN’T BELIEVE IT DIDN’T GET 10S SHE *WAS* CATHY!