Young and sweet (except Ginger), only 17 (instgram followers for Ginger)
Prancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oooh yeah
You can dance (except Ginger), you can jive (except Ginger)
Having the time of your life (except Ginger)
2. The early workroom drama this week mostly revolved around Miss Fame, with Violet being the one queen to truly mourn her passing, and Pearl still
twitching away at the memory of Fame questioning her commitment to Sparkle Motio…RuPaul’s School For Girls. To be fair to Pearl, it is obviously kind of shitty of Miss Fame to take what Pearl had told her in private conversation and smear it all over the runway in order to try to save herself. On the other hand Pearl’s superiority complex (AND IT’S NO SURPRISE WHEN LITERALLY EVERYONE BACK HOME IS IN LOVE WITH HER AND MODELS THEIR LIFE AROUND HER INISPIRATIONAL AND CHILL EXAMPLE) bleeds through everything she does and it’s not as though Ru would have been ignorant of it had Miss Fame not spoken up. Also this week it became obvious that most of the other contestants view Violet as a one-trick fashion pony who’s running out of time on the show. Which may be true, but who else amongst the remaining queens has more than one skill?
Ginger : reading scripts
Kennedy : having that accent
Pearl : being hot
Katya : sub-Reeves & Mortimer surrealism
Trixie : glueing on two eyelashes instead of one
In that company, even an 8-years-past-its-prime party piece fad like burlesque revival could be enough to justifiably win.
3. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! Apparently Miss Fame was such a giver that she left personalised notes for every queen hidden in their workstations, so she could tell them how she felt about them FROM BEYOND THE DRAG GRAVE! These were the most heartwarming letters sent by an eliminated queen since Kenya told Willam that he had a man-face and Gia called the entire cast of Season 6 a bunch of cross-dressing fucking men. To see just how beautiful and individual the Cosmic Queen’s feelings were for the remaining cast-members, lets play a fun game! Match the following messages to the remaining queens they were transmitted to :
1. Stay strong girl, you are so talented.
2. I love you, see you in New York City
3. My girl you are a class act and I am honoured to have been part of this with you
4. You are perfect
5. This has been an amazing summer, let’s always keep in touch
6. See you in the car, best wishes
4. Remember when Michelle Visage told Miss Fame that mocking bad plastic surgery on this show had been done to death and was uninspiring?
WELCOME TO THIS WEEK’S MINI-CHALLENGE! The queens were challenged to use sellotape to make themselves resemble the Real Housewives Of Whatever City They’re Currently Operating Out Of Maybe Des Moines? It was mostly notable for being the only time Trixie Mattell has mde me laugh out loud – first at her resemblance to noted American Idol 3rd placer Haley Reinhart, secondly at her tag-line (“How do I sleep at night? ASK YOUR HUSBAND!”) and thirdly for pointing out overall challenge winner Violet’s resemblance to
greatest first-boot of all time and US bacon marketing board spokesqueen Kelly Mantle. It’s uncanny. Really though any of the queens (other than Kennedy, who sucked) would have been worthy winners – Violet for that nose, Pearl for that beautiful bathmat hair, Ginger for the fact that if you squint it looks like she has an actual jockstrap over her face, Katya for constructing a mask of sellotape so ornate that if you pulled it off in one go it would actually all stay together and look a bit like that giant clay model of Lionel Richie’s head from the video for “Hello”. Genuinely I think was the best mini-challenge they’ve had all series, although I still of course hope that it is eclipsed next week by the RETURN OF PUPPETS!
5. Violet’s reward for winning the Mini Challenge? Say it with me now : deciding the teams for this week’s group challenge. The challenge being a DANCE EXTRAVAGANZA, in which the queens had to dance. In pairs. In mash-up “genres” like “country/robotics”. Whilst dressed half in drag and half in hyper-masculine boy-drag. Underwater. On the moon. After a hard night of hooking. Presented with such a daunting (some would say “convoluted”) challenge, Violet immediately nabbed the strongest dancer of the series so far (Katya) for herself, much to Katya’s dismay. It’s easy to forget, given that she is currently holding the Redemption Arc stick that’s been liberally passed around all season, that half of these queens still don’t really like Violet that much
and aren’t that thrilled when told they have to work with her. Still, Katya took her selection more gracefully than Trixie took being paired with Ginger, as she was still smarting from the PTSD of her induction last week into the “I Worked With Ginger On A Group Challenge And All I Got Was This Lousy Footprint On My Face” Club. Trixie needn’t have worried though – Ginger wasn’t about to outshine her. No sir. Quite the opposite.
6. The choreographer for the Main Challenge? Not Jamal Sims, not Travis Wall, not Alyssa Edwards (sadly) but instead, Dancing With The Stars LEGEND
KYM JOHNSO…sorry got my pictures mixed up there, easily done, let’s move on.
KYM JOHNSON! Two time winner with Donny Osmond and Some Football Guy, Kym’s appearance of course immediately brought to mind the quandry of which Strictly Come Dancing professional could choreograph this challenge if it ever happened on Drag Race UK. A short quandry, as let’s face it
the choice is obvious. Kym was there to guide the couples delicately and gracefully through the genres they had been gifted by the genre-choice fairies, with Ginger/Trixie getting the country two-step/robot, Katya/Violet landing the tango-vogue, and Kennedy/Pearl getting the relatively benign choice of the Charleston/twerk. Accompanying her was Carson Kressley, giving out dance critiques like Anna Pavlova herself, which those of who saw…any of Dancing With The Stars 13 will find hilarious. It’s a good job that Kym is such a Zen Goddess Of DAHNCE, because pretty much all of the queens (apart from Kennedy, who was cartwheeling, backflipping and generally just hoofing up her leg over her head with no problems) had issues in rehearsals. Violet had gangly legs, Katya couldn’t remember the choreography, Trixie couldn’t lift Ginger, Ginger spent the entire time riding the edge of a Conjoined Queens level total body meltdown and Pearl…
well Pearl was Pearl. And ever may she be so.
8. As mentioned earlier, this week’s runway was in the theme of “half male/half female” and was presided over by “comedienne Rachael Harris” (I was going to look up what she’s done but actually I think I’m happier living in ignorance let’s just say she was on MadTV Canada or something) and a heavily pregnant Alyssa Milano (she told RuPaul that she was going to name her daughter RuPaula in her honour, which sounds ridiculous, but then you look it up and she actually named her Elizabella – The Glamour Cat). And it was a fascinating runway for a number of reasons. Firstly because it was interesting to see the “boy” halves of the queens faces move in “girl” performance mode (and vice-versa : it was truly eerie to see Girl Pearl smiling broadly when that’s not something you normally see from his icy runway persona). Secondly for the insight we got from Trixie Mattell as to how Clay Aiken always felt on the inside.
Thirdly for how hot Pearl and Katya’s boy-halves managed to be, proving that
truly, it is hastily drawn on eyebrow-penccil stubble that maketh the man. Fourthly for how Kennedy managed to do a better beard for this challenge
than the one that actually required her to have a beard, and fifthly for Violet finally consolodating her place with me as the
Greatest Runway Queen this show has ever known. Move over Raja. I mean, of course there’s always 35 minutes of show that ISN’T the runway, and she’s still incredibly “self-confident” about it, so it doesn’t mean I want her to win, necessarily, but props where props are due.
9. So…the dancing. We can avoid talking about it, and the fact that this was maybe a challenge thats reach exceeded its grasp slightly no longer.
No that wasn’t a prop. The struggle was real. In the end I think the couples finished in more or less the order that you’d think looking at the performance types on paper, although that’s not to say they didn’t deserve it based on performance. Does anybody really want to watch country dancing interspersed with the robot? Really? There’s a reason the Country Two-Step lasted for only one season on Dancing With The Stars and it wasn’t a Liberal Media Conspiracy. Ginger and Trixie did their collective best but it felt like a load of drunken tottering with occasional manic finger guns. Kennedy and Pearl doing the Charleston and “twerking” (looked more like krumping to me but whatever) was slightly better, just because Kennedy can actually dance, even if she did constantly gaze down the camera like a toddler seeing itself reflected in a mirror for the first time. Also
OBVIOUSLY though Katya and Violet were the best. Everything about tango and vogue reads as drag and the fact that so much of the routine was in-hold really helped them play up the gender-duality going on. It was a series of epic poses and moments and GAYNESSNESSESS one after the other, blowing the other two teams out of the water.
Oh yeah Trixie you’re being judged in teams did they not mention that to you at the beginning, never mind.
10. Despite Ginger’s heartfelt admission to the judges that her greatest fear in life is dancing in public because of how people might laugh at her jiggle, they weren’t sympathetic enough to save her ass from the lip-sync, meaning that both she and Trixie found themselves this week in their second lip-sync a-piece, to “Show Me Love” by Robin S (if you are of the appropriate generation, please feel free to obnoxiously bray “CHOOOOOOOOON!” here) in which Trixie flailed around randomly and Ginger
brought it, almost knocking her over mid creepy-baby walk, pushing Trixie’s record in LSYFL’s down to two performed and two lost. Sadly there’s not enough episodes and contrived twists left for her to push for Carmen Carrera and Yara Sofia’s joint 0-3 record, but maybe she can reconsider lip-sync’ing being one of her supposed “greatest strengths” now? And so yet another returning queen whose only purpose was to pad a season out leaves us. Maybe don’t do this twist ever again? Just a suggestion. I mean, I appreciate that it kind of proved me half-right in that Trixie clearly didn’t have that much more to give than she did the first time round, but it really did feel like a waste of time and it overshadowed the boots of far more interesting filler queens like Miss Fame and Jaidynn.
ANYWAY, ON TO THE BALL!
Meanwhile on Untucked :
- Pretty much everyone thought they were going to be in the Bottom 2, apart from Trixie, who thought she was going to win LOL OOPS
- Trixie then confidently told everyone that, as an afficianado, that when you have to lip-sync you just KNOW beforehand it’s going to happen LOL OOPS LOL
- Ginger thinks she really needs to stop winning challenges, because she always ends up in the Bottom 2 the following week. Looking at the challenges left, that really shouldn’t be a problem.
- Katya and Trixie both presumed when they first met Violet that she was going to be a good dancer. Or at least not not a good dancer.
- Everyone went in-depth on their sexual fantasies regarding Pearl. Particularly Kennedy.
- PARTICULARLY KENNEDY
- Alyssa Edwards appeared via video to pay tribute to Kennedy and it was just as amazingly Alyssa as she always is
- Pearl did “Show Me Love” for her audition video. I knew I loved her for a reason
- Trixie once fucked somebody in the woods
- Violet doesn’t at all have a chip on her shoulder about not being an actor/comedian at all