Welcome back! And as for why this recap is so late? Well…after a long night of hookin’…
1. With Ru’s words of last week about a returning queen ringing in their ears (not the RuWords of last week ringing in my ears, which were when she yelled “SNATTTTTTTTCHHHHHHHH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMME” so loud that it gave me tinnitus) the remaining seven queens mused on who they wanted to come back. Pearl wanted Trixie. Ginger wanted Jasmine (???). Miss Fame wanted Kandy Ho (??????). Katya wanted
Kevin Federline to come back and treat her right now that the kids have left home and she’s all alone with just boxed wine for company. This magnanimity however did not last, as one by one the queens realised that the set-up of a queen returning despite having already been eliminated fair and square wasn’t right. How was it right? They’d had to perform in more challenges, they’d not got to go home and visit their families and de-stress, and worst of all THEY HAD TO SIT THROUGH THAT FUCKING STUPID RU HOLLYWOOD STORIES CHALLENGE, and yet some bitch would wind up at the same point in the competition as them despite all of that? Not right at all. Ginger led the entire cast in a rousing chorus of “We Shall Not, We Shall Not Do Drag” before the editors flexed their muscles and showed her that her brave stand was pointless by just
editing Max back into the cast anyway (lol oops). YOU CAN’T FIGHT THE PRODUCERS GIRLS, NOW GET BACK ON CRAFTING THOSE REDEMPTION ARCS TIL YOUR FINGERS BLEED.
2. Before the OFFICIAL returning queen though, we had an altogether more friendly blast from the past.
Latrice Mothertuckin’ Royale, wielding a baton and telling you to get those nuts away from HER face. The official most(/only) loved black queen AND most(/only) loved fat queen in the show’s history, breakin’ the Venn Diagram now and forever. She was here for two reasons : firstly there was a real danger that this week’s challenge might not have room to contain a crowbarred in reference to the more talented queens of series past, and secondly to preside over the ladies of Tuckahoe Prison once more, as for this week’s Mini Challenge the queens had to pay homage to Orange Is The New Black, with their prison chic looks. My favourites were
Pearl, for her to-the-point tattoo
Violet for her handcuff ear-rings
Kennedy for her ashy ashy knees and side-pony and
Jinkx Monsoon. Kennedy of course won, because that’s the default this season apparently. Her reward? Getting to pick the groups (oy vey) for this…
THE RETURN OF TRIXIE!
AND THE REST! Not that the show was foreshadowing who was going to return or anything by having Trixie emerge first and then making a gag out of all the other queens dribbling in afterwards like forgotten discharge as well. No sir. As elite commenter Vncnt suggested in the comments last week(/two weeks ago/whenever I wrote the darned thing), the neat numbers of 7 in the competition and 7 out were too much for Ru to resist, and this week’s challenge was to be done in pairs. One current queen would pair with one past queen to produce one singular drag sensation. A CONJOINED QUEEN. And so the heartwarming “make over a gay veteran/open-minded questioning jock/try-hard straight couple renewing their marriage vows” challenge of old was replaced with a mocking of the disabled and disfigured. HURRAH FOR DRAG RACE! The winning pair would see their eliminated queen return to the competition. The losing two pairs would lip-sync for their lives in a fourway clusterpluck. Well…the lives of the two queens still in the competition. You get my point. As such, it was important that the queens be paired up for maximum drama, feuding, and thrown tiaras. Sadly Kennedy decided to be fair and balanced (I KNOW, RIGHT?) and paired the queens up thusly :
Kennedy & Jasmine – because they are friends and share a simmilar aesthetic, odd lapse into morphosised crystalline glamazon horse chicken hooker on fire.
Ginger & Sasha – because they are friends and have worked together before the show
Pearl & Trixie – because they are friends and have worked together before the show and it makes for a good storyline when Trixie inevitably comes back
Miss Fame & Kandy – because they’re both look queens
Katya & Mrs K – because they’re both old
Max & Violet – because they both have a strong aesthetic
Jaidynn & Tempest – because they were left over
BOO! WHAT IS WITH THIS NEW KINDER, SOFTER KENNEDY? I WANTED TO SEE MRS KASHA DAVIS MADE OVER TO LOOK LIKE PEARL, DAMNIT! Tempest though, was suspicious, snarking in confessional that she was on to Kennedy’s schemes. KENNEDY WAS JUST TRYING TO SABOTAGE THEIR TEAM BY PUTTING THEM TOGETHER, BECAUSE THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO PHYSICAL RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN THEM. I do see her point – it would have been much fairer to pair Jaidynn with the other 300lb black woman in the competition, or Tempest with the other 7 foot tall tattooed octogenarian. The shady bitch.
4. Fortunately for the tone of this reunion-before-the-reunion of an episode, most of the queens got over their outrage at being forced to help haul someone they’d previously bested back into the competition and put their minds to work on doing the best they could in the challenge.
Most of them. Sure there was the odd threat from Katya to travel to the returning queen’s house and burn it to the ground if she herself were to be eliminated, but, well, it’s Katya. Ultraviolence is part of her way of expressing herself, and I respect that. No, it was Ginger, and Ginger alone who decided to turn this episode into one big Pity Party for herself. I mean, it didn’t help that Sasha seemed more interested in paddling around the workroom gossiping and networking rather than doing the challenge (although given that she’s CRACKED THE CODE of previous seasons of Drag Race maybe she was working on the assumption that the returning queen would be the worst possible choice, in which case good job) but it was interesting to see that when placed with a situation that didn’t play to her strengths (she’s not a sewer), was entirely out of her control (no script to piggyback off, no teams to assign, no roles to choose), and couldn’t be won by hogging the limelight, Ginger Minj kind of fell to bits. Don’t get me wrong, Ginger’s always had an attitude, but it’s never held her back the way it did this week, and I anticipate with trepidation it surfacing again in the Ball episode, which at this rate is going to be packed with fashion queens and glorious trainwreck runway queens, both of whom are going to make her look pretty drab.
5. A Short Interlude, Starring RuPaul, Kandy Ho, and Miss Fame
You seem kind of an unlikely pairing? Did you connect before Kandy left?
Kandy : No
Miss Fame :
I feel like…I wish I had a bit of Kandy because she’s fearless and I’m full of fear so there’s a part of the energy that she exudes on stage I need to have in my life to be better and after talking to her now I said “I wish I would have had the chance to get to know more about you, and here’s our chance to really know who one another is” blah blah cosmic queen blah blah chickens blah blah my brand blah blah I appeared in a commerical for Mentoes blah blah she’s got such a balance and a fearlessness about her and I’m like “gurl, your energy is just what I need” and there have been moments in my life where it’s like, clear conversation goes right through my head, I want to just show who I am”
Gawd bless. This interlude was followed by Ru trying out “how’s your head?” on Fame two more times, in addition to the two times she’d tried it as a feed-line before, all but grabbing her by her cosmic lapels and screaming in her face to give her the right punchline. Miss Fame did not. This was taken as evidence that Miss Fame doesn’t listen. I think it’s more likely evidence that Miss Fame is kind of dumb.
6. The returning pairings weren’t all misery and misconnections though. NO! Despite some footling over the DESPYs, Katya and Kasha clearly got on like a house on fire, Pearl and Trixie’s synergy and teamwork was a delight to see in a season where the (never-ending) group challenges have been marked by bitchy jostling and counter-productive arguing and all the best ideas have clearly been born of a single mind, and Jasmine and Kennedy? Reconnected like Jasmine had never packed up her hot sauce in a huff and stormed off the set.
Look at that face. Now there is a queen who is glad to be back. In her own words, “happy as a ship full of sailors and one hot hooker” in fact. There’s a lot of things about Jasmine this competition has not missed – her attitude, her outfits, her ability to coherently read English words out loud – but it definitely has missed her turn of phrase.
Mrs Kasha Davis would like to tell you all that in the 5 minutes she was back on the show, she’s really noticed a massive change in Violet’s personality since Mrs Kasha Davis was eliminated, a week and a half ago. It’s astonishing. She’s now no longer a bitch and definitely a vulnerable, likeable and relatable queen, who would definitely be worthy on winning RuPaul’s Drag Race, or being a joint winner with Ginger Minj if that’s one of the endings they film at the Reunion. Monkseal would like to tell you all how frustrated he is that the glorious Mrs Kasha Davis came back, and her narrative purpose was mostly yet again to tell us how to feel about one of the Younger Queens Who Actually Matter.
8. This week’s Sharing Session focused on “Reparative Therapy”, Mormons, gay suicide, domestic violence and low self-esteem. I don’t really have anything more to say about these segments other than truisms and “so-and-so’s story of personal growth was inspiring”, but if you were affected by any of the issues raised in this episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, then I’m sure there is a helpline number you can call.
9. THIS WEEK’S CONJOINED TWIN RUNWAY PRESENTATIONS RANKED
7. Ginger and Sasha’s Booby Peg Bundy Twins : I mean…it’s just sad, isn’t it? Sasha can at least comfort herself with the fact that she really really looks like Manilla there. (Hi Manilla!)
6. Jaidynn and Tempest’s spawn of the Whore Of 54 : I like that they had a concept, and that they tried to overcome the problems inherent in the partnership, but it really does look like two suburban moms at a fancy dress party stuffed into the same kaftan.
5. Kennedy and Jasmine’s Cotton Club chanteuses : zzzzzz. I don’t think Kennedy has ever been more pageant than he was in this presentation, presuming that just wearing the same dress and painting the same would be enough to read as conjoined twins, and be spectacular enough to get Jasmine back into the competition.
4. Fame and Kandy’s Fashion Victims : I know that the judges read them for doing a tired concept that’s been done before, but I like the twist on it being spun by the idea that these are two women who have chosen to be sewn together as a form of extreme body modification and also I like that Miss Fame has written BRAND on herself in giant letters because I never don’t like that. AND she finally got the “how’s your head?” joke. Unfortunately it still features Kandy so it can only be fourth.
3. Violet and Max’s Showgirls : Points added for being sickening, points off for clearly being done solely to please Michelle Visage.
2. Katya and Mrs Kasha Davis’ Ageing Vegas Hookers : Or as I prefer to see it, “A Very Special Tribute To Irene From Home & Away“. The boxed wine (YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHS) nearly pushes them over the top into first, but I think Katya outshone Mrs K in the verbal banter portion of the runway presentation to the point of awkwardness. Not blaming Katya, I think it was partly that Mrs K couldn’t quite keep up. I still wanted her to return most of all though, when it came to the crunch.
1. Pearl & Trixie’s Toddlers With Tiaras : A strong concept well-performed – I really loved Trixie’s random air-biting and Pearl’s constant shark-toothed bitchy grin as she shepherded Trixie around the stage. Less so am I excited for Michelle claiming Trixie outshone Pearl (lolno) and Ross really transparently forcing laughs at stuff Trixie says. We get it, she’s coming back, don’t overegg the poofing.
10. After Pearl took the win (with the worst prize in Drag Race history – a website consultation and a holiday TO THE CITY IN WHICH PEARL LIVES), and Trixie returned, the lip-sync itself was kind of obvious. Miss Fame was teased with yet another bottom 2 showing that never was, but come on! She finally got head this week! It had be Ginger vs Jaidynn and the resulting lip-sync, to “I Think We’re Alone Now”, with Tempest and Sasha as supporting players was really the only lip-sync this series so far that was truly for the ages. Because it was such a mess. Ginger motorboating herself, Jaidynn hauling Tempest around behind her like Brendan Cole dragging Lisa Snowdon round in a showdance, excessively literal choreography involving both holding onto one another’s hands and tumbling to the ground, everyone’s wigs falling off, Ginger hacking at her own tits with a massive pair of scissors to free herself then using one detached one as a bongo-cum-synthesiser, and finally everything collapsing in a mess half-in and half-out of drag on the floor.
Amazing scenes. In the end, Jaidynn’s performance was just that bit less insane than Ginger’s and she finally was submerged under the weight of having done so many lip-syncs. I’ll miss her energy, her hashtags, and her habit of inserting random qs into words. But the filler-cull is on now and it is real. We are approaching the end-game.
Meanwhile On Untucked :
- Ginger was very quick to push all the blame for her being Bottom 2 onto Sasha
- Trixie was very quick to take all the credit for her being back in the competition on herself
- THAT’S FOR THE DESPYS BITCH
- Miss Fame and Kennedy are both a bit bored of everything having to be non-stomp over the top low-rent comedy all the time. They kind of picked the wrong season to go on.
- Everyone predicted when the twist was announced that the returning queen would be Trixie or Mrs K.
- Mrs Kasha Davis righteously stomped Ginger for having such a crappy attitude for two episodes straight, glory be.
- Tempest spend the entire episode seething that Kennedy hadn’t given her a real chance to get back in the competition by pairing her with Jaidynn, like that would EVAH have happened.
- Miss Fame launched into a minute long love song for Katya and it was very sweet.
- Mrs Kasha Davis has auditioned for this show seven times, did she mention that?