The highest a contestant on this show’s ever been since Laganja decided to regale the elderly with her life story.
1. First, some choice reactions from the other queens to Violet announcing that she hated Michelle Visage, producing our first official OVERDONE MEME OF THE SEASON.
Violet was taking umbrage at how Michelle had dared to critici…not been very tasteful in telling Violet that her boy-body need zhushing during last week’s Naked Runway challenge. Violet of course was then the epitome of classy by saying that if Michelle took her tit implants out she’d be more even masculine than he is and so has no room to talk. All of this is to say that I love Violet and her hair-trigger “it’s been one challenge, calm down dear” temper and if she IS the bitter third place finalist bitch I’m hoping she is, she’s at least clearly legions more talented than either Rebecca or Phi Phi (yes I found Roxxy moderately entertaining on occasion, leave me alone) (SHE HAD A TEARAWAY…UNDERNEATH HER TEARAWAY). Also God bless the poor queen who had to try to get her Twix out from under Kandy’s face after she apparently fell asleep on it, and god bless Sasha, who here shows the same commitment to performing appropriately and broadly in the moment that she will for the rest of the episode. Aiming for shocked and indignant, landing on “getting fingerblasted up against a truck stop restroom wall”. In other “in the Aftermath of Tempest DuJour’s Elimination” news – Miss Fame was more pissed off at Violet beating her in the Week 1 “Look” challenge than she was when one of that whole pen of Rhode Island Reds got loose back on the farm and Grandpappy Fame had to spend all afternoon fishing them out of Farmer Gluckett’s gulch ; Sasha tried to make it up to Pearl for calling her the weakest link last week and Pearl told her to fuck off because she looks like John Goodman in a wig (Pearl <3) ; and Trixie was so thirsty for Fame that
even Jinkx Monsoon thought she was being a little too obvious.
2. This Week’s Entirely Gratuitous Shot Of The Pit Crew.
You can thank me later. They were wielding the leaf-blowers in aid of this week’s useless Mini-Challenge, which in the fine tradition of all the most useless and arbitrary mini-challenges, was used to determine the actually highly important choice of team captains for the Main Challenge. Queens had 15 minutes to get into drag that would withstand a hot blast of the Pit Crew’s Blowers, presumably in a tribute to one of the greatest moments of Season 2. Nobody was quite as iconic as the late great Sahara, but here are some of my favourite dental examinations of the week (remember to floss, kids) :
(Oh yeah, Moby was there as well)
(*shrug*) Trixie and Ginger won.
3. The Main Challenge? A grand-scale lip-sync team face-off to a comedy mash-up of songs, funny noises, and…in-flight instructional videos for some reason. This all felt like it was leading towards Special Guest Judge : Pam Ann, Australia’s Third Greatest Drag Queen after Dame Edna and Courtney Act, but apparently some Australian Icons don’t make the jump across the Pacific, so we had to put up with Jordin Sparks and Olivia Newton-John. Tasked with selecting a team, Trixie immediately set about assembling what was dubbed by Ginger Minj to be “Aryan Airline” – a collection of the skinniest, youngest, blondest, most visually reliant queens on the show
(can we get a shout-out for just how AWFUL Miss Fame’s face looked after the Mini Challenge by the way? It looks like she’s drawn her face on with coloured pencils) leaving Ginger with what you could argue were the scraps, if the challenge didn’t revolve around, y’know, BEING FUNNY AND PERFORMING, that is. In the end, in the tradition of strategy, Violet and Kandy were left til last to be picked, the former because it pegs back her frontrunner status, and the latter because she had one foot out the door already after last week’s beardy showing. And because she sucks. And because
it’s funny when she’s pissed off. Trixie’s shallow approach (I’m not necessariily saying that I like Trixie less this week, but we certainly saw a bit more depth to her personality and it wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops) immediately paid anti-dividends for her, as Violet immediately announced “I’m not not a dancer but I’m not a dancer” (or a constructor of coherent sentences) and Miss Fame clucked around saying that really she thought her niche as a drag queen was just standing there looking pretty (/”being a supermodel”). By contrast, all Ginger had to deal with on her team was Sasha getting the hump because she wanted to scat everywhere and Ginger wouldn’t let her. And based on her ultimate actual performance…that probably would have been better to watch. And also possibly smell better.
4. Miss Fame’s Performance Resume : “No acting experience yet – I mean, I’ve had some opportunities that could be considered an entryway to acting, but not to the degree that I’d like to see my future evolve into”.
So, porn then? Or Two Broke Girls.
5. Beauty Tips With Miss Jasmine Masters
6 Of Hearts baby. Always use the 6 Of Hearts. It’s the fiercest card in the deck, baby.
6. As ever with these big production number challenges, much of the time pre-performance was spent in a cavernoustheatre space going over the routine as laid out by a special guest choreographer and dancer. Sadly this time it was Jamal Sims instead of my bae Travis Wall, but I’ll take what I can get. This was a good chance for us all to see in detail, before the blizzard of campery of the main performance, who has command of their movements and who does not. By which I mean it was a chance to gawp at Miss Fame dancing like her hips had been attached with Meccano by an overambitious 7 year old. She may have huffed in interview that she’d landed her husband by dancing in the club damnit, but I’m guessing said landing was done at 3am and DRUNK and also ON BLINDFOLD NIGHT FOR THE BLIND TWO DRINKS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE IF YOU ARE BLIND. Also entertaining was Violet bossing Pearl rudely around during her part of the skit, in which Pearl ran around her like she was a may-pole, gradually cinching her waist ever tighter with a plane seatbelt, which Violet was very excited about because it meant she got to show off her much prized “tiniest waist in Drag Race history”, and Pearl then telling her to fuck off (Pearl <3). Also, both Katya and Ginger worried about remembering the routine. One of these two storylines would result in a triumphant overcoming of the odds. The other would not.
7. Violet’s attempt to be sympathetic in the wake of Miss Fame sharing with the group that the grandfather who had raised her in her mother’s absence due to the latter’s history of substance abuse had been murdered when Miss Fame was just 16 years old :
“It must be really hard, you know, to go through a lot”. How zen.
8. When it came time for the main challenge, and after I managed to get over my disappointment that
Girls Aloud were not in fact involved, it seemed obvious that Trixie’s picking of the pretty-pretty queens was going to come back to bite her in the butt and so it did. Although who would have expected Katya, who seems so skilled with words and clearly has some dance experience, to be the one to hammer all the nails into the coffin at once? She marched out with confidence, poise, and energy, only to entirely forgot her opening monologue. All of it. It was such a show that I had to briefly check my laptop to make sure it wasn’t buffering somehow, on whatever entirely legal means I had used to obtain the show. It also didn’t help that the opening monologue was being done in broad “ghettofabulous” girl-talk, with lots of “mmm hmm”s and “honey”s and…there was not a single non-white girl on the team to do it, which meant that even if Katya had managed it, it kind of wouldn’t have made much sense, performance wise, coming from a queen whose Eurotrash vibe is central to her act. Compound this immediately after with a clearly uncomfortable Miss Fame and Pearl trying their best to be perky bitchy stewardesses, and even Trixie’s glorious onboard lush act, Max’s on-point inflight oxygen huffing and yes, Violet’s TINIEST WAIST IN THE HISTORY OF DRAG RACE couldn’t quite pull it back up again. Part of me in fact wonders if Trixie maybe didn’t deliberately select her team up such that she thought she’d be easily able to be the stand-out performer. Or maybe she just loves Miss Fame that damned much. In the end easily my favourite part of the performance came from Violet, although it wasn’t her body.
It was her face as Katya was slopping around all over the damned place.
9. By contrast to Katya, Ginger led her team out strong, marching with purpose and sex appeal and sass, and most importantly getting her lip-sync dead on. From there, the stand-out performances came from Jasmine, who was given by far the largest proportion of the routine to do and solidly 8/10’d it all, and this BOUNTY of deranged Butch Queen faces from Mrs Kasha Davis as she ski-bop-de-booped her way around the cabin.
Dear Show : we have heard Mrs Kasha Davis speak about twice in two episodes. WE WANT MORE. Really though, a rather flimsy “comedy slapping” scene aside, most of of Team Ginger shone, with even Kandy being erm…not noticably awful. The only real exception was Sasha Belle who spend the entrity of her spotlight time (which was mercifully limited) faffing around with her extensions and looking lost. It’s no accident that this was the group that produced two of the top three (Ginger and Mrs Kasha, the former presumably winning out as much for her backstage work as her showing in the act, and the latter succeeding despite Michelle hating her Runway outfit and Jordin Sparks telling her her performance wasn’t sexual enough, a comment that was just begging for a choice “not everyone wants to be a slut Jordin!” in return) with Team Aryan Airlines only plumping up one.
10. The battle of the bottom boiled down ultimately to Katya vs Sasha, and I’ve seen many people claim the former didn’t deserve to be there. Even as a confirmed Katya pre-show stan I can’t endorse this, simply because you can’t have a queen so spectacularly fail at lip-sync’ing in a lip sync’ing challenge and get away with iit, even if her outfit on the runway is one of the best. If anyone can feel aggrieved it’s Sasha, who apparently had her chosen jetset eleganza outfit vetoed at the last second. Mercifully Katya squished her like a bug on a windshield in the LSFYL, to Olivia’s “Twist Of Fate (yet another song I can add to the list of those I’m delighted the show brought into my life), producing a slow splits
that brings me one closer to actually being able to say I have a Top 5 RuPauls Drag Race LSYF Splits, and writing a Buzzfeed article about it (Mystique, Katya, Alyssa’s jumping splits, Milan swiffering the floor with her taint), so I don’t have to feel too bad for her. Now all we need to do is get rid of Kandy Ho and I’ll love everyone remaining. After a fashion.
This Week On Untucked :
- Jasmine was still shitting sunshine to be here.
- Pearl can say something is the most amazing feeling she’s ever had in her entire life and the most amazing opportunity she’ll ever have, quite genuinely, and still sound bored off her tits.
- Trixie rates Kennedy Davenport very highly
- Jasmine was very proud of her “you were the opening act for the act” line. Very proud. Every time she said it.
- Everyone agrees that Pearl is the hottest. Jaidynn…partiularly…disturbingly so.
- Trixie would also like us to now that she thinks that OBJECTIVELY people might consider Miss Fame attractive.
- People occasionally confuse Ginger for someone warm and kind because she looks like a cherub
- Jasmine committed the worst sin you can make on Drag Race in the eyes of the Internet – not getting an outdated reference to 1970s kitschy white culture (Trixie’s retro-futuristic runway look). BURN HAH.
- Kandy revealed that being in the bottom 2 is the worst feeling ever. Until the next time.
- Pearl has a complete lack of ambition I can really relate to.
- Ginger didn’t know if she’d like Pearl at first, but now she does
- Miss Fame wishes she could get a gold star for being pretty. I think that’s what Ivy Winters got that one year, and they called it Miss Congeniality.
- Ginger heard someone on Trixie’s team bitching about how unpolished her team were and she’s not going to name any names but it was Trixie.
- Max can give a very pretty speech when she wants to.