The Apprentice Open – Final



(Oh and I’m retrocapping Series 3 apparently. WATCH THIS SPACE!)

59 thoughts on “The Apprentice Open – Final

  1. PadsterMo

    re: Jennifer Maguire – on 2FM (a state-funded national radio station in Ireland, a hybrid of BBC Radio 1 and Radio 2). Jennifer co-hosts the breakfast show.

  2. Beyonce Castle

    I have voted based on whose names rung even the most distant bell…I clearly lack the stamina and commitment to work out who these randoms are and struggled to find five in each. You could have written Hugh Jarse, Ben Dover and Theresa Green and I would have nodded along. So either ignore me voting for probable wankers (we only remember the worse ones or…?) or in respect for the work you have put in I will revote having looked up who these feckers were that made me forget them so wholeheartedly Xxx

  3. Agrippina

    Jeez. I’ve watched every episode of this show from series two onwards, but I only recognise about three names from each group, and of those I recognise, there are only about five I would want to vote for. I think I’m going to have to select my winners in the same way that the Strictly producers choose songs, i.e. a dart-throwing macaque. Unless there’s any chance of putting up little pictures of all the candidates..?

    1. monkseal Post author

      There’s 130 of them. So no. I had to google…quite a few of the young’uns to remember which was which.

  4. Beyonce Castle

    Oh God! I didn’t vote for him but having google imaged him he was Dracula. Loved him. Revoting now 😉 oops…we have already counted your vote. Hmm may have to put some work in and get my bloke to do it. We need handy monikers like Jason ‘Dracula’ Leech or Liz ‘mypiewithoutanE’ Locke ( I did know that one).
    Also I apologised for voting for wankers. Raleigh is the notable exception to this rule.

  5. Beyonce Castle

    Bollocks. Mixing up Jason ‘OAP lovin’ Leech with Alex Mills. Gah! Where did a decade of brain cells go? Am officially giving up. My favourite candidate of all time is of course Ansell Henry because he is Mr Bubbles come to life. Closely followed by Lucinda Ledgerwood.

  6. Jack

    Only on this blog would I be faced with the considerably difficult crisis of whether I hated Adam Eliaz more than Jaz Ampaw-Farr.

  7. Jack

    Plus being unfamiliar with the format, how do you decide who goes through automatically to the next round? (which is why I’m guessing we’ve not seen the likes of Yasmina, Miriam, Saira, Tim C, Lucinda, Susan (<3) et all)

    1. monkseal Post author

      It was decided by finishing position, so the top few in each series (with some proportional adjustments by cast size, so Series 10 gets the most because there were 20 candidates and Junior Apprentice 1 the fewest because there were 10)

  8. CaptnPaedoWithSpoonsForHands

    Weirdly enough I was on my train home when I noticed that Chris ‘bomber’ Bates was sitting in the set of seats one set ahead as I was facing .

    Also walked passed Zoe ‘fell off a horse’ Beresford at Bank station about 2 months ago, spent the journey home trying to work out her name – kept saying to myself ‘fell off a horse…, not natasha, sarah? gaaaahhhh’ . Ended up having to come here to work out who it was .

    Was torn between giving the no mark easy boots a chance versus the personalities . Bit of a mix . Oh and Liz Lockes Tits.
    Not that I cared about her , but I like the idea that it ups your seo……

  9. Bashful82

    Bugger. I could have been working with Chis Bates at PwC if I hadn’t buggered off a few months before. Ah well.

  10. PadsterMo

    I have to confess that I didn’t use my 8 votes in any category. Anyone I couldn’t remember was instantly excluded, and then those that I remember disliking didn’t get a vote either.

    Which means my choices are, to say the least, eclectic. And non-existant for Group H. Sorry

  11. Scott

    Running down the lists convinces me that Series 5 was the greatest series ever. Yasmina! Fishy Howard! Cassandra Lorraine! James pissing himself! Robot Kate! Pantsman! YASMINA!

    1. CaptnPaedoWithSpoonsForHands

      DebraBarr was the zenith of the redemption arc for this show – cold heartless bitch for most of it but transfromed into the QVC princess , and obviously affected by the final 4 firings.

      When James went she was crying ! Cackling and shouting “about fucking time” you would have expected from the first week , but she was definitely far more than that (as MS cronicled) .

      She turned up at my old work place a couple of years ago – far prettier IRL than the telly let on .

      Didn’t realise that’s 3 Apprentice candidates I’ve seen now.

      1. Me

        One good episode does not a good redemption arc make. She was irritating for 9/10’s of the series. An actual redemption arc would be Claire from series 4. Mind you I’ve never met the candidates in real life like everyone else so I’m just basing it on the show.

      2. monkseal Post author

        I also would add it turning out she was secret besties with Lorraine the whole time, making her the only person on the show who didn’t treat her like something she’d trodden in.

        You’re on your own with Naomi though (her righteous shoe-rant aside)

  12. missfrankiecat

    Dear God, Group D was overloaded with ‘strong’/mad as a box of snakes women. By way of contrast, has Simon ‘I’ve got a very large trampoline’ got any competition at all in his group?

    1. monkseal Post author

      I mean, I would say the woman with the best on-paper record in the history of the show at least has a case.

      1. missfrankiecat

        Too be fair, I met Helen M at a charity do when she was expecting her baby; she was extremely personable and apparently sane and normal – so plainly she isn’t going to be winning this!

  13. Ferny

    I will never understand the Susan Ma love…I thought people found her annoying and moany (it’s not faaaiiirrrr) during the series? I know I did 🙂

    1. monkseal Post author

      I mean, the joy of Susan Ma was that she was incredibly talented and succesful at the programme whilst also, fundementally, being a whiny child who ran a market stall and was oblivious to how much everyone hated her (<3)

  14. Neio

    I was so torn between StuBaggs and the mentalist that is Sarah Dales. Then I asked myself, would even StuBaggs have tried to sell a bucket of bleach and scrubbing brushes to a zoo for £200?

  15. Rad

    You meanie making us choose between Stella and Yasmina this early just so it isn’t the final two yet again.

  16. durnovarian

    Burger. Debrabarr vs Jason was my dream final… And if you’ve got a blog gap, how about the glorious trainwreck that is Mission: Survive? Or even the Painting Challenge one.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I am kind of regretting my ITV blind-spot preventing me from properly picking up Mission Survive because the Foxes have turned out to be a fascnating reality tv entity (them getting suckered into thinking this was going to be a CLASSY reality show because it was Bear Grylls then finding themselves having to drink their own piss and get into screaming matches with Jamelia <3), Tom Rosenthal is ADORKABLE (him, HRH Mike Tindall and Dame Smelly for Final Three plz) and Bear himself is an offputting psycho (<3). That Painting Challenge one is awful though.

  17. Jack

    OMG you ARE doing a classic recap? So excited! My vote is for Series 3 – Katie v Kristina (plus the awesomeness of Jadine Johnson). Would be happy with Series 1 as well – Series 4 is too hatefully and Series 2 is too sales tasky.

    Plus Yasmina to win. Obviously.

  18. Me

    Series 1: Yes half the contestants were nonexistent but they are the first ones to go (Except for Raj). The other half are hilarious so I think this will be a good start.

    Series 2: Dullfest. The only reason to watch the latter half is because of Ruth and Syed. In fact the last proper task was just Ruth and Syed messing things up whereas the other team hardly got any screentime.

    Series 3: Probably the best cast other than series 9. Only three nonexistent contestants (Ghazal, Naomi and of course Ifti, and even then I thought Ifti is the funniest nonexistent contestant.)

    Series 4: Probably the best tasks in the shows history, but my got did it get depressing fast. Imagine half the cast was Debra and you get an idea how bad it was. Alex and Helene are some of the worst finalists in apprentice history (That I’ve seen), topped only by Tana from US Season 3 (*Spoiler Alert*) who single handedly stopped the US from hosting the 2012 Olympics. Which means that Alex and Helene are still the most unlikeable finalists.

    1. Voted For Series 3

      Naomi Lay was not nonexistent. Naomi Lay was robbed, both in this contest and the show itself. Somehow, she was both noticeably competent and the speaker of the best lines of the show.

      1. Me

        Never volunteered as project manger, her team forced her to do it, and was very close to being fired. Couldn’t be bothered to project manage again and instead focussed on criticizing other project managers which was very hypocritical and is something I hate. Yes she was competent at selling but she never wanted to take charge.

        I did forget Lohit as he was quite nonexistent, but at least he managed to win as project manager fair and square. If Naomi project managed a second time then I would probably have more respect for her. Instead she became the ‘voice of wisdom’ which put her in the same category as Raj and Ansell, and at least Ansell took charge early in the series.

        Sorry, I just don’t like Naomi very much.

      2. Jack

        I thought I was the only one that didn’t like Naomi! It was her awful PMship that turned me off as well as getting involved with tribal
        Wars in Week 8. Ghazal is one of a few early series candidates (Samuel and Tuan are also in this bracket) who I really liked whilst everyone else seemed to hate because the edit hid them.
        Thinking about it I’d be happy with any series. It’d just be great to see Monkseals thoughts on them going back and rewatching them.

    1. CapnPaedoWithSpoonsForHands

      I don’t know -“MOAR BASIL ” , “Just give them more drink , they’ll never notice” , “No, 450 times …… shit! ” , “Strawberry and basil ” , got me.

      Plus the ever present apron dress thing she wore.

      But then again that’s probably just from reading these recaps over and over…..

      Her other Charms (fnarr) were well displayed on “Yer Hired”

    2. missfrankiecat

      I agree – never understood her popularity. She was too competent to be amusing but not competent enough (to my way of thinking) to have any credibility.

  19. missfrankiecat

    So glad it’s Series Three – far and away my favourite. Can hardly wait for Paul Callaghan and the away day to France debacle, Tre does art and Simon goes trampolining. Plus gobby Hopkins, of course.

  20. DrGreggles

    Yasmina won? I’ve never seen the appeal to be honest. Except when she turned up on You’re Hired dressed as a hooker…

  21. PadsterMo

    Yay! Season 3!

    (If you manage to find it online, can you tell me where? Not having much luck at locating anything other than the final episode…….)


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