Get your tuxedos ready. It’s time.
Bullet Dodger Of The Year
This being the second outing for a new prize, inaugurated last year, marking the contribution of those contestants who make Strictly unpredictable. The cockroaches, the clingers-on, the “just one more week, it’s always been my dream to compete in Nordic Noir Week!”s. You predicted they’d leave, and then they somehow didn’t. The Bullet Dodger Of The Year 2014, taking the mantle away from Fiona Fullerton is…
This little one. Judy was leading for most of the series, but then there came those last few glorious weeks where Mark was repeatedly saved over dancers who were better and more likeable than him, just so he could do that awful Showdance. WHAT A GREAT SERIES AM I RITE?
- 2nd – Judy Murray
- 3rd – Simon Webbe
- 4th – Scott Mills
- 5th – Sunetra Sarker
Best Safety Sex-Face
Safety Sex-Face or Safety Hitler-Face? Whether your reason for picking Tim was his resemblance to a long dead dictator, or Natalie’s…erm…bounciness, he is this year’s champion gurner, and the choice of 48.3% of you to wear the crown. You know, to prevent babies. No glove, no love.
- 2nd – Caroline & Pasha : 45.28%
- 3rd – Frankie & Kevin : 23.9%
- 4th – Simon & Kristina : 20.38%
- 5th – Pixie & Trent : 15.35%
Please note, not the best judge at dancing. Let’s face it, unless he has another mad series like he did when he spat venom at Louis Smith and coddled Lisa Riley like his ikkle pet chihuahua, Craig has got this one in the bag. He got 58.97% of the vote, a tiny dip on last year, but still enough to win with ease over Bruno in second. The real story here is that, despite being a one-week guest judge whose inability to mark properly left him a running joke, Donny Osmond managed to beat two of the established panel. Makes you think.
- 2nd – Bruno Tonioli : 30.27%
- 3rd – Donny Osmond : 4.03%
- 4th – Darcey Bussell : 3.59%
- 5th – Len Goodman : 3.14%
Claudia tearing up on the Blackpool NotHangover Week Performance Show was the most genuinely emotional moment of the entire series no? Anyway, even though her vote dipped in this series when she was understandably less present, and Zoe’s rose as she proved a more than adequate substitute, Claudia still wins this with 64.04% of the vote. Meanwhile, unfettered by Bruce and finally allowed to roam free on her own terms…Tess’s share of the vote actually went down. Woo.
- 2nd – Zoe Ball : 33.55%
- 3rd – Tess Daly : 2.41%
Best Use Of Staging/Props In A Celebrity Routine
Oh sure you all complain and whine about props during the series, but you know this routine wouldn’t have been the same without all the spices, the rogue fez and the backing dancers. And you know this because they tried to do it without them in the finale and it was a bit ropey. 76.07% of you had this Charleston as one of your picks, and yes, the most important thing about this is that I can say that, albeit tangentially, Gordana Whiddon is now officially a Monkie Award winner and I expect to see her in the pro line-up come July, EVIL MOIRA. Also, please note that Anton managed to get four routines in the top 11 here. What a showman.
- 2nd – Frankie’s Tango : 59.64%
- 3rd – Judy’s Viennese Waltz : 39.55%
- 4th – Pixie’s Viennese Waltz : 33.16%
- 5th – Pixie’s Foxtrot : 32.56%
- 6th – Judy’s American Smooth : 28.91%
- 7th – Alison’s Foxtrot : 27.69%
- 8th – Judy’s Paso Doble : 24.34%
- 9th= Jake’s Salsa : 23.73%
- 9th= Tim’s Paso Doble : 23.73%
- 11th – Judy’s Charleston
- 12th – Scott’s Samsa
- 13th – Scott’s Foxtrot
- 14th – Caroline’s Jive
- 15th – Steve’s Quickstep
Most BS Elimination
Unsurprisingly this category devolved into a war between this series’ three SHOCK BOOTS. In the end, it seems most of you decided that Pixie’s was the most egregious, as 86.13% of you thought it was ridiculous. Jake maybe had run his course ability-wise, and Thom cauldron of bubbling potential was left untapped (…unless you count that one photoshoot he did for Boyz Magazine) but you wanted MORE PIXIE LOTT damnit.
- 2nd – Thom Evans : 51.61%
- 3rd – Jake Wood : 31.94%
- 4th= Alison Hammond : 6.13%
- 4th= Sunetra Sarker : 6.13%
Yes, for the second series in a row, Blackpool Week reigns supreme, with 49.16% of you having it as one of your favourites. Remember when they thought we’d really rather they went to the giant character-free aircraft hanger that is Wembley Arena instead? LOL. Elsewhere, I rather suspect the names I gave the non-theme week influenced the vote somewhat, as not even I can remember what would cause you to vote for Justice For Judy Week. A couple of decent sambas?
- 2nd= Hallowe’en Week : 29.42%
- 2nd= Blackpool NotHangover Week : 29.42%
- 4th – The Final – 26.82%
- 5th – Justice 4 Judy Week – 20.48%
Best Guest Performer
GOWWWWWWWWWWWDFINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Never mind Paloma. Maybe next year for the treble.) 56.99% of you followed my instructions well, and voted for the legend.
- 2nd – Paloma Faith : 26.52%
- 3rd – TONY GAGA! : 22.94%
- 4th – OneRepublic : 19.71%
- 5th – Take That : 17.92%
Best Pro/Group Routine
Kristina showing Hollywood they were wrong to cast Angelina Jolie ahead of her for the role of Maleficent here. DEAD WRONG! The routine also featured Aljaz and Janette but let’s face it, Kristina ate them up along with the rest of the scenery. This magical farty-tale routine really spoke to 44.83% of you, just pipping poor Baby Iveta into second place.
- 2nd – Baby Iveta Has A Dream : 39.11%
- 3rd – End Of Series Car-Crash Group Dance : 34.98%
- 4th – Splish Splash Water Dance To Umbrella : 22.58%
- 5th – The Bastille Pro-Cloning Adventure : 21.62%
- 6th – Iveta’s Wartime Munitions Factory : 18.76%
- 7th – Bat Out Of Hell feat. Anton as Head Vampire : 17.81%
- 8th – The Louis Smith Disco Showcase : 16.22%
- 9th – Same Sex Cops N Robbers : 15.9%
- 10th – Riverdance : 15.58%
King Of All Pros
That picture selected entirely at random you understand. Yes, Pasha has become the first pro to win King/Queen Of Pros for the third time, with 44.16% of the vote, more than twice the backing of his nearest rival. In other news, Aljaz won people over by showing a different, more frivolous, side of him this year, Trent made a decent first impression, and Kevin and Brendan both backslid following indifferent years, albeit not so far that they entered the…Anton Zone.
- 2nd – Aljaz Skorjanec : 19.94%
- 3rd – Trent Whiddon : 15.39%
- 4th – Kevin Clifton : 8.83%
- 5th – Brendan Cole : 4.56%
Queen Of All Pros
Mummy’s back. Iveta tried to cling onto her throne, right down to the bones of fingers and the butter of her heart, but nothing was stopping Natalie coming back and reclaiming her throne, not even being partnered with a sexegenarian, and 37.63% of you voted her back in. Everyone else? Well Kristina put in a strong showing and…the other five existed.
- 2nd – Iveta Lukosiute : 27.63%
- 3rd – Kristina Rihanoff : 20%
- 4th – Aliona Vilani : 5.53%
- 5th – Janette Manrara : 5%
Worst Celebrity (Personality)
The show has since tried to pass Gregg’s…personality issues off as being due to panic attacks. It doesn’t really look like you were buying though, as a not unweighty 70.91% of you had him as one of your least lovable celebs of the series. More notable perhaps is that in this, the YEAR OF THE MAN (someone predicted that before it started, I can’t remember who) we have an entirely XY top 5 in this category. The woman who came closest to cracking the male dominance of awkward bugger-ness? Jennifer Gibney. You’re a rum lot sometimes.
- 2nd – Mark Wright : 47.27%
- 3rd – Scott Mills : 18.96%
- 4th – Thom Evans : 8.31%
- 5th – Jake Wood : 7.79%
Worst Celebrity (Talent)
Yes, 69.01% of you agreed with Craig that really, Scott is someone that just can’t be taught to dance (a tango to Stop! by the Spice Girls).
- 2nd – Gregg Wallace : 63.99%
- 3rd – Judy Murray : 21.83%
- 4th – Tim Wonnacott : 17.82%
- 5th – Jennifer Gibney : 15.56%
Best Celebrity (Personality)
Strictly’s School Of Public Reputation Rehabilitation strikes again, as 56.97% of you were converted to the joys of the Church Of JudyMoo this year. Not me though, I always loved her. Still, if doing bizarre cartoon mouse voices and buying everyone’s love with shortbread is what does it for you, then good on you. As you might expect from the results from Worst Personality, the Best Personality list is a little heavy on the oestrogen. In fact if just one Jake voter had changed their mind at the last second and backed Frankie instead, we’d be looking at an all-lady top 5. YEAR OF THE WOMAN! AGAIN!
- 2nd – Alison Hammond : 33.09%
- 3rd – Caroline Flack : 32.34%
- 4th – Sunetra Sarker : 17.41%
- 5th – Jake Wood : 14.68%
Best Celebrity (Talent)
Well done to Caroline, becoming the first winner of the series to win Best Celebrity Talent since Harry Judd. And that was a close one. As with a lot of this year’s Monkies this was somewhat of a two-horse race, as poor blighted Pixie ran Caroline close right to the very end. Still 72.13% of you endorse Caroline’s victory, and that will have to be enough.
- 2nd – Pixie Lott : 66.99%
- 3rd – Simon Webbe : 26.16%
- 4th – Frankie Bridge : 22.98%
- 5th – Jake Wood : 6.11%
Best Dance Of The Series
Oh I’ve already written about this one, you’re boring. Congrats go again to Caroline, and the 65.45% of you who voted for this routine, for backing the winning horse. And to Pasha for becoming the first pro to win this award three times as well. Handsome, talented, succesful bastard (grumbles grumbles).
- 2nd – Simon’s Argentine Tango : 62.12%
- 3rd – Jake’s Salsa : 48.77%
- 4th – Caroline’s Showdance : 32.6%
- 5th – Pixie’s Paso Doble : 26.18%
- 6th – Frankie’s Tango : 25.67%
- 7th – Alison’s American Smooth : 22.84%
- 8th – Caroline’s Argentine Tango : 20.02%
- 9th – Pixie’s Tango : 19.25%
- 10th – Frankie’s Paso Doble : 18.99%
- 11th – Pixie’s Samba
- 12th – Pixie’s Foxtrot
- 13th – Caroline’s Salsa
- 14th – Frankie’s Argentine Tango
- 15th – Sunetra’s American Smooth
- 16th= Caroline’s American Smooth
- 16th= Frankie’s Showdance
- 18th – Simon’s Quickstep
- 19th – Judy’s Viennese Waltz
- 20th – Simon’s Foxtrot
See you all tomorrow for my final feelings and opinions on the series! And then…to sleep for the next 9 months.