Strictly Come Dancing 12 – Week 12 Performance Summary

Jake & Janette : …and suddenly the judges are interested in technique with Jake, as his 70s disco cha-cha (to Boogie Shoes, featuring actual magical boogie shoes) and Viennese Waltz (to When A Man Loves A Woman and deeply deeply chintzy) are slammed technically, and he finds himself adrift at the bottom of the leaderboard. Gone are the days when he could get 36 for standing still, clicking his fingers, and occasionally remembering to catch Janette. His total score? Two higher than Gavbot at the same stage in the competition. OUCH.

Frankie & Kevin : Frankie starts off weakly with a truly bizarre and stiff toybox themed rumba to “Somewhere Only We Know” where someone’s pinched Kevin’s cheeks so hard they’ve bust a capillary. Somehow this gets caught up in the eternal battle between Craig and Len as to WHAT THE RUMBA IS (Len thinks this is a rumba, Craig thinks it is not) Fortunately for her she comes back with her first performance containing any real passio since…the paso doble(?) in her Argentine Tango to Beethoven’s 5th (??) where she flings her legs around like a good’un. She ends up in second.

Mark & Karen : In his Viennese Waltz (set on a porch somewhere in the American Mid-West) Mark outdooes Jake in terms of dancing and frame although also in terms of being utterly nauseatingly twee so it’s kind of a wash. The real drama though comes after his barefoot on the beach bargain basement contemporary rumba, which somehow ALSO falls into the eternal battle between Craig and Len as to what a rumba is (in this case Craig thinks it is, but Len thinks it’s not). Unlike Kevin though, who deals with the judge-fighting stoically, Karen bursts into big blowsy tears and wails that she’s LET MARK DOWN up on Claud 9. Mark then gives a speech. They finish fourth.

Simon & Kristina : Simon and Kristina also start weakly, with a samba to “I Like To Move It” that starts off…well not strongly, because he completely screws up his cartwheel, but more strongly that what it turns into, which is an absolute mess featuring the worst samba rolls I’ve ever seen. Fortunately he too comes back strongly in the second round with Kristina’s seventeenth Movies themed routine of the series, a foxtrot to My Guy. Still though…it’s a foxtrot, and it kind of gets lost in the maelstrom of Karen’s tears. They finish third.

Caroline & Pasha : Also ALSO start weakly (good lord but this was not a good semi-final on the whole) with a really sloppy foxtrot to “Diamonds” by Rihanna. At points it looks like a foxtrot, but more often it looks like a rumba or even a tango. Finally we’ve reached crisis point where the celebs are so confused about genres that they lose track of what they’re supposed to be dancing repeatedly mid-routine. Fortunately she comes right back at the end and OWNS THE NIGHT with a salsa where she grinds and frots and wiggles and flashes to Ricky Martin at a quite terrifying rate of knots. It gets the first 40 of the series, kind of because they’d promised something was going to get one before the final, but also because this night needed livening up with something other than EARNEST AND AGONISED DEBATE OVER WHAT CONSITUTES A RUMBA. She finishes first.

ALSO : whatever happens with the result I can reveal the first set of Monkie Nominees for the series. Up for Strictly Bullet-Dodger of the year are – Judy Murray, Mark Wright, Scott Mills, and Simon Webbe. The winner will receive their trophy from Fiona Fullerton at the end of the series.

ALSO : the most skippable set of VTs yet featuring Judges Holodeck and also several montages of the public going “WOO WE LOVE YOU PIXIE!” because nobody bothered to edit it out. I might recap them…I might not. I’ve got four episodes of this show and three of The Apprentice to do this week alone, cut me some slack.


31 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 12 – Week 12 Performance Summary

  1. Left Feet

    Not good, its a shame that they don’t start two dance stage earlier because it does mean that the semi can feel a bit flat. But the dance draw was not kind two VW’s, two Foxtrots, Two Rumbas, not dances to produce much drama. Caroline Salsa magnificent.

    1. monkseal Post author

      People have got lots of drama of Viennese Waltzes and Rumbas before though in the semis or roundabouts (Zoe, Alesha, Hamela, Harry, Abbey for the former, Rachel and Kara for the latter). I just think these people…aren’t great. On the whole.

  2. PerfectCustard

    I like Craig’s beard, Darcy’s hair, Claudia’s dress, and Caroline’s fabulous salsa.
    Frankie’s AT deserves a shout out as well. I’m loving Caroline and Pasha – I would love it if they won. Finally Jake is getting called out on the fact that his abilities haven’t improved as much as Mark or Simon. If he winds up in the bottom two the judges will dump him.
    We can only hope…

  3. Ferny

    You could finish any sentence about Mark with “Mark then gives a speech” lol I’ve never seen a ‘reality TV journey’ done quite so by-the-book before. I still can’t dislike him, God help me, but if he informs us about being an ‘underdog’ or being on a ‘journey’ one more time …

    1. Dancing Cake

      Ha ha, that’s pretty well word for word what I was going to say! The only difference is I’d have left out the word “can’t” … .

  4. Neio

    I feel like if Frankie and Kevin danced to that version of ‘Somewhere Only We Know’ they should have been dressed as a bear and a rabbit.

    Loved Caroline and Pasha’s salsa.

  5. Chris

    If there’s one thing more consistent in Pasha’s choreography than Beyonce showdances (if she gets through, I hope Caroline dances to Partition) it’s utterly wet foxtrots and American Smooths (except for Kimberley’s smooth). But hurray, wardrobe finally dressed her acceptably this week – maybe the Argentine Tango outfit and her Waltzathon dress meant she finally put her foot down.

    I think Caroline’s my new favourite now, if only because she’s managed to stick her leg up in the air in every dance she does. Maybe Pasha can bring in some can-can dancers for the showdance.

    Also, that’s three series out of four that Pasha’s got the first 40 of the series. Distribute your ringers better producers etc etc

    Frankie’s rumba gave me hives (half from tweeness, half because they used the Lily Allen cover instead of the Keane version, which would make a fecking awesome rumba). Considering her best dances till now have been tango and paso, she can clearly do passionate, so why give her that?

    1. Huriye

      Exactly! I couldn’t believe that sickly ‘sweet’ kiddie’s version of something that wasn’t a Rumba at all to my eyes. I had flashbacks to Marie Osmond on DWTS and Erin’s Muppetgate – stunned silence! Dreadful first half of the show, and I was thinking the WORST semi-final ever! I know Monkseal loves to sneer Emily Thornberry stylee at us middle aged baggages who still swoon for series 2, but THAT semi was one of the BEST ever! Compared to the dross of ALL the first dances last night, Julian, Jill, Aled & Denise rose to the occasion with some classic dances that I had to bring to mind whilst watching to erase the hideousness of those godawful routines last night. And Darcey gave a flippin’ 9 for Simon’s Samba???? Oh Please! Darcey stop trying to justify yourself for making the wrong decision last week. As was that weasel Len. At it again last night, slagging off another Pro’s choreo. I much preferred Karen and Mark’s Rumba to her boyfriend’s. All the 2nd half dances were good, apart from Jake & Janette’s, who deserve to be last.
      Well, there had to be some improvement to salvage the show’s credibility, and the absurd marking from those incompetent fools called Judges. Bruno mentioning sexual references in every single comment even made Darcey roll her eyes. Surely he’ll be ‘spoken to’ now? I was just waiting for him to be yanked off air by the neck so close to the edge was he.
      Sorry Pasha, but Caroline’s Ballroom has got to be worse than Chelsee’s, worse than Kimberley’s, and just about better than the Numbers Bitch. So if she wins, it’ll be solely based on Charleston & Latin. So much for the greatest series ever!
      Even Claudia got on my NEEHHRVES last night. I was actually pining for Zoe.
      Frankly, next year they should consider bringing back 2 dances only per show, one Latin, one Ballroom, because even the viewer gets confused what each couple is supposed to be dancing sometimes. It isn’t entirely clear.
      But most of all, LEAVE THE RANDOM GBP OUT OF IT. Those VTs were truly dreadful….in keeping with most of the show.

    2. monkseal Post author

      Ask Jason Gilkinson. (Soon to be renamed THE DEMON JASON GILKINSON if the complaining about him continues at this pitch)

  6. BeyonceCastle

    Gutted. I had seen the training footage and they all looked good then what we got was that. Goddawful.
    Bruno making out he’d never seen a toy come to life rumba before was bollocks seeing as Peta did some Coppelia shtick a few weeks ago ( to stop Chong looking too lechy+) but Frankie still seemed wooden.
    +despite having choreographed him previously as a pimp, a john and that guy getting a blowjob on an airplane in the apprentice.
    If Jake wanted to get away from his Max persona why do we get Max-pulled-from-the-Queen-Vic as a theme (alongside philandering-tango-Max
    Waltzing-Mafiamax American-smooth-brawler-Max and Charleston-gurning -Mad-Max-Beyond-The-Circus-Dome)…that alongside the Ooh new shoes I can’t dance intro to Moo boo he can’t actually dance execution was amusing.
    Karen nicked some of fiance Kevin’s twee choreography for her v.waltz and then someone nicked Mark’s shoes. Probably Max cos he needed a new pair. But frolicking in a corny field? Really? An al fresco rumba to a song which reminds me of cancer. With Karen almost wearing that dress. Sigh.
    I had such high hopes for Caroline’s foxtrot. But it was poor as was the singing. Germany’s version used Diamonds as a rumba and it was flawless (and if they ever made a nonsleb nonringah version of this show I would have nicked it as a rumba, that or I follow Rivers Triggerfinger’s version #strictlymumdancing)
    Oh Caroline. If Abbey hadn’t done it so recently you too could have danced to Neil Diamond. Not sure Status Quo or Shaggy are going to secure a showdance somehow. But if she gets through to next week please can Pasha NOT choreograph another Beyonce track…..unless unless unless he does it to Telephone plagiarizing his best cha cha ever from SYTYCD. If he were to do that she would win. So either some Geyonce or a one direction track for Tayloresque shits n giggles.
    Or a DiscoLatinJivefusion if you really must to metro station’s Shake it #strictlymumdancing
    Simon still isn’t doing it for me. Lovely to see Darce and Len overmarking him to justify last week’s Pixieletion but it wasn’t great. My baby got momentarily excited expecting Madagascar but instead got a clumsy samba only getting a bonus point from me for not including twerking #strictlybumdancing
    Looking forward to Xtina’s showdance though. She really went for it with the Donovan bless. Maybe she can do an old fashioned hollywood style showstopper in a glamourous red dres..oh wait.
    I watched Natalie’s salsa yesterday (you tweet, me sheep) and preferred it to Caroline’s particularly as my husband didn’t believe it had ‘you’re a vegetable’ or ‘you’re a buffet’ in the lyrics and so I won a bar of chocolate.
    Caroline…a dodgy? showdance but THAT Charleston/rumba
    Frankie…a ballroom? showdance but THAT v.waltz/paso
    Jake…an athletic? showdance but THAT salsa/tango
    Mark…a hectic? showdance but THAT samba/jive
    Simon…a top hat and tails? showdance but THAT Argentine tango/quickstep

    First one being ‘their’ choice, second one being judge’s?
    I have no firm favourite from the slebs although I have a soft spot for Max and I like the Flack but from the pros would be nice to see Pasha or Xtina win. In terms of arc though what you really want is HAUER versus CLIFTON seeing as the CLIFTON vs CLIFTON bro-sis rivalry didn’t work given that Scott was so…Scott. Clash of the Fiancees. Twee-dle Dumb (Mark) vs Twee-dle Twee (Frankie).
    Looking forward to it already.

  7. BeyonceCastle

    Forgot to say Monkseal, cutting you all the slack in the world…for the amount you blog your turn around time is phenomenal. Big thanks Xxxx

    1. Sue Howarth

      No sorry I totally disagree. It is the zenith of the televisual year, we will not tolerate slackers
      You could put a voluntary pay pal contribution on the site-I would cough up here and there

      1. Gerry

        Don’t you dare put the screws on Monkseal like that — even in jest! If this blog is going to stay, and many of us consider it to be a haven of right thinking and a calming oasis in the midst of the madness that is Strictly, it has got to keep coming from the heart.

        (Still, if crossing your PayPalm with a bribe would help ease your burden, Monkseal, I think I would willingly contribute!)

  8. phoebefair

    I found it impossible to take my eyes off Trent’s lowering presence in the Clauditorium. Trent pouting. Trent looking cynical. Trent inspecting the ceiling. Trent wobbling his Adam’s apple. Trent scowling. Trent glaring at Simon. Trent looking vacant. Trent refusing to smile at any jokes. Trent looking wistful. Trent bored off his tits. Not sure he even wants to come back next year. (But hope he does.) I love aggrieved Trent. I hope he and Pixie storm uninvited onto the floor at the final with an electric pastango to “It Should’ve Been Meeeeeeee”.

    1. Huriye

      Brilliant post! *bowing* I loved Contemptuous Trent most of all, as he mentally and facially dismissed all those crap routines in the first half of the show with a “….and we were voted off for that shit?” look on his beautiful face, as the Judges threw 9s like confetti. But yes, such a sad and wistful Trent, not knowing what to do with himself, and an absent Pixie. No sitting in the audience, smiling, for her this week. I would love it if Team Trixie did exactly what you describe above and gatecrashed the whole shebang, would be brilliant! ❤ ❤ ❤

      For this reason alone I long for a recap of Trent's many faces, but understand if you can't Monkseal. 🙂

      1. Chris

        I’m hoping for a joint Pixie and Trent/Judy and Anton showdance stage invasion in the final. The showdances are all going to suck anyway, theirs would be far more entertaining. Pixie’s showdance would have been a thousand shades of epic – it would just be her dancing with Gordana while Trent sits on the judges table, passing a bong around with his Dutch friends. Judy can do the mortifying Argentine Tango/Rumba hybrid showdance to Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda we all wanted from her (ok, mainly me).

      2. Huriye

        LOL!!! 😀 😀 😀 I had one of those strange early morning vivid dreams today, where I saw Gordana & Trent at a train station and I rushed up and thanked them and hugged them…….then I woke up. 😦
        They looked gorgeous BTW.
        I think from what he said on Twitter about “loving his first time on SCD this year”, it sounds like he’s been given the nod to return. I do hope so, and Gordana on the pro ranks too. Must be a Slovenian family trait to feminize boy’s names, as I’m assuming “Bernarda” is her Mum who favourited my tweets cheering Gordana.
        But knowing how Eville the Producers are, it would be just our luck if next year they are both discarded for a Bobby Windsor/Jo Clifton return. *shudder*

    2. Girlywop57

      Agree Pixie and Trent SHOULD BE THERE!!!! Hope Trent comes back too. He is an amazing choreographer and deserves another go. I hope his wife gets a chance, she is an amazing dancer too, prefer her to the chipmunk Joanne Clifton. She hates it when Kevin or Karen gets criticised. Don’t like her.
      All a bit flat this week. Standard of dancing was not that good. Gonna have to vote for Cas and Pash now Pixie gone.

    3. Minxy

      Ok just fell in love with you for that
      I hadn’t realised all that about Trent
      But I recognised each variant
      And still he is stoner Trent!
      And of course he will choose to come back – for the same reason he chose not to stay in OZ (and he has some leverage or his wife wouldn’t have got on the show even as a backing dancer so early – is Ola leaving? lol ….and the audience has already got behind her – poor Anya)

  9. Penny

    Willing to cut you as much slack as required on the VTs, but definitely need your views on what the hell was going on with Brenda in Claud 9 when he was standing behind the intereviewees. I was sceptical about your version of what was going on in his mind but now am totally convinced that he is not a happy Brenda.

    Also I’m with the posters above who could see a constant monologue of “Pixie and I went home, and the audience had to endure THAT!” in Trent’s face. Possibly not quite as laid back as all that then.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I didn’t really notice him. I’m not really looking at the background most of the time, unless what’s being said is particularly banal. Brenda does just seem…done to be honest. Although I feel he’ll still be back to pick up a pay-cheque next year.

  10. Agrippina

    After weeks and weeks of finding Mark almost unbearable watch/listen to, I finally put my finger on who he reminds me of. He’s facially very similar to Barney the dinosaur, if you ignore the purpleness. Tiny little eyes and big white teeth, although even Barney wasn’t such a wet blanket as Mark.

    Liked Caroline this week, distinctly underwhelmed by everyone else. She should win, but probably won’t.

  11. Minxy

    And those vt’s arent worthy of your recapping
    Shove in the missed recap from when we voted them out on the week you were too busy (unless I am calling a bluff)

    Whole show was flatttttttt flatttttt flattttt
    Even if I did like both rhumbas and thought Caroline’s salsambcha (and it was a salsambcha not whatever it was supposed to be) was no better than frankie’s AT. And I could at least say the AT was supposed to be an AT
    I still am not sure what Caroline was doing but she did what she did well but 40? Nah ( Most of the best dances of all series are actually 39’s tho)
    Overall tho the worst on the night was Jake …. Maybe he shouldn’t have let us know he had a week off to focus … It really showed his weakness. Janette didn’t help by once again by trying to hide his weakness by doing it herself (ola/starfish/catsuit) or by being a one trick pony (robin/ robin and lisa) And now I wonder when exactly the eastenders scripts and schedules were rearranged lol

    The right ones made the final
    Even though I personally would prefer less ringahs
    I never saw series 1 and i am sad
    Julian Clary would not make the final now
    Nor would Hollins
    And Austinwuz robbed
    And James Martin
    So wuz Ricky (he stopped turning his feet inward in the final FFS)
    And who can forget Vaughnie?
    Mark would have been except with his knees it was more a mercy killing (said in a Rocky voice)

    When was the last shock boot an actualShock?
    When did the start trying to make almost EVERY boot a shock boot for dramatic effect (that loses credibility every time it is over played)

    The crap ones that actually improve are the ones I love to see best but I usually hate the “people’s champion” when thrust down my throat (was Kate proclaimed such? Or was that purely sadism on the part of the voting public?)

    (only reason I warm to Mark despite his personality and my prejudices (I am meh about Karen … Don’t love or hate her but slowly growing in appreciation)

    But on the plus side I haven’t HATED any of this years ringahs
    Dunno if that is about them or about my disenchantment (but my love of Strictly is like Brucie and is NotDeadYet

    Tess’s boobs looked ok this week
    But does she have to perform every so called funny line as if she were doing the gurniest charleston while standing in one spot
    She is so out of her depth
    Even more than in the Tosspit

    Shame on you EvilMoiraRossInARainbowWig!
    You get the blame as you get the £ and have the final say. Stop listening to the wrong cunts and pandering to the lowest common denominator
    That wasn’t what made strictly so sellable, profitable or enjoyable

  12. Reya

    I wasn’t paying attention to Frankie’s VT, so genuinely had no idea what dance they were supposed to be doing until the judges comments started. My best guess had been an American Smooth until I realised they weren’t getting round to any lifts, at which point I landed on “… Foxtrot?”

    So I sort of understand Craig’s point. Mark’s rumba was hideous contemporary-lite with way too much lunging, but was at least identifiable. Frankie’s was very pretty, but not so much.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I definitely would have known they were both supposed to be rumbas. That’s not…saying a lot though. Caroline’s first dance I would have said “…ballroom?”


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