We open with a routine where Iveta dances with her 8 year old self, who is singing ABBA.
ARE YOU READY FOR BLACKPOOL? ARE YOU READY FOR 10S?! ARE YOU READY FOR 9S?! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME JUDY 7S?! ARE YOU READY FOR BACKING DANCER AFTER BACKING DANCER AFTER BACKING DANCER?! THERE’S SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY! (Except Sunetra, who gets shoved in a death-slot with a hen-party themed mum-samba that gets roasted over an open fire by Craig. Although even that gets scores that literally not even Sunetra believes it’s worth) (Team Sunetra <3).
Simon gets three 10s for an erotically charged Argentine Tango with Kristina that only features two foot-punches and NO CHOKING. She's learning! Pixie gets two for a truly camp-shit crazy paso doble in which she and Trent are space-gladiators! Trent also gets his wife Gordana a gig as a backing dancer, although it becomes slowly clear over the course of the night that she looks far too much like Aliona to ever get a permanent role (boo). Frankie also gets two 10s for a rock-band themed quickstep that's probably the only quickstep ever in a big arena show not to feel like a dog being trotted round at Crufts. Caroline gets one 10 for her Londoncentric jive in which she comes dressed as a Happy Shopper Geri Halliwell. Surely this must be the peak of her feud with Wardrobe? SURELY? (Pasha sadly gets no 10s for his acting as a mysterious gypsy fortune teller because true acting genius is never recognised in its lifetime).
Sadly that's it for 10s. The fruit machine has to stop paying out at some point I guess. Jake and Mark both come close, and even get Craig-9s, which in very many ways are more valuable than a 10 from anybody else (certainly than a 10 from Craig, which as we know get given to disco-salsas and Dr Hammie's Quickstep and every single dance that Lisa Snowdon did to my recollection), although I can't see why in either case. Mark's magic-themed Charleston is fun but a little slow, and lacks the impact of either his samba or his jive. Jake's American Smooth on the other hand…is basically Ben's American Smooth from last year, but with Jake doing marginally more and doing it marginally worse. Janette works harder than Brenda does at making it up to production for missing his big Hallowe'en speech…I'm not sure Jake does an awful lot. I actually marginally prefer Steve's American Smooth, giant arm-hankies and bulky awkwardness included, just because it feels like the celebrity is actually involved. Also Iveta lobs make-up at him in his VT. I laughed.
Finally there's…Judy. Everything this week says it should be her time to leave. She does a nice enough ballroom dance, she gets 7s (the perennial now fuck off home mark for the no-hoper), Andy isn’t mentioned or shown once, and she literally floats off the show under a flight of balloons at the end. But will this be the end?
*to be continued*