Ho ho ho.
So they finally did it. They finally stopped trying to get us to believe that the likes of Su Pollard, Bobby Ball, Katy Brand and Elaine Paige (FOR THE FIFTIETH BLOODY TIME) were far too busy to commit to a full series, and have fallen back on that old reliable staple – the CLASH OF THE RETURNING TITANS. Except in the old days we genuinely used to get Strictly greats fighting it out for the Christmas Glitter-Star. Just imagine this year’s equivalent of those old titanic struggles – Natalie vs Denise vs Kimberly vs Louis vs Susanna vs Abbey. Or Kara vs Harry vs Matt vs Pamela vs Chelsee vs Jason. I’m positively salivating at the thought. JUST THINK WHAT THEY COULD DO! But no, what we’ve got instead is two of the less exciting winners, two losing finalists and two (*shudder*) “People’s Champions” all dancing with a (*shudder again*) panto theme. How many times can we watch a Rachel Stevens rumba score 39 in one lifetime I find myself asking. Is anyone really here for a Chris vs Sophie Festive Charleston-Off except with him dressed as a snowman and her dressed as Abanazer?
At least the pros will be happy. Tristan (partnered with Rachel Stevens) and Aliona (partnered with Louis Smith) both have their first hot young things in years and Aljaz gets pretty much the exact opposite in temperament and appearance of Alison Hammond – Sophie Ellis-Bextor. It’s always nice to have a change isn’t it? As long as he doesn’t go back to being the mute decorative slab he was with Abbey, hoorah. Russell Grant is a step up from Scott Mills for Joanne (although let’s face it, spending Christmas Day having to watch whatever ITV sharts out would be a step up from Scott Mills), and heck even the thought of Iveta and Chris Hollins (*countdown to a “The Hollins & The Ivy” joke*) is…weirdly appealing on a twisted sort of surrealist level. Most ecstatic though must be Robin being returned to the arms of his Little Lisa From Manchester. Truly they have been apart for far far far too long. I only hope his back’s up to it…
So, for the sake of the pros, let’s rev our engines and answer the following question :