This week’s Haunting Results Show Hallowe’en Pro Dance (as opposed to the All-Out Performance Show Camp Fest Pro Dance) is a contemporary infused paso based around Sleeping Beauty danced to Beyonce. Janette is the innocent virginal princess, Aljaz is Prince Phillip, and Kristina is Maleficent. Because this is a bold modern dark fairy tale there are pleasantly chubby little fairies singing Bippity Boppity Boo sadly, just a load of gimp hoods and chewing the air. This is still better than this year’s Hallowe’en Guest Singer, who is Annie Lennox. She does a very special tribute to Tim Wonnacott’s Goodbye Dance which NO PRO DANCERS ARE ALLOWED TO IMPINGE ON, so convinced is Annie of her own compellingness. She honks out a boring version of “I Put A Spell On You” whilst jigging like Ellen DeGeneres with sand in her vagina. BRING BACK BOY GEORGE, ALL IS FORGIVEN.
This week’s “THAT’S CLAUDIA!” is hosted by Zoe Ball and features Alison’s mum (cheerful, proud, liddle bit tipsy), and Scott’s mum (vengeful). Zoe doesn’t quite carry it off with the same panache Claudia did, but there IS a handsome guy with a beard in the front row, so I’m easily satisfied. Zoe also takes over Len’s Glans, which features yet another segment where they just laugh at Scott’s face, and Len and Darcey both demonstrating the paso doble in such mind-numbing detail that Bruno sabotages the whole thing on purpose to make it stop.
Our spooky Bottom 2? It’s another SHOCK…apparently being applied to Karen Hauer’s genitals as she gibbers around like a woman possessed when declared safe. The people in actualdanger though are, for once, greeted by no gasps of horror and despair, as Scott and Alison face off with Scott going home, despite a bizarre last ditch attempt by Len to save him.
The highlight of the whole show though is Kevin taking the piss out of Mark Wright’s emotional incontinence. And so say all of us.