Great British Sewing Bee – Children In Need

So obviously with things being as they are in the current world of tv watching and recapping I’ve not really got time to dedicate to full coverage of the charity spin-off of a minor reality sewing show. No time for Dave Myers being almost as bad at sewing as he is at dancing, except with fewer laboured food metaphors. No time for Gaby Roslin rampaging around yelling that she’s NEVER SEWED BEFORE and yet somehow turning out nigh-on perfect garment CHINNY RECKON. No time to discuss what Helen Lederer’s done to her hair or Louis Spence going on a righteous rampage over being put in the same heat as a PROFESSIONAL SEWER and tearing the legs off a child’s onesie, or to talk about all the deeply tragic ways I would bear Mark Watson’s children if I were in possession of a working uterus. No space even to talk about Edith Bowman’s perpetual runner-up melancholy, that somehow managed to equal Korto Momolu’s three series worth of almost making it, condensed into but one episode or how Gemma Cairney should have just given up and made everything into a head-scarf or even pondering who Dr Dawn Harper or Kathryn Flett are.

NOT EVEN PATRICK’S MOUSTACHE.

But what I do have time for, what I will always have time for, is to give a reality without a winner…erm…a winner. Imagine a final between the three heat winners, presided over by Heather, probably with a riding crop. Who won?

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11 thoughts on “Great British Sewing Bee – Children In Need

  1. NotTheRealJoe

    I know most people can’t stand Louis Spence but I loved him on this show. Calling one of the rounds stupid as it wasn’t creative enough and choosing to turn out a ladybird costume that Bad Romance era Lady Gaga would call ‘too risque’ was very funny.

    Reply
    1. Jan

      I liked him too. Partly because I’ve always disagreed with the alteration challenge myself, it’s far too short and I would find it panicked-blank-mind-inducing, and he disagreed with it too. I never expected to feel actual kinship with him, but there it is.

      Reply
    2. monkseal Post author

      I’ve always loved Louis Spence unapologetically. So many dreary people tell people off for “shoving their gayness down their throats” when they’re just existing and/or being a bit camp so I *love* that there’s someone who actually does it, and sets the benchmark for all of us to try to achieve.

      Reply
  2. Marquis

    Thanks Monkseal!! Gabby was a complete RINGAH or Liiah if you prefer. Louis Spence’s childhood dream rah rah skirt which he’d wanted forever was the real winner.

    Reply
  3. peeve

    Thanks for the quick review, Monkseal. These three programmes had completely passed me by, so I caught up on I-player and, as a result, have overdosed on red pom-pom trimming. I loved how both Wendi Peters and Pam Ferris rediscovered their love of sewing (or, since both are fine actresses, acted their rediscovered love very convincingly). And, tut-tut, you’d know who Kathryn Flett is if you’d read the Observer since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, as I’ve done.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I basically just pretended not to know who they are because I couldn’t think of owt to say. I know ALL CELEBRITIES (except that guy from The Overtones)

      Reply
  4. Huriye

    I’ve hated Gaby Roslin ever since she declared herself Vegetarian, then said she ate Fish and……chicken! Just call yourself a Carnivore and don’t pretend, foolish woman.

    My only interest in this sewing mularkey was seeing who took part, and the handsome Judge’s face…..not so handsome now with a bloody great moustache on it!

    Dr Dawn Harper is a GP who spends so much time talking on the media, you wonder when she’s got time to see her patients in the practice?…….This Morning, Embarrassing Bodies, LBC….etc etc *Yawn*

    Reply

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