So theoretically, given that most of the contestants were at least a little flat, this week’s show should have been a lot less fun than usual, but for some reason I loved it! Maybe it was just in comparison with last week, with its poor pacing and overwhelming theming and general…Donnyness, but all of the couples brought something interesting to the table this week, even if it was just their famous children.
With such a lot of stuff going on, it was probably the front-runners that suffered the most. All of the putative final four danced well, but all of their dances were missing something. Frankie’s cha cha lacked a little personality, Caroline’s quickstep lacked an ability to handle her great big oversized fairground props with anything like aplomb, Jake’s jive lacked a little coherence and control, and Pixie’s rumba lacked…well rumba, says Len. It did feel a bit like her running through her best ballet moves (again) but she had a great big production number of a crying fit at the end so…at least somebody connected with it. Also Trent met Pixie’s family and they were all huddled drunk in one corner of her kitchen and it was great.
In the chasing pack of men, Simon of course gets his mandated Post Shock Bottom 2 Comeback Dance with a Pearly King themed Charleston, right down to Len saying that he’ll PICKUW HIS WAWNUTS if he finds himself in trouble again. I don’t actually have a spreadsheet showing if Len has ever actually had to pickuw his wawnuts, but I doubt it. Thom does a foxtrot in one of the worst outfits I’ve ever seen on this show (is it me, or are the men actually dressed worse than the women this year?) but the iceberg that is his personality is slowly starting to show cracks and also Iveta is taught to play rugby and I think starts to bite people and has to then be committed? It was fun whatever happened. Mark is insanely overscored for a quickstep that involves him running around with Karen limply holding on to him, but his Nanny Pat turns up dressed in a giant Phantom Of The Opera doily, so I can’t get too mad. Only Steve is really off the pace, as he still can’t quite wrap his muscles around Party Latin. Worse though, someone’s done the world’s worst wax job on his chest. Seriously, it looks like it’s been done with a butter knife.
The women in the middle? Neither of them dance their Party Latins well, but both of them do it with such exuberance I’m not sure it matters. Sunetra’s salsa to “Turn The Beat Around” gets so frantic that Brendan’s trousers give up the ghost entirely and Alison’s samba’ing impersonation of Beyonce is ALL BOOBS and nothing else but it still kind of works. On…erm…an emotional level.
It’s at the back of the pack though where the actual magic and madness happens. Judy Murray fulfils what we all wanted her here for (to embarrass her children via her sexuality) but then exceeds all our requirements by actually…dancing…not…the worst? Her complete lack of motility sort of weirdly suits the tango and Anton flinging her around like he’s expecting a dog to chase after her and catch her in his mouth even more so. Tim and Natalie do their best to live up to the very concept of a paso doble to “Simply The Best” by Tina Turner and I think Natalie gets closer but I’m laughing too much to care. And finally, maybe, Joanne Clifton learns a lesson about what happens when you give deliberately campy bad-taste “bad choreography” to a guy who can’t dance. Carnage. Utter carnage.