We’re back! With new credits complete with comedy skits based around Tim kicking, Scott mouthing obscenities, Thom almost dropping Iveta on her face and Allison being REALLY FAT LOL. This will be the beginning of a long and slightly awkward process wherein the show tries to sort out where it’s going to put all the end-of-the-pier comedy weight that’s been displaced with the departure of Bruce, whilst making sure NONE OF IT RESTS ON TESS AT ANY TIME. The culmination of all this loose farce sloshing around is a floor manager sprinting around the Judges Desk right at the end of the episode a la Benny Hill. I hope it was because Hot Greg gave her a shove out there and then laughed and laughed and laughed…
So last year’s first performance show featured five of the ultimate Final Seven of the series. This time around…maybe not so much. The whole night separated neatly into two races, the race to the top and the race to the bottom. Anton’s bottom specifically, as the entirety of his waltz was spent with the whole audience on the edge of their seats (looking for their sick bag) hoping against hope that his kilt would STAY DOWN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Judy looked more terrified than anyone. The judges tried to make out it was first night nerves, but we all know it was fear of THE CURSE. Also going for the comedy vote were Tim (on purpose, in an auction themed routine that looked a bit like Quentin Wilson had spent the last 10 years practising and not got much better) and Scott (…maybe by mistake? Maybe? Maybe Joanne can explain what she was going for choreographing a contemporary routine based around a gay mid-life crisis, on It Takes Two, I can’t wait to find out). Personally I found Scott the most cacklesome, but opinions may vary.
In the saunter to the top (not a sprint, don’t want to look too much like you’re trying to win yet tum ti tum) Caroline probably makes the best start if you’re sick of Dances With Stories, as she does the only routine of the night without overbearing theming, doing a Series Starting Cha Cha in a golden shower of a dress to The Jackson Five, punching her arms about like the hen party is just! getting! started! If you’re a fan of semi-surprising ringers (because lets face it, he at least went to Sylvia Young come on) then you were probably pleasantly warmed by Jake Wood coming out and doing a decent tango to Britney Spears. To be honest, after last year, you can sense the audience is even more surprised than Janette is involved in something non-horrific. Finally if you’re a fan of Ashlee Simpson’s hoe-down on Saturday Night Live then Pixie’s jive is for you, as it breaks down at the midway point to let her just awkwardly jig her arms and legs about and then accidentally flash her knickers to the nation. It’s a flaw! Not quite Kara falling on her bum dressed as a community theatre Catwoman but it’s something! She might not be a total Bott!
Tomorrow : the rest of them and hopefully they just let Claudia dress in black again already because she looked like she wanted to die out there in hot pink.