10 things I loved in this episode
1. Ben’s Lipstick Message : Still funny. I also like how he flanked it with Photo-Me Booth pictures of him with Jinkx Monsoon. And how he spelled Darienne incorrectly.
2. Darienne’s Flirtmance With Jamal Sims : I think Darienne’s erotic reaction to Special Guest Choreographer Jamal Sims was second only to Adore’s positive gushing on encountering Earth Angel Lucian Piane in the flesh. Actually, if you add in the lack of guest judges this week, Darienne was probably in heaven. A hot guy to grind up against (and call it “learning the moves”) AND no Val Kilmer knock-off celebrity boy toy/Cher-Relation to sit there and tell you they don’t understand you? Perfect.
3. Dinner With Ru : I like that they’re not even bothering to actually eat the solitary Tic-Tacs any more. This is Series SIX damnit, you can’t give in to that temptation even once. I have to admit that this is where I felt the pinch of there being one more finalist than usual the most, as I wanted more time spent on all of Darienne’s journey to self-acceptance, Adore’s troubled relationship with her father (although I did almost cry as it was so GOOD JOB SHOW) and also Courtney’s absolute bullet-proof self-belief obliterating any sense of vulnerability or humanity whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong, it’s perversely admirable that Courtney isn’t going to even pretend to have any moments of self-doubt just to please Logo’s need for a narrative arc but…this is not the way you win the show. Any show. (No offence to Bianca, but yeah, I know your narrative arc, and also I don’t need “oh shit I’ve just realised I’m old” being presented to me as storyline at this point in my life (TWENTY-NIIIIIIIIIIINE, THE HORROR), let alone by a 37 year old)
4. The Noises Adore Made In The Workroom : So in the end it turned out that Adore did in fact bring more than three dresses. Frankly I feel lied to. Still, there’s no disguising the fact that Adore’s fashion polish is the most chipped of…maybe any Final 3 cast-member in Drag Race history (maybe Glasscock but…does she count?), especially as she walked that Final Runway with no corsetry or padding AGAIN, and that those noises she was making as Bianca and Courtney pulled out their options for outfits in the Work Room were pure jealousy. I was also interested by Courtney’s talking head that Adore reminded her of her ten years ago before she sanded off all the interesting and exciting edges of her perso….I mean before she became “a polished queen”. Maybe Courtney should have competed five years ago, when presumably she was at her perfect point. Then she might now have finished 3rd.
5. Courtney On The Treadmill : Oh gawd, there’s very little more inappropriately funny than people who aren’t goofballs trying to be goofballs. Her stomping along, falling off, twitching with those Hen Night Devil Horns in truly defined “too much, too late”. In the end, the dancing/choreography went off without much of a hitch (SHOCKER) but also caused a little last-minute friction between Adore and Darienne when the former accused the latter of stealing her moves. You know…in confessional. Nobody’s saying anything to anybody’s face this year. Lord knows is Sharon had “stolen” one of Phi Phi’s move she would have been shoved under that treadmill like Leo Sayer on Families At War.
6. Bianca’s Sexy Baby : This week’s two acting challenges were a real hodge-podge. The first tested the queens ability to do bizarre poses as a fake-ingenue and in the process slowly whip themselves up in a full-blown fake meltdown. It was a tough ask, and I don’t think any of them really entirely nailed it (anti-props in particular to Courtney, whose meltdown was the limpest shit I’ve ever seen topped with her flinging her arms around doing “slaps” like she was towards the end of a particularly length session on WiiFit Boxing). The best meltdown was probably Darienne’s, just because it was the closest thing to something you’d see in a John Waters film, but the only really entertaining part of the challenge was Bianca Del Rio pretending to be a sexy baby then interpreting “crip walk” to mean “being a zombie”. WEST-SIIIIIIIIIIDE.
7. Charles : Ru-Paul dressed up as a 70s porn-cowboy playing the role of lover man with a gravelly voice was always going to be funny. Ru-Paul dressed up as a 70s porn-cowboy playing the role of lover man with a gravelly AUSTRALIAN voice was always goign to be funnier. The second acting challenge saw the queens play the by-now strung out Bad Pen…I mean Sissy receiving a much-needed intervention at the hands of an ex-lover. Adore nailed it hardest, bringing point-perfect histrionics that weren’t over-shadowed by hacky prop-work (COURTNEY) (THE ROLE IS “SISSY”, NOT “PRE-TRANSFORMATION MICHELLE PFEIFFER CATWOMAN”). Bianca was fine, but I’d have to give second place to Darienne, just for her epic rolling around on the floor. I could feel all the emotion in those thighs.
8. The Speeches : As is traditional at this stage of the series the contestants last act before the inevitable and irrelevant final lip-sync (Fun Fact : the only time the final lip-sync MIGHT not have been irrelevant was when Manilla just decided to do the robot) (OH MANILLA) was to give a big speech explaining why they should win. And this, I think (I hope) is where Bianca won it. Whilst Adore gave the typical reality-show “I want to do you proud and teach all the children out there that it’s ok to be gay and also *CLOSING JOKE*” speech, Courtney continued to make a virtue of how completely and utterly bullet-proof she is, and Darienne went down slagging everyone else off and calling herself bitter (Darienne <3), Bianca closed out her story-arc by making all her confessional subtext into text and telling Ru that her bitter heart has been melted by giving birth to her new drag-daughter Adore. Not that I think Ru bought it totally (the bit during their dinner when she congratulated Bianca on being such a good gameplayer was…very on point) but she's got to know how well that stuff plays. As if to prove it, as I speak Bianca is winning the twitter vote over Adore and Courtney by a ratio of about 8 : 6 : 1 and dominating Facebook by an even greater amount. Such a beautiful sell-job, and she didn't even need the help of a Boxxy Mandrews throwing shade at her to do it.
9. Untucked : Bereft of pink furry boxes and video-messages and silly games and forced drama, Untucked really came into its own. Just watching the final four queens sat around shooting the shit really brought out their personalities and relationships (who knew that Darienne and Courtney were such close friends? Who knew that Courtney Act even DID “friends”?) and also their respective flaws – Adore’s over-exuberance, Bianca’s vicious edge, Courtney’s arrogance and Darienne’s thin skin. This whole series of Untucked has really been a universe that has revolved around the centre of Laganja’s epic mid-series meltdown, and it’s fun to come out the other side with a sense of the circle being closed, the right queens being there at the end, and one last dig in on this season of Drag Race’s aborted villain. Bianca would have let you stay fat Laganja. And you would have deserved it.
10. Not Today Satan, Not Today : Enough said.