10 Years Of Strictly : The Series Ranking

PARTY!

On May 15th 2004, a television phenomenon was born. Now, 11 series, 10 Christmas Editions, 9 charity specials, 8 hosts, 7 live tours, 6 judges (and Jennifer Grey), 5 race rows (give or take), 4 times they’ve changed their minds about having a dance-off, 3 National Television Awards, 2 dance styles left standing without receiving a perfect score and 1 Nancy Dell’Olio later it’s time to celebrate a decade of dance. With polls. Score each of the 11 series of Strictly out of 10, and the results will be revealed on the happy day itself, along with that other blog staple – the half-arsed bunch of statistics that only really mean something if you look at them with your head tilted at a 50 degree angle. Have at it.

Series 1 – The Forgotten Series

Winners : Natasha Kaplisnky & Brendan Cole
Runners-Up : Christopher Parker & Hanna Tutenkhamun
Major Storylines :

Bruce Forsythe Is Still Alive!
Are Natasha and Brendan doing it?
Are Martin and Erin doing it?
How old is Arlene Phillips?
What Is Bruno Tonioli?
Who’s That Gay At The End And What Is His Problem?
Why Won’t Lesley Garrett go home?
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Claire Sweeney?
Will Verona Josephs ever do any rehearsal?
David Dickinson
Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like Christopher Parker, won?

Series 2 – The Breakthrough Series

Winners : Jill Halfpenny & Darren Bennett
Runners-Up : Denise Lewis & Ian Waite
Major Storylines :

Has Anything More Amazing Than Jill’s Jive Ever Existed?
Julian Clary calls out both Natasha Kaplinsky’s Dress Sense and Craig Being A Silly Old Queen
Oh wow, Sarah Manners and Brendan Cole REALLY hate one another, huh?
Denise Lewis stakes her place at the top of Monkseal’s Favourite Strictly Contestants Ever And Never Moves
Esther Rantzen dresses like a hooker every single week
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Jill Halfpenny?
Has Nicole Cutler Killed Before And Will She Do So Again?
Are We Sure That Quentin Wilson Is…OK? Physiologically Speaking?
The Rise Of The Bennetts
VORDERUMBA
Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like Julian Clary, won?
Are Ian and Denise doin….hahahahahahahahahsorryicantevenfinishthisone

Series 3 – The Rise Of The Sportsmen

Winners : Darren Gough & Lilia Kopylova
Runners Up : Colin Jackson & Erin Boag
Major Storylines :

The Continued Rise Of The Bennetts
Darren Gough Is A Man’s Man, Colin Jackson Is A Woofy Poofy
Zoe Ball – World’s Biggest Teacher’s Pet
Fiona Phillips Confuses Repeatedly Honking About How Crap She Is With Actual Humility
Dennis Taylor challenges Craig To A Game Of Snooker
Are Camilla and James Doing It? Camilla And James Would Certainly Like You To Think So
The World Is Introduced To The Argentine Tango, Panties Collectively Poof In Anticipation
The Public Would Quite Like A Male Winner And For All Of The Women To Leave ASAP KTHX
Human Fringe Claudia Winkleman Begins To Hit Her Stride On It Takes Two. A Nation Quavers
Matthew Cutler Debuts In The Limpest Manner Possible, Karen Hardy…Does Not
Zorro & Slothy : The Strictly Power Couple That Never Was

Series 4 – The Rule Of The Sportsmen

Winners : Mark Ramprakash & Karen Hardy
Runners Up : Matt Dawson & Lilia Kopylova
Major Storylines :

Mark Ramprakash Wrecks A Nation’s Ovaries
The Glorious Last Gleaming Of The Bennetts
Is It Really Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Emma Bunton?
Mica Paris Just Got Eliminated… THAT’S RACIST!

DJ Spoony Just Got Eliminated…THAT’S RACIST!
Ray Fearon Just Got Eliminated… THAT’S RACIST!
Jan Ravens Hopes Craig Is Happy
Vincent & Flavia Are Still Together *sad face*
Georgina Bouzova Eats A Mars Bar
Brendan Cole Choreographs His First Illegal Lift
Matthew Cutler hates Girls Aloud

Series 5 – The Beginning Of The Tabloid Era

Winners : Alesha Dixon & Matthew Cutler
Runners Up : Matt Di Angelo & Flavia Cacace
Major Storylines :

In Order To Prevent Talented But Unpopular Dancers Being Eliminated Early On, The Dance-Off Is Introduced
Gabby Logan Is Eliminated In Week 4
The Era Of The Bennetts Ends The Very Second Dominic Littlewood Gropes Her Arse For The First Time
Are Anton & Kate Doing It?
Are Gethin & Camilla Doing It?
Are Matt & Flavia Doing It?
Are Matt & Alesha Doing It?
No, the OTHER Matt
GETHIN WUZZ ROBBED
That Gabby Creature Can Get Her Leg Up Over Her Head
Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like Kate Garraway, won?
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Kelly Brook?
LOGANZ VS JORDANZ
Will Letitia Vomit On Tess? Let’s All Pretend She Did
Javine’s a slag

Series 6 – The Controversial One

Winners : Tom Chambers & Camilla Dallerup
Runners Up : Rachel Stevens & Vincent Simone
Major Storylines :

The Producers Think They Can Expand The Number Of Contestants To 16 Without The Show Feeling Bloated
They Are Wrong
Don Warrington Has No Clue Why The Hell He Is Here
Bruce Forsythe Is Definitely Not Bitter About That Interview Where Nicole Cutler Called Him An Incompetent Old Fart
AUSTIN WUZZ ROBBED!
Jodie Kidd produces her breast
Karen Hardy Gets A Restraining Order Put On Gary Rhodes
The Producers Can’t Do Basic Maths
Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like John Sergeant, won?
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Tom Chambers?
THE RACHBOT WISHES TO LEARN OF THIS EMOTION YOU HUMANS CALL LOVE
Lisa Snowdon Cries A Lot
James Jordan Thinks It’s Awful That The Public Aren’t Voting Based On Dance
Poor Anton Fever Reaches Its Height

Series 7 – The Unpopular One

Winners : Chris Hollins & Ola Jordan
Runners Up : Ricky Whittle & Natalie Lowe
Major Storylines :

Arlene Is Sacked For Calling John Sergeant A Pig Or Something *shrug*
Anton Says A Naughty Word
James Jordan Doesn’t Think It’s Awful That The Public Aren’t Voting Based On Dance
It Is Sadly Revealed That Vincent Simone Is The Wrong Height To Do Lifts And Also Can’t Roley-Poley
Are Ali and Brian Doing It?
Jade Johnson Breaks Herself
Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like Chris Hollins, won?
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Ricky Whittle?
Craig Kelly’s Dog’s Dad’s Best Friend’s Owner’s Son’s Hairdresser Ate Blackpool Rock Once
Phil Tuffnell’s Body Is Held Together With Chewing Gum And Rubber Bands
Craig Revel-Horwood Offends A Nation With His Disgusting Animal Imagery
LOL Joe Calzaghe
Ricky Groves Lasts For Over Two Months Which Just About Says It All Really Doesn’t It?

Series 8 – The Relaunched One

Winners : Kara Tointon & Artem Chigvintsev
Runners Up : Matt Baker & Aliona Vilani
Major Storylines :

Are Kara & Artem Doing It?
Are Flavia & Jimi Doing It?
James Jordan Thinks It’s Awful That The Public Aren’t Voting Based On Dance So Long As We’re Also Taking Age Into Account
Katya Wears A Hat
Scott Maslen Has A 10 Week Long Nervous Breakdown
Patsy Kensit Would Like A New Husband And Doesn’t Much Care If He’s Straight Or Not
ZOMG ALESHA SAID YOU WOZZ THE DUMB BITCH
Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like Ann Widdecombe, won?
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like The Entire Top Four Of This Series?
Jared Murillo : The Little Mormon That Couldn’t
FELICITY, YOU’RE SO BENDY
LOL Michelle Williams

Series 9 – The One Where Alesha Got Drunk

Winners : Harry Judd & Aliona Vilani
Runners Up : Chelsee Healey & Pasha Kovalev
Major Storylines :

Are Chelsee and Pasha Doing It?
JELUS KARA THINKS HOLLY AND ARTEM ARE DOING IT, THE DAILY STAR SAID SO
LOL NANCY DELL’OLIO
Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like Russell Grant, won?
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Jason Donovan?
Holly Valance Would Like To Show You Her Chopper. And Her Race Car. And Her Luxury Yacht
Alesha Drinks Heavily
JENNIFER GREY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE PUTTING IN YOUR PORRIDGE LULU BUT *checks cue-card* SHE WANTS SOME! 8!
Audley Harrison Threatens To Punch Craig
Audley Harrison Threatens To Punch Craig
Audley Harrison Threatens To Punch Craig
Audley Harrison Threatens To Punch Craig
Audley Harrison Threatens To Punch Craig
Audley Harrison Threatens To Punch Craig
Audley Harrison Threatens To Punch Craig
Anita Dobson Hears Voices
Chelsee Healey Is Working Class And From The North
WET YOURSELF, IT’S WEMBLEY!
Monkseal Can’t Quite Believe That Aliona Vilani Won A Glitterball Before Erin Boag Did But That’s Just Him
James Jordan Doesn’t Mention Whether Or Not Thinks It’s Awful That The Public Aren’t Voting Based On Dance Because He’s Too Busy Trying To Get Alex Jones To Brush Her Teeth And Go To Bed

Series 10 – The Olympic One

Winners : Louis Smith & Flavia Cacace
Runners Up : Denise Van Outen & James Jordan
Major Storylines :

There Was Just An Olympics Did They Mention It?
Darcey Bussell Arrives And Says Yah A Lot
Lisa Riley Becomes The New Dictionary Definition Of “Diminishing Returns”
Are Tracey Beaker And Her Papa Smurf Doing It?
Guiness World Records Sees Nicky Byrne In Lycra And Gives Jonah Falcon A Ring, Telling Him He Just Got Beat Into Second
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Denise Van Outen?
LOL VICTORIA PENDLETON
Erin Finally Leaves For Erin Island Forever
LOL MICHAEL VAUGHAN
Iveta Arrives, Pisses Off Half The Female Cast In The Space Of A Month, And Wins My Heart Forever
FLAVIA DOESN’T CARE FOR ANY OF YOU STAGE SCHOOL BRATS

Series 11 – The YEAR OF THE WOMAN

Winners : Abbey Clancy & Aljaz Skorjanec
Runners Up : Susanna Reid & Kevin Clifton
Major Storylines :

Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Someone Who Couldn’t Dance At All, like Dave Myers, won?
Is It Fair To Cast A Dirty Ringah Like Natalie Gumede?
Abbey Clancy Has Nerves
Iveta is IVETAMAZING
Fiona HATES Susanna
Ola HATES Karen
Patrick is A DIVA
Everyone’s A BIG HAPPY FAMILY!
After 10 series, Brendan is no longer giving you dirty filthy rumbas
YEAR OF THE WOMAN
WILL THIS BE THE YEAR THAT SOMEONE FINALLY WINS THEIR SECOND GLITTERBALL?!!!??
no

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17 thoughts on “10 Years Of Strictly : The Series Ranking

    1. peeve

      Yep, I voted on impulse, too – except for series 6, which taxed me. I mean, it deserved a 2 for being pants, but all the dreadful things about it have grown on me over the years so I ended up scoring it highly, just because of Bacofoil.

      Reply
  1. pootle

    I found I loathed 10 about the most, but I think your 11 write-up needs more Grimsbygrimsbygrimsby btw isn’t he a precious fawn grimsby.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      If I’m sad about missing anything out it’s that Janette and Abbey loathed one another as well. I’ve never seen a series where it’s so obvious that the “WE ALL LOVE ONE ANOTHER LIKE A FAMILY” vibe is obviously a front for a complete pit.

      (I’m not including Series 3 because…they never really bothered putting up the front)

      Reply
  2. Ferny

    Kara’s year (as I call it) will always be my favourite I think but there have been a few very good series.

    A lot of Brendan’s partners really hate him don’t they?

    Reply
  3. PadsterMo

    8 hosts? I can get Bruce, Tess, Claudia, Natasha, Ronnie (that one time), Zoe, Justin (both on companion shows) and then I draw a blank. Who am I missing?

    I thought maybe you were counting tour hosts but aside from Zoe there’s Kate, Amanda and Lisa so that’s too many…….

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Fearne Cotton has hosted some of the specials. Which apparently I was counting when I put this together.

      Reply
      1. PadsterMo

        I would never have guessed that, as I avoid anything to do with Fearne Cotton. I’m assuming they must have been some of the earlier Children In Need specials that went out live on the night before they started to pre-record the CIN specials?

  4. Muinimula

    No mention of Alesha’s 2 paddle in series 9?! The shame.

    I didn’t use the full range of scores, as certain series were tied for me. Will be interesting to see the general consensus. I know my winner, though.

    Reply
    1. Penny

      I didn’t use my whole range of scores, as even during the worst series I was never remotely tempted to miss an episode, which I think makes it a 5.

      Reply
  5. DJ Mikey

    Series 11 Storylines you left out include:

    Ben takes a nap everyday, right around the time his training starts.
    Ben ex-Rugby Player and current Underwear Model gets embarrassed, at everyone’s determination to get him Shirtless and Pantless, which he’d probably have done in week 10 if he survived the Dance-off
    Ashley manages to sustain the longest Televised Nervous Breakdown, in the history of ever, while he achieves wonderfully consistent scores.
    Ashley decides against dignified silence, he’s not afraid to let us know that he thinks the judges, producers and practically everyone/everything connected to the show is completely and totally full of shit.
    Aliona is only here for the pay cheque, and also the outrageous demands she’s able to make i.e. Mansion in LA and won’t set foot on this Golf Course until it’s been flooded with Custard.

    Also I just read that Tess will be Claudia’s co-host this year. I think I cried a little, I’m freakin’ ecstatic. Claudia rules, Tess is so not in charge. I better not be a joke or a hoax. I have kill evil Moira Ross for leaving, let’s just hope it’s not a nail in the coffin..

    Reply
  6. Huriye

    Aliona, have you ever tried Ambrosia Tapioca? Well yum. 😉

    That was a lovely trip down Memory Lane! My fave series was, and always will be, Series 2. So naturally that got 10 points, and I didn’t give lower than a 7, as it’s still the one show not to be missed for any reason, even if to diss a bad week for music choices + choreo. But as Monkseal’s listed each series’ highlights, it always brought back memories of a routine I loved, eg. Kelly Brook’s dances were more evocative for me than Alesha’s.

    One thing I’d disagree with though, is the ‘Tabloid Era’ starting at series 5. Right from the beginning, the BBC couldn’t believe their luck, as Natasha/Brendan/CamillaGate kept them busy. You missed out of series 2’s highlights – Kaplinsky having to interview Camilla in a lighthearted jocular manner, whilst the Dane hated her guts. I’m surprised the camera lens didn’t freeze over. So Tess returned from Maternity Leave, hopefully Ginger Greg, the Floor Manager, will too.

    The BBC actively encouraged, if not stoked, all the James & Camilla tabloid stuff in series 3, much to both of their annoyance. He complained about it on LBC in an interview shortly after, saying nothing happened between them, and all the gossip was a load of tosh! But at least that one had legs. What’s funny is when people still believe in the Matt & Alesha, Denise & Ian, Robin & Anyone silliness. Are tabloid journos really that thick? Don’t answer! 😀

    Reply

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