This brief Sports Relief run of Great British Bake-Off left us with so many questions. Is there a point where conceivably we could become numb to Jason Gardiner-related Schadenfreude? Could Jane Horrocks be more brittle? Why was one of the challenges “make a pizza”? Who was that Alistair McGowan was doing an impersonation of? Who thought that Ed Byrne was an effective replacement for the joy of Mel & Sue? Was there any innuendo I would not make about Greg Rutherford’s ginger soldiers and oozing banana cream pie? Why is Jamelia? What happened that Victoria Pendleton was for once the sanest person in the room? Is there ANYTHING that Rochelle Saturday can do? Why was Helen Skelton’s Showstopper Cake designed by Jake & Dinos Chapman? Could I too win an episode of The Great British Bake-Off despite not being famous by shagging Richard Curtis? Could the third series of BBC sort-of-sitcom “The Trip” please revolve around Michael & Johnny Vaughan touring Britain’s tea-rooms and maybe discovering that they are long-lost brothers? Why, in a Sports Relief Bake-Off were there only three sportspeople, two of whom kind of sucked? Why did Doon Mackichan spend the whole episode wearing a winge?
But the most important unanswered question is…who won? They even referred to the four episode as heats and then…nothing. What were they warming up for? I wanted an all-out spoons-aloft baking war to round the whole thing off, to make up for the slightly soggy ending of the last series. Instead…we just faded off into the sunset. Well…NO. I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT. THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE DENISE/KIMBERLEY OR NATALIE/SUSANNA ALL OVER AGAIN! WE WILL HAVE A WINNER!
Said winner joins Anita Rani, and whoever won last year’s Celebrity Special Series. Let’s say it was Warwick Davis. *shrug*