Strictly Come Dancing 11 Monkies – RESULTS!

A surprisingly even split in the genders for the prizes for this YEAR OF THE WOMAN.

(Savour those words, I can’t imagine we’ll ever need them again)

We start with a new award, replacing the “Worst Comedy VT” award, in recognition of the fact that they got better this year (yes they did, quiet you). It’s an award you’ve been voting for all series without even realising it.

Bullet-Dodger Of The Year

A prize that goes to the celebrity who dodged elimination by the skin of their teeth the most this year. It was determined by adding up all the incorrect predictions in the weekly “WHO’S NEXT?” poll in the Results Show recap, with the award going to the pro who was most often wrongly picked. And the prize goes to

  • 2nd – Mark Benton
  • 3rd – Julien Macdonald
  • 4th – Natalie Gumede
  • 5th – Patrick Robinson

And now on with our regularly scheduled awards…

Best Safety Sex-Face

Not a huge surprise really, as Deborah romps home with the votes of 68.98% of you, getting over twice as many punters backing her orgiastic gurning than rooted for anybody else. More importantly, this marks Robin’s second clinching of the trophy, making him the Sex-Face’s first DOUBLE WINNER! The main show narrowly missed out on having one this year, so this is yet another way in which the Monkies are both better and more prestigious.

  • 2nd – Sophie & Brendan – 24.87%
  • 3rd – Rachel & Pasha – 21.93%
  • 4th – Susanna & Kevin – 13.64%
  • 5th – Abbey & Aljaz – 13.37%

Best Judge

And so Craig retains his crown after his series off, with 60.33% of the vote. I have to admit, as much as I love Bruno, it felt a bit wrong for him to be the public (/blog readers) favourite, rather than the court jester at the side. It wasn’t a great year for any of the others, but a particularly damaging one for Darcey, as her share of the vote shrinks to less than a quarter of where it was last year.

  • 2nd – Bruno Tonioli – 28.51%
  • 3rd – Darcey Bussell – 8.31%
  • 4th – Len Goodman – 2.85%

Best Host

What? He counts as a host! He said things to camera! I’m sure nobody minds if I circumvent the vote in order to give a deserving prize to an undersung sta…oh fine.

The Claudia Nation rolls on, as she gets 85.19% of the votes, crushing everyone else in her wake. HAPPY NOW?

  • 2nd – Zoe Ball – 8.2%
  • 3rd – Tess Daly – 4.33%
  • 4th – Bruce Forsythe – 2.28%

Best Use Of Staging/Props In A Celebrity Routine

After the phantasmagoria of Erin Island last year, a celebration of minimalism in propwork this year. One ghetto-blaster, one set of chains, one roll of gold tin-foil and we were transported to the streets of Harlem. 58.14% of you had this as one of your stagecraft highlights this year. Besides this, Iveta proved herself a master of theatre, picking up 4 of the top 15 prop-filled routines, twice as many as anybody else.

  • 2nd – Rachel’s Haunted American Smooth – 41.44%
  • 3rd – Sophie’s Mannequin Tango – 36.8%
  • 4th – Ashley’s Cowboy Paso Doble – 27.84%
  • 4th – Ashley’s Magic Carpet Rumba – 27.84%
  • 6th – Mark’s Lion King Samba – 25.36%
  • 7th – Natalie’s Prohibition Charleston – 24.43%
  • 7th – Patrick’s Chitty Chitty Charleston – 24.43%
  • 9th – Mark’s Hairpsray Jive – 21.65%
  • 10th – Natalie’s Swampy Viennese Waltz – 19.79%
  • 11th – Mark’s Spaceman Paso Doble
  • 12th – Sophie’s Furniture Warehouse Quickstep
  • 13th – Abbey’s Disco Salsa
  • 14th – Patrick’s Voodoo Quickstep
  • 15th – Dave’s Fruity Salsa

Most BS Elimination

Another unsurprising win for Drunken Auntie Debbie, as her plaintive cries that she’d just learnt to love something pure and artistic in her otherwise cold capitalistic life (or whatever she said), only to have it cut short by the cruel and random vicissitudes of the public vote touched the lives and hearts of 51.72% of you. Let’s hope she can do a little better on tour.

  • 2nd – Sophie’s Charleston – 36.53%
  • 3rd – Ashley Taylor Dawson – 28.17%
  • 4th – Natalie Gumede – 23.84%
  • 5th – Rachel Riley – 17.34%

Best Week

This week representing Blackpool Week in the best way I know how – with newly Sapphic Claudia looking like she’s about to do something truly filthy with Tess that will shortly become the basis of an infamous Internet viral video. 58.56% had Blackpool Week as one of your favourite weeks, showing that it truly did have SOMETHNIG FOR EVERYBODY. By the way, based on these results, I never want to hear any complaints from any of you about Theme Weeks ever again.

  • 2nd – Week 10 : Musicals Week – 41.78%
  • 3rd – Week 13 – The Final : 23.29%
  • 4th – Week 6 – Hallowe’en Week : 22.26%
  • 5th – Week 12 – The Semi-Finals : 19.86%

Best Guest Performer

Filling the gap taken by Paloma Faith having a year off (don’t worry – she’ll definitely be all over BBC 1 reality show results performances this year) Madness did their best to be as spookily compelling as her Dies De Los Muertos inspired festival was. They didn’t quite pull it off, but in a lean year, it was enough for 36.91 of you in a tightly fought top 3 with Earth, Wind & Fire and Keane. The only time anything even remotely thrilling happened involving Keane there, unless any of you can find a picture of Tim Rice-Oxley with his shirt o…oh wait, I’ve wandered from the point.

  • 2nd – Earth, Wind & Fire – 32.55%
  • 3rd – Keane – 29.87%
  • 4th – Robbie Williams – 16.78%
  • 5th – Alfie Boe – 14.77%

Best Pro/Group Dance Routine

I guess Ashley will be glad to hear that all of his suffering for his art was justified. For 50.94% of you, the last pro dance of the series was also the best one. Whether there was any connection between those facts is up to you. Whatever, you were all touched by the loser pros coming back to show off one last time, and in a series without an epicmazing Argentine Tango Showcase, that’ll just have to be enough.

  • 2nd – Ballroom Blitz – 40.52%
  • 3rd – Aliona Is Titanium! – 29.49%
  • 4th – SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY! – 18.77%
  • 5th – Timewarp – 17.28%
  • 6th – James & Ola Get Married – 15.19%
  • 7th – Iveta Flies – 14%
  • 8th – The War Porn Lindy Hop – 12.21%
  • 9th – The Angry Pasha Showcase Of Randomness – 11.02%
  • 9th – Puttin’ On The Ritz – 11.02%

King Of All Pros

I am usually culturally and morally opposed to the word “adorkable”, but in this case, and this case alone, I will allow it. Kevin, with or without his glasses, took home this category narrowly over Artem, with or without his waftings. In other news, some of the shine came off Pasha, Brenda doubled his vote with a proper muse to play with, and Aljaz apparently made less impact than you’d perhaps expect from a winning pro, whilst the weight of Vanessa’s Vanessaness pulled James out of the top 5.

  • 2nd – Artem Chigvintsev – 25.52%
  • 3rd – Brendan Cole – 17.71%
  • 4th – Pasha Kovalev – 16.93%
  • 5th – Aljaz Skorjanec – 9.11%

Queen Of All Pros

The story of this category is a little less complicated. Natalie, Flavia and Erin all left, and Iveta swooped in and won all your hearts. The end. For 67.59% of you at least.

  • 2nd – Anya Garnis – 10.3%
  • 3rd – Aliona Vilani – 8.29%
  • 4th – Ola Jordan – 6.28%
  • 5th – Kristina Rihanoff – 4.27%

Worst Celebrity (Personality)

I know. I resented the cost of the ear-phones as well. Julien graduated from a minor It Takes Two last year to having the whole main show to shout at Britain from this year. Who knows where next year will take him. I’ll help Brucie draw up that new contract myself if I have to. 62.08% of you found Julien…wearisome enough to vote for him. This category also saw Susanna and Fiona carry on their mutually assured destruction, with Fiona, at the moment, apparently, just nosing ahead.

  • 2nd – Vanessa Feltz – 41.82%
  • 3rd – Susanna Reid – 20.78%
  • 4th – Fiona Fullerton – 17.92%
  • 5th – Tony Jacklin – 12.47%

Worst Celebrity (Talent)

Poor Tony. For the first time in eons, this title goes not to whichever woman was partnered with Anton, but our first boot. As befits the Year Of The…you know, the entirety of the top 3 in this category were male, with Feltzy being the only woman who came even close to consideration. 68.31% of you picked on poor old Tony, and can expect a personalised note of disapproval from Bruce himself through your door any day now.

  • 2nd – Dave Myers – 49.68%
  • 3rd – Julien Macdonald – 41.66%
  • 4th – Vanessa Feltz – 20.96%
  • 5th – Rachel Riley – 4.66%

Best Celebrity (Personality)

Yes, your favourite was the one the public tried to flush for four weeks in a row without success. Obviously you saw something in him that the casual viewer passed over, and the wardrobe department did their best to bury under several layers of gold lame, bald caps, and space-suits. Maybe it was humility, maybe it was his stiff-upper knees, or maybe it was his relationship with Iveta, but Mark was a favourite for 59.61% of you.

  • 2nd – Sophie Ellis-Bextor : 36.65%
  • 3rd – Natalie Gumede – 23.23%
  • 4th – Deborah Meaden – 19.61%
  • 5th – Ashley Taylor Dawson – 13.94%

Best Celebrity (Talent)

Or the divine that touched her. A colossal 88.45% of you punted your votes Nataliewards, as she took this category in a cakewalk. (Fun Fact Sidebar : Susanna was a handful of votes away from being in the Top 5 for Best Talent, Worst Talent, Best Personality and Worst Personality. CONTROVERSY GODDESS!)

  • 2nd – Abbey Clancy – 58.17%
  • 3rd – Sophie Ellis-Bextor – 16.47%
  • 4th – Patrick Robinson – 10.89%
  • 5th – Susanna Reid – 10.09%

Best Routine Of The Series

The legend lives on, with 70.47% of you showing Sophie Ellis Bextor’s Charleston some love. It’s a credit to this series that it still carried on successfully when the dancing peaked in Week 2.

  • 2nd – Natalie’s American Smooth – 52.98%
  • 3rd – Mark’s Cha Cha – 43.21%
  • 4th – Susanna’s Paso Doble – 36.52%
  • 5th – Natalie’s Showdance  – 33.18%
  • 6th – Natalie’s Argentine Tango – 26.49%
  • 7th – Abbey’s Waltz – 18%
  • 8th – Patrick’s Quickstep  – 16.98%
  • 9th – Abbey’s American Smooth  – 15.17%
  • 10th – Patrick’s American Smooth – 13.63%
  • 10th – Natalie’s Rumba – 13.63%
  • 12th – Natalie’s Salsa
  • 13th – Abbey’s Viennese Waltz
  • 14th – Susanna’s Waltz
  • 15th – Mark’s Salsa
  • 16th – Susanna’s Showdance
  • 16th – Sophie’s Viennese Waltz
  • 18th – Mark’s Samba
  • 19th – Patrick’s Charleston
  • 20th – Ashley’s Paso Doble
  • 20th – Sophie’s Paso Doble

49 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 11 Monkies – RESULTS!

  1. Little Nemo

    Sorry, that’s the second none of the above for me. I didn’t like any of the dances that Tony or Vanessa did 😦

  2. kassieq

    I picked a dance for Tony, he was sweet in his waltz, inept but sweet. But Vanausea no, couldn’t stand any of her dances.

  3. durnovarian

    I have no wish to be reminded, ever again, even for the briefest of seconds, of any of Vanausea’s dances. So first ‘none of the above’ of the series from me. (Hint: there is one more of these to come but the person hasn’t been eliminated yet. Please let it be soon…)

      1. Verns

        Since the mere mention of Julien being up next made me dash to the kitchen to put the kettle on, I had to answer ‘none of the above’, the only one I remember being his first. Now where did I put that brain bleach?

  4. minxy

    oops – I forgot to check the blog last week ….
    although since I would have voted none of the above … so … shrug

    Julian also got nota … but calmed down Julian was much more bearable!

  5. Neio

    Deborah’s the first one where I’ve genuinely felt like I liked at least one of her routines. Even ‘Makin’ Your Mind Up’ was fun for the song choice if nothing else.

    1. monkseal Post author

      You can’t vote for 2 until the poll has 10 options. That’s how it always works. Whoever’s out next will be the same.

    1. durnovarian

      Apart from the rumba, I agree. Tango and CCC get it for me, though I’d love to have voted for the paso, for the sheer camp lunacy of the whole thing.

      1. Michelle Daniels

        Even the rumba I liked – i agree with Austin Healey (austinwozrobbed btw) that the rumba is a silly dance, so a Bond villain-esque one appeals to my snarky side. I just love them, can’t they do the “pro” dance every show, woudl probably be more identifiable than the ones so far…. I think I voted samba and cha cha…

  6. minxy

    I too wanted to vote for more than 2 of Mark’s dances.
    I usually struggle and don’t bother to meet the quota and generally hate/intensly dislike/couldn’t give a …. about “the comedy/joke contestant”!

    Mark and Dave don’t count as “joke contestant’s” to me because they not only enjoyed it (as opposed to CLAIMING to enjoy it) but also tried their damndest and had fun while being entertaining!
    Unlike Widdie, Russell and what Lisa turned into.
    That’s also why I enjoyed Tony Jacklin’s efforts much more than most of the usual early boot sacrificial lambs.
    They did leave at the right time tho – because the remaining contestants are stronger dancers who still entertain

    I thought I would be ready to wave Patrick bye bye already/next but it is actually Nat and Artem I am feeling more meh about – I LOVED their Charleston, but since then not so much … even tho I would really enjoy seeing them in a musical theatre production (unlike that other dirty ringah DDVO whose shows I would only see in spite of her appearing)!
    Patrick and Anya are getting more interesting (dancing wise at least) than Nat and Artem now – wow I never would have predicted that a couple of weeks ago!
    I would prefer to see how the others progress – rather than her expected technical and (often) performance superiority – unless they pull something, other than injury porn, out of the bag fast.
    Artem’s woobie face won’t cut it – and I am feeling they may have shot their bolt too early … and we all get fed up of premature ejaculators yes?

    Mark too would definitely entice me to see him in a theatre (I think maybe he possibly needs the ££ from the tour to fund his knee op and recovery – if so that is a shame for he is talented and lovely) and I wish him well! If it wasn’t for his knee problem I wouldn’t have been so ok about him leaving

    It is kinda weird, but a nice change, to actually like ALL (even/especially the ones I thought I wouldn’t/knew buggerall about) the contestants left and not to be actively wanting someone to leave

    1. durnovarian

      I’m not ashamed at all. Even with the music identified, the only two I remember are the two most recent. As I found the rumba pretty yuk and last night’s a mess, I hit ‘none of the above’ for only the third time this year. (The other two were Julien and Vanessa – did you really need to ask??)

    2. pootle

      But… the cowboy! He was a fierce matador cowboy fighting his cowboy friends for the bull-bargirl! That brilliant theming that was entirely Ola’s idea and not foisted on her the same week as an ultra-purist paso!

  7. Louise

    I enjoyed quite a few of Ashley’s early dances, especially the ‘Strictly Ballroom’-inspired ‘Love is in the Air’ samba. (I usually hate sambas, but I’ve liked quite a few this year… weird.) The last few weeks have not been great, though, despite apparently all being worthy of 35 points… *side-eyes judges*

    1. Charlotte

      I feel like Natalie’s AS should be up there twice as it felt like a completely different dance in the final.
      That said, I was always going to vote for the VW – Natalie Duncan, Artem at his wafty best AND dry ice as a prop!

  8. Marquis

    (Sophie’s is an 80s compilation due to Brenda’s prediction for that decade. )
    I could have voted for several of Natalie’s dances. She is a mentalist indeed – but what a lovely dancer.
    What an unpredictable final.

  9. Ferny

    I can’t even vote for the most BS elimination because I don’t think there was a single one tbh.
    P.S. Thanks for the blogging Monkseal, it’s been top notch as usual!

  10. pootle

    I must admit I voted with all the subtlety and discernment of a Fiona Fullerton article. I must thank the mighty Monkseal for teaching me to love Natalie and Iveta, but I still can’t quite get Pasha.

  11. Jenny

    Wish there was a “none of the above” option for the guest acts – terrible year for that.

    If there was a poll for “worst routine”, I would have voted for Dave’s Proclaimers atrocity. Sadly that has lived in the memory a lot longer than most of the dances in this list…

  12. katmobile

    It was bad but at least it was funny and entertaining – Fiona’s rhumba was such a mess I couldn’t have told you what it was supposed to be from watching the dance – I know this is true of others but at least they were meant to be bad and they were entertaining.

  13. katmobile

    I too wish there was a “none of the above” option for the judges – I voted for Craig because at least he was using his full range of paddles even if some – i.e his ten were mis-used.


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