A surprisingly even split in the genders for the prizes for this YEAR OF THE WOMAN.
(Savour those words, I can’t imagine we’ll ever need them again)
We start with a new award, replacing the “Worst Comedy VT” award, in recognition of the fact that they got better this year (yes they did, quiet you). It’s an award you’ve been voting for all series without even realising it.
Bullet-Dodger Of The Year
A prize that goes to the celebrity who dodged elimination by the skin of their teeth the most this year. It was determined by adding up all the incorrect predictions in the weekly “WHO’S NEXT?” poll in the Results Show recap, with the award going to the pro who was most often wrongly picked. And the prize goes to
- 2nd – Mark Benton
- 3rd – Julien Macdonald
- 4th – Natalie Gumede
- 5th – Patrick Robinson
And now on with our regularly scheduled awards…
Best Safety Sex-Face
Not a huge surprise really, as Deborah romps home with the votes of 68.98% of you, getting over twice as many punters backing her orgiastic gurning than rooted for anybody else. More importantly, this marks Robin’s second clinching of the trophy, making him the Sex-Face’s first DOUBLE WINNER! The main show narrowly missed out on having one this year, so this is yet another way in which the Monkies are both better and more prestigious.
- 2nd – Sophie & Brendan – 24.87%
- 3rd – Rachel & Pasha – 21.93%
- 4th – Susanna & Kevin – 13.64%
- 5th – Abbey & Aljaz – 13.37%
And so Craig retains his crown after his series off, with 60.33% of the vote. I have to admit, as much as I love Bruno, it felt a bit wrong for him to be the public (/blog readers) favourite, rather than the court jester at the side. It wasn’t a great year for any of the others, but a particularly damaging one for Darcey, as her share of the vote shrinks to less than a quarter of where it was last year.
- 2nd – Bruno Tonioli – 28.51%
- 3rd – Darcey Bussell – 8.31%
- 4th – Len Goodman – 2.85%
What? He counts as a host! He said things to camera! I’m sure nobody minds if I circumvent the vote in order to give a deserving prize to an undersung sta…oh fine.
The Claudia Nation rolls on, as she gets 85.19% of the votes, crushing everyone else in her wake. HAPPY NOW?
- 2nd – Zoe Ball – 8.2%
- 3rd – Tess Daly – 4.33%
- 4th – Bruce Forsythe – 2.28%
Best Use Of Staging/Props In A Celebrity Routine
After the phantasmagoria of Erin Island last year, a celebration of minimalism in propwork this year. One ghetto-blaster, one set of chains, one roll of gold tin-foil and we were transported to the streets of Harlem. 58.14% of you had this as one of your stagecraft highlights this year. Besides this, Iveta proved herself a master of theatre, picking up 4 of the top 15 prop-filled routines, twice as many as anybody else.
- 2nd – Rachel’s Haunted American Smooth – 41.44%
- 3rd – Sophie’s Mannequin Tango – 36.8%
- 4th – Ashley’s Cowboy Paso Doble – 27.84%
- 4th – Ashley’s Magic Carpet Rumba – 27.84%
- 6th – Mark’s Lion King Samba – 25.36%
- 7th – Natalie’s Prohibition Charleston – 24.43%
- 7th – Patrick’s Chitty Chitty Charleston – 24.43%
- 9th – Mark’s Hairpsray Jive – 21.65%
- 10th – Natalie’s Swampy Viennese Waltz – 19.79%
- 11th – Mark’s Spaceman Paso Doble
- 12th – Sophie’s Furniture Warehouse Quickstep
- 13th – Abbey’s Disco Salsa
- 14th – Patrick’s Voodoo Quickstep
- 15th – Dave’s Fruity Salsa
Most BS Elimination
Another unsurprising win for Drunken Auntie Debbie, as her plaintive cries that she’d just learnt to love something pure and artistic in her otherwise cold capitalistic life (or whatever she said), only to have it cut short by the cruel and random vicissitudes of the public vote touched the lives and hearts of 51.72% of you. Let’s hope she can do a little better on tour.
- 2nd – Sophie’s Charleston – 36.53%
- 3rd – Ashley Taylor Dawson – 28.17%
- 4th – Natalie Gumede – 23.84%
- 5th – Rachel Riley – 17.34%
This week representing Blackpool Week in the best way I know how – with newly Sapphic Claudia looking like she’s about to do something truly filthy with Tess that will shortly become the basis of an infamous Internet viral video. 58.56% had Blackpool Week as one of your favourite weeks, showing that it truly did have SOMETHNIG FOR EVERYBODY. By the way, based on these results, I never want to hear any complaints from any of you about Theme Weeks ever again.
- 2nd – Week 10 : Musicals Week – 41.78%
- 3rd – Week 13 – The Final : 23.29%
- 4th – Week 6 – Hallowe’en Week : 22.26%
- 5th – Week 12 – The Semi-Finals : 19.86%
Best Guest Performer
Filling the gap taken by Paloma Faith having a year off (don’t worry – she’ll definitely be all over BBC 1 reality show results performances this year) Madness did their best to be as spookily compelling as her Dies De Los Muertos inspired festival was. They didn’t quite pull it off, but in a lean year, it was enough for 36.91 of you in a tightly fought top 3 with Earth, Wind & Fire and Keane. The only time anything even remotely thrilling happened involving Keane there, unless any of you can find a picture of Tim Rice-Oxley with his shirt o…oh wait, I’ve wandered from the point.
- 2nd – Earth, Wind & Fire – 32.55%
- 3rd – Keane – 29.87%
- 4th – Robbie Williams – 16.78%
- 5th – Alfie Boe – 14.77%
Best Pro/Group Dance Routine
I guess Ashley will be glad to hear that all of his suffering for his art was justified. For 50.94% of you, the last pro dance of the series was also the best one. Whether there was any connection between those facts is up to you. Whatever, you were all touched by the loser pros coming back to show off one last time, and in a series without an epicmazing Argentine Tango Showcase, that’ll just have to be enough.
- 2nd – Ballroom Blitz – 40.52%
- 3rd – Aliona Is Titanium! – 29.49%
- 4th – SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY! – 18.77%
- 5th – Timewarp – 17.28%
- 6th – James & Ola Get Married – 15.19%
- 7th – Iveta Flies – 14%
- 8th – The War Porn Lindy Hop – 12.21%
- 9th – The Angry Pasha Showcase Of Randomness – 11.02%
- 9th – Puttin’ On The Ritz – 11.02%
King Of All Pros
I am usually culturally and morally opposed to the word “adorkable”, but in this case, and this case alone, I will allow it. Kevin, with or without his glasses, took home this category narrowly over Artem, with or without his waftings. In other news, some of the shine came off Pasha, Brenda doubled his vote with a proper muse to play with, and Aljaz apparently made less impact than you’d perhaps expect from a winning pro, whilst the weight of Vanessa’s Vanessaness pulled James out of the top 5.
- 2nd – Artem Chigvintsev – 25.52%
- 3rd – Brendan Cole – 17.71%
- 4th – Pasha Kovalev – 16.93%
- 5th – Aljaz Skorjanec – 9.11%
Queen Of All Pros
The story of this category is a little less complicated. Natalie, Flavia and Erin all left, and Iveta swooped in and won all your hearts. The end. For 67.59% of you at least.
- 2nd – Anya Garnis – 10.3%
- 3rd – Aliona Vilani – 8.29%
- 4th – Ola Jordan – 6.28%
- 5th – Kristina Rihanoff – 4.27%
Worst Celebrity (Personality)
I know. I resented the cost of the ear-phones as well. Julien graduated from a minor It Takes Two last year to having the whole main show to shout at Britain from this year. Who knows where next year will take him. I’ll help Brucie draw up that new contract myself if I have to. 62.08% of you found Julien…wearisome enough to vote for him. This category also saw Susanna and Fiona carry on their mutually assured destruction, with Fiona, at the moment, apparently, just nosing ahead.
- 2nd – Vanessa Feltz – 41.82%
- 3rd – Susanna Reid – 20.78%
- 4th – Fiona Fullerton – 17.92%
- 5th – Tony Jacklin – 12.47%
Worst Celebrity (Talent)
Poor Tony. For the first time in eons, this title goes not to whichever woman was partnered with Anton, but our first boot. As befits the Year Of The…you know, the entirety of the top 3 in this category were male, with Feltzy being the only woman who came even close to consideration. 68.31% of you picked on poor old Tony, and can expect a personalised note of disapproval from Bruce himself through your door any day now.
- 2nd – Dave Myers – 49.68%
- 3rd – Julien Macdonald – 41.66%
- 4th – Vanessa Feltz – 20.96%
- 5th – Rachel Riley – 4.66%
Best Celebrity (Personality)
Yes, your favourite was the one the public tried to flush for four weeks in a row without success. Obviously you saw something in him that the casual viewer passed over, and the wardrobe department did their best to bury under several layers of gold lame, bald caps, and space-suits. Maybe it was humility, maybe it was his stiff-upper knees, or maybe it was his relationship with Iveta, but Mark was a favourite for 59.61% of you.
- 2nd – Sophie Ellis-Bextor : 36.65%
- 3rd – Natalie Gumede – 23.23%
- 4th – Deborah Meaden – 19.61%
- 5th – Ashley Taylor Dawson – 13.94%
Best Celebrity (Talent)
Or the divine that touched her. A colossal 88.45% of you punted your votes Nataliewards, as she took this category in a cakewalk. (Fun Fact Sidebar : Susanna was a handful of votes away from being in the Top 5 for Best Talent, Worst Talent, Best Personality and Worst Personality. CONTROVERSY GODDESS!)
- 2nd – Abbey Clancy – 58.17%
- 3rd – Sophie Ellis-Bextor – 16.47%
- 4th – Patrick Robinson – 10.89%
- 5th – Susanna Reid – 10.09%
Best Routine Of The Series
The legend lives on, with 70.47% of you showing Sophie Ellis Bextor’s Charleston some love. It’s a credit to this series that it still carried on successfully when the dancing peaked in Week 2.
- 2nd – Natalie’s American Smooth – 52.98%
- 3rd – Mark’s Cha Cha – 43.21%
- 4th – Susanna’s Paso Doble – 36.52%
- 5th – Natalie’s Showdance – 33.18%
- 6th – Natalie’s Argentine Tango – 26.49%
- 7th – Abbey’s Waltz – 18%
- 8th – Patrick’s Quickstep – 16.98%
- 9th – Abbey’s American Smooth – 15.17%
- 10th – Patrick’s American Smooth – 13.63%
- 10th – Natalie’s Rumba – 13.63%
- 12th – Natalie’s Salsa
- 13th – Abbey’s Viennese Waltz
- 14th – Susanna’s Waltz
- 15th – Mark’s Salsa
- 16th – Susanna’s Showdance
- 16th – Sophie’s Viennese Waltz
- 18th – Mark’s Samba
- 19th – Patrick’s Charleston
- 20th – Ashley’s Paso Doble
- 20th – Sophie’s Paso Doble