Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 11 Performance Summary

So let’s run through the boring old regular dances as quickly as possible yes? We all know what tonight was about.

Ashley starts off with a very energetic, very sloppy salsa, the clear highlight of which is when he launches his dick at Ola’s face from a standing start. It (duh) nets him 35 for the fifteenth week in a row, a fact about which he is clearly very much Not. Happy. We don’t often get celebrities going rogue and calling the whole show out on its bullshit these days, but Ashley is so very close that I kind of want him to stay just for that alone, getting ever more ratty and ever more bratty as is barely dragged through yet another week. Patrick too is on personality-fire tonight (for a change) by turns mocking and sassing and ignoring the judges all the way through the critique for his BlokeRumba which, as is usual, ends up looking like he’s trying to keep Anya safe during a particularly flamboyant epileptic fit on her part. The male judges decide it is too raunchy/aggressive/basic but DARCEY DOESN’T CARE, and she gifts him the first BlokeRumba 10 EVAH. 10 years of waiting for…that. Doesn’t really feel worth it, does it? I bet Matt Baker broke something.

The ladies? Artem decides to hit the very worst of both worlds in his choreography for Natalie’s paso doble by deciding he’s going to “please Len” ie make it boring. Sadly he ends up not pleasing Len one whit, as he decides that there wasn’t enough paso doble in the dance, this being one of the very few times Len cares about Latin leaving both the public and the judgery feeling slightly empty. First her tango, now this. Abbey of course, as was always written in the stars, produces a Viennese Waltz with much more drama and excitement and beauty than that mess she did last week, and winds up scoring 3 points lower. Although, whatever, she stole both Kelly Brook’s music (“Delilah”) and dance gimmick (“being a bitch”) so I have limited pity. This just leaves a pair of tangos – a poppy one with Sophie where Brendan has choreographed Sophie as a mannequin and himself as Andrew McCarthy, and in which she ironically enough produces her most animated performance yet, and an even poppier Argentine one with Susanna. It’s Michael Jackson themed. It starts with her stroking her shoes and involves a lot of Kevin leaning at funny angles whilst she stomps around looking disgruntled. It is NOT GOOD. It also gets by far the loudest audience reception of the night. Sometimes this show confuses me.

So yes, that’s all the boring NORMAL dances out of the way, it’s time for the joys of the controversy-in-a-can SWINGATHONG. 12 people hurling one another round and screaming for 120 seconds, with the camera being far more active than any of them, a veritable forest of limbs and gurns and the judges waving paddles around. It’s absolutely impossible to tell who is good and who is bad but LORD KNOWS everyone on twitter will tell you otherwise and that there was SO MUCH RIGGAGE. Frankly I’m grateful for the screaming controversy because the thing itself is as ever an utter pig to watch. Natalie wins, Patrick finishes runner-up, Sophie does better than anyone would have predicted, but the most exciting thing that happens is Susanna going out first and screaming something that sounds very much like “FUCK!” and Ashley going out second and looking like he’s full of so many more swearwords than just that.

Will Ashley survive to hate the whole show another day? Only time will tell…


48 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 11 Performance Summary

  1. pootle

    KFG was very nearly Anton-levels of awkward in that AT, the poor lamb. I can’t tell if winning the swingamebob will help Natalie or make her even more doomed to Ringery. I thought Sophie was about the best, although Ashley put some gurtcha into that dance. Balls flying all over the room.

    1. Gerry Sheldon

      I don’t understand KfG — he was still swearing blind that he hadn’t danced the AT before, yet only 12 months ago he danced a fairly respectable AT demo with Karen Hauer. Has he forgotten all she must have taught him for that and couldn’t he have consulted her for this one? Correct me please if I’m wrong, AT afficionadoes, but I thought for all her faults, Susanna made a fair fist of what she had been taught by her AT shy teacher, while he looked distinctly unimpressive.

      1. Monaogg

        That was NOT an AT any genuine AT dancer would touch with a bargepole.

        Trouble is SCD viewers have been told a ridiculous tale about what an AT should look like & the best examples they get are “show” ATs done by Flavia & Vincenth at 90 miles an hour. No celebrity or even barely trained professional would ever come close. AT do not have muff throwing lifts or feature slappers stroking any part of their footwork (AKA this is how a prostitute looks based on the written word without actually seeing one and being about as sexually animated/believable as a plastic sex doll). 😡

      1. Penny

        There were a few mad people on DS claiming that Natalie shouldn’t have won, but they really were deluded, because the one thing that we were shown enough to judge was Natalie dancing out of her skin.

      2. monkseal Post author

        I did love that that thread started all “WELL CLEARLY PATRICK SHOULD HAVE WON”, an opinion held by nobody else anywhere in the world ever.

  2. Pops

    I also thought Susanna swore, but then when Ashley seemed to react angrily, i thought maybe they’d just all been told to fake protest when they got voted off the swingamajig for comedy purposes. And then when no one else did, I was back to wondering if those two were just genuinely pissed off, and in Susanna’s case especially, didn’t realise their mics were still on.. It was very odd. (Although disappointingly from a conspiracy theory point of view, I pretty much agreed with the order the judges voted them off – I was just thinking how flaily Abbey looked when they called her name. Really liked her Viennese Waltz though.)

    1. Spatula Clarke

      It was an act – you could see Ola laughing all the way through it. Brenda pulled the same, although more muted (presumably he’s wary of his old reputation, this close to the finals) with Sophie play-chiding him. Patrick sort-of did it, too, but failed miserably. It’d probably have worked if the director had the faintest idea which camera to be switching to during the whole mess.

      I don’t think it’ll have done Ashley any favours, unfortunately. They really did muddle the thing terribly, as it’s obvious that people are confused over whether it was genuine anger or not, and those who played along the most will come off the worst with the viewers who didn’t get it.

      1. Pops

        Maybe it was Abbey who confused me by shouting ‘whoooo!’ when she got voted off instead of having a fake strop!

        I did think Natalie was the best she’s been in weeks in the swingathon, which suggests she would have stormed it in the hair-mazing jive that never was. So if it was fixed in her favour, I’m all for it. – anything that gives us a chance of seeing her Proud Mary routine.

    2. stevenperkins

      I’m fairly certain Susanna said “oh, it’s us!”, presumably because she saw the sign before Kevin did. As much as I would love to think she swore, I would think that 10+ years as a broadcast journalist for the BBC working predominantly on live shows would have left her wired in such a way that it’s physically impossible for her to swear on air.

      1. monkseal Post author

        But she’s been STRICTLIFIED Steven. Dance has taken over every part of her BRAAAAAAAAAAAIN.

      2. minxy

        well she did swear in the tessanine once – after the paso ( think) – she turned her head into KFG but it was definitely there and Tess ignored it and tried to distract from it

      3. monkseal Post author

        I love the idea of prim BBC Head Girl Susanna Reid just hauling off and SCREAMING an obscenity right at the judges, knowing full well she could get away with doing it just because nobody would believe it of her. Like Goebbels Big Lie of Strictly.

    3. monkseal Post author

      I did think they were either told to act pissy, or chose to do so themselves for hilarious BANTERJOKE LOLZ. I also think that Ashley’s strop was more than a bit Method.

  3. camis71

    That *thing* that Susanna did (I cannot bring myself to call it an AT as it was nowhere near) deserves to see her thrown out of the competition. Yet we know that there are so many people voting for KevinFromGrimsby that she could stand still in the middle of the floor wafting her skirt for 3 minutes and still win this thing…Oh yes, I forgot, she did that in the Kevin Paso…

    The rest of the couples might as well not bother turning up – Ashley will still get 35, Patrick will still be top, Abbey will still be overmarked and Sophie will…still be Sophie. Oh, and Artem will still piss Len off because his choreography will not fit in with Len’s 1960’s view of dancing. Enjoy your glitterball Susanna – the BBC breakfast presenter strikes again…

  4. John

    I don’t really give a hoot about the controversy shtuff so I’ll skip it, but I loved seeing Natalie let loose on the swing-off, so free and elated. She can really dance and could nab a pro slot by next year if she wanted (he gushed). I always end up loving the ringahs cos we all know the great BP love a story and an underdog more than a Whittle or a Van Outen so they end up with a popularity handicap.

    Sophie was fab for the wink alone, even if it was a bit Weakest Link Goodbye.

    Claudia was a delight, an utter delight.

      1. monkseal Post author

        Yes. She can do better. And don’t ask which “she” is being referred to because WE ALL KNOW.

  5. Missfrankiecat

    Irony that only pairing on the show with real chemistry is Claud and Tess. Claudia’s line about going to Venice with t and C’s provoking real giggles from Tess was classic.

    1. Penny

      I was thinking that last night. They’re the most implausible of couples with absolutely nothing in common but their X chromosomes, but they really spark together. It makes me like Tess much more because she seems to be reacting spontaneously for once.

    2. Radleykitten

      Tess is far more comfortable with Claudia’s head pressed into her bosoms, than she is when the Old Buffoon grabs and manhandles her. Take note, BBC

  6. Jenny

    Am I the only one that thought all the dancers (pros and celebs) looked more “animated” than usual?

    As well as Patrick clearing taking the piss out of the judges, Claudia and Tess were openly mocking them after the swimmathon (which was predictably awful).

    Love non-Brucie nights. And I know she won’t win, but I’m voting for Tess as the best presenter in your poll, she has been brilliant this series.

  7. Kate

    So hoping Smugsanna (thank you a-n-other poster for that nickname, so appropriate) goes out tonight. That AT was a hot mess, and the faces she was pulling…Gurn Central. Has noone told her to stop? Poor KFG clearly out of his comfort zone, and a dire music choice. Interesting that the judges seem to be pushing both her and Ashley to the bottom of the leader board. However I fear she will survive courtesy of BABYWARZ/ mum like u canvassing. Grrrrr. V amused to see Ashley chucking his toys out of the pram for getting 35 for a dance in which Ola basically fellated him for 10 seconds. Seemed more than fair to me. Also nice to see the judges restrain themselves from handing out 40s for every dance. Last year they were chucking them at Kimbot for some fairly sloppy routines.
    Can’t wait for your full recap, Monkseal.
    Come on Patrick! Though I fear that his semi-immobile bloke rumba will relegate him to the bottom 2 and elimination ahead of Smugsanna’s farce of an AT. Oh the tension of it all….

  8. turqoiseblue

    Thanks for your amusing reviews – always a pleasure to read!

    All I can say is ‘Where is Pasha??! Do miss his ‘storytelling’ and true artistry…!

  9. Huriye

    To those irate with Len, camis71, I say this:
    No, not “a 1960s view of dancing,” but the dance given to Artem & Natalie that week is what I’d love to see, and I presume Len would too. At least this week they had the costumes, they had the music, but still, after a good opening with plenty of Flamenco styling, the dance went NOWHERE. I kept waiting for the Paso Doble section to start, and we got about 3 twist turns and then it was off on their own again, oblivious to what was required, ie the basic patterns of the dance as a recognizable Paso.
    They proved that they CAN do brilliant couples dancing, in hold, with proper steps and moves, in the Swing. From the haze of appalling camerawork behind which we saw it, they clearly were the best in the Swingathon, and the Judges rewarded them for it. Natalie can do wonderful partner dancing – remember their glorious Waltz where she looked like a Pro? Artem has FAILED to capitalise on her superior talents by inferior, nothing, wishy washy choreography, and it’s got nothing to do with wanting to see outdated 1960s Ballroom & Latin – if you really saw it you’d laugh hysterically – but to see a fantastic dance by a couple, displaying all their talents, and the essence of the rhythm given to them that week. What a wasted opportunity this has been. 😦

    Last night I enjoyed Patrick & Anya’s Rhumba the best, talk about give it welly, OMG! HOT!

    Susannah has lost her humbleness, and doesn’t know how to take failure, except to pretend it hasn’t happened, and live in a parallel universe where everything is still rosey and peachy and fun. KFG, on the other hand, lost his rag last night genuinely, when demanding to know “WHY?” they were voted off the Swingajumble FIRST! Sadly, I can’t shed any light Kev, as the BBC cameras missed you out completely before your names were called. BRING IN THE ROYAL BALLET CAMERA DIRECTOR Alistair Thingy for next year’s Swingacoventgarden, so we can see what the Dickens is going on!

  10. Radleykitten

    In my opinion, the Swingabout was just a shameless way for the judges to manipulate the leader board. They may as well have worn blindfolds and the order would still have been the same. Sigh.

  11. minxy

    swingathon could be made more interesting if they swapped partners next year!
    couldn’t be any more of a mess – or rigged.

    Why are they letting the interns choose the camera shots? I don’t know how anyone saw who was good or bad until the last two – and they weren’t good! The real Nat was sorely missed!

    Nat’s skirt swirling needs work – especially when she had her back to the camera, not so much swirling cape as Hilda Ogden hanging onto her pinny whilst scurrying to pass on some hot gossip!

    Claudia and her t&c romance – epicmazing – ❤ ❤ ❤ (she does make Tessie more bearable tho, Tess does not have the skills for the tessanine)

    1. Spongebob No Pants

      It’d be more interesting if they had it earlier in the series with cooples filling the dancefloor: the Jordans would have ample scope for all sorts of dastardly shenaningans where the stage lights are dimmer. Though they’d probably have to frisk Iveta beforehand to make sure she hadn’t brought some sort of weapon along.

  12. heatherbelles (@heatherabelles)

    I was glad I wasn’t the only one grumpy about using Delilah for an VW. Some songs are just indelibly linked to a particular couple and routine.

    I enjoyed Sophie’s Mannequin styled Tango – for both song and inspiration. (I have a guilty love for that 80s cheesefest of a film).

  13. Kat12

    You bet Matt Baker broke something…MY OVARIES

    *ahem* Sorry. I’m still not over him and his sparkly see-through shirts losing to the Kartem monster (and I liked Kara)

    On a slightly more serious note, Matt and legions of other male dancers deserved a ten for their BlokeRumbas over Patrick. He looked like he had digestive trouble. Which I suppose is a change from pulling his face like a bad silent film actor.

    KFG spent most of the evening looking like he wanted to throw himself from the Tessanine. Can’t say I blame him. Just so the producers know, there’s no law you have to jitter about and grab your crotch EVERY time you dance to Michael Jackson music (not that I saw Kevin grab his crotch, that is honestly the last thing I could ever imagine him doing).

      1. Kat12

        Sorry, do you mean Ben particularly didn’t deserve a 10 over Patrick? No, he didn’t. But then again, I can’t give ever give Kristina a mental 10 until she does a dance where I don’t get at least one flash of her crotch. Which we all know is never going to happen.

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