Our opening pro-dance is a tribute to Fame, and is centred around Janette. Rather ironically, given that she’s the pro with probably the least public name recognition (apart from maybe Anya? I dunno, I’m not trying to start a debate). Everyone runs around doing knee-slides and jumping about and clattering into ballet bars and messing around with newspapers and I’m not sure what the desired end-goal of any of it is but…erm…FAME! WOO! The best part is clearly how Tess and Claudia come out dressed in leg-warmers and headbands in tribute. They should have stayed like that.
This week’s musical guest? Dec from Ant & Dec, doing his usual “I’m wearing a stick-on beard and doing musical theatre standards operatically and calling myself “Alfie Boe” number” although with age he’s starting to look more and more like Al from Home Improvement. He’s singing “Bring Him Home” from Les Miserables whilst Karen & Kevin do the usual wistful pro-routine in response. I’m so bored of classical crossover at this point I can’t even tell you. The small giddy thrill I got from Popstar To Operastar getting cancelled is all but snuffed out entirely.
Len’s Glans is given over to everyone taking the piss out of Craig in his Phantom Of The Opera gear, Len continuing to fight the fight for the purity of the American Smooth, Darcey talking about how sensual and fluid and masculine Ashley was in his rumba whilst giggling awkwardly as the clip chosen shows exactly the opposite, Bruno of all people trying to justify Abbey’s 40 by talking about how your eyes were drawn to her (dressed in red, in the middle) over the backing dancers, Patrick’s flat flat feet, and everyone bigging up just how earth-shatteringly important the Swingathon is (LOL).
Highlights from Claud 9 include Abbey repeatedly saying she can’t believe that she got a perfect score (you’re not alone love) and Susanna continuing to be…Susanna. Or at least Results Show Susanna. If she’s just brought a little smile into our grey little lives then it all will have been worthwhile, even if her quickstep did resemble a fever dream from a Darren Aronofsky movie. For the second week in a row though, we’re in for an all-male dance-off as Mark (duh) squares off against Ashley (less duh) who spends the whole dance looking like he wants to set fire to that bloody magic carpet. In the battle of Disney Duds though, it’s Ashley who prevails, sending Mark home after his fourth dance-off in a row. He and Iveta are very touching about one-another but you can tell they’re glad to be the last ones out before the knives really come out.
Next week : Natalie has the paso, no Bruce, and the first little green shoots that we might actually see the celebrities tackle all the dance disciplines for the first time since about Series 6. What could go wrong?