Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 9 Results Summary

So remember last week when the pro routines were both vaguely appropriate and enjoyable and we all thought this might be a new dawn of sanity in this series of awful, awful messes? Well, we were wrong, as this week we opened with a Great British Bake Off themed dance (?) performed to a mash-up of “If I Knew You Were Coming I’d Have Baked A Cake” and “Candyman” (?) with the male pros all wearing oven gloves (?) whilst Bruno and Craig whisk things in the background (?) and it all ends with Mary Berry being pushed out in a giant cake (?). Inexplicable. Incidentally I have rarely seen a human have less dance chemistry with another human than Pasha has with Janette. It makes the random illness mandated pairing of Kristina and Aljaz look positively thought through. The latter twosome perform whilst Il Divo sing “Tonight” from West Side Story, because next week is Musicals Week (also previewed by a clip of truly ear-splitting singing from Abbey). Aljaz stares at her dumbly throughout, like “oh this is what it looks like when you get this close to it”.

Len’s Glans (Craig now down just a sparkly gold cushion) focuses on a spectacular bout of prop-impotence from Bruno, pinning Mark down over his lack of sway and praising Ben on his new-found ability to pull faces (not that they’re subtly trying to provoke Kristina into a greater rage spiral than what’s about to occur via the medium of false hope you understand), Bruno trying to justify the 10 that he gave Natalie, even during PICKY WEEK and allowing Craig to go on and on and on and on and on and on about Ashley’s head-placement some more. Because Lord knows living through that once wasn’t enough.

After a trail of the saved that features Artem crying buckets and Susanna going Defcon 5 on the “THANK YOU” scale yet again, our big news is that Mark Benton is officially our Series 11 BOTTOM 2 GODDESS as he ties Julian for numbers of appearances but, unlike Julian, pulls out a clutch victory in his third battle. His victim? Ben Cohen, in as shocking a bottom 2 appearance as you can get from the bottom of the judges leaderboard. I guess the hunk vote really does have its limits. Ben, naturally, seems at peace with the decision, saying repeatedly that he’s been owed it for a while now, and barely bothering to do his dance-off routine. Kristina on the other hand, has a rage fit for the ages, scowling, pouting, snarling, yowling and claiming, yet again, that Ben was undermarked constantly and that the judges are biased against him and yadda yadda yadda.

It makes Brenda’s “Backstage Gossip” sulky face over Sophie’s rumba look positively restrained in comparison. In summary, it’s been a good week for Pro Strops, and precious little else. NOW, ON TO MUSICALS.


33 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 9 Results Summary

  1. Left Feet

    Do you think that Kristina was mad that Ben did not seem to give a Shit in the dance off?
    Don’t really get all the outrage for the judges voting for Mark, it just makes some people out to be shallow, why souldn’t they vote for Mark he was better in the dance off. However I’m pretty sure he will be out next week.
    Ben standard was about the same as Kenny’s and Gavbots, no Austin Healey thats for sure. He would have won a lif the pro dancer competition but thats it.

  2. catherinehirst

    Psst…Sophie’s rumba, not Susannah’s, I think. πŸ˜‰

    Never thought I’d see Pasha not looking totally into his dance partner, but he definitely looked like he’d prefer to be undergoing dental surgery than dancing with Janette.

    Will miss watching Ben throw Kristina around (what can I say, I like a big strong guy – OVARY VOTER KLAXON-) but can’t imagine he’d have lasted beyond next week anyway, so who cares? Lacklustre week all round.

  3. Missfrankiecat

    Having just attended my work seminar on cross marketing (which turned out not to mean bad tempered PR but finding ways of pimping colleagues to my clients when they’ve had enough of me), I’m pretty sure that pro Bake Off Mash Up tonight heralds the arrival of at least one bake off star celeb on SCD next season. I note Anton lingered long enough to smarm up St Mary while the others ran off stage – and people wonder why he’s still going strong.

  4. Kate

    If Ben hadn’t gone this week, he definitely would have gone next week, so no real surprises there. The only interesting question is who Mark will face in the dance off next week: Sophie or Patrick..? Still hoping Natalie (what is with all the crying in the VTs???? What?) or Ashley may make an appearance in a DO, but sadly doubt it.
    Wasn’t the Pro Dance truly awful? If they are going to churn out this kind of crap, they may as well knock 5 minutes off the programme time and cut straight to the results. Save themselves the bother.
    Think you might be right, Missfrankiecat, about the cross marketing of a Bake Off celeb for next year. Given the antiquated acts they have also dragged up this year for the results show, will we also be seeing any members of Keane/ EWF etc in the 2014 SCD cast, when their appearances on this year’s results show fail to generate any extra album sales??
    Looking forward to Monkseal’s recaps of the dross that was this week’s shows. Will be so much better than anything aired this weekend.

      1. Kate

        You could well be right, but I have a slight suspicion that Abbey may make it through to the final, now, unscathed. Her DO meltdown over taking out her BFF Rachel seems to have won her the title of the brainless bint with a heart, “so genuine” etc, which may have broadened her profile and popularity beyond spoilt model WAG. But perhaps that’s among the more charitably inclined (not sure I am yet in that camp). I think a lot of people buy her posturing and clean lines as evidence of dahhhhhnce ability while ignoring fluffed footwork and giant gapping errors, and vote for her for that reason. Also, let’s not ignore the contribution of sexy Frankenstein to the ovary vote that may be powering her. My money would be on broken old man, Patrick, as he struggles with Anya’s difficult choreography and continues to show all the personal charisma of an old sock. Bless. Don’t get me wrong, I like the man and would like to see him in the final 4, but think he is probably the most vulnerable to face Mark in a DO. Probably minimal ovary vote for either of these two. I think Sophie will continue to be saved by sheer indignation that Brenda’s beautiful choreography is not being met with standing ovulations, bouquets of roses erupting from the crowd at every move, and that she is being unfairly marked.
        Monkseal, what’s your view on RINGAH Natalie now that the waterworks (Artem clearly under instruction to EMOTE, EMOTE, EMOTE) are firmly underway at the slightest non provocation? Do you still secretly love her?

      2. monkseal Post author

        I do like her. I absolutely see how her entire affect could be seen as phony, but I just think she’s a deeply deeply odd woman. I am slightly disappointed with her routines lately but that’s probably my fault for building up both the aborted jive and this botched tango to be bigger in my head then they turned out to be. I think she remains, as ever, an absolute irrelevance to the actual competition. It’s like they cast a normal 14 person series then just bolted a ringer on the side to be top of the leaderboard every week.

        (I do think it goes without saying that my prediction that she would possibly end up as my favourite contestant ever proved…erroneous).

    1. monkseal Post author

      “Movies and popular culture often misuse the DEFCON system by “going to DEFCON 5″ during a state of emergency”

      FROM WIKIPEDIA. I’m perfectly correct in using it incorrectly. They do it in MOVIES. Sod the Pentagon.

  5. Marcela

    Hi, Monkseal!
    Can you please make a screengrab of Kristina’s face at the exact moment Ben was voted off? Pretty please, I’ve never seen her doing that face, not even when Jason left, it scared the bejesus of me!

  6. Tom Lawrence (@Meserach)

    Ben leaving was a genuine surprise to me. Absolutely invalidates all my earlier predictions: I never had him as quite good enough to make a Gough/Damon stab at the final, but I’m still amazed to see Mark outlasting him, given where we seemed to be with that comparison a few weeks ago. It may simply have come down to the specific dances this week meaning the judge’s preferences were aligned the right way.

    This puts me in the odd situation of there still being seven couples remaining but none I actively dislike as dancers. Sure, I have preferences, but all the people I found actively painful for various reasons have been shown the door. I’m not sure what I did to deserve this.

    That said it was hardly a vintage week, largely due to baffling music choices rather spoiling Abbey’s and Natalie’s dances. I found Sophie’s rumba quite sweet, though.

    There’s surely no way Mark can avoid being eliminated next weekend, there’s no bottom two opponent he’d ever win against. I’m faintly terrified as to what they’ll give him for his final dance now, though: none of the remaining choices are desperately appetising. His remaining ballrooms are Viennese Waltz and Quickstep: the latter would be hell on him to do properly, with all the speed and bouncing, the Viennese would be manageable but would probably just be dull. However they no longer HAVE to give him a ballroom, and I have a nasty feeling they’ll toss him the Charleston purely for the lols. The Charleston would either be an utter trainwreck or a comedy masterpiece; that’s all down to Iveta. I have…. faith, I guess? The other options are the AT (which I’d actually kind of like to see, because…. I just can’t picture it at all) and the Samba (which would be diabolical unless Iveta ignored actual samba entirely and just did, idk, more hip-hop or something). Whatever the case, he is gone daddy gone in Musicals Week.

    So the real interest starts in two weekend’s time, as we end up choosing between that top six. I can’t help but suspect that it’ll revert to type and it’ll be Abbey versus Patrick, but you probably shouldn’t listen to me since I thought Ben would be lasting longer than this. Form book would suggest the judges would pick Abbey over Patrick most weeks. I don’t think the Salsa she’s got in musicals week will suit her at all, so it’s fortunate she won’t have to dance it when it matters.

    So let’s say Mark goes next, then Patrick. That leaves the semi’s bottom two as Abbey + a Bottom 2 Virgin. Judicial form would tip Ashley for it, but surely that crowd that demands a male winner will rally round for him. Susanna seems bulletproof: if that Cha-Cha-Cha didn’t stop her, nothing will. So I’d tip either Natalie or Sophie for the other semi bottom two place, dependent on which Sophie turns up for the semi: the awkward one or the astounding one. If she scores low, she’s in trouble: if she scores on a par with or only just below Natalie (and the judges don’t just tie every non-Natalie at that point) I think her (presumed) stronger vote will carry her.

    So of those semi bottom 2 match-ups: Sophie v. Abbey will probably be won by Abbey (since Sophie will probably only be there if she scored lower in any case), but Natalie v. Abbey will be won by Natalie.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Ashley’s popularity (or not) is the big mystery to me. He’s like Tracey Beaker last year – had universally nice leaderboard positions (his crummy Week 1 cha cha, just like her crummy week 1 waltz, was washed away immediately by the week 2 scores) and bland feedback WITHOUT being a table-topping frontrunner so it’s impossible to tell whether he’s particularly well liked or not. I would err towards a consistent 3rd to 5th sort of position with the public that will coast him to the semis and maybe the final, but not enough to challenge for the win, and if he collapses like Tracey did in the final, maybe the same irrelevant and forgotten 4th place.

      I am awaiting them going FULL SNOWDON on Abbey any day now. I don’t know if they’d do it in this Post Evil Moira Ross era, but the thought is always there. Whatever happens I expect mock SCREECHING OUTRAGE over whoever sees off Mark next week being in the bottom 2, like they haven’t presented the remaining set as 6 strong dancers and 1 likable duffer.

      1. Left Feet

        Yes who knows about ATD, as not a Hollyoaks watcher he was one of the celebs I had never heard of, he has been competent but not outstanding and just far enough up the table to escape a dance off if his vote is low. Sometimes I forget he’s on the show, once Mark goes the next couple of dance offs will be intresting and I expect the judges to be split again.

  7. Kate

    I would put money on Natalie winning through any bottom 2 dance off, and, yes, I agree, Abbey would take Sophie out in any dance off (but regardless of relative performance) as she seems to be the judges’ pet. My prediction for the final 4 is Natalie, Ashley, Susanna and probably Abbey. Unless the Sophie vote is so fuelled by rage at the perception that she is constantly undermarked and unfairly criticised, she is never put into the DO, and Ashley and Abbey go head to head, in which case I am unsure which way the judges would go, as Ashley, on form is better than Abbey, and don’t we need more than a token male in the final, if only to lose out in the Year of the Wimmin? Natalie vs Ashley, however, would be a different matter altogether…
    I think Susanna is far too adroit politically to end up in a DO – much of it also powered by the speccy twat charisma of KFG – as she shamelessly milks the “mum” vote.
    Choices, choices.
    As for who lifts the coveted Glitter ball, I’d say Susanna stands as good a chance as any. I suspect that Natalie will be voted off at the first possible opportunity (RINGAH), and that Ashley will be ovary powered to second place. But I could well be extremely wrong…

  8. Penny

    Just got around to watching this and I can’t help noticing Hot Ginger Stage Manager shamelessly bigging up his role. I blame you.

    Also can we please have many many shots of Tess’s frozen expression as Bruce’s brain shortcircuits.

  9. Kate

    I missed the saturday show so just caught all the dances on line before the result show came on. Quite happy about Ben going. I liked Abbey and Natalie and KFG’s cha cha. Very bored with Ashley, Patrick and Sophie, and no doubt bye bye Mark next week.
    Also agree with other Kate and Miss FC about Mary Cake Bake but at her age I guess she’s more Christmas special than full series.

    1. durnovarian

      But wasn’t Paul Hollywood hotly tipped for this year until all the hooey about his extra-marital shenanigans? He’d be more likely for a series, I think, esp given how he seems to be flavour of the month with the Beeb atm.

  10. Lollypants

    In a few weeks when you’re doing the Monkies and wondering who the hell voted for that opener as best pro routine it’ll be me, because a friend of mine designed the hair accessories the girls were wearing πŸ˜‰


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s