Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 9 Performance Summary

No matter how lacklustre an episode is I usually try to avoid sounding like one of those bloggers who just criticise everything, shredding every single aspect of the night, and wailing that THE SHOW IS OVER as the ratings remain rock solid. But GOOD GRIEF, as Blackpool Hangovers go, this one was a full sunrise to sunset spree of vomiting into the toilet, hoping to die, and just crying, crying, always crying and wishing you could just eat some bacon and make it go away. The sole bright spot was Brenda throwing the sort of tantrum that’s been brewing just under the surface since Week 3, as he snots at the judges for NOT APPRECIATING HIS GENIUS and being obsessed with filth. Well Brenda’s got news for you judges, HE always tells a story with his dances, HE ALONE gets what lies at the core of each discipline, and HE’S NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU A SMUTTY RUMBA YOU FILTHY DEGENERATES. (Sophie to be honest looked bashful enough about what she was given to do without it being “sexy”, including at least three patented Chelsee Healey mid-dance fits of the giggles).

Actually, to be honest, Abbey’s dance is ok as well, as she battles bravely against Aljaz’s obsession with Florence And The Machine. (Feel free to object at this point to the fact that she is wearing a blue dress for a paso doble, as apparently this is a bad thing now, I don’t know, I was never a fashion gay : paso and blue, no marks for you). The judges on the other hand tell her that they’re bored of her now, because apparently tonight is the night that they’ve decided that THINGS ARE GETTING SERIOUS and they need to be PICKIER THAN THEY’VE EVER BEEN BEFORE. Some people even get 7S (heavens). Needless to say, Bruno still gets his 10 paddle out, because it might literally rupture something internal for him not to, medically speaking, for a really truly desperately tragically disappointing Natalie tango that is lacking in fire, drama, or even decent hair and danced to RIHANNA. DANCE-MUSIC RIHANNA I’m trying very hard not to be over Natalie, but what does she even have left? I was waiting ALL SERIES for her to a tango and then this? Let’s all pray for her paso doble.

The rest? Oy. Susanna’s face is OUT OF CONTROL in her cha cha, but she doesn’t have the over-the-top theming or elaborate costuming or SHAKIRANESS or nunga-nunga shaking of her samba to cover it up, so it’s all a bit awkward. Then Craig calls her “mumsy” and he probably doesn’t mean in the Crystal Maze way. Ashley manages to do an…alright waltz, but let’s not claim a half-decent waltz 9 weeks in is much to write home about. Ola tries to enliven things by choreographing in some KEY CHANGE PIVOTS but it’s still all a bit “placeholder”. Then Len tries to claim that waltz is a REALLY HARD DANCE and there is literally nothing left that isn’t is there? For the rest of the men’s ballroom division, Patrick’s Viennese Waltz is a return to the bad old days of his foxtrot, and speaking of “bad old days of the foxtrot”, Mark does one with a vague breakfast theme to some Buble twaddle which is clearly beyond him, technically and which he looks a little bit terrified of. He more or less asks to be voted off afterwards, thank you very much. Iveta of course IS NOT HAVING IT. You’ll have to prise her fingernails off the studio doors. Or distract her with some grapes.

This just leaves Ben to do Charleston, for which he gets help from a mime artist, and dances dressed as a strongman, to 90s R & B. As you do. It’s the usual – small easy steps, Kristina in her pants, Ben hurling her around as high and hard as he can. It strands him at the bottom of the leaderboard for the first time although…I’d imagine there’s still life in him yet.

Oh yeah, there are at least two occasions where Bruce just grinds to a halt and makes noises like Daffy Duck and Tess does absolutely nothing to rescue him. Vintage. We are at least tantalised with the prospect of MUSICALS Week next week. That’s got to be good right? RIGHT.

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22 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 9 Performance Summary

  1. Lolly

    I think for me the most memorable part of the night was Tess looking half decent.

    And Brendan try to bite his tongue and failing.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Truly this week was Susanna taking her revenge for getting upstaged last week. Around faces and screaming “KEVVVINNNNNN!” you could barely pick him out. Not even a subsidiary Clifton in the VT either.

      Reply
  2. Pops

    I’m not a traditional music purist at all – I remember feeling vindicated when Rachel & Vincent (and later Kimberly & Pasha) did amazing dances to When Doves Cry, because that was my ‘If I was ever on Strictly…’ tango song. But I really wish they’d given Natalie something more dramatic and staccato – that tango could have been so awesome if she’d had the chance to be more fiery. Maybe Evil Moira Ross should have asked them to incorporate a hoover attachment that she could beat Artem with a la Kirsty and Tyrone in Corrie. Instead, the only simmering rage we got was from Brendan,

    Abbey & Aljaz had even less excuse – didn’t Zoe Lucker do a valiant but ultimately meh paso to You Got the Love with James Jordan as well?

    Reply
  3. Ali

    So dull! Thought that maybe I was on a come-down after seeing Capaldi’s eyebrows but no, was a proper boring show, ah well roll on next week Maybe Ben will dig out the sailor suit and dance to ‘nothing like a dame’.

    Reply
  4. Breppo

    I thoroughly enjoyed the show for all the things that were so horribly wrong.
    Like swimming with sharks!
    What will they come up with if a couple has to do an Attack of The Giant Mushrooms from Betelgeuze IX themed VW to 10CC’s Art for Art’s Sake?

    What could Tess have done without embarrassing sir Bruce even more?
    Assignment for the next “thinking out of the box” weekend session for production staff.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      As someone who was never quite good enough to get in the plays, the role of “prompt” is a noble one when done well.

      Reply
  5. Kate

    Then Len tries to claim that waltz is a REALLY HARD DANCE and there is literally nothing left that isn’t is there?
    Glad to see that the Cha Cha joined the pantheon of “hard dances” (thanks, Len) when Susanna, was, rather nauseatingly, at her own behest, unable to make it her lover… Whatever next? Perhaps they should just all give in and dance the Conga… but then Dave couldn’t manage that..
    Loved Brenda’s muted strop (still got one eye on that elusive glitterball). Even as the credits rolled 40 minutes later, he still had steam billowing out of his ears. SUCH FUN…
    Mark to go tonight, I suspect. Am wondering if the ovary vote can save Big Ben from the dance off and if we are in for a shock boot. I do hope so..
    I agree with you, Monkseal, a most underwhelming evening of dahnce all round. Can’t wait for the full recap.

    Reply
  6. minxy

    Blackpool hangovers all round and not just here then?
    hard to remember when getting a 7 was rare and meant something innit?
    8’s all round now just for turning up.

    I liked Abbie’s dress and the colour. Sophie’s was definitely one of/the best rumba dresses I remember – but then I do HATE the sheet draped over one shoulder style so it doesn’t take much to please me on that score.

    Ooh did Tess have a decent dress on? will wait for the screencaps as I can’t be bothered to check and I autotune her out of my memory.

    I thought Nat and Artem’s dance was really bad … and overscored. I really struggled to identify what dance it actually was … ffs limp Rachel managed more stacatto!

    (ok this should have been on last weeks post) why is it ok for the judges to forgive Ben his lack of technique because his muscles get in the way but totally ignore the technique Mark puts in because they don’t like him/anyone having a belly? Yup I am STILL annoyed at the comments about his paso! And I thought Brucie last week was trying to make a similar point and not being patronising (as so many appear to think)

    I think your protest is working – they pulled a long shot and not only did I see TMITH but he doffed it and stuck his hand near he who shall not be named and waved!
    Yayyyy he hasn’t forgotten us 🙂
    (I thought that disembodied waving hand, in other weeks, was him but nice to have it confirmed.

    Reply
  7. durnovarian

    I am so over this series. Nobody really grabbing me, and nobody I’m itching to see go either. Laying into Susanna for a very mediocre cha-cha and then giving her a load of eights. Comments above re treatment of Ben and Mark by the judges. Treatment of everyone else by producers in giving them such dire music choices. Really can’t be bothered watching any more. I’ll keep reading the blog as it’s the highlight of my week, but the show itself is dead to me.

    Reply

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