This week hinges around two major themes.
Remembrance Weekend: Yes, after Ben’s thrift-shop sailor routine last night, the War Porn big guns need to be drafted out properly, so we open the whole show with a tribute to all the Thunderbirds that have died in the name of International Rescue, danced whilst the Puppini Sisters sing. Damnit, I thought I’d thrown away the key where nobody would find it. We also get a generic tribute to everyone who ever died young, being performed by something called “The Tenors”. Only one and a half of them are fit though, so *shrug*. That’s a worse strike-rate than G4 and possibly even Il Divo depending on the state of the gap-toothed one. Oh yeah, erm, Janette and Aljaz play the ghosts of dead soldiers or summit. Finally lots of the celebrities and pro-dancers go and hand out poppies. It’s hard to snark, except to say that I wish Iveta had been amongst them dressed as the Starship Troopers routine alien, spreading intergalactic peace and skintight catsuits.
LEN’S GRUMPY: His first rant, delivered to Craig, in the middle of a Len’s Glans mostly focused around Darcey awkwardly justifying her 10 for Patrick despite the massive sloppy mess he made of the final lift and also dribbling all over Sophie and Susanna’s dances, is on how Craig is a MEANIE-FO-FEANIE because he looks for the bad in everyone, whilst he, Len, is GREAT because he looks for the GOOD in people. Some more than others, it has to be said. The second rant is delivered to all of the other judges for saving Mark in the dance-off, despite a performance that was full of mistakes and missteps (something Mark audibly apologises to Iveta for on the way off the dancefloor). Of course they did this because the other person in the dance-off was Dave. Yes, the public have decided to honour the PURITY OF DAHNCE (either that or Abbey got a bottom 2 bounce, Patrick was kept nice and high and dry, and the bottom of the leaderboard was littered liberally with fan favourites) and put the worst two dances on the night up for judgment.
And so, the 2013 John Sergeant Memorial Panic is OVAH. Unless anyone wants to fire it up again and target it at Fiona Fullerton? Anybody? I’ve got matches.